So, someone posted something on tumblr that sounded just like the song Beth sang in Chapter 57 of IHOFIL so that's kind of annoying. Anyway, please like and comment, would mean a bunch to me. Let me know how you like this one! Many more chapters to come.
When he saw her, it was like the whole world stopped. Her blonde hair pulled into a ponytail while she moved around a piece of wood, letting out a string of curses when her hand slipped and touched the flame of the fire.
And when she turned and caught sight of him, the colour drained back into this world of black and white. Her eyes went round and wide while she stood, tears burning her already blood-shot eyes.
Michonne slept on the ground and so did Carl as well as another woman with a child, and when Beth began to near him, a cut above her left brow, those asleep stirred.
"It's really you," she said softly. "I mean, I keep seeing you everywhere, in everything and dreaming and it never turns out to be you. Is it you this time because if it isn't then I can't keep doing this?"
"It's me," he whispered, flinching as she moved to hug him.
"Daryl," she frowned, "I missed you-"
"How much?" he asked, the pain in his voice carefully disguised as anger.
Before any words were spoken, she took his rough hand in hers. "This much..." she proclaimed, giving it a gentle kiss. She pressed herself closer to him, her lips now on his neck. "And this much..." Her lips pressed a gentle peck to his cheek before the final 'And this much' was muttered and she wove her lips with his creating words that didn't even exist.
When she pulled her soft lips away from his, she was crying. "I thought you were dead and I'm so sorry. I love you, Daryl. I love you more than words can explain and I thought that maybe if I pretended I didn't have feelings for you, you'd grow stronger and I thought that breaking you would put you back together."
"I-I love you too," he choked out, moving forward to claim her lips once again and this time, she moaned into them, her nails biting into his skin as she pulled him closer.
{________________}
"Daryl left," Aislynn said as Rick leant up, eyes still heavy with sleep. "Said he saw some smoke, thought it might be our family."
She pulled her knees up to her chest, staring off beyond the trees. "D'you think he knows?"
"I don't know."
"I hope we find them soon," she said softly. "Daryl said it might be them but until he comes back, we won't know. I-I think he saw me kiss you last night. If he did, he didn't say anything. I figured he would but he woke me up this morning, said to tell you that it was a long shot but he think he found them and then he was gone."
Rick cleared his throat, more of a nervous habit than an actual action. "I think he heard me last night."
"Heard you what?" she asked, turning to him with eyebrows raised.
"When you fell asleep last night, I said 'You’re beautiful' and I think he heard,” he lied. Sure, Daryl had heard him say something but it wasn’t ‘You’re beautiful’. It was ‘I love you’ and Rick wasn’t quite sure he could say that to her romantically just yet.
She refused to meet his eyes, chewing on the inside of her gum as a blush rose to her cheeks.
Rick nodded, staring at her. "You're still wearing my shirt."
She glanced down like the thought hadn't crossed her mind and it was only when he noticed she was wearing just his shirt- and her underwear- that he smiled at her.
"All this, everything," she said, tilting her head back to look at the sky. "In the world before, we could've been happy together. We could've had a proper house and I could've made some damn good pancakes and life would've been okay but now every time I close my eyes, I just see myself losing you."
The confession cut to the bone but instead of saying anything, Rick stood to move closer to her, putting an arm around her shoulder and letting her head rest on his own shoulder.
"I'm made of broken promises and pain and there is no-one that can promise me this'll go away. Because last night, with Alex, I only thought of you. I was willing to sacrifice myself to save you. Hell, what ain't I willing to do?"
"About what he said yesterday, what'd he mean?"
He felt her body shiver and tightened his grip on her, afraid that if he let go he might lose her forever to the cruel world.
"He raped me," she whispered, her words cutting like a knife through his soul. "Twice. Living in this world so long, you forget there are bad people too. That the world isn't made of walkers and death and that we need to learn to fear the living."
"You shouldn't have to be afraid of being alive."
Aislynn grabbed his hand, squeezing it between hers. "Maggie told me that. We were close, she was like my sister, I guess. And she told me once that when it comes to it, I have to ask that special guy the question."
"What question?"
"I don't know. She said I'd know when it was time. I just...I miss them. I miss Maggie especially and it's worse knowing I'll never see them again. I saw them, just for a second, when I was dying but that isn't the same, right? I was probably hallucinating but it was nice."
"I'm glad I killed him," Rick murmured in her ear. "Put a bullet straight through his skull. After what he did to you, I wished I'd killed him slower, made him pay."
Aislynn rested her head on his shoulder, smiling. "I love when you talk dirty to me."
She pulled her head up and turned, her lips meeting his cheek. "I need you," she said, voice laced with pain. "I'm not ever letting you out of my sight, ever, because if I do and it's the last time I see you, I'll never forgive myself. You're mine, forever, Rick. For-For always."
"Forever, for always," he told her softly, turning to look at her.
Her hand came to rest on his cheek and she offered him a sad smile. "Forever, for always," and then she kissed him.
When she pulled back, she laughed. “Come on, I have to have a knife around here somewhere,” she said, standing. “Your scruff scratching my face is enough to drive a poor lady to sanity.”
“Lady?” he asked, letting out a laugh of his own.
Aislynn curtsied, showing off her pale thighs. “I can be a freaking queen if I want! You’re my king but only because I need someone to bark around orders while I sleep. Oh, what a perfect world.”
She wandered into the woods, reassuring Rick that she’d hidden a knife in there somewhere and if they were going to get rid of that ‘god-damn beard’ then he better let her get it and he walked slowly behind her, letting his thoughts consume him and he had barely noticed he’d stopped walking and she was still walking, getting further and further through the forest.
It was only when he heard her blood-curdling scream did he notice.
“Rick!”
He shot to life, grabbing his gun and ran deeper into the forest after her, trying to follow her tracks but he was no tracker; that was all Daryl.
“No!”
The sound of her screech directed him to where he was and when he saw the body hanging from the tree, his heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. Aislynn stood there, barefoot, her knife in her hand and she was frozen still.
“Aislynn?” he called, approaching her slowly.
“I didn’t even try to help him,” she said, biting her bottom lip to keep from crying. “He said he was going to jump and I didn’t do anything to try and talk him out of it. I let him commit suicide, I let him kill himself, and I didn’t do anything.”
“It’s not your fault.”
She nodded, lowering herself to the ground with a broken cry.
“It’s not your fault,” he repeated, walking to kneel down beside her. “Okay? He didn’t do this because of you.”
“I could’ve stopped it, though. I mean, Beth told me how people helped her, Andrea and Lori, and she’s alive and she’s glad for that but this time...”
Rick kissed the top of her head, letting his lips linger there for a moment. “You need to forgive yourself for this. You couldn’t have done anything.”
“Thank you,” she said quietly, look up to meet his eyes. “I-I don’t know how far I would’ve made it out here without you. I know I’m tough and strong, I can hunt and look after myself, but I don’t know how I would’ve made it this far without shutting myself down emotionally.”
She leant forward to kiss him, and it was just that. Nothing sexual or overly romantic, it was just an act of comfort, of love.
“What’s that?” Rick suddenly asked.
Aislynn pulled her head away, wiping her face with her shirt sleeve. “A list of names.”
“Alex’s name is on it.”
At his words, she jerked up. “Who else is on there?”
“Gareth,” he read. “Lisa...” he read out a few other names before stopping at the last. “Aislynn, your name.”
“Everyone else on that list is dead,” she choked, meeting his weary eyes. “You killed Alex, I killed Gareth-“
“You killed someone?”
She stared at him with watery eyes. “He deserved it but me? What did I do? Why is my name on a list of dead people?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted, running a hand through his hair. “We’ll figure this out.”
“Beth is on it too,” she pointed out, turning the paper over. “There are crosses over everyone’s names but hers and mine. That a good sign? This is probably some hit list. Don’t I get a freaking break?” she sighed. “But, this means she isn’t dead. Beth’s alive.”
She lifted her eyes from the paper to meet his and for the first time, he noticed the hope in them; the childish naivety.
“We’ll find them,” he reassured, offering his hand for her to take as he stood. “Let’s get back, Daryl might be wondering where we ran off too.”
“Ever the gentleman,” she muttered, accepting his hand but even after he helped her up, she held onto it.
“Did I tell you about Beth and I?” he said, the words paining him.
Aislynn just shook her head.
“Once, when I was drunk, I-I almost raped her. I don’t even remember doing it, though, that’s the worst thing.”
Aislynn stopped walking, tugging on his hand when he went to continue walking. She had her eyes narrowed and her mouth open, inhaling deep breaths.
“And she forgave you?”
“Yes,” he said simply.
“I’ll never forgive Alex and after what you just said, about hoping ya had killed ‘im slower, made him feel pain, you’re a hypocrite.”
“I was drunk,” he tried to defend.
She scoffed, a chill setting deep inside her bones. “That’s a state of mind, not an excuse,” she spat. “You have no idea what it’s like, do you? Being a young girl in a world like this. You’re older, you’re a man, no one would think of touching you but Beth and I? We’re fair game because we’re not physically strong enough to defend against grown-men.”
“I know what it’s like,” he said softly. “I saw my fair share of this while working as a Sheriff.”
“So, you know how much it makes you hate yourself?” she said, her voice so quiet he strained to hear her. “I know how you hurt, how you probably got so drunk that you couldn’t form coherent words and then you just kept going, hoping to become so numb that you couldn’t remember the pain.”
“How’d you know that?”
She gave him a sad smile, noticing how far away he had walked from her. “Because I had an alcoholic father and an older brother who drunk until he couldn’t remember my name. He protected me from my dad and one day he left, turned eighteen and decided that it was enough, that his three little siblings could fend for themselves.”
“Did you?”
“Jax and I did but my youngest brother, he drowned. He was three.”
“I’m sorry.”
“My mum couldn’t leave the house because of the bruises and one time I took them into the forest around our house to escape our dad’s drunken rage and my eyes left him for a second and then...”
Rick closed the distance between them, pulling her shaking frame into a tight embrace, needing to offer her comfort that didn’t exist by itself in this world.
He wanted to tell her he loved her but words could not express how he felt and though he’d told her platonically plenty of times, this felt too real and he couldn’t do it. He’d told her the night before, just whispered it while she slept so it could be kept a secret because a love like theirs deserved better than slurred confessions of love and drunk sex. No, this deserved heartfelt interactions and personal displays of affection that could only begin to describe the tragedy that was their love.
“I wasn’t looking for this,” he heard her murmur into the fabric of the jacket on his body- Daryl’s.
“Why do you mean?” he inquired, letting his lips rest on her forehead as she stared up at him, eyes wide and innocent.
“I mean, this whole time, I thought it was survival but there are people in this world that have become parts of me that I wish I didn’t need. Hershel became the father I needed, Beth the hope, Maggie the sister, Michonne the strength, Chloe the best-friend, Carl the love and you... You became important.”
“Important?”
“Ya found me, wandering around like a lost puppy and ya brought me back. Out of the whole prison, out of everyone there, you chose me that night to join ya on watch. I’ve searched my brain trying to figure out why me but I can’t find a reason. I was around seventeen and your son- who was fifteen or sixteen- absolutely adored me for some reason. I couldn’t figure that out either.”
Rick nodded, holding her tightly.
“I never planned on making it past twenty,” she admitted. “I mean, I thought about it. I figured that after my mum died, my older brother left and my younger brother died, that somehow my mother’s sister would get Jax and he’s be happy or maybe my older brother would come and take him and they’d live together, just the two of them without worrying about everything.”
“I’m glad you’re still here.”
Aislynn leaned up, hesitant lips pressing against his. “I’m glad I decided to stay.”
“I’m glad you’re mine,” he continued.
“I’m glad you’re such a great father to your children,” she said, surprisingly. “Because Judy and Carl need you and I’ve had terrible parents and I’m so glad that you aren’t like mine. And to the end of the Earth, I will follow you. If you need to protect your children, those you love, I will be right there, at your side every step of the way. There is nothing more important than a parent being a parent.”
Rick placed a gentle hand on her cheek and her own hand came to rest on it, her face nuzzling into it.
“I heard you last name,” she said. “What you said.”
“You did?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “Say it again tonight, when you think I’m sleeping. Count my breaths and watch me fall asleep then when I’m sleeping, say it again. And then maybe I’ll say it back.”
Rick nodded, kissing her again, this time letting himself savour the bitter taste of her lips. “I’ll say it tonight.”
{________________}
“I missed you every day,” Beth told him, meeting his blue eyes as he was towered above her. “A day didn’t go by when I didn’t think about you.
"You're beautiful," he murmured against her skin. "Have I told ya that?"
"Not today," she laughed, knotting her hand in his hair as his tongue worked around her navel and his lips kissed the inner of her left thigh and that time when he told her she was beautiful, she let out a light moan. He wanted her, he did, but they haven't in so long and it doesn't feel quite right.
He flicked his tongue around her soft skin, waiting to hear her purr of delight. She smiled at him, wanting more.
"If you don't want to rush things, that's okay," she reassured.
Daryl finally nodded, sliding upwards to meet her face. "I want to do this but it doesn't feel the same."
"I know," she agreed. "We haven't been able to be together properly in so long and there wasn't a moment that went by where I didn't think about you and-" she said, lowering her voice, "-what I want to do to you."
He smirked, swallowing the nervousness in his throat. "You want to do this?"
"Yeah, I think so. Just... be gentle, like last time."
He trusted her and with a gentle kiss, he pressed against her, waiting until he was fully inside her. The closeness stole away his words and he struggled to finally move.
When they moved against each other, it was a little clumsy and they were rubbing and pressing against all their good places and Daryl remembered to kiss her so she didn't make any noise; so she doesn't alert everyone sleeping around the fire that they were having sex. He pulled away for breath and she pushed her head back, small words falling from her throat without purpose; only telling him that she was enjoying it as much as him.
His mouth found hers again when they couldn’t go any longer and he pulled himself from between her legs and collapsed silently beside her.
She laid her head against his chest, breathing loudly. "Thank you."
"You're thanking me for sexually pleasing ya? As your fiancé I’m pretty sure it is my job."
Beth smacked a hand down on his bare chest, laughing softly. "Shut up."
"I'm glad you're back," he breathed softly in her neck. "I missed you."
“I’m sorry,” she said, intaking a sharp breath. “For some crazy reason, I thought that breaking you, would somehow put you back together.”
“I get it.”
Beth released a thankful sigh, running a hand through the hair on his chest. “I love you. I don’t know if those words will ever express just how much I love you."
“I love you too.”