Someone held an eye open, then flashed some light in my eye. At first, I couldn't squint to block it out. But as they moved onto the second eye, I began to dilate them on command then blinked. As if I could blink the engrained flash out of my eyes. The clamouring in the room I was in and the use of certain terms led me to believe that I was in a hospital. As my vision became less blurred, I saw a hand moving from one ear to another, the person was snapping their fingers. And as more seconds passed it became more magnified. I pushed the hand away and closed my eyes mumbling something about discomfort.
There was a couple of chuckles and some sighs. You're tired? Imagine how I feel.
I pulled myself up, positioning myself to sit up as I registered the lack of pain in my right side of my body. I scanned the room before looking by the window to see Bella, Deja and Cubb talking. Just as I was about to tune in to their conversation, the doctor waved his hand in front of me. I quirked a brow when I realized it was the same doctor since the last time I was here.
"Ms Coleman. Such a pleasure meeting you here." He tried to joke.
I suppressed the urge to quirk my brow. He's got okay looks and a blinding smile but the humour needs more work. I looked at his name tag. Gyllenhaal? That's a weird name. Jake Gyllenhaal
"So, I have to run a few tests on you to make sure you're coherent enough." He began then pulled a seat up to me. He put up his fingers. Really man?
"Three. And a blinking dot." That's gradually fading.
"Ok, follow my finger."
I did as told with ease, just wanting to get it over with.
"Wow. Impressive. What's your name?"
"Zendaya, you know this."
"Nice, age?"
"I dunno? Almost 19? I lost track."
"Your birthday actually went and you didn't know? Damn." He muttered as he looked on my file
"I didn't expect to make it this long," I muttered as he looked back on the list.
"You said something?" He furrowed his brows in a nearly worried manner, even as I shook my head. "Oh..Kay. Next is knee reflex."
I hope I don't kick too hard.
Ok, maybe I did. He's groaning and holding his shoulder and I don't know if I should be sorry, feel bad, or laugh. The way his facials are set is hilarious, so you can't blame me for smothering my laugh.
"You got one hell of a kick. What do you have ostrich legs!?" He noticed me laughing and managed to put a pained smile. "Was just about to conclude you don't have much of a sense of humour. Thank heavens." He moved his shoulders in circular motions before continuing the physical checkups.
We came to the end of it all and I ended up with a new bottle of medicine and advice. Plus his number because he senses that I could use a doctor's ear from time to time. Or something like that.
Anyways, I was set to be discharged in an hour, which allotted the three people I was with to keep me company. I felt okay with it until I heard Deja's questioning mind. Before Dr Gyllenhaal left I asked him a question I know for sure Deja would bring up.
"How long was I out for?"
He looked at his board. "Just a little over an hour. Total."
I nodded and he exited. The three came in shortly after and I prepared myself for a lecture. Bella immediately pulled me into a hug when she got to the beside. And the faces of my cousins showed relief. I displayed confusion before I could reciprocate a hug.
"Z, uh. You know you can stay at my house or Cubb's if you don't wanna stay at yours. Claire is quite toxic, taken from all she's done, and she's hampering your state of being."
"I'm gonna be fine. I'm gonna move out soon." I looked up to see their astonished faces. "I should've mentioned it sooner." And you are partially right about one thing.
"Are you sure that... you wanna live on your own?"
"I mean, I practically won't be alone since I know you all like to visit often."
Bella finally let go and placed a kiss in my forehead. "You should stay with Dani and I. I can't take it at your parents' house either."
"Yeah, it isn't good to have just yourself in an entire house. Even with Dani, you can be with your kids." Cubb interjected.
I furrowed my brows, I forgot about them for a while.
"Why didn't you tell us you weren't feeling your best today?" I mean, Granted, you should have known "you could have stayed home."
I just shrugged in response before hearing frustrated sighs.
"I don't want to talk about this topic. I just want to go home and sleep. I'm tired of all of this. I shouldn't even be here." I muttered, holding my head in my hands.
"Don't talk like that-"
SHORT TW MENTION OF SUICIDAL WANTS
"No. Just fucking no. I wanted to fucking die, ok! I don't like it here. Everyone thinks I'm fine but if you didn't have control of your thoughts for a year you'd know how I feel! I've been awful. That was my one fucking free ticket out of this hellhole. I didn't want to be rescued. I felt guilt slipping out of consciousness but I don't care now. Succeeding at it would've meant I don't have to feel everyone's pity and hear the pity thoughts about me! I can't eat! I bring it right back up. How the FUCK am I going to survive?! A feeding tube can't do the job and a facility can't either! Just fucking let me be if you ever find me unconscious again!" I yelled, not realized I was crying.
TW ENDED
I could hear the silence and feel the tension in the room. I didn't realize how hard I was sobbing until someone carefully wrapped me in their embrace. Minutes passed and we were still in the same position. A nurse walked in and just paused. At this point, I remembered there were microphones in hospital rooms sometimes. I hope they didn't pick up on what I'd said. If so, I won't get out of this hell hole part 2.
"I'm sorry... I couldn't help to overhear what you said about eating. I'm gonna have to give that information to doctor."
"Fucking great, now they're gonna gimme pills for appetite or some shit." I laid down feeling disappointed and angry. There was just a rush of emotions that I had to contain, especially by keeping my eyes closed. Added on to that, I kept feeling these certain urges towards my mother.
Awfully familiar, might I add.
"Z." Bella drew my attention to herself. "Be. Calm. They're just gonna run some tests on you, then you'll be discharged in a few hours." She gave a cautious glare.
I forced myself to nod my head as I lay back down on the hospital bed. Closing my eyes, I willed myself to sleep before I had more devious thoughts.
—x—
"I wanna type in the address to where we should go." Bella leaned over to Cubb.
Moments later she was inputting an address in the GPS and we started on the journey.
The ride was unbearable for multiple reasons. One was that I couldn't identify where we were going or how father we would have to go. I know that it's not a place of malicious intent. The second was that I couldn't communicate with Bella the entire time. It was like there was a mental barrier that she'd put up between us. So, I really wouldn't know where we were heading to. The third was that my cousins saw my dick and knew I was NOT born with that. But they decided to keep their mouth shut for many reasons that I'm glad for.
A couple of minutes passed before I was able to familiarise myself with the road we were about to enter. A few more minutes, and sure enough we were in Dani's driveway, with her standing on the porch with one of the twins. I heavily but slowly sighed as the car rolled to a stop beside Dani's car.
"Y'all loaded or what?! This is a nice place!" Cubb exclaimed as he turned off the engine, earning a giggle from Bella.
"I don't feel like being here... I can smell the rosemary without even being at the door," I muttered.
"Zen, you shouldn't worry. What we're here for is only going to benefit you. I'm not gonna have you get listed as a bad guy again." She muttered the last piece at an Almost inaudible volume.
Everyone got up and out of the car promptly. Meanwhile, I was there in the backseat for nearly five more minutes; pondering, sulking a bit, plotting and nearly having a lapse in consciousness. The last one surely got me to get out of the car. Every time I got those, I got nauseous.
I went inside where all the others were and stood in silence before moving into the kitchen to get a glass of water or something to drink.
"When you're done with that come with me,"
I won't even refuse to, at this point. Dani can drown me in an all-herb tea and I'll just allow it to happen. just take me out of my turmoil.
I just stared at the half-empty glass of water before pouring it out and leaving it in the sink. I followed her scent to find her in whatever room she went into and upon opening the door, I realized that this was the room I was practically exorcized in. Further entering, I saw Storm sitting on a couch near the middle of the room and Dani relighting some incense. I see what they're doing.
"It's preferred that you're grounded, so please sit on the carpet and sit up straight between Storm's legs," Dani instructed.
Becoming too tired by the second to refuse anything, I did that and felt Storm touch my hair.
"I'm just gonna clear your hair out." I could hear the smile in her voice.
I kept my mouth shut as I felt the brush running through my hair, then her fingers. Her fingers caused a calming sensation to spread through my body. The more she did it, the calmer I felt. Any hostility that had begun from the hospital, was stubbornly subsiding. I closed my eyes slowly and focused on the feeling of being massaged. I think Dani was even starting to smudge me with sage and whatever other herbs I was smelling. It would have been somewhat suffocating if I weren't drifting off to sleep.
"What are you doing?" I slurred in an exhale.
"Go to sleep. it's gonna be done before you know it." storm calmly urged.
Just as I was piecing together what they were doing I had begun to peacefully zone out of consciousness. If only my thoughts weren't so conflicting.
word count: 1882