10. Tough Times
Danielle.
"Danielle, I'm afraid we have some upsetting news regarding your daughter." The doctor told me. The last time I heard those words it was a nurse, and I was informed that one of Megan's eyes was blind and that she had blurred vision in the other eye. I was also informed of Megan's deformed hand.
My beautiful babies, three year old Max and Madison sat on the floor by my feet playing with some red and yellow play-dough. They're making pizzas and cookies for me. One year old Megan sat on my lap, staring off into the distance. "What else do you have to tell me?" I choked.
He sighed, taking off his glasses. After rubbing his eyes, he put them back on. "Megan is deaf. She always will be. From the tests we took, we determine that Megan has never heard a sound, and never will."
Tears welled in the corners of my eyes, and I clasped my hand over my mouth. I looked down at Megan, slightly shaking my head. I knew something was wrong when she wasn't responding to my voice. That's why I took her in for some tests. Her hand is already severely deformed, she's already had two near-misses with death in her first 3 months of life because of how tiny she was.
The survival rate for babies under 20 weeks is almost nothing. I read an article online about a woman who had twin boys at 30 weeks and one of them died from being too tiny.
Megan is a literal living miracle. I can't even try to imagine life without her. She's such a delicate child. Her little body already has enough problems. She's blind in one eye and blurry in the other. How will she learn to communicate? She doesn't need to suffer being deaf along with everything else.
"When Megan gets older you can consider a cochlear implant," The doctor explained after a few moments of silence. "It's a tiny device implanted into Megan's ear. They work amazingly, and we're received a large percent of positive feedback." Said the Doctor, passing me a brochure from his clipboard.
"You want me... to alter my daughter?" I asked, gulping down at the brochure. On the front cover was a photo of a man, a woman and a nine year old little boy. The man and woman were kissing just above the boys ears, and the boy was widely grinning while flashing a thumbs up.
"We assure you, we don't want to alter your daughter, Ms. Peazer. We just want your daughter to live the fullest life she can. I presume it would be hard to live with being deaf, and 60% blind." The Doctor attempted to explain himself.
I looked back down at my baby girl. Megan's hair is blondish-brown, but it's getting significantly darker. I don't want her to live a life of pain and struggling. I want my baby girls life to be full. I wish I could give her my hearing. I wouldn't mind being deaf. I could handle it. But Megan? It's just not fair.
She's just a baby. I want her to hear her fathers' songs, even though Liam isn't in our lives. I want Megan to hear her big brother and sister play with her. I want Megan to be able to hear a beat, and dance to it. I want Megan to be able to hear the honks of car-horns in the city. But she can't.
"It's quite expensive, but I believe it would be worth it." The Doctor continued, after I didn't reply to his last comment. "We're going now," I said, standing up and putting Megan on my hip. "Clean up your play-dough." I said to Max and Madison, as I strung Meg's diaper-bag over my shoulder.
"Okay Mum." Madison replied, picking up the yellow container. "Please understand that I don't want to alter your daughter. I simply want her to live life to the fullest. I don't want anything to hold her back from someday doing what she loves," Said the Doctor, putting the clipboard down.
"Maybe she'll love to write?" I suggested in a cocky voice. "Maybe she'll love to cook. Maybe she'll love to take care of animals. Maybe she'll love to swim. You don't need your hearing for everything, you know?" I argued, smirking. Megan yawned, resting her head on my shoulder.
"She won't know words if she can't hear. That'll make it quite hard for her to write books, don't you think? She won't hear the oven buzzing if she's a cook. She won't hear the animals barking because they need to pee, or eat, if she becomes a veterinarian. She won't hear the 'go' at swimming races without her hearing. Danielle, I'm not trying to be pushy. I just want the best for Megan."
"You don't even know her," I argued, tears springing back into my eyes. "It doesn't mean I don't care," He said calmly. I just stared at the wrinkly old man, not sure of what to say next. "We cleaned up," Max broke the silence. "Okay, come on. We're going now." I almost whispered. We started walking towards the exit, leaving the cochlear implant brochure on the cheap, plastic chair behind me.
I suddenly awoke, sitting up in bed. I ran my hand across my forehead, wiping the beads of sweat away. I took a few moments to re-coupe, and realize that was just a memory. It's two, almost three years later already. I need to let the past go. Maybe its guilt that's eating at me. For not getting Meg the surgery.
I just don't know anymore.
Niall.
I walked through the mall with Mason at my side. His hand reached up, holding mine. We're headed to The Childrens Place to get Mason some fall/winter clothes. All he has in his dresser right now are shorts and t-shirts. "Here we are," I said, stopping at the large store.
"Yay!" Mason exclaimed, releasing my hand and running into the store. I smiled, walking after him. Its surprising how much Mason loves style. He also colour-coordinates. "Okay, you need to find some pants, some long-sleeves and some sweaters." I told my son, as my eyes scanned the store.
"Okay!" He yelled, snatching a pair of jeans off a tall, white, shelf. I turned around, and walked towards the shoes. He needs some boots for the winter. I grabbed a cute pair of brown running shoes, some blue winter-boots, and some tan lace-up autumn boots. He'll probably need hats and mittens.
I turned around, and hit into someone hard. I dropped all the boots, and stumbled backwards. "Oh my goodness I'm so sorry," The young woman apologized, as she stumbled backwards into a rack of boys sale t-shirts. "I was just looking at boots for my daughter, and I turned around too quick, and I didn't mean to hit you," She quickly said, crouching down to pick up the boots. "It's fine," I assured her as I re-gained balance.
"Wait, Holly from the playground?" I questioned, recognizing the sleeve tattoos covering her arms. She looked up, eyes flickering in recognition. "Oh, you." She mumbled. Well, that wasn't a very cheery greeting. "You told your son leave the park, and that made my daughter cry and cry. Addison really needs a friend, and your son was that friend." Said Holly, annoyance in her eyes as she stood up with the pairs of boots.
She passed the pairs of boots to me, and adjusted the large diaper bag strung over her shoulder. She crossed her arms, staring at me. "I'm sorry about taking my own son home," I apologized. "It's just- your daughters' name is Addison." I sighed. Holly's eyebrows were raised as she waited for me to continue.
Sighing, I gave in, "My son Mason, he had a twin, my daughter, named Addison, but when Addison was born she was already dead. Plus my girlfriend died during the childbirth. So it's just hard for me to hear the name Addison, okay?" I said, getting frustrated and upset that I had to talk about Addy.
Holly's face softened, and she bit her lower lip. "I'm sorry." She apologized. "Don't apologize," I mumbled. "It wasn't your fault anyway. Violet was just too tiny for her body to handle giving birth to twins at 20 years old." I explained. "I wasn't apologizing about your girlfriend. I was apologizing for being rude to you about leaving the playground. But if you want to, I could call Addison Addy while we hang out." Holly suggested.
"Hanging out?" I questioned. I don't remember making plans to hang out... Holly smiled, holding her hand out. "Give me your phone." She instructed, eyes shining. I took my phone out of my pocket, and passed her the white iPhone. Her fingers tapped away at the screen, as she texted herself.
She passed it back to me, and her pocket vibrated. I cracked a smile. "I'll text you sometime, and we could get the kids together." She said, tilting her head to the side. I sighed, realizing that all I'm gonna hear if we hang out is Addison. Addison. Addison.
Holly must have noticed my uncomfortableness, and spoke up, "If you want... I could call Addison, Addy, or I could call her by her middle name which is Jewel?" Holly suggested, trying to make everything less upsetting for me. "Thank-you," I let out a deep breath I didn't realize I was holding.
"Well, I'll text you soon Niall." Said Holly, turning on her heel. "Bye," I whispered as she walked away. She turned back, smiling one last time. Holly Horan. It could possibly happen.
Q: Do you guys like Holly? Thoughts on her? Will Danielle get Megan the cochlear implant?
Next chapter should have some good drama my bananaminions
also i might not be updating fr the next week or so cos im on vacation. im in Australia how cool is that!
-A xo