C A L E B
Matthew ended up staying at my place way longer than he had originally intended to. His father and him weren't really on speaking terms and I felt uneasy letting him go back home to someone as unpredictable as his father - and I'd experienced what he was like when he was angry, it wasn't a very pretty sight.
Over the days that he had spent at my place, we had grown impossibly closer. I'd confided in him about all of my problems and felt like he had taken the place of my journal at some point. He spoke to me about his problems too and I found out a lot about him in the span of a week. We really spoke about anything and everything there was, ranging from our childhood, our days in high-school, our hobbies, and so on.
Occasionally we would stay up talking and I would repeatedly apologize for the music from next door. Somehow, he didn't seem to mind it as much after a few days. Yet, he still seemed a little shaken after the encounter he had had with Mateo.
It was in the span of a week in which I also realized that I had grown feelings for Matthew. Be it in the way whenever our hands would accidentally touch, I felt electricity rush through my body - or in the way in which every time he smiled, my heart would threaten to jump out of my chest - or even in the way in which my heart would flutter every time he offered me a compliment. I just knew.
The only thing I didn't know how to do was to tell him about it. I was too awkward for my own good and even though I had warmed up to him, I didn't want to make a fool out of myself. He had told me everything about him that there was to know except about his sexuality. I didn't want to confess to a potentially straight man either.
So instead of telling him, I told my journal.
And unfortunately for me, the day I had dreaded so much had finally come. The day in which Matthew had to return home. I offered to drive him there and with a little bit of persuasion, he finally accepted.
That was how we ended up in my car, humming to random R&B music with small smiles on the both of our faces. He told me the directions and when we finally got there, my heart began to ache.
I looked over at Matthew and let out a distressed sigh, forcing a smile onto my face, "So.. this is goodbye?"
He chuckled, "Why are you making it so depressing? We'll see each other again someday, silly. It's not like I'm moving states."
"Shit, you're right. I'm just stupid," I said with a sheepish grin, averting my gaze to my lap before chewing on my lower lip, tears threatening to spill out of my eyes.
Damn, I'm pathetic.
"I.. don't really want you to leave. I had fun with you," I finally confessed, feeling as if a heavy weight had been lifted off my chest. I looked up at Matthew who was giving me a small smile of reassurance. He placed his hand on top of mine, which was resting on top of the gear, and squeezed it, "It'll be okay. I'll text you every minute of the day."
It was then that I decided that that was the perfect moment to confess.
With a pounding heart and goosebumps all over my skin, I said, "Matthew, I.. really like you."
He stood silent for a moment before grinning at me and leaning in, enveloping me in a warm hug, "I like you too, Caleb." Following that, he pulled away and ruffled my hair up, "You're the greatest friend I've ever had."
And with that, he opened the door and exited the vehicle, leaving me with an agonizing heartache.
So this was what it felt like to be friend-zoned, huh?