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HER
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re•sil•ient
adjective
1. (of a person or animal) able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions.
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Every time I close my eyes, the pain I've been trying to suppress comes flooding back in. At this point, I'm more angry than hurt. I'm angry that I was foolish enough to think that Josh could change. I'm angry that I put up with his bullshit for so long, and most of all, I'm angry that after all the lies and all the betrayal over the years, I'm still not numb the effects of his recklessness.
"Imani, honey are you alright?" Nikki asks as she rinses my hair with warm water. Her gentle fingers comb through my curls as she rings them out in the sink.
"Yeah," I say, not even convincing myself as Nikki sits me up in the seat. My wet hair weighs down on my shoulders, almost as heavily as the emotion that I'm harboring inside.
"Bullshit," Amber sings loudly over the whirring sound of the hairdryer that she's perched under. Her face is splotchy from the heat, and she fans herself with a rolled up magazine as she stares at me, legs crossed from across the room.
I roll my eyes as Nikki walks me to the styling chair and frowns. "Not gonna front, Mani, I'm with Amber on this one. What's on your mind?"
Staring at the floor, I don't respond, and I can already picture Nikki's agitated expression as she smacks her lips.
"Imani, how long have we been friends?"
I sigh, glancing up at the ceiling. Water dribbles under the towel around my neck as I reluctantly answer her question. "I don't know...a long time. Since college?"
"Almost 20 years, Imani. And after all the years that I've known your annoying ass, I've never known you to not have something to say. So stop being dramatic—"
"Yeah, come on, Imani. You're with family..." Amber smiles and I groan.
My eyes burn as Nikki begins to twist my hair. I press my palms against my eyes and sigh. "Family is the last thing I want to talk about right now."
"Aw shit," Nikki says, "What did Josh do now?"
I glance at Amber out of the corner of my eye as she scoffs. "Why does it always have to be my cousin doing something wrong? Maybe it was the girls this time?" Her words sound less and less confident as she finishes her sentence.
Nikki and I both turn and stare at her pointedly.
She rolls her eyes. "Okay, fine. What did he do?"
I shake my head, closing my eyes tightly as my words come out quiet. "More like who did he do..."
My stomach flips as they gasp collectively and almost instantly a blanket of pity covers the room. No one says a word, but I can feel their worried eyes watching me, waiting for my next words.
An indescribable pain consumes my insides as I take in a deep, shaky breath. "I always had a feeling...like deep down I knew but I-I never...I never had—"
"Proof." Nikki nods, finishing my sentence before wrapping me in a tight hug.
Her arms hold me so tightly, it's as if they're the only thing keeping me together. But, when the tears come in a steady stream down my face, it hits me hard that I haven't truly been whole for a while now.
I wish that I was above this. That he didn't have this hold on me, but I can't help it. I've spent years of my life growing with him, laughing with him, living with him... It's hard to wake up one day and imagine not having him in my life anymore. Now I'm beginning to wonder if I ever really had him to begin with.
"I found an earring u-under our b-bed...fucking hoops," I say pulling away to gauge my friends reaction.
"What did Josh say when you confronted him?" Amber asks, leaning forward on her knees, the hairdryer completely forgotten. Nikki offers me a tissue that I gratefully accept.
I laugh bitterly as I wipe my eyes with the tissue. "He lied. Like he always fucking does... s-said they were mine."
"What an asshole!" Nikki frowns as she paces restlessly. "You don't even wear hoops."
"I know," I mumble between sobs, balling up the tissue in my palms as I close my eyes.
Amber rubs her temples as she stares at the floor with a concentrated frown. "This shit's not right, Mani."
I nod, my chest tight with emotion as I release a small breath. "I don't even know what I'm going to do..."
"This is why you have me." Nikki stops pacing, stopping in front of me. "The way I see it, you have you have two options: kill the son of a bitch or kill the son of a bitch."
"Nikki," I gasp, suppressing a laugh.
"Okay fine," she says, growing serious as she places a hand on my shoulder. "Option three: leave him, Imani."
"I..." I don't know what to say as I glance from Nikki to Amber, who wear matching solemn looks. "H-how?" I ask, finally finding my voice. I know they're right, but I don't know how one would even begin to divorce a divorce attorney.
"Well," Nikki crouches down in front of me. "You can start by wiping those pesky tears away." She grabs the tissue from my hands and gently wipes my cheeks. "He's not worth it, babe."
I nod, knowing she's right. But, it doesn't alleviate the pain in my chest.
"Alright," Nikki says, standing once more. She grabs her purse from a nearby chair and rummages through it for a moment. "Aha! Here." She hands me a slightly crumpled card and I read it over.
"Aaron Copperfield..." I examine the card again before glancing back at her. "Why do you have a divorce attorney's card in your purse?"
Nikki shifts on her feet and glances away. "He's a friend, that's all."
"Hmm," Amber smirks. "Just a friend, huh?"
"Shut up," Nikki rolls her eyes. "If you must know it was a one night stand..."
"He gave you his card after a one night stand?" I laugh, my sadness temporarily forgotten. "Wait, did you lie and say you were married?"
Nikki presses her lips into a tight line and turns around. "Anyways so, Imani, you want me to flat twist your hair or..."
"Oh no you don't, bitch, you gotta explain!" Amber says in between fits of laughter.
"Look, I'm just trying to help. Besides I hear he's actually good—"
"Ooh was he now?" I tease.
Nikki snatches the card from my hand and I only laugh harder. "Gimme my goddamn card back, heifer. You bitches do know I still haven't finished your hair right?"
"Oh hush, Nik, stop being so sensitive. We got Mani to smile didn't we?" Amber winks at me before ducking back under the hair dryer.
"Yeah, I guess you're somewhat right..." Nikki places the card in my lap before moving behind me again and starting on my hair.
"Seriously, thank you," I say, twirling the business card between my fingers. "Both of you. I really needed this."
"You can pay me back by keeping your head still," Nikki says, repositioning my head.
I smile softly and tuck the card safely away in my purse.
I thought I would be scared to make such a drastic change in my life, and for a long time, I suppose I was. But, I'm different now. I have people in my life who love me and are willing to help, and that means the world. I feel so loved and empowered. There's only one person missing in it all.
I chew on my bottom lip as I stare at the contact I'd been meaning to delete over these past few days. Ethan makes me feel things I thought were reserved for young, stupid love. Every moment I spent with him was a moment spent living. I'm tired of simply existing. It's not enough anymore. I want to live. I want Ethan. I just hope I'm not too late.
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A/N: Y'all I'm trash and I know it 😭
I've spent the last couple weeks packing and moving back into my apartment, so it's been hectic. I know that's not an excuse, but I'm gonna try to be better.
Anyways, this was a short chapter, but trust me it leads to bigger and better things.
I hope you all are having a great day!
Until next time,
—Kay♡