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Affection can be shown in several forms.
Whether toxic or healthy ways, people still see it as affection for some odd reason, it's like a drug, love is a drug. A drug to take your mind off of problems, a drug that would bring troublesome things.
Dipper didn't think he would ever be apart of love, he didn't really think it would be possible. Hell, he thought he would die lonely. Oh how wrong he was..the love he would be getting would be more..
..different..
The brunette was currently laying down on his side, his body never lifted off the bed he laid in. He was just in his room for the entire day, he didn't know what Ruby or Vincent were doing, but he couldn't bother to care. His mind was just..blank? He himself didn't know how to feel anymore, he was pretty sure Mabel was doing fine without him, but he didn't know about his manager..he just wanted to feel needed by her for once, he was like an option she had to choose. Not an option she really wanted..did that make any sense?
His soft brown iris's stared at the wall, the only thing that was in front of him, his breathing was shallow..yet it felt so wrong? His breathing pattern was being interupted by several new ones, as if he couldn't find a repetitive pattern to inhale and exhale. It frustrated him slightly, but he decided to pay no mind towards it. He could feel the fabric of the sweatshirt touching his skin, it felt like a hug of some sort, it was warm and soft..he liked it, but he somewhat wished it was actually a person. His body was curled up on himself, his arms hugged his legs that were up to his chest, as if it would save him from reality.
He could feel himself frowning slightly, but it was barley noticeable, his eyes blinked as his mind was slowly beginning to empty, he could hear his heart beats that rang through his ears. He could feel his stomach eating him alive, he was still starving, but it felt normal. It felt like he was meant to feel like this, as if doing this was the correct way to live..as if starving was his lifestyle. He never understood why he did this to himself, he never understood why his thoughts felt so loud, he never could be able to comprehend any of his scrambled thoughts, but..he could just hear each one separately, it was as if anytime a wave of thoughts hit him, he just knew what each were saying.
A knock snapped him out of his trance, his body flinching quickly at the sudden noise. He rose his head, but the sudden wave of dizziness made him to go back down, he let out a sigh as he held his head gently, it felt so odd, too be this dizzy, but he couldn't handle so much of this state he was in.
"..com-come in.." He spoke up as the person behind the door probably thought it was locked, he didn't give a glance as he heard the creek of the door open so slowly. He could feel the cold blue eyes on him, he could already tell that Vincent was here..He was slightly surprised that the guy didn't leave.
"Hey, Dipper! So um..I hope you're feeling better? Anyways, " Dipper heard the male walking towards him, the footsteps filling his ears, he then felt weight on his bed, "I hope you feel better. I-I..I know this isn't my business, but I'm just really concerned and curious, I tried to ask Ruby, but she told me to gain your trust?..I-I don't know, yeesh! What I'm trying to say is..You can tell me anything, you know?"
The brunette was in awe, slight shock, but it immediately turned into a small laugh coming out of his mouth. A laugh that sounded like he knew this wasn't real, a laugh that told anyone that he was tired of reality. Dipper slightly sat up, Vincent froze with the sudden movements, but stared at the brunette who immidietly held his head slightly, letting out a few whimpers from slight annoyance.
"Oh- are you alright? Do you need water?" The male immidietly asked as he stared at Dipper who simply declined the offer, a silence was followed. The brunette was sitting as he let his back rest on whatever was behind him, his arms hugged his legs as they hit his chest softly, the noises of silence and nature filled the room..up until Dipper finally spoke.
"..than-thank you, for the help back in the store. Sorry..for interupting whatever you were doi-doing. I don't want to sound rude, but..why didn't you head to your house? Wh-why are you sti-still here?" The two finally made eye contact, cold yet gentle icy eyes met blank soft brown eyes, they stared at eachother..or well Vincent stared at Dipper. The brunette was just blanking out, awaiting for a response.
The male never took his full time to take a look at the brunette, he mainly focused on his eyes, but not his entire self. He could see the slightly oversized sweatshirt laying over his skin, perfectly making him look comfy. But he could slightly catch a glance of the small curves he had, well he couldn't catch a full glance on his legs as he wore pants, but he was rather curious of his form overall. He seemed like he would be someone that had a good body type, but..somewhat unhealthy. He then scanned Dippers face, staring at his small plum lips, his soft features, the small button nose that was slightly flushed, his permanent blush on his face that was now slightly obvious due to how pale he was. His skin wasn't pale to the point he looked dead, but he could tell he slightly had paled. He then stared back at his eyes..they looked tired, noticeable eyebags hung under his eyes, it slightly looked like the brunette had been crying for days, maybe even weeks, but it could be hardly noticed unless you tried.
"Is ther-there something on my face?" A small voice snapped Vincent out of his trance, had he been staring for too long? Well Dipper didn't really notice, he only came back to reality when it's been too quiet.
"No, n-no! Everything's fine! Anyways, I was just a bit worried. I didn't think you would wake up? Maybe I thought you were dead? Wel-well I just wanted to make sure you're alright!" Another awkward silence was followed, the brunette rose an eyebrow slightly as he spoke up.
"..its nighttime? You could've checked..earlier?"
"U-um..I thought you needed some space? Anyways- uh..you know, small awkward question right now, but do ya think I can stay here for the night? It's pretty dark out and I live a bit farther from here so...well Ruby said I already can, so here I am!" Dipper simply stared at him in confusion. Stay the night? As in he stays in here where he lives in for the night? With a stranger? He didn't know how to feel about that, and he was more confused about a whole other thing.
"Wha-wait..wh-why are you asking me? Didn't Ruby all-allow you to stay-"
"I mean stay in your room. Like sleep in here for the night, since, well some old guy stole the couch and there's no other room..so why not here?" This answer just caused the poor brunette to immidietly tense, he was surely uncomfortable for someone to even stay the night in his room. It was just..weird? He wasn't use to this guy being so close? It's happened before, but- well that didn't end well..anyways he's literally isolated himself for two weeks and now is suddenly interacting with someone? It just was going too fast for him, but it would be rather rude to refuse his request..where would he even sleep if he declined? Out in the forest? No, that wouldn't be so caring of him..he didn't want to hurt the guy too.
"U-uh..oh my...oka-okay? Ruby can lend you some pillows and blankets, you can set up the bed on the floor? Or do you wan-want to sleep on my bed and I sleep on the floor?..oh yee-yeesh.." He stammered as his face flushed even more, he was a bit embarrassed about having some random guy sleep in his room..it was just a bit awkward to him, maybe it's because he still wasn't use to this whole "someone knowing him" type of thing. He just thought the guy would leave and never come back, but he stayed?
"I can sleep on the floor! Don't worry your little head on that, anyways I'll go ahead and get some sheets for me. You can do whatever you can!" The male then left as the noise of the door shutting echoed throughout the brunettes ears. His face still slightly flushed, he was just humiliated! Gosh he was a mess..he honestly felt like one. He needed a shower. He didn't want it, but he felt like he needed it, the bathroom wasn't that far anyways as he literally had a bathroom in his room, it was just behind a door that was slightly in the corner, maybe to waste some time to even interact with Vincent, he just didn't- he couldn't trust the guy. It seemed rude, but he just felt like he shouldn't be trusting him..maybe he was just feeling dizzy again. Maybe his mind was just all scratched up again..yeah, he wasn't thinking properly.
After the first time ever since they arrived from the store, he stood up. His legs still wobbled, but he just forced himself to stay put..only thing he regrets about doing this was his head was just dizzy as ever, he had no idea onto why his body couldn't handle this sort of stuff..hes been through thick and thin, but he couldn't handle simple starvation? That was just pathetic.
His body managed to arrive into the restroom, his eyes half open, but still focused on his surroundings. He was slightly paranoid, but he was..fine? Yeah, he was fine. He let out a sigh he didn't know he was holding, closing the door and locked it, the sound of the click confirming he did. His tired self turned on the shower as he stared at the cold water hitting the wall in front of it, slowly, he changed the temperature as it was now warm, or rather hot as steam was beginning to fill the room, but he paid no mind. He let out another breath, his body beginning to slightly heat up as he began to strip his clothes off, not forgetting to gently fold them as he set them near the basket where the laundry went into. His eyes never focusing on anything, he shivered with the slight loss of clothing, but entered the shower as his shoulders relaxed. His mind drifted off as he began doing the regular things he always did. Clean himself, then just probably stare at the wall.
'Are yo l u se e riou t sly letting that Vince h nt gu i y in? Yo m u dt̵͚̖̎͘ơ̸̧͉͓̱̹͍̥̻͌͛͛̂̔̕͜x̵͙̼̣͎̊̽̈͐̚ȉ̷̛̛̛̙͚͓̓̍̂̍̓͝c̶̲̭̟̹̜͐̓̄͛̕͜͠͠ ̷̢̭̫̬̽̃̎́͑̃̾̋ ̶̡̼̲̤͈̦̑̊̂̓̿͒͑o h n't know wt̵͚̖̎͘ơ̸̧͉͓̱̹͍̥̻͌͛͛̂̔̕͜x̵͙̼̣͎̊̽̈͐̚ȉ̷̛̛̛̙͚͓̓̍̂̍̓͝c̶̲̭̟̹̜͐̓̄͛̕͜͠͠ ̷̢̭̫̬̽̃̎́͑̃̾̋ ̶̡̼̲̤͈̦̑̊̂̓̿͒͑ho h a e is, y r ou d m on't k y no o w what he's ca u pable of- Tr L ust hi i m. Let ht̵͚̖̎͘ơ̸̧͉͓̱̹͍̥̻͌͛͛̂̔̕͜x̵͙̼̣͎̊̽̈͐̚ȉ̷̛̛̛̙͚͓̓̍̂̍̓͝c̶̲̭̟̹̜͐̓̄͛̕͜͠͠ ̷̢̭̫̬̽̃̎́͑̃̾̋ ̶̡̼̲̤͈̦̑̊̂̓̿͒͑i s m in, yo t u are e n't ca n using a t ny har o m! Jus y t le o t hi u m in. Le r t hi s m in. Sto e p be l ing so se f nsitive and ant̵͚̖̎͘ơ̸̧͉͓̱̹͍̥̻͌͛͛̂̔̕͜x̵͙̼̣͎̊̽̈͐̚ȉ̷̛̛̛̙͚͓̓̍̂̍̓͝c̶̲̭̟̹̜͐̓̄͛̕͜͠͠ ̷̢̭̫̬̽̃̎́͑̃̾̋ ̶̡̼̲̤͈̦̑̊̂̓̿͒͑noying, ju j st le u t hi s m in, man t ager would wa s nt thi t s, wou a ldn't sh r e? You wan v t this. Yo e u want this..You-..I want this. I ne Y ed to tru O st hi U m. Othet̵͚̖̎͘ơ̸̧͉͓̱̹͍̥̻͌͛͛̂̔̕͜x̵͙̼̣͎̊̽̈͐̚ȉ̷̛̛̛̙͚͓̓̍̂̍̓͝c̶̲̭̟̹̜͐̓̄͛̕͜͠͠ ̷̢̭̫̬̽̃̎́͑̃̾̋ ̶̡̼̲̤͈̦̑̊̂̓̿͒͑rwise I'll be di R sobe E ying ma N nager, wouldn't I?..She sai O d to ma T ke new p N aths open f E or m E e, ar D en't I do E ing that? I'm obe D ying her, I'm not a bt̵͚̖̎͘ơ̸̧͉͓̱̹͍̥̻͌͛͛̂̔̕͜x̵͙̼̣͎̊̽̈͐̚ȉ̷̛̛̛̙͚͓̓̍̂̍̓͝c̶̲̭̟̹̜͐̓̄͛̕͜͠͠ ̷̢̭̫̬̽̃̎́͑̃̾̋ ̶̡̼̲̤͈̦̑̊̂̓̿͒͑ad person..I'm good..I'm good- you're not good enough. You're still not good enough. Snap out of that stut̵͚̖̎͘ơ̸̧͉͓̱̹͍̥̻͌͛͛̂̔̕͜x̵͙̼̣͎̊̽̈͐̚ȉ̷̛̛̛̙͚͓̓̍̂̍̓͝c̶̲̭̟̹̜͐̓̄͛̕͜͠͠ ̷̢̭̫̬̽̃̎́͑̃̾̋ ̶̡̼̲̤͈̦̑̊̂̓̿͒͑pid mind of yours and liste ̵̨̥̱̖͉̹̍ ̷̡̠̮̦̫̻̀̿̌̒̈̇̄̕͜ ̵̲̫̲̦̪̞̃͋̉̅̍̉͛̀d̵̡̛̤̮̫̞̞͗̒͒͂̋̒̚i̸̢̡̬̝̗̭̝̝͑́͂͑̾̚͠ͅs̵̡̢̤̮̼̑̊̈́̽̂̎o̵̻͖͙͙̦͈̘͗͑͋̅̈́b̶̡̡̟̰̝͇̗̼̲́̓̿̊̓̅ȩ̴̢͙͍̻͉̠̏̋̊̓̐̓d̶̠̠̜̱̬̻̩̥̅̔̈́̕͝i̶̢̢͛̀̕ĕ̷̛͕͇̼̪̯̹̺̟͍̣̈́n̸̨͖̭̰͈̤̱̫̣̈́͊̈̏̌̋͝t̶̡̟̖̞̭̊͊̈́ ̸̻̓l̷̯̣̯͓̝̙͉̓̍̊̍̓̐͝i̸̧̛̫̞̘̜͔̰͍̻̞̔͂̈́t̵̟̋̅̈́̆͘͜͠͝t̴̨͖̥͓͈̹̗̩̙̲̑͒̓̓͌̾͗̿̀l̷͉̻̱̋̄̃̒͘̚͝é̴̢̢̛̛̗̞́̀̀̎̓͋͝ ̴̢̛̛̟͚̳́́̓̅̋̉̽͠b̶̻͕̤̄́͊̀͗̏̌̿̄ͅo̴͇̠͔̦̟̹̘̜̠͌̈̈́̀͑̐̿͂͝͝y̶̱̖̻̯̖̱̓̾̍͝ n for once! You're not listent̵͚̖̎͘ơ̸̧͉͓̱̹͍̥̻͌͛͛̂̔̕͜x̵͙̼̣͎̊̽̈͐̚ȉ̷̛̛̛̙͚͓̓̍̂̍̓͝c̶̲̭̟̹̜͐̓̄͛̕͜͠͠ ̷̢̭̫̬̽̃̎́͑̃̾̋ ̶̡̼̲̤͈̦̑̊̂̓̿͒͑ing to manager at all, are you? She gives you these punis ̵̨̥̱̖͉̹̍ ̷̡̠̮̦̫̻̀̿̌̒̈̇̄̕͜ ̵̲̫̲̦̪̞̃͋̉̅̍̉͛̀d̵̡̛̤̮̫̞̞͗̒͒͂̋̒̚i̸̢̡̬̝̗̭̝̝͑́͂͑̾̚͠ͅs̵̡̢̤̮̼̑̊̈́̽̂̎o̵̻͖͙͙̦͈̘͗͑͋̅̈́b̶̡̡̟̰̝͇̗̼̲́̓̿̊̓̅ȩ̴̢͙͍̻͉̠̏̋̊̓̐̓d̶̠̠̜̱̬̻̩̥̅̔̈́̕͝i̶̢̢͛̀̕ĕ̷̛͕͇̼̪̯̹̺̟͍̣̈́n̸̨͖̭̰͈̤̱̫̣̈́͊̈̏̌̋͝t̶̡̟̖̞̭̊͊̈́ ̸̻̓l̷̯̣̯͓̝̙͉̓̍̊̍̓̐͝i̸̧̛̫̞̘̜͔̰͍̻̞̔͂̈́t̵̟̋̅̈́̆͘͜͠͝t̴̨͖̥͓͈̹̗̩̙̲̑͒̓̓͌̾͗̿̀l̷͉̻̱̋̄̃̒͘̚͝é̴̢̢̛̛̗̞́̀̀̎̓͋͝ ̴̢̛̛̟͚̳́́̓̅̋̉̽͠b̶̻͕̤̄́͊̀͗̏̌̿̄ͅo̴͇̠͔̦̟̹̘̜̠͌̈̈́̀͑̐̿͂͝͝y̶̱̖̻̯̖̱̓̾̍͝ hments, yet look at where you are. You trusted the Ciphers with such informt̵͚̖̎͘ơ̸̧͉͓̱̹͍̥̻͌͛͛̂̔̕͜x̵͙̼̣͎̊̽̈͐̚ȉ̷̛̛̛̙͚͓̓̍̂̍̓͝c̶̲̭̟̹̜͐̓̄͛̕͜͠͠ ̷̢̭̫̬̽̃̎́͑̃̾̋ ̶̡̼̲̤͈̦̑̊̂̓̿͒͑ation, you trusted them and answered them! How..hot̵͚̖̎͘ơ̸̧͉͓̱̹͍̥̻͌͛͛̂̔̕͜x̵͙̼̣͎̊̽̈͐̚ȉ̷̛̛̛̙͚͓̓̍̂̍̓͝c̶̲̭̟̹̜͐̓̄͛̕͜͠͠ ̷̢̭̫̬̽̃̎́͑̃̾̋ ̶̡̼̲̤͈̦̑̊̂̓̿͒͑w would man ̵̨̥̱̖͉̹̍ ̷̡̠̮̦̫̻̀̿̌̒̈̇̄̕͜ ̵̲̫̲̦̪̞̃͋̉̅̍̉͛̀d̵̡̛̤̮̫̞̞͗̒͒͂̋̒̚i̸̢̡̬̝̗̭̝̝͑́͂͑̾̚͠ͅs̵̡̢̤̮̼̑̊̈́̽̂̎o̵̻͖͙͙̦͈̘͗͑͋̅̈́b̶̡̡̟̰̝͇̗̼̲́̓̿̊̓̅ȩ̴̢͙͍̻͉̠̏̋̊̓̐̓d̶̠̠̜̱̬̻̩̥̅̔̈́̕͝i̶̢̢͛̀̕ĕ̷̛͕͇̼̪̯̹̺̟͍̣̈́n̸̨͖̭̰͈̤̱̫̣̈́͊̈̏̌̋͝t̶̡̟̖̞̭̊͊̈́ ̸̻̓l̷̯̣̯͓̝̙͉̓̍̊̍̓̐͝i̸̧̛̫̞̘̜͔̰͍̻̞̔͂̈́t̵̟̋̅̈́̆͘͜͠͝t̴̨͖̥͓͈̹̗̩̙̲̑͒̓̓͌̾͗̿̀l̷͉̻̱̋̄̃̒͘̚͝é̴̢̢̛̛̗̞́̀̀̎̓͋͝ ̴̢̛̛̟͚̳́́̓̅̋̉̽͠b̶̻͕̤̄́͊̀͗̏̌̿̄ͅo̴͇̠͔̦̟̹̘̜̠͌̈̈́̀͑̐̿͂͝͝y̶̱̖̻̯̖̱̓̾̍͝ ager feel about that? She wouldn't be very happy, would she?..you're hurting mother, you're hurting mom. You hut̵͚̖̎͘ơ̸̧͉͓̱̹͍̥̻͌͛͛̂̔̕͜x̵͙̼̣͎̊̽̈͐̚ȉ̷̛̛̛̙͚͓̓̍̂̍̓͝c̶̲̭̟̹̜͐̓̄͛̕͜͠͠ ̷̢̭̫̬̽̃̎́͑̃̾̋ ̶̡̼̲̤͈̦̑̊̂̓̿͒͑rt them all..thats all you do, you're not good enough to e ̵̨̥̱̖͉̹̍ ̷̡̠̮̦̫̻̀̿̌̒̈̇̄̕͜ ̵̲̫̲̦̪̞̃͋̉̅̍̉͛̀d̵̡̛̤̮̫̞̞͗̒͒͂̋̒̚i̸̢̡̬̝̗̭̝̝͑́͂͑̾̚͠ͅs̵̡̢̤̮̼̑̊̈́̽̂̎o̵̻͖͙͙̦͈̘͗͑͋̅̈́b̶̡̡̟̰̝͇̗̼̲́̓̿̊̓̅ȩ̴̢͙͍̻͉̠̏̋̊̓̐̓d̶̠̠̜̱̬̻̩̥̅̔̈́̕͝i̶̢̢͛̀̕ĕ̷̛͕͇̼̪̯̹̺̟͍̣̈́n̸̨͖̭̰͈̤̱̫̣̈́͊̈̏̌̋͝t̶̡̟̖̞̭̊͊̈́ ̸̻̓l̷̯̣̯͓̝̙͉̓̍̊̍̓̐͝i̸̧̛̫̞̘̜͔̰͍̻̞̔͂̈́t̵̟̋̅̈́̆͘͜͠͝t̴̨͖̥͓͈̹̗̩̙̲̑͒̓̓͌̾͗̿̀l̷͉̻̱̋̄̃̒͘̚͝é̴̢̢̛̛̗̞́̀̀̎̓͋͝ ̴̢̛̛̟͚̳́́̓̅̋̉̽͠b̶̻͕̤̄́͊̀͗̏̌̿̄ͅo̴͇̠͔̦̟̹̘̜̠͌̈̈́̀͑̐̿͂͝͝y̶̱̖̻̯̖̱̓̾̍͝ ven be their toy..but you can change that, can't you?..I can chat̵͚̖̎͘ơ̸̧͉͓̱̹͍̥̻͌͛͛̂̔̕͜x̵͙̼̣͎̊̽̈͐̚ȉ̷̛̛̛̙͚͓̓̍̂̍̓͝c̶̲̭̟̹̜͐̓̄͛̕͜͠͠ ̷̢̭̫̬̽̃̎́͑̃̾̋ ̶̡̼̲̤͈̦̑̊̂̓̿͒͑nge that. I have full control of myself don't I?- no..no I don't. I don't. You don't. You aren't supt̵͚̖̎͘ơ̸̧͉͓̱̹͍̥̻͌͛͛̂̔̕͜x̵͙̼̣͎̊̽̈͐̚ȉ̷̛̛̛̙͚͓̓̍̂̍̓͝c̶̲̭̟̹̜͐̓̄͛̕͜͠͠ ̷̢̭̫̬̽̃̎́͑̃̾̋ ̶̡̼̲̤͈̦̑̊̂̓̿͒͑pose to control yourself. Others are. Wheres others? Who are others? Vincent. Vinct̵͚̖̎͘ơ̸̧͉͓̱̹͍̥̻͌͛͛̂̔̕͜x̵͙̼̣͎̊̽̈͐̚ȉ̷̛̛̛̙͚͓̓̍̂̍̓͝c̶̲̭̟̹̜͐̓̄͛̕͜͠͠ ̷̢̭̫̬̽̃̎́͑̃̾̋ ̶̡̼̲̤͈̦̑̊̂̓̿͒͑ent is others. Manat̵͚̖̎͘ơ̸̧͉͓̱̹͍̥̻͌͛͛̂̔̕͜x̵͙̼̣͎̊̽̈͐̚ȉ̷̛̛̛̙͚͓̓̍̂̍̓͝c̶̲̭̟̹̜͐̓̄͛̕͜͠͠ ̷̢̭̫̬̽̃̎́͑̃̾̋ ̶̡̼̲̤͈̦̑̊̂̓̿͒͑ger can fix you. She is fixing you, but you're being so disot̵͚̖̎͘ơ̸̧͉͓̱̹͍̥̻͌͛͛̂̔̕͜x̵͙̼̣͎̊̽̈͐̚ȉ̷̛̛̛̙͚͓̓̍̂̍̓͝c̶̲̭̟̹̜͐̓̄͛̕͜͠͠ ̷̶̢̡̭̫̼̲̤̽̃̎́͑̃̾̋̑̊̂̓̿͒͑bedient..what if the Cipt̵͚̖̎͘ơ̸̧͉͓̱̹͍̥̻͌͛͛̂̔̕͜x̵͙̼̣͎̊̽̈͐̚ȉ̷̛̛̛̙͚͓̓̍̂̍̓͝c̶̲̭̟̹̜͐̓̄͛̕͜͠͠ ̷̢̭̫̬̽̃̎́͑̃̾̋ ̶̡̼̲̤͈̦̑̊̂̓̿͒͑hers let out that inform ̵̨̥̱̖͉̹̍ ̷̡̠̮̦̫̻̀̿̌̒̈̇̄̕͜ ̵̲̫̲̦̪̞̃͋̉̅̍̉͛̀d̵̡̛̤̮̫̞̞͗̒͒͂̋̒̚i̸̢̡̬̝̗̭̝̝͑́͂͑̾̚͠ͅs̵̡̢̤̮̼̑̊̈́̽̂̎o̵̻͖͙͙̦͈̘͗͑͋̅̈́b̶̡̡̟̰̝͇̗̼̲́̓̿̊̓̅ȩ̴̢͙͍̻͉̠̏̋̊̓̐̓d̶̠̠̜̱̬̻̩̥̅̔̈́̕͝i̶̢̢͛̀̕ĕ̷̛͕͇̼̪̯̹̺̟͍̣̈́n̸̨͖̭̰͈̤̱̫̣̈́͊̈̏̌̋͝t̶̡̟̖̞̭̊͊̈́ ̸̻̓l̷̯̣̯͓̝̙͉̓̍̊̍̓̐͝i̸̧̛̫̞̘̜͔̰͍̻̞̔͂̈́t̵̟̋̅̈́̆͘͜͠͝t̴̨͖̥͓͈̹̗̩̙̲̑͒̓̓͌̾͗̿̀l̷͉̻̱̋̄̃̒͘̚͝é̴̢̢̛̛̗̞́̀̀̎̓͋͝ ̴̢̛̛̟͚̳́́̓̅̋̉̽͠b̶̻͕̤̄́͊̀͗̏̌̿̄ͅo̴͇̠͔̦̟̹̘̜̠͌̈̈́̀͑̐̿͂͝͝y̶̱̖̻̯̖̱̓̾̍͝ ation you gave them?! What now? What would you do then? You can't jut̵͚̖̎͘ơ̸̧͉͓̱̹͍̥̻͌͛͛̂̔̕͜x̵͙̼̣͎̊̽̈͐̚ȉ̷̛̛̛̙͚͓̓̍̂̍̓͝c̶̲̭̟̹̜͐̓̄͛̕͜͠͠ ̷̢̭̫̬̽̃̎́͑̃̾̋ ̶̡̼̲̤͈̦̑̊̂̓̿͒͑st apologize! Shut them up. Shut them up. Shut them up. Shut them up. Shut up. Shu ̵̨̥̱̖͉̹̍ ̷̡̠̮̦̫̻̀̿̌̒̈̇̄̕͜ ̵̲̫̲̦̪̞̃͋̉̅̍̉͛̀d̵̡̛̤̮̫̞̞͗̒͒͂̋̒̚i̸̢̡̬̝̗̭̝̝͑́͂͑̾̚͠ͅs̵̡̢̤̮̼̑̊̈́̽̂̎o̵̻͖͙͙̦͈̘͗͑͋̅̈́b̶̡̡̟̰̝͇̗̼̲́̓̿̊̓̅ȩ̴̢͙͍̻͉̠̏̋̊̓̐̓d̶̠̠̜̱̬̻̩̥̅̔̈́̕͝i̶̢̢͛̀̕ĕ̷̛͕͇̼̪̯̹̺̟͍̣̈́n̸̨͖̭̰͈̤̱̫̣̈́͊̈̏̌̋͝t̶̡̟̖̞̭̊͊̈́ ̸̻̓l̷̯̣̯͓̝̙͉̓̍̊̍̓̐͝i̸̧̛̫̞̘̜͔̰͍̻̞̔͂̈́t̵̟̋̅̈́̆͘͜͠͝t̴̨͖̥͓͈̹̗̩̙̲̑͒̓̓͌̾͗̿̀l̷͉̻̱̋̄̃̒͘̚͝é̴̢̢̛̛̗̞́̀̀̎̓͋͝ ̴̢̛̛̟͚̳́́̓̅̋̉̽͠b̶̻͕̤̄́͊̀͗̏̌̿̄ͅo̴͇̠͔̦̟̹̘̜̠͌̈̈́̀͑̐̿͂͝͝y̶̱̖̻̯̖̱̓̾̍͝ t up. SHUT UP-'
Dipper flinched as he focused on reality, small tears were streaming down his face, he was in a curled up position, sitting in the corner of the shower as his legs curled up on him, his hands holding his head..but no noises of his cries were heard. He didn't even let out a noise. He was as quiet as ever..it was quite pathetic, he learned how to be quiet after all those hide and seek games.
"..this is idiotic of me.." His small voice spoke to himself only, he relaxed as he could feel the water only hitting the top of his head. After a few seconds of staying in his position, he finally got up, leaning against the wall for support as he was still weak. He knew he was already finished with showering by then, so he turned off the shower. Listening to the harsh noises of the water slowly softening. The noises of small water droplets hitting the tiled floor echoed throughout the silent room, his eyes blinked softly, grabbing a towel and wrapped himself around it. He didn't even want to just cover his waist, he never did, he wanted to cover his entire body, he was sick of it, just the sight of it made him ashamed now. The towel covered almost his entire body as it hung over his shoulders, only things that were shown would be his legs and well his head and neck, obviously..he thought it was all good and dandy, but his face immidietly reddened as realization hit him like a brick.
'I forgot to grab clothes..'
Now, he would've been fine with it before since he could've easily grabbed his clothed and entered the restroom to change again. It's what he always did, anyways, but..he had a visitor in his room, probably. He can't just open the restroom and grab his clothes, heavens no! That would just be humiliating, he didn't even want to face the guy he could barely start a conversation with! But what could he do? It wasn't a big sort of deal..yeah, he can handle it. He just needed to speed walk in the room and grab a pair of clothing, nothing too big to make a deal of..it was fine, he can do it.
Dipper slowly walked over to the handle of the door, his hands reached over it as he gulped. He was ready, he was prepared. He shouldn't make such a big deal out of it. The brunette let out a breath as he finally opened the door quickly, but immidietly regretted his decision..his eyes met blue ones, the ones that belonged to Vincent.
A small silence was followed, Vincent was stood in front of the door as he was about to knock, but well, before he could, the door already opened itself. His face slightly flushed at the sight of the brunette who was looking up at him with widened eyes. Dippers hair was still wet as he didn't bother to dry it, nothing apart of body was dry, he didn't take his time. It slightly attracted the male. He couldn't help, but let his face heat up..well it wasn't as red as Dippers who was more tense.
"..h-hi?.." Masons voice was rather shaky, but he had reasons onto why. Gosh his day couldn't just get any worse..but he had to say something, right? Well now he felt a bit more stupid, since greeting someone while looking like that..well it isn't really the best idea!
"..hey? U-um..I was about to ask for some pair of clothing for the night..sorry for the intrusion?" The male infront of Dipper questioned himself as his akward tone didn't help the situation, it would be normal if they were probably straight males, but well Vincent probably wasn't, and Dipper was nervous near anyone so it didn't matter.
The brunette could feel his cheeks heat more, his mind full on letting the situation sink in deeper and deeper, here he was, all wet with only a towel one, and his disgusting thighs and weird legs are out in the open. He felt rather ashamed, but embarrassment was twice as worse. Dipper just stared up at the guy for a while, silence was the only thing, how was he suppose to respond? He didn't even hear Vincents response, gosh he felt so stupid-
"It's fine! Uh- Um- I-I.." He could just feel his face turn even more red (if that was even possible by now), he was stammering too much, gosh he sure knew how to embarrass himself, Mason averted his eyes anywhere in which Vincent wouldn't be, "I forgot to grab a pair of clothes..s-so, could you please..move? I'l tell Ruby to help me find you a pair of extra clothes, but I need to change right now."
"Oh, its fine..oh- wait I need to move, right? Haha, yeah..sorry, forgot.." Vincent finally moved away from the door as Dipper immidietly walked towards his drawers, opening a couple and grabbed the pairs of clothes he would be needing, no words were shared, but the two could immidietly sense the awkwardness, boy did they both want to die very desperately.
The brunette didn't even dare to exchange any looks towards the male that stood akwardly in the corner, he just speed walked back into the restroom, closing the door rather quickly as he let out a long sigh he didn't even know he was holding. His face was flushed completely as he tried to calm himself down, god did that situation make him wanna die. He then began changing, well not before drying his hair, he felt a bit retarded for not even doing it in the first place. Gosh he wanted to forget about the situation so desperately, it may have been seen as an overreaction, but the poor male hadn't interacted with anyone for awhile, and he was never even use to talking to someone!
≈°•------♡✿*ﾟ♡✿*ﾟ♡✿*ﾟ------•°≈
"..hey.." A gentle yet firm whisper was heard in the middle of the night, after the entire restroom situation, Dipper obviously found clothes Vincent would be using as night wear. The two never mentioned the situation anymore, they unknowingly agreed to never speak about it, as they were both ashamed slightly.
Currently, it was two in the morning, halfway close to being three in the morning. The sounds of the crickets from the woods slightly echoed around the area, the moonlight slightly shined through the window in the brunettes room who was laid down on his bed, just staring at the ceiling. He couldn't really sleep so well, it wasn't that he wasn't capable of doing so, but rather..he just didn't want to, it was a part of him that told him he had to stay awake, as if, if he didn't do it then..he'll get hurt in some way? Maybe it was just him overthinking again, yeah, probably.
"Mhm?" He responded with a quiet hum, Vincent laid on the blankets that were gently laid out on the floor, the brunette held slightly guilty about making him sleep on the floor, but the guy insistented that he should sleep on the floor, he was a bit scared to even decline Vincent.
"Why are you still up? Its real late, you know that, right?" Silence was followed, Mason felt slightly creeped out by the males tone, but he didn't want to mention it, maybe he was just overthinking again. He shouldn't be complaining about anything, that wasn't his role. He let out a small sigh, turning over to his right side in which he faced the wall, his eyes slowly blinking, the feeling of drowsiness was something he tried to ignore. After a killing amount of nothingness, he finally answered with his still shaky voice.
"..I could say the same for you, hypocrisy isn't the best look." He slightly flinched due to his own tone, he didn't mean to sound like an asshole, he needed to control the way he spoke towards others.
"How the tables have turned. Well I don't usually stay up this late, I'm always knocked out by ten pm, if wanting to be honest, but I can't help, but acknowledge the fact that you're still up..whats on your mind, Dipper?"
"I didn't think you would still be up..sorry, if it's my fault that you're awake."
"It's alright, and yeah, neither did I think I would be up so late. Do you usually stay up this late?" Mason tensed harshly, he didn't like talking about himself, it just disgusted him to the core, it made him feel selfish, mainly if he talked about his well-being. He was not a fan about that. His soft eyes glanced at the ceiling, yet again, he could still hear that ringing going in and out of his ears, but it was like it was backround noises. It was odd, but it was better then hearing nothing..that just scared him slightly, but anything scared him at this point.
"Depends on how I woke up, I suppose. You should go back to sleep, otherwise it can ruin your sleeping schedule.."
"What about you?" Dipper rose an eyebrow to himself, slightly bewildered by Vincents concern about him.
"..wh-what about me?.."
"You shouldn't be staying up this late, are you going back to sleep or not?"
"..I-I- um..I think that depends on whether I'm sleepy or not so..not yet?" Dipper didn't really know when he would sleep, he just felt the need to get little sleep, it was like the same things he did to himself during this week's alone, just..with someone? It was weird, but it was only for a night.
"If you're not sleeping, then I'm not."
The brunette flinched quickly due to Vincents response afterwards, he used a rather harsh tone..it reminded him too much of the lectures he was given. He knew that the visitor didn't mean it, probably, but it slightly petrified him, maybe it was because of how serious he sounded? Dipper sighed to himself as he spoke up, his voice beginning to get slightly shakier each second.
"The-there's no need for tha-that, please, Vincent, you should go back to sleep. I'll sleep sooner or later-"
"I'm not closing an eyelid until you fucking do, you're actions have consequences, Dipper."
Those words sent imediate chills down Masons spine, he..he wasn't use to that tone being used from someone that wasn't his manager..it terrified him, hell, he was already shaking from fear. Maybe because of memories, who knows. He surely didn't know why he was so wary of the guy. He sat up and looked over the male that supposedly wouldn't sleep, but was immidietly startled when he already saw Vincent sitting down..just staring at him. He let out a small, barely noticeable, yelp.
"U-um-I-I..okay..okay I'll go to sleep, but I'm not making any promises. Just, please don't ruin your sleep schedule just because of me..goo-goodnight, Vincent."
"Oh? Alright then, but you better not break that statement you made, because you'll never know the consequence now, will you?" The brunette shrinked in on himself, immidietly curling up as he was a bit surprised by the males sudden voice change..Vincent sounded happy that he was going to sleep. Vincent sounded..proud? He didn't know, but he liked it? He liked the feeling of small pride that filled his chest..he made someone a bit happy? He didn't even care if it was a small piece..it was something, and he would immidietly cherish it. He's hurt so many people, he's just been that toxic son no one wanted, but now he made someone just the slightest of happy..a small, sweet, gentle smile formed on Dippers face. He hugged himself tighter, as if he was hugging the small memory of what just happened, as if it would fade away immidietly if he let go for even a mili-second. He felt loved for some reason? It wasn't a big amount of affection, but that tone Vincent used just made him melt..well his thoughts were far different from his physical reaction.
≈°•------♡✿*ﾟ♡✿*ﾟ♡✿*ﾟ------•°≈
His blank eyes stared at the wall, his breathing was slow, but steady. Was he sleeping? Fuck no, but it sure sounded like it, so the brunette didn't need to worry about the other person waking up. Dipper just couldn't seem to be wanting to sleep, no matter how desperate he was to close his eyes..he just felt ashamed of even sleeping, did he really deserve that rest? He didn't let his manager rest because he was such a bothersome, manager probably had it worse..of course she had it worse, she knew best.
His thoughts were suffocating him as usual, he wasn't use to it, he just couldn't get use to it. It always frightened him, a part of him feared that he would do something he himself knew he would regret later on, but another part just..wants it to happen? He didn't bother explaining it to himself anymore, he was just tired, it was already five in the morning, obviously he can't sleep anymore. It was the usual time he woke up at, but his stare was still focused on the wall.
'Tru h st him. Tr e ust him. Tr s ust him. Trust him. He'll lo g ve yo o u. He'll ap i preciate you. He'l n l lov g e you, yo t u'll b o e that boy h h e wan u ts. List r en to hi t m. Don't you w m ant t e o feel loved? You like it, right? I like affe S ction, do H n't I? I can feel loved, I wa U nt to fe T el lo U ved..please, please, pl P ease, please, I just want to be loved, please, god. He wan i ted you to sleep w m ell, did s n't he? He wo c uld waste hi a s sleep sch r edule for you, wouldn't he? He sa e id so him d self, so what if you didn't like his tone?! Deal with it! You de b alt wit i h it wh l en manager used it! Ho l w is thi ? s any different? You can tru i st hi m m, sto i p liste s ning to your instin s cts, man y ager tau o ght you, she trained you, yo u u learnt from the best, listen to your mind. Listen to your thoughts, I'm correct, you're correct, IM DOING GOOD FOR ONCE- No yo m u are o n't! Sto t p it! You do h n't tr e ust hi r m, he's j s ust like all of the m m! List a en to yo d ur instincts! Listen to yo t urs r elf! Li u sten t s o ME! He won't he t lp you, he is h n't hel i ping you! He's sc m aring you..he scares me..he isn't trustworthy. I barely know him- So what?! He appr S eciat H es yo U u mo T re than manager, y U ou wa P nted to let her go didn't you?!- Not like this!- Well you should've thought that before! You wanted to escape her grip, and here you are! You're free! You have your own rules and you'll still be a good boy, mother would love you if you just had more development!- This isn't healthy! Stop it! Trust him- don't trust him- just learn for once in your life! STOP LISTENING TO THEM! THIS ISN'T HEALTHY FOR ME!- WHAT HAPPENED TO WANTING MOTHER TO LOVE ME- SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPPLEASEIM SCAREDɨ ɖօռȶ աǟռȶ ȶɦɨֆ-'
He decided he would go outside for a breather.
It's been..awhile since he's been to the woods, he recalled how relaxing it was. How his thoughts were more quiet, he loved it there, even as a child. He was just intrigued so easily! He could tell others would probably be annoyed by his reaction towards new things, but they couldn't really blame him. Dipper wasn't locked up, but he was more like an animal that was just for show and tell, well that's what the brunette thought, but he didn't want to complain. He was born to be like this, he was meant to be like this. He couldn't change it, he shouldn't change it.
He let out another sigh, sitting up slowly as he let his head to adjust to his movements, he could feel the harsh beats of his heart, it felt like it would just escape from his chest. His brunette eyes averted towards the sleeping figure on the floor, he could see his chest slowly rise and lower..he wondered how it felt to breathe like that, with no concerns whatsoever.
He tried his best to not be loud, but the creeks of the wooden floor didn't really help his situation, but he had to make the most of it. His footsteps were gentle and forced to be silent, as he held his breath in, he grabbed new pairs of clothes so he wouldn't walk into the woods with just a shirt and some shorts. That would be a bit uncomfortable.
Grabbing a long sleeved shirt and a pair of pants, he went into the restroom to change, slightly fixing his hair afterwards. It was a bit too quiet for him, but the ringing in his mind now..comforted him? He found it a bit odd since he use to hate it, he use to find it suffering, but now it just kept him company. As if he didn't feel lonely anymore, gosh he sounded stupid to himself.
Small footsteps were made, but were immidietly stopped as the brunette flinched quickly..brunetted tired eyes stared at his, it was himself.
He never took the time to see his reflection.
Gosh..he looked horrible. He could easily point out the eyebags, he could immidietly see his blank eyes, he could see his face..he could see himself. It scared him. It terrified him, he was looking at someone that was suppose to be him, he wasn't looking at Mabel, he was looking at himself.
He didn't like it anymore.
He didn't want to be himself anymore, he didn't want to be Mason or Dipper..he didn't want to be someone, he just wanted to leave, he wanted to leave and run, never looking back at reality. He didn't like it here anymore, he didn't know where home was..he never had anything to call home, home was supposed to be a place where he would relax and feel free to himself, but it just felt like a job to going back to home. Home wasn't a place he felt safe in, it was just a shelter he went into by force..he didn't want to think like this. His manager took care of him, he should've been thankful, but here he is being the brat he always was.
The millionth sigh escaped his mouth, his breathing was slightly shaky, but he didn't bother to even try to not hyperventilate. He was use to this way of breathing, he just adapted to it.
Dipper finally took his eyes off his reflection, he didn't bother to fix himself, he didn't want to fix himself. Maybe this was just how he was suppose to be. After a few seconds of blanking out, he finally left the room, shutting the door quietly as he could just hear the deafening silence. His eyes never focused on anything, it felt like he was on autopilot, like he couldn't stop himself. He could feel his body reach out to escape his bedroom, but he flinched when he heard rustles..he decided to pay mind to it as he opened the door, leaving quickly downstairs as he didn't want to wake anyone up.
Grabbing his pair of shoes, he put them on messily and went out of the shack. His slow footsteps echoed in his mind, his eyes now stared at the forest in front of him, his hands were shaking slightly, he could feel his heart beats getting quicker, but paid no mind to it.
He found himself walking into the woods.
Slow footsetps became normal ones. Normal footsteps turned into quick footsteps, which soon turned into a jog, which then turned into him fully running.
Where was he going to?
The spot he originally was at before this mess happened. The place where he felt safer, the place where everything seemed to fall down.
His breathing stopped quickly, as he stopped abruptly, his stare softening at the sight of his spot. The trees surrounding it, the noises of nature finally killing that suffering silence..he could feel his thoughts becoming softer, he could hear them silence..he was calm, he felt calm, he felt amazing!
Slowly walking into the small area, the crunches of leaves were heard by him, but paid no mind. He leaned against one of the trees, his legs slowly spreaded out as he could feel his limbs relaxing at the sudden 'exercise'. His head laid against the wood, staring at the still darkened sky. It was never sunny whenever he woke up, it was just darkness. He finally heard himself speak up, but he himself questioned what he asked.
"..when will it stop?.."
What did he want to stop? His intoxicating thoughts? The overwhelming feeling he had to feel everyday? His hyperventilation he couldn't control? The thought of his mother hating him? The way he questioned himself too many times? Why? Why would he want to stop any of it? Maybe his mind just didn't work anymore..he wished he could just sleep. Rest his eyes as no one would look for him, rest until the day he died from starvation and dehydration, rest up until the day his own body slowly turned into bones and ashes..rest like no one in the world would care. He wanted that, oh he knew how desperate he was, but he just couldn't.
Mason wondered about the others, he wondered about the people he would work with as Mabel. He wondered how it felt to talk to someone that wasn't even the person they were talking to, he wondered what it felt to not be disguised. He wondered about the Ciphers, he hoped they were doing better, maybe even happier. He hoped he didn't cause to much trouble for them, but it would be a lie if he said he didn't..he didn't want to hurt people anymore, he didn't want to even look at anyone, he wanted to just forget about the world, to forget about his responsibilities..he wanted to just forget about everything and everyone.
He heard footsetps again, but they weren't his, obviously. He immidietly tensed as he felt himself unable to move, his eyes widened slowly, but tried his best to stay quiet..but he jolted when he heard the unknown person speak up, his eyes directing towards them as he could feel himself shaking.
"Mason?"