citadel
noun. a fortified safe room on a vessel to take shelter in the event of a pirate attack.
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Twirling a tangled lock of honey blonde hair around her finger, Lee blinked furiously as Kiara suddenly shouted, glancing at Pope and JJ in confusion. The Pogues had gotten back from Crain's house just an hour earlier, and Lee was trying to figure out how to tell her friends that Barry knew they had gone to the motel. Oh, and also that she had gone to the motel on her own. JJ and Pope grimaced as Kiara continued shouting and Lee turned to see Sarah Cameron entering John B's porch, going to sit on the couch a few feet away. Lee clenched her jaw, preparing herself for a fight. Probably not a good time to mention the motel.
"No effing way!" Kiara yelled, angrily staring at Sarah.
Lee had to give Sarah some credit—she didn't shrink away from Kiara.
"You brought her here? So what, she's in on this now?" Kiara continued furiously.
John B looked to his other friends for assistance. Lee shrugged helplessly, yawning as she tried to clear her brain of sleep.
"Look," JJ said, "all I care about is her cut comes out of your share."
Lee had to agree on that account. Dividing $400 million by six people instead of five would mean each of them losing a significant amount of money. While she was certainly open to Sarah's help, she was not a fan of that aspect.
Kiara scoffed, turning back to John B. "You know, I don't remember taking a vote," she said, placing her hands on her hips. "This is our thing. A Pogue thing."
Frowning, Lee opened her mouth with a salty retort about Kiara's debatable status as a Pogue, but Pope spoke up before she could say anything.
"I gotta say, I'm just a tad uncomfortable with all of this."
"Thank you!" Kiara shouted.
John B sent Pope a look of betrayal as he said, "When are you not uncomfortable?"
Pope frowned, throwing his hands up defensively. "I dunno. I rode here on the back of JJ's bike pretty comfortably."
"It's true," JJ said, nodding. "Most relaxed I've ever seen him."
Lee raised an eyebrow. "I find that hard to believe," she said skeptically, given her own experiences on the back of JJ's bike.
JJ sent her an annoyed look. "It's like being in Mission Impossible every time you drive, don't act like I'm the scary one."
"I'm sorry, did you die because of my driving?" Lee argued, crossing her arms defensively.
John B coughed irritably. "That's cute, guys. Really cute."
Kiara crossed her arms, sending John B another pointed look. "You know, we were all extremely comfortable until you brought her," she said venomously.
"Stop talking about me like I'm not here!" Sarah exclaimed.
Lee was taken aback by the outburst, her eyes wide as she watched Sarah. She supposed that it's what she would've done had she been in Sarah's shoes, so she was proud of her for speaking up.
Kiara, on the other hand, was not. "Then leave," she said, her voice cutting.
Sarah scoffed, turning to John B. "I told you."
Lee bit her lip nervously. A part of her thought that Sarah was egging Kiara on—although she hoped that part of her was wrong. Egging Kiara on never went well.
Kiara leaned forward threateningly at Sarah's underhand comment. "Told him what, exactly? That you're a liar?"
"No," Sarah said, crossing her arms. "That you're a shit-talking bitch."
Lee jumped to her feet as JJ and Pope began to exchange money behind her. Ignoring the boys' antics, she walked in between Kiara and Sarah, pushing the girls apart as they yelled at each other.
"Jesus Christ!" Lee hissed at the girls. "You're both shit-talking bitches right now. You've both been shit-talking bitches before."
Kiara suddenly turned on Lee. "What, you're defending her now? You know what she did to me."
Lee curled her lips back over her teeth, a warning to Kiara that she was about to cross a line.
"My money's on Lee," JJ said from behind her. "No way either of them could take her in a fight."
"I didn't do anything to you!" Sarah shouted angrily, standing up. "I didn't lie about anything."
Lee scowled at Kiara. "Back down, Kie. You want me to list all the shit you've done to me? Stop acting like a perfect fucking princess."
"Geez, Lee," Kiara hissed. Lee whipped around, her blue eyes steely as they landed on Kiara's smirk. "What, are you guys fucking friends again?"
"So what if we are?" Lee said with a sneer. "At least Sarah doesn't try to fucking shame me for being friends with Pogues–meanwhile you act like you're getting fucking paid to make me feel like shit for even associating with Kooks."
Kiara scowled. "Oh, you think you're so goddamn perfect. You're just like every other Kook, Lee. You're a stuck-up bitch. You should just go back to doing drugs with Rafe fucking Cameron."
Kiara had crossed the line. Lee lunged towards Kiara only to be stopped as Pope and JJ grabbed her arms and dragged her away.
"Stop acting like you gave a single flying shit about me, Kie!" Lee yelled, struggling against JJ and Pope. "You only cared about taking over the power vortex when I left!"
"Everybody shut up!" John B shouted, angrily running a hand through his hair.
Sarah immediately dropped back down on the couch and Lee slowly stepped back to where she had been sitting before. This time, however, she remained standing, quietly seething. JJ watched her closely, making sure that she wouldn't suddenly leap forward to strangle Kiara if he looked away.
JJ tutted, "Always have to get involved, huh?"
Lee ignored him, instead fixating her stony glare on Kiara, who sent one right back. Pope shuddered at the icy tension between the two.
"Kie, you're my best friend, right?" John B said, drawing Lee's attention to him.
Kiara shrugged, yielding slightly.
"And Sarah, you're... you're my..."
Lee raised an eyebrow as John B trailed off. This development was definitely not one that she had expected.
Sarah smiled softly. "Say it," she whispered.
"You're my girlfriend," John B finished, beaming.
Lee pursed her lips, glancing to JJ and Pope as they experienced a similar moment of uneasiness. Kiara's face was alight with irritation.
Pope nodded slowly. "That's new," he muttered.
Kiara raised a dangerous eyebrow. "She's your girlfriend now?" Sarah's smirk was wiped away as Kiara continued, "What was all that talk about 'you were just using her for information? Get a map, cut her loose.'"
Lee pressed her fingers to her temples as Sarah glanced at John B, betrayal written across her face. That had to hurt.
"You said you were using me?" Sarah asked in disbelief.
John B shook his head. "No," he lied.
His friends all disagreed. "Yes, you did," Lee argued, echoing Pope and Kiara as JJ nodded his head affirmatively.
"Look, love just walked in, okay?" John B said defensively.
Sarah's surprise at John B's intense comment was evident on her face. Lee faked a gag at it.
"I didn't expect it, it just kind of happened," John B continued, looking nervously at Sarah, "and I'm not gonna deny it. Right?"
Slowly sitting down, Lee put her head in her hands. This was definitely not the time or place to be dropping the L-bomb on a brand new girlfriend.
"That's corny," Pope teased.
JJ fake vomited, fist-bumping Pope. Lee glared at them both, successfully shutting them up.
Kiara shook her head, still not appeased. "Look, cut the bullshit, John B. If she's in, I'm out," she threatened.
"I'm not doing this," John B said, shaking his head. "I can't."
Lee scoffed. "Whoa, whoa, whoa," she exclaimed, grabbing their attention. "You don't get to make him do this," she said, pointing at Kiara, "and you should definitely not answer that question!" She pointed at John B, raising an eyebrow at him.
Kiara ignored Lee. "You are gonna decide," she said, her volume growing quickly. "I'm very interested, actually. Me or her?"
John B shrugged. "Both."
Pope whistled lowly as JJ whispered, "Went for the Hail Mary."
Kiara didn't find it funny. Lee winced as she stormed out of the porch, letting the door slam shut behind her. JJ and Pope tutted quietly, watching her leave.
"It'll be cool, right?" Sarah asked awkwardly, glancing around. "I'm gonna leave," she decided, standing up. "Gonna let y'all chat. Let me know." She exited the porch with a nonchalant wave.
Lee bit her lip, slowly standing up.
JJ stood up next to her, his hands folded in front of him. "I'd just like to say, you handled that beautifully," he informed John B.
Lee elbowed him in the gut.
John B looked over to Lee, his eyes pleading. "Lee, can you talk to her?" he asked softly.
"I really don't think she'll want to talk to me right now—and honestly, I don't want to talk to her, either," she muttered. Slowly waving, Lee walked inside. "Let me know when you guys figure this out."
Inside, she curled up on John B's futon, letting her head rest on a pillow. She fiddled with one of JJ's ring around her neck. After a few minutes, Lee heard John B and JJ enter the Chateau, talking about Kiara. She shut her eyes tightly, hoping they would think she was asleep. They hushed when they noticed Lee, falling for it.
John B sighed, "I don't know what to do, man. I can't lose either of them."
A moment of silence ensued before JJ softly responded, "I don't know what to tell you, dude. I've got my own girl problems to deal with."
Their footsteps slowly left the room and Lee couldn't make out their murmurs anymore. Another few minutes passed and the back door opened again. Lee blinked and opened her eyes as Pope walked in, already staring at Lee. She grimaced at the frown on his face.
"Is she okay?" Lee asked him softly, assuming that he had been talking to Kiara.
Pope shook his head slowly. "No, I think she needs you right now," he said.
Lee bit her lip. "Listen, I almost clocked her not twenty minutes ago. I do not think she needs me."
Shaking his head, Pope said, "Well, she doesn't need you to go down there and yell at her. She needs you to be her best friend."
Frowning thoughtfully, Lee slowly stood up. "All right," she agreed, walking to the back door. "Just... don't make any stupid plans without me, okay?"
Lee trudged down to the dock, glancing over the water. It was golden in the fading sunlight, like a dying star. Lee wondered if she was cursed. She had a best friend that couldn't stand her, another that rejected her. Just her luck. She sighed as she walked onto the dock, plopping down next to Kiara silently. Her feet brushed the tops of the water as the tide slowly rose. They sat quietly for a moment, looking across the inlet as the sunlight dwindled.
"Kie, did I ever tell you about how I became friends with these guys?" Lee suddenly asked, glancing over to Kiara, who shook her head in response. "Well," Lee sighed, "I was brand new to the Cut. I was just another Kook to everyone in school. Pretty much everybody hated me because of where I'd grown up. It was what I expected, I guess," she explained, folding her knees up into her chest.
"All of my Kook friends—yeah, you included—had kind of abandoned me for various reasons. Rafe said I shouldn't be friends with Pogues, I didn't have time for Sarah, you were spending all your time with Sarah. My dad was dead and my mom was struggling with cancer.
"But then I met Pope and John B. They had no reason to be friends with me, but still they welcomed me into their little group with open arms," Lee said, smiling slightly at the memory. "I mean, kind of open arms. JJ hated me at first. He hated the idea of having a Kook in their little Pogue family. For days, he avoided John B and Pope because they wanted to be my friends. It sucked, honestly. I felt bad because it seemed like they were picking between me and JJ and I didn't want them to have to do that. I didn't want to put them in a position where they had to choose," she said, exhaling slowly.
"Pretty soon, JJ came around," Lee continued, laughing softly. "He hated me at first, but he was there for me when I was going through the hardest time of my life," she murmured, feeling Kiara's eyes on her. "They gave me a chance to prove that I was more than just some Kook. Doesn't Sarah maybe deserve that, too?"
Kiara didn't respond, simply biting her lip as she and Lee made eye contact, blue on brown.
Lee sighed. "You don't have to listen to me, Kie, but know that I have your back, okay? And remember that John B has everyone's best interests in mind, even if he's acting like a lovesick puppy."
Standing slowly, Lee patted Kiara's shoulder and walked back to the house. She wiped away a rogue tear on her cheek, falling as she recalled the emotional turmoil of her first year in the Cut. Without those boys, Lee would have crumbled. Walking inside, Lee found all three boys beaming at her mischievously. As each of them slowly took in her expression, however, their grins fell. John B was the first to step forward, wrapping his arms around Lee as she squeezed her eyes shut, willing no more tears to fall. Soon, Pope and JJ had surrounded her as well and Lee found herself cocooned in her friends' arms. For that moment, she was safe and secure. All of the terrifying things that had happened to her in the past few days disappeared. She was just a scared girl with an unlikely friendship with the island troublemakers.
They stayed in a quiet group hug until Lee sighed, which the boys took as a signal to let go. They slowly stepped away, each coughing awkwardly as they looked away from each other.
"Uh, did everyone have socks on?" Pope asked, looking at his friends' feet.
"Damn," JJ muttered, snapping dramatically, "I forgot mine today."
John B sent JJ a smirk. "Me too."
"PEMDAS, it cancels out," Pope said, shrugging.
"So," Lee began, clearing her throat as she glanced between them. "Do you guys have a plan?"
John B frowned, not wanting to answer, but at JJ and Pope's pointed looks he knew that he would be the one to explain their plan to Lee. "Yeah," he admitted, looking down to the ground, "but you're not gonna like it."
He had been right—no matter how he explained it, Lee didn't like the plan. Despite her many attempts to convince them otherwise, the boys were going to trap Kiara and Sarah on a boat together for a whole night. Although Lee pointed out that both of their parents would likely be worried sick when their daughters went missing for a whole night, it was done. She knew better than to argue with all three of them once they were set on doing something.
Luckily, Lee was able to use her mother's new garden as an excuse to not be a part of the kidnapping. She didn't need to be any farther onto either of the other girls' bad sides. So the next day, while the boys were off executing their plan, Lee struggled to dig a hole deep enough for a single snapdragon plant.
"Not too deep!" her mother shouted in warning from the front porch. "You don't want the flowers in the dirt!"
Lee groaned, sticking her trowel angrily into the ground next to her. "Not too deep," she grumbled. "If she's gonna be that picky, she can dig the damn holes herself."
"I heard that!"
Lee wasn't surprised. Laura Carter's hearing was said to be so good that she could hear her daughter cursing from the other side of the island.
It was a surprisingly good day for Lee's mom. She was feeling strong and healthy that morning and had even managed to eat all of her breakfast without throwing anything up. Lee considered it a victory, if a small one. For this reason, she didn't complain as her mother continued to shout various instructions regarding hole-digging.
"Lena, I swear, it's a miracle you haven't stepped on that rake yet!" her mother called from the porch.
Lee shrugged, glancing over her shoulder at the rake laying on the ground behind her. A small part of her hoped that she would step on it—she had always wondered if what happened in cartoons was realistic—but another part of her really didn't want her mom to keep yelling at her. She picked up the rake and threw it to the side, ignoring her mother's shouts to not hit the petunias.
"Good Lord, girl," her mother huffed, walking onto the front lawn to inspect the holes that Lee had already made. "Your father was always good with plants. I've always been good with plants. How the hell are you so bad with them?"
"Mom," Lee whined, her shoulders drooping. "You said three to six inches deep."
Her mother raised an eyebrow at her. "Honeybee, if you think that is three to sex inches, you've got a storm coming. You better start digging farther."
Groaning dramatically, Lee knelt back into the dirt, angrily digging the holes deeper as her mother watched over her shoulder.
There was suddenly a loud whoop from the road, followed by a shouted, "Hey, Mrs. Carter!"
Lee turned around, her eyes dangerous as she stared at her three troublesome friends as they made their way towards her and her mother. She tightened her grip on the garden trowel in her hands, ready to fight the boys if they asked her to help with Kiara and Sarah anymore. After another sleepless night, she was entirely too exhausted to deal with anybody else's problems.
"Boys!" her mother greeted happily, throwing her arms open as they approached. She began to go down the line, hugging them individually. "JJ, it's good to see you again, dear!"
"Good to see you, too, Mrs. Carter," JJ responded, grinning mischievously at Lee, who quickly turned away. His grin fell at her reaction.
"And John B! How are you, honey?" her mother continued, pulling John B into a quick embrace.
John B grinned at Lee over her mother's shoulder. "I'm great, Mrs. Carter. How are you?"
"Oh, just fantastic!" her mother exclaimed, hugging Pope. "And Pope, it's been a while!"
"Yes ma'am," Pope replied, smiling at Lee's mom. "Lee told us she was gardening today so we thought we'd come and help."
Lee clenched her jaw tightly as her mother spun around, smiling brightly at her. "Lee, isn't that wonderful? Maybe these boys will actually know what three to six inches looks like."
The boys' eyes widened at her mother's words, and Lee slapped her palm against her face in shame.
"No, mom," Lee said, recovering from her secondhand embarrassment quickly, "I don't imagine any of them know how long that is."
Her mother rolled her eyes, turning to face Lee's friends again. "Well, Lee was just digging some holes for my snapdragons. Do you boys want to get to work planting some petunias?"
"Whatever you need, Mrs. Carter," John B said, a charming smile on his face.
Lee narrowed her eyes at the boys as they followed her mother around the corner, shooting each of them warning looks to behave.
Just as she knelt back down to continue digging, her mother said, "JJ, why don't you help Lee out here? You seem like you've got something of a green thumb. Maybe that could balance out my daughter's complete lack of one."
JJ nodded, smirking as he wandered over to Lee's side. "You hear that, Lee?" he teased, nudging her with his elbow. "I've got a green thumb."
"Must be all the tree you smoke," Lee muttered, refusing to look up at him. JJ chuckled, watching Lee carefully as she focused on the hole in front of her.
Her mother had definitely done this on purpose. Lee wasn't sure how her mom knew that the boys would show up, she wasn't sure why her mom felt the need to do this at all, but she was definitely behind it. Always involved in my love life, Lee thought, grimacing. Of course she would send JJ to help me. Of course.
"We just have to plant those," Lee said softly, pointing a finger at the baby snapdragon plants sitting on the porch steps.
JJ shot Lee a thumbs up, going to grab an extra trowel. He helped her quietly for a little while, humming to himself. Lee was sure that he could tell how tense she was. They could practically read each other's minds after being so close for so long. She didn't know what to say to him, though. They hadn't been truly alone together since their last conversation about what they were, which had ended rather poorly. She didn't know where her head was regarding JJ, much less where his head was regarding her. Luckily, JJ seemed to want to start the conversation himself.
"You know, I'm sorry for what I said," he apologized.
Lee glanced up at him, shocked. JJ never apologized—he was far too stubborn. It was a trait they shared, which had gotten them into trouble several times.
"I mean, I don't know exactly what I said, but I can tell you've been mad at me," he continued, shrugging slightly. His blue eyes were bright despite the thin layer of dirt on his cheeks.
Lee opened her mouth to reply but couldn't think of anything to say.
At her hesitation, JJ said, "You're my best friend, Lee. I don't know what I did wrong but I know that I regret it. I can't—" he began, pausing for a moment as his eyes flickered to the ground before looking back to her. "I can't lose you."
She slowly set her trowel down, leaning back to rest on her hands. JJ watched her carefully. She pressed her lips together, looking up at the sky in thought. Maybe she had been harsh with him for the past few days, Lee thought. After all, wasn't she scared of losing him, too? Wasn't that the problem?
"It's fine, JJ," she murmured, looking at the ground. "You're my best friend, too."
The words tasted bitter on her tongue and she almost regretted saying them. Never in history had someone friend-zoned themself quite as ruthlessly as Lee had just managed to. She could imagine what the record books would say: Fastest person to ever admit themself into the friend-zone without assistance: Lena Carter.
"Are we good, then?" he asked, leaning back next to her. "'Cause I have so many jokes about John B being whipped to tell you."
Lee laughed, nodding slowly. "We're good."
As JJ rattled off all of his John B jokes, Lee plastered a smile on her face. We're good. The lie had come so easily that she almost hadn't noticed it. Truthfully, they weren't good. Lee didn't want to be just friends, but she didn't want to push for anything more, either. Asking him for more would put their entire relationship at risk and, as much as it hurt Lee's heart to know it, she would rather have JJ as just a friend than not have him at all. She couldn't stand to feel rejected by him and she didn't want to be alone again. He had saved her from herself so many times before that she could only hope this time wouldn't be any different.
They continued laughing with one another as they finished planting the snapdragons. All too soon, Lee's mother was calling for everyone to come inside and wash up. Her mom had insisted on making the boys dinner, despite all of their arguments that she was being too kind. Lee knew that she got a lot of her personality from her mother, but she did not share her mom's generosity. Even when she had nothing, Laura Carter would continue to give.
The five of them gathered around the Carters' small dinner table, a misfit family. Lee and her mother squeezed together onto one seat since they only had four dining chairs. When Lee suggested that they drag in another chair, her mother was flabbergasted, claiming that Lee had been raised with more sense than that. Lee disagreed, stating that she had actually been raised eating snacks on the couch. At this, her mother was shocked.
"On the couch?" her mother said, mortified.
Lee shrunk in the seat next to her mom as her friends watched in amusement. She had once promised her father that she would never tell her mom about how they ate snacks on the couch while she was out running errands. It had always been their little secret, even when she was a little kid that got crumbs all over the place and they would have to rush to clean up before her mom returned.
"Maybe," Lee squeaked nervously, shoving a meatball into her mouth unattractively to avoid further questions.
Her mother shook her head, tutting slowly. "I knew your father was the reason you're so much trouble," she muttered. Turning to face Lee's friends, her mom raised an eyebrow. "Is this what she's like when she's with you all?"
Lee shot her friends a threatening look, warning them to not get her in trouble with her mother.
"Not at all," John B said, shrugging casually under Lee's harsh glare. "Lee is a perfect lady when she's with us."
Her mother scoffed as Pope interjected, "Oh, yeah. In fact, Lee gets us out of trouble all the time."
"I find that difficult to believe," her mom said, shooting her daughter a curious look. "Are you sure that you're my daughter?" she joked, poking Lee's cheek teasingly. "The same girl that once told me 'running from cops is a form of exercise'?"
Lee grimaced. "Not my proudest moment," she confessed, ignoring the fact that she had a bite of spaghetti in her mouth.
"You know, to be fair, Mrs. Carter," JJ interjected, pointing his fork at Lee decisively, "I've seen Lee run faster from cops than anyone else."
Her mother looked at her in shock. Lee sent a quick prayer up to Heaven, begging God to have mercy on her soul when her mother killed her. "Is that true?"
Lee opened her mouth fearfully, unable to come up with a response.
"Oh, definitely," John B interjected. "She's very fast."
Pope nodded in agreement. "She's got a great track record," he joked.
JJ and John B fist-bumped him as Lee froze under her mother's stare.
"Well," her mother began slowly, "I can't fault you for that. Your father got into so much trouble as a teen that it's amazing he was never arrested. As long as you're staying safe and not getting in real trouble, hopefully I don't need to know exactly why you've been running from cops," her mother conceded.
Lee saw a light at the end of the tunnel. She heard the angels singing from above.
"But, if you ever get in trouble, Lena Marie Carter—and I mean ever—you are going to have a lot worse to face than cops."
Lee nodded slowly. "Uh, yes, mom," she stuttered out, shocked.
"And you boys," her mom continued, turning to face Lee's friends, who froze in fear. "If my daughter ever comes home hurt, you will be answering to me."
The boys in question quickly nodded in agreement. "Of course, Mrs. Carter," John B said.
"Yeah, we'll keep her out of trouble," Pope agreed.
"For sure, but uh, one question, Mrs. Carter," JJ said, swallowing a mouthful of spaghetti. "If Lee gets us into trouble..."
Lee watched fearfully as her mother raised an eyebrow at JJ. "Does she usually get you all into trouble?"
"Well, that's a big question," JJ said, running a hand through his hair.
"I would hope that her friends would keep her from getting into too much trouble," her mom said, crossing her arms decisively.
JJ shot her a thumbs up. "Of course. Just checking."
He sent Lee a cheeky grin as she glared at him. Her mother was definitely going to ask about all of the trouble that she had gotten her friends into over the years. If her friends never saw her again, it was because of that conversation.
Eventually, all of the dishes were cleaned and the boys said their thanks to Lee's mom before heading out into the night. Lee was relieved to see them go—they had successfully gotten her into a shocking amount of trouble with her mom in less than three hours. She wandered into the living room and collapsed into her usual spot on the couch, marked by a dip in the cushion after years of use. Her mom sat down next to her, sighing.
"So, are things better between you and JJ?" she asked, eyeing Lee mischievously.
Lee groaned. "I knew that you did that on purpose!"
Her mother laughed. "Of course I did, baby. I could tell something was up when he wasn't here more than twice in the past week."
Biting her lip, Lee nodded. Her mom had always been extremely perceptive.
"But you two are friends again?" she pressed, her blue eyes scanning Lee's face.
Lee stuttered, "Uh, yeah. Yeah, we're friends."
Her mother frowned, watching Lee for a moment before seeming to come to a decision. "That's the problem, huh?" At Lee's confused look, she continued, "That you're friends?"
Lee frowned, looking down at her folded hands. Her mother reached out, lifting her chin so that they made eye contact again.
"Talk to me, baby," her mom said softly. "I've had my share of boy trouble before."
"Yeah, you're right," Lee admitted, pursing her lips. "I asked what he thought we were and he said 'just friends,'" she explained. "I just... I thought that we were more. I wanted more. I thought he did, too, so I felt kind of betrayed."
Her mother nodded understandingly. "So why don't you tell him how you're feeling? Tell him that you want more?"
Lee hesitated before answering, "I don't want to ruin what we have right now. If I can only have him as a friend, then I'll be okay with that."
"Have you told Kiara about this?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowed.
Lee shook her head. "No, we're kind of in a fight. I don't really know if I trust her. But it just hurts so much, mom. It hurts so much."
Her mom frowned, exhaling slowly. "You know, honeybee, JJ didn't grow up in a loving family like you did. He isn't used to people showing him love—and if I know you, I know that you've shown him a lot of it. That's probably scary to him—he probably doesn't know if he can trust you to stick around."
"I don't get what's wrong with that," Lee exclaimed helplessly. "If I'm showing him love, why is that a bad thing? Why doesn't he trust me?"
Sighing, her mom replied, "Honeybee, you grew up in a house that had a lot of love. JJ didn't. Sometimes, when you don't receive love that is sweet, you learn to enjoy love that is sour," she explained. "He is still learning the difference between the sweet love that you're showing him and the sour love that he's used to. But, if you give him time, his tastes will change. He'll see that he is safe with you."
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Author's Note!
Hello everyone!! I felt lowkey poetic in this chapter, ngl. @ tumblrpoets, watch out, i'm coming for ur brand. jk jk jk I could NEVER. Anyways! Comment your thoughts! Vote for the chapter! Go check out the playlist I made last night (posted before ch 1)!!
happy national two different colored shoes day!
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