Sucks to Suck (Spider-Man/X-M...

By KretinKomics

1M 30.3K 11.5K

In a reality where Peter Parker died with his parents and another asshole (you) got bit by a radioactive spid... More

Girls
The Threatening Neighborhood Spider-Person
A Flash and a Hard Place
The Triple Threat
Trust Issues
Complicated
Misconception
IS THAT THE FUCKING DAZZLER!?
The Goth Girl
Like Shit
Imaginary Friend
Therapy
An Offer You Can't Refuse... Literally
Rogue Like
Why Do You Hate Me?
More Alive Than Usual
One Little Fight
The Brotherhood of [Redacted] Mutants
Poker Face
A Quick One While He's Away
Scheme
The Bass of a Friendship
Instant Fireworks
You're the Worst
White Queen of Mean
Collusion!
Detention
An Unlikely Alliance
You Have Chosen Death
This Hurts Me More Than It Will Ever Hurt You
I Will Make You Hurt
Pizza Time
A Quick Chat
"Like" Heaven
Training Day
Two Pretty Hate Machines
Brant Banter
Mall Brawl
The Cat, The Witch, and The Pietro
Mr. Popular
Hit (In) The Gym
My Own Worst Enemy
Job Interview
Triple X Girls (Phrasing)
Not Friends
MG With MJ
Something of an Absolute Legend Himself
Turning Point
Talking with the Enemy
Watery Grave
OH MY FUCKING GOD THE FUCKING DAZZLER IS IN MY GOD DAMN HOUSE
A Week In Review
Fight Club
Like a Dream
Spider-Man and The Mary Janes
Music Bug
Beer Run
Road Trip Part 1
Road Trip Part 2
Road Trip Part 3
Road Trip Part 4
Road Trip Part 5
Meanwhile
Road Trip Part 6
Creep (Road Trip Part 7/End)
Dammit (Rogue Alternate Ending to Road Trip)
Blinding Lights (Jubilee Alternate Ending to Road Trip)
After Dark (Dazzler Alternate Ending to Road Trip)
Heart of Glass (Kitty Pryde Alternate Ending to Road Trip)
Sorry Not Sorry
Best Girl Check
A Mรถtley Crรผe
Here Comes a New Challenger
The Same Conversation But With Girls
Ultimate Juggling Champion

HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT'S THE FUCKING DAZZLER AGAIN

13.8K 485 104
By KretinKomics

Rogue

"Wait, you like, invited him here!?" Kitty asked.

"Yeah. Why?" I asked while doing my makeup.

"Well, like, first off, I'd like to know when someone is coming over here so I can get dressed!" She said getting off the couch and walking towards her room. She was only wearing a purple muscle tank and really short white shorts. "Second, I don't want that creep knowing where I live!"

"Oh, hush! (Y,N) isn't a creep, he's just misunderstood!" I said. "He wasn't exactly a creep when you told us about the Maximoff Twins and Emma Frost, either."

"Its possible to not like someone and still be a decent human being and caring when that person is in danger!"

"And what? You think he's gonna come and abduct you in the dead of night?"

"...Well-"

"What would he do with you if he did? He used to rob banks! It's not like he's a serial killer or something!"

"Used too? The only time I met him we stopped him while he was robbing a bank." Allie said. She and Jubilee were moving their stuff in earlier today after we told Xavier about how Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, and Emma Frost all being around him yesterday. They had helped us move in and decided to stay after we explained the situation to them. Jubilee seemed more than happy to stay, she practically jumped at the idea. While Allie was strumming her guitar, Jubilee was looking at her phone. "And that was less than a week ago."

"Yeah, well, okay 'used to' isn't the right term, but I've just got this feelin' that he's on the right track now."

"Uhhhhhhh..." Jubilee went after that like she wanted to say something but also keep it a secret at the same time.

"What?" I asked.

"It's nothing."

"You know your voice gets all pitchy when you're hiding something." Allie said.

"He's uhhhh... all over the news for trashing this street last night in a fight." Jubilee showed me her phone.

"And in other news, new sources are reporting that the fight that took place last night, destroying Jones Street was between intergalactic Superhero and Avenger; Captain Marvel, and a man who was apparently dressed as a spider. The Spider-Criminal has never been caught on tape but has been known to the public for his trademark of webbing up the police and security at his crime scenes in a sticky adhesive. All video proof of him being at the scene seemed to magically disappear as everyone's phones at the scene seemed to have gone missing at some point between the fight and interview, and they don't seem to recall much of last night either. However local newspaper The Daily Bugle have released a photo taken by one of their employees of the criminal in mid kick, attacking Captain Marvel. The webs in his hands match the same as the ones from various crime scenes. This is the first ever photo to be released of The Spider Criminal." The report said followed by a picture of what looked like someone in (Y,N)'s costume kicking Captain Marvel.

"I'm... sure he had his reasons! I never did like Captain Marvel, anyway."

"Rogue, I'm not necessarily Captain Marvel's biggest fan either but I doubt she just picked a fight with a criminal whose virtually a nobody for no reason." Allie said.

"Why are you, like, defending him so hard, anyway?" Kitty asked phasing through her door. She was now wearing a white tank top underneath a pink button up and some jeans.

"Because, Kitty, I love ya like a sister, but you have a serious bad habit of judging people on their past mistakes." I said.

"What's that supposed to mean!?" Kitty asked defensively. "And past mistakes!? That was last night! How do you know he didn't rob a bank on his way here!?" Kitty asked before there was a knocking at the entrance to the apartment. I shot Kitty a glare letting her know this wasn't over and I walked over to answer the door as Kitty crossed her arms and looked away from me. I opened the door and there (Y,N) was, however he looked worst for wear. He had a black hoodie on and his face was covered in scratches, marks, bruises, and bandaids.

"(Y,N)! Not to be rude but you look terrible." I said.

"Well, y'know, I kinda got my ass kicked last night. Which is upsetting because I wasn't able to rob a bank on my way over here because apparently I'm nothing but a dirty criminal." He said before looking past me. "Hi, Kittyyyy." He said in a kind of taunting manner, but it was clear his heart wasn't in it. He looked depressed and like he was barely trying to play his "asshole" persona, but wanted to save face.

"Uh, like, hey." Kitty responded.

"How much of that did ya hear?" I asked him.

"Enough to gather Kitty thinks I'm a piece of shit. I kinda deserve it, though." He said.

"Are you doing that thing you do where you, like, self deprecate yourself and then you tell us not to feel bad for you or whatever?" Kitty asked.

"No. I'm actually doing something else that I would tell you about, however, I'm pretty sure the ship has sailed on you hating my guts."

"Well I mean that's kinda your fault-"

"Kitty!" I shouted at her before turning to (Y,N) "Did you want to come in?"

"I'd kinda rather not. Even though I feel like I need all the help I can get, Kitty being a constant reminder that nobody likes me would be pretty counter productive." (Y,N) said.

"Oh. Well, before we go I wanted you to meet a couple people." I said. (Y,N) raised an eyebrow.

"Wait, there are more people here?" He asked defensively.

"Don't worry! They're trustworthy! They're also mutants, like us." I said before moving a side so he had room to walk in. He slowly walked in like he was about to be jumped. Allie had been staring at us interested after (Y,N) made his first self deprecating comment while Jubilee seemed to have her guard up the whole time. He looked over at Jubilee at the counter. Allie looked surprised.

"I didn't think he'd look like that..." She muttered.

"The one on the counter there is-"

"Jubilee!?"

"Surprise~ ahahaha..." Jubilee said. Her cheeks were flushed as she waved.

"These were your friends you were talking about!?"

"Yeah, and funny thing, I guess I'm kinda staying in New York now too. Yayyyyyyyy!"

"You two know each other?" I asked.

"We hung out at an arcade the other day." (Y,N) explained.

"Wait, that was you she was with!?" Kitty asked.

"Kitty don't make a big deal about it!" Jubilee said.

"And what about me? Can I make a big deal about-" He said before he started looking around the room and he saw Alison and stopped in his tracks.

"And that there is Alison. But she likes to go by-"

...

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT'S THE DAZZLER AGAIN! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO I'M TALKING TO THE DAZZLER! I'M TALKING TO THE DAZZLER AND SHE KNOWS I'M A BANK ROBBER! OH FUCK! WHAT THEF-

"Are you good?" The Dazzler asked.

"What? Um, like emotionally? No. But I just spaced out for a minute because you're kind of my favorite singer and musician overall." I said. I was feeling all flustered and Dazzler stared at me with slightly tinted cheeks. "Shit, that sounded fucking weird."

"I'm sorry did you just say you know me and I'm your favorite musician? Are you sure you're not mistaking me for like Blondie or something?"

"Yeah, I have both your albums and all your singles on my phone and you even partially got me into playing bass." She was absolutely awestruck that someone seemed to know her for her music work and was saying she inspired them.

"I... this is a lot to take in right now."

"Sorry am I being too much of a geek because-"

"No it's not that I just have never had a fan boy before! This is like... wow. You said you play bass?"

"Yeah! I know all your songs on bass! You're also the only musician I have a t shirt for. That's not true, I've got a Circle Jerks shirt and a few Ramones shirts but you were the first shirt I bought."

"You're fucking joking. There's no way anyone's that into me."

"Um, I know this is kind of a geeky thing to ask, but can I have your autograph?" I asked her. For some reason she looked like she was blushing harder than I was.

"Y-yeah! Definitely!" She said feeling around for a pen.

"What is happening?" Kitty asked confused.

"Actually, if you wouldn't mind I... god, I sound like a dork, could you autograph my bass if I got it to you?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure thing!" Dazzler said with a cheesy smile. "It's nice to meet you outside of the masks. Sorry, about blinding you that one time, by the way."

"Don't worry about it, water under the bridge." I said. After I did a door opened and- wow.

Out came Laura, stretching and yawning like she just woke up. She was in a black bra and black panties and you could see the faintest amount of bush. Laura opened her eyes and looked at everyone staring at her.

"...What?" She asked before her eyes finally landed on me. "Oh, (Y,N)'s here. Hey." She said nonchalantly.

"Uhhhh, hey."

"Laura, don't you think you should, like, put something on!?" Kitty asked.

"I dunno. (Y,N), you staying long?"

"Actually we were about to leave." Rogue said latching an arm onto me.

"Then no, I don't. Just don't stare for more than two seconds or I'll poke your eyes out." Laura said looking over at me and making me gulp.

"Alright, I think that's our cue to go. Come on, (Y,N)." Rogue said pulling me to the door.

"Uh, it was nice meeting you, Dazzler! And it was cool to see you again Jubilee! See you later, Laura!" I said as we got through the door.

"Actually you can just call me-" Dazzler began to say before the door closed.

. . .
Kitty

"...Alison." Alison finished her sentence.

"Yeah, cool seeing you again, too." Jubilee half said to herself before she and Alison turned to look at me.

"...What?" I asked.

"Really, Kitty? That's the big bad super criminal you hate?" Alison asked.

"Look, I don't know what's up with him right now but, like, he's not usually like this! Also why didn't you tell us you knew (Y,N), Jubilee!?" I said.

"Because I knew you didn't like him already and it wasn't my problem because I wasn't planning on staying in New York before!"

"Is that why you were so excited to just stay and help us!? So you could flirt with him!?"

"First off, I'm not flirting with him! Second off, maybe!" She retorted. "But now that it's out in the open, what's your beef with him, anyway? Sure, he's a bit of an asshole sometimes but he's also not bad once you get to know him!"

"He seemed really nice just now." Alison said rubbing her shoulder awkwardly.

"You're just saying that because he nerdgasmed over you! Do you guys, like, not remember the convo we had right before he walked through the door about how he robbed a bank and fist fought Captain Marvel?"

"Okay, I see what's going on." Jubilee said. "She has a crush on him but doesn't want to admit it because the last time she dated a criminal it was Lance Alvers and we all know how that turned out."

"JUBILEE! THAT'S GROSS AND ALSO NOT TRUE!"

"Come on, you can't tell me you don't find him cute." Jubilee said.

"NO I DON'T!"

"Trying to stay out of this argument as much as I can because I just woke up," Laura said opening the fridge and getting a carton of orange juice. "but when you first found out he was the spider guy you freaked out because you flirted with (Y,N) in class and called him cute." She then proceeded to drink orange juice straight from the carton.

"WHO TOLD YOU TH-... UGH, ROGUE!" I shouted. "Alright fine! Maybe I, like, thought he was cute but like, he's still a huge asshole! You guys just haven't seen the real him, yet. I'm telling you, one day you're gonna wanna beat the crap out of him for just looking at you." I said.

"Sure, Kitty." Jubilee said rolling her eyes. "Don't you think you're being a little harsh?"

"Whatever, I'm going for a walk." I said storming out of the apartment.

"Don't go stalking the two of them, weirdo!" Alison shouted.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M DOING!" I said before slamming the door. It was the truth. I really was just going for a walk. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious about what they were doing.

I couldn't help but wonder what (Y,N) wanted with Rogue all of the sudden.

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