chapter thirteen
wake me up when summer ends
$$
Ever since Izzy Windsor was young, she always felt like there was a hole inside of her. As if she was born with a missing piece; a void where her heart should have been. The realization hit her dead on when her mother died and Izzy was forced to take her place. Suddenly she felt like she had been immersed in a valley of dolls. All of her peers and elders were carbon copies of each other right down to the last strand of hair on their heads and the perfectly sculptured curve of their chins. And then there was Izzy. Hollow and moody, Izzy. It was clear she was the black sheep amongst the white, which would have been all right if Izzy wasn't, well . . . Izzy.
Sure, she looked like the rest; like herself, but she wasn't. The people she surrounded herself with were plastic through and through, but Izzy was hollow. And she didn't want to be that anymore. Truly, she didn't. It sucked trying to be a plastic Barbie when she was anything but.
So Izzy was trying. She was trying to turn her plastic skin into flesh and bone. Because sometimes being soft was better than being hard. So, yeah, she was trying to not be this image she had drilled into her brain, because she didn't want to be that. Not anymore. And all she could do was try.
But it wasn't as easy as she'd like.
There was still this disconnect. She wanted to be better. She wanted to be flesh and bone, not plastic. She wanted to be herself, not her mother, but there was something stopping her. Like it wasn't that easy to just stop being someone who she had been since she was a child. It just wasn't that easy. She couldn't completely let go of her past; her heart still beat there. So maybe she was just stuck. But she was trying to unglue her feet.
And her whole mission to be this better version of herself where her past didn't dictate every decision in her life, had led her to that day. She had visited her mother's grave just the day before, so that had tired her out. Sure, she had gotten some closure, but she still felt like shit. She guessed she would always miss her mother. But, anyway, she didn't really want to do anything that day except for paint and listen to music, but then she got a call.
Sarah Cameron had called her up earlier that day and invited her to come along with her and John B for a boat ride. She claimed they were going swimming in the marsh, and were wondering if Izzy wanted to join. Now, Izzy was well aware she couldn't swim, and her fear of the water had prevented her from going on many boat rides, but then she remembered she was trying to be better. She was trying to mend the hole in her chest, and maybe she'd learn how to nurse it if she hung around people she actually liked. And she did like Sarah. Sarah was her best friend, probably her only friend . . . and maybe she could get used to John B. After all, Sarah liked him, so maybe Izzy wouldn't mind him. Then Sarah mentioned JJ was coming along with them, and Pope would be joining later, and suddenly Izzy had made up her mind.
It wasn't long before Izzy threw on a swimsuit from some designer brand, hopped in her convertible, and drove to meet the others at the dock. A part of her was hoping Kiara would show up too, but she was nowhere in sight. And then they were off, and they had spent the first half of the day swimming in the marsh . . . well . . . John B, Sarah, and JJ did, while Izzy stayed out of the water, scrolling through Instagram. JJ had tried to get her in the water a few times, but she refused.
A few hours later, and the rest of the teenagers had grown tired of swimming in the marsh, and decided to sit out in the sun. Izzy was standing near the edge of the boat, leaning her hands on the ledge as she observed the water glistening below her. The others were somewhere else on the boat, but she didn't really care to find them, she was too busy watching the jellyfish float in the water. Jellyfish were fascinating, but perhaps the thing she liked the most about them was the various colors they came in. That was the thing about being an artist: colors just eased her mind.
Someone approached her, resting their hands on the ledge. Izzy flicked her eyes to their arms, moving her gaze slowly up their body until she reached their face, and only then did she realize JJ Maybank was standing beside her. But he wasn't looking at her, his blue eyes were trained on the water below them. His blond hair was slightly damp and appeared darker under the sunlight. And then Izzy realized, the twine wrapped around her heart had disintegrated.
Izzy curled a loose strand of hair behind her ear, and cleared her throat. "Is this the part where you drown me in the ocean and hide my body?" she asked. It was a stupid question, a stupid joke. But she was trying. She was trying to be lighter and less down in the depths all the time. It was all she could do.
The corners of JJ's lips twitched. "You've got a weird thing with death, don't you?"
Izzy shrugged. "That and there's the fact that we're surrounded by water and I just so happen to not be able to swim," she muttered.
JJ didn't speak; he didn't even try to make a snarky remark. He only stared into her eyes, searching them for a few seconds, seemingly lost inside his own head. Then, he nodded at his thoughts and reached for the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head and throwing it aside.
Izzy gave him a look—a mix of confused and shocked. "Um . . . that wasn't an invitation for you to get naked."
A small laugh escaped JJ's lips as he shook his head. "I'm not getting naked. I'm—" he kicked off his shoes— "teaching you how to swim." He shot her a wink before he headed to the ladder attached to the side of the boat and began climbing down.
Izzy scoffed. "Oh, no, you're not," she spat as she peered over the edge and watched him descend into the murky water.
JJ released his grip around the ladder and submerged into the water, using his arms to keep his body afloat. He flicked his eyes to Izzy's face, and a half-grin tugged at his lips. "What?" he questioned, and raised a brow. "You don't trust me or something?"
Izzy shot him a blank expression. "No, I don't fuckin' trust you, JJ," she said in a monotone voice.
A scoff left JJ's lips, and he clutched his chest, acting as if her words had struck a nerve. "I'm hurt," he winced. "You've wounded me, Isadora."
Izzy made a face. "Don't call me Isadora."
"Dora, then?" JJ asked, the corners of his lips twitching.
Izzy narrowed her eyes into slits, and shook her head at him. She was so going to kill him. "You did not just call me Dora."
This laugh bubbled from JJ's lips as he shook his head, water droplets flinging from his blond hair. He bit his lip, trying to mask his grin but the glint in his eyes gave him away. Then, he slowly began to back away before he shoved his hands forward, flinging water at Izzy. Izzy quickly dodged out of the way, and she made it without getting drenched with the exception of a few water droplets hitting her skin.
"JJ, the fuck?" Izzy exclaimed as she rubbed the water into her skin in an attempt to dry herself. Her gaze flicked to JJ, who was muffling his laughter. She rolled her eyes at him, but she couldn't stop the smile tugging at her lips. "You are literally five years old."
"Come on, Dora," JJ called out to her, cupping his hands over his mouth. "Give me a chance." He stretched his arms out at his sides and shrugged as he used his legs to keep him afloat in the murky water.
Izzy bit her lip in contemplation as she studied him. He was made of flesh and bone; he was warm. Izzy was made of hollow plastic; she was cold. But she was trying to learn how to be soft. She wondered if she'd melt in his arms. But maybe if she just stepped over the edge and conquered her fear, then she'd be able to let go of the past . . . not completely, but enough to make the weight pressing on her chest disintegrate. And then she wasn't wondering anymore. She was only wearing a swimsuit so she had decided 'fuck it' and began to climb down the ladder with her heart pounding in her ears.
The water lapped against her calves, and she tensed, squeezing her eyes and tightening her grip around the handles. Her breath hitched in her throat as she tried to convince herself that she wasn't going to drown. If only it were that easy. But then two hands secured around her hips, and she felt herself breathe again.
"I got you," JJ reassured from behind her as he helped her submerge into the water. His hands never left her hips as the water pooled around her waist, lapping around her skin. He moved his hands to her waist, encircling an arm around her to secure her to his chest. "You good?"
Izzy nodded her head rapidly. "But if you let go, I'm screaming bloody murder," she rushed out as she squeezed her eyes so tight she saw stars in the darkness.
JJ didn't say anything, but Izzy could sense he had an amused smirk on his smug face. He slowly turned her around so they were facing each other, while still keeping his arms wrapped around her waist. Izzy quickly encircled her arms around his neck and rested her thighs above his hips, wrapping her legs around him and crossing her feet to ensure she wouldn't slip from his grasp. Once she was certain she wouldn't slip out of his hold, she fluttered open her eyes, finding that JJ was studying her face with a soft smile playing on his lips.
"See? I got you," he said in a hushed tone. One of his hands slipped from around her waist, and he brought it out of the water to curl a loose strand of Izzy's blonde hair behind her ear. His hand lingered there, his thumb grazing over the apex of her cheek. But then he stopped as if he realized what he was doing, and dropped his hand. His hand went to her waist again and he cleared his throat. "You're not drowning today, Izzy Windsor."
Izzy tried to ignore the cold feeling left on her cheek where JJ's hand once was. Instead, she focused on his icy blue eyes, but the look he gave her only made warmth spread throughout her chest. She quickly shook her head and pursed her lips. "Somehow I don't believe you," she simply stated. She wasn't in the right mind to come up with a better response. She just felt so not herself, and she didn't know why.
JJ wet his lips. "Have I ever lied to you?"
Izzy furrowed her brows. "Uh, yes," she said bluntly.
JJ laughed. "Fair point."
Izzy only rolled her eyes, then averted her gaze to the water encircling them. She caught sight of a purple iridescent jellyfish and sighed. "If I get stung by a jellyfish, I'm suing you," she muttered, but she didn't look at him, she kept her eyes trained on the creature floating in the water.
But JJ's eyes were trained on her. "I don't think it works that way," he said. One of his hands gripped her thigh, adjusting her slightly on his waist so she didn't slip out of his grasp. His hand lingered there, the pads of his fingers grazing her skin. The contact sent shivers through her body.
Izzy ignored the feeling of his hand on her thigh and shrugged, turning back to look at him. "I'll make it work," she muttered as her eyes trailed over his face. He wasn't bad to look at. Not bad at all. And for a second, Izzy let herself admit that JJ was attractive. He always had been, and she had always noticed that, but refused to admit it.
"Well, you haven't drowned," JJ commented.
Izzy raised a brow. "Yet," she said as she continued trailing her eyes over his face. And then she caught sight of the cuts on his face and her heart swelled in her chest. Truly, it did. It swelled so much that it hurt.
Without much thought, Izzy subconsciously released her arm from around his neck and slowly drifted her hand to his face. Her fingertips gently grazed the raised skin on the boy's cheek, then grazed the cut above his brow. JJ tensed under her touch, but he didn't make an advance to shove her away, he only watched her carefully as she caressed his wounds. Izzy took note of this, and continued. She wet her lips and released a small sigh as she pressed her palm against his cheek and rubbed the bruised area with her thumb.
"Are you ever going to tell me who gave you these?" Izzy whispered, her voice almost inaudible. She felt like she should have released her hand from his face, but she didn't. She kept her hand there, then flicked her eyes to meet his. And when blue met green, she could have sworn her heart swelled in her chest. But this was different. She didn't mind the way her heart swelled. She didn't mind it at all.
"It's not important," JJ finally answered as he shrugged.
Izzy furrowed her brows. "It is to me," she mumbled before she even knew what she was saying.
A shocked expression crossed JJ's face as he raised his brows and searched her eyes. "It is?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. His eyes then flicked down to her lips, and he swallowed, hard.
"Hey, guys . . . " John B suddenly appeared at the top of the boat, peering over the edge and staring at the two teenagers. His voice snapped them out of their trance and they both averted their eyes, drifting their gazes to look at John B, who had a smug smirk on his face. "What the fuck are you doing?" he asked, his voice laced with a humorous tone.
Izzy only stared at him, unable to speak. But JJ made up for her silence. "Just passing the time, man," he said nonchalantly as he shrugged.
John B masked his grin with a stern look and cleared his throat. "Right, well, Pope will be here soon and I need your help with the engine. I think it's broken . . . so get out," he ordered, nodding his head at the two. "Now."
"So demanding, John B," JJ mocked, a smug grin crawling onto his face. "Is little John frustrated or something? I thought you gave her that John D already."
John B shot him a blank look. "I hate you," he muttered as he slapped his hands against his thighs.
A laugh left JJ's lips, and Izzy shook her head at him. He only shrugged at her expression and swam the two of them to the ladder. Izzy latched onto the ladder with JJ's help and began climbing. She reached the top and flung her legs over, climbing over the edge and pushing off. Her feet touched the boat's flooring just as JJ climbed over the edge and stood next to her. He bent down and grabbed his shirt that he had discarded on the ground earlier, then he looked at Izzy, who was shivering slightly. His hand found the small of her back and he stretched out his other hand, offering her his shirt. A small smile found its way onto Izzy's face, and she took the shirt from him, thanking him before she put it on.
Izzy opened her mouth to say something, but someone else interrupted her. "Hey," Sarah greeted the group as she wrapped a hand around John B's arm. Then her eyes drifted to JJ and Izzy, and she shot them a look—a mix of amusement and confusion. "JJ . . . Iz . . . why are you both wet?"
"Because JJ's an idiot," John B answered for them.
JJ flipped him off, and Izzy rolled her eyes.
Sarah gave a laugh then shook her head. "All right, uh, Iz, I'm going to get some towels from the cabin," she announced. Then she looked at Izzy and bit her lip. She looked as if she wanted to tell her something, and that only made Izzy confused. "Can you help?"
John B's eyes widened and he snapped his fingers. "Yeah, good idea," he agreed.
Izzy turned back to JJ and nodded. "Yeah, you might need a towel," she said to him, grinning slightly whenever he shot her a look.
"I do?" JJ questioned as he looked down at himself then shook his head. "I don't think so. But you know this shirt—" he pointed to the shirt Izzy wore— "looks like it could pass for a towel." He began to approach her, his arms spread out at his sides like he was preparing to wrap her in his arms.
Izzy quickly realized this and pushed his chest. "Get away from me," she said, trying to sound stern, but she ended up laughing. She backed away from him, shaking her head as she bit her lip to contain her grin and flipped him off with both middle fingers.
"What?" JJ asked, playing innocent. His arms were stretched out at his sides as he gave her a look like he had no idea what he had done. But the corners of his lips twitched into a smile, giving him away.
Izzy rolled her eyes and turned around before she approached Sarah who was already standing above the opened hatch door leading to the cabin under the boat where they supposedly kept the towels and first aid kit. Sarah gave her a smug smirk, causing Izzy to shoot her a look of confusion. But the Cameron girl didn't say anything, she only shrugged her shoulders and stepped down the small ladder. Izzy ignored her silence and began to walk down the ladder steps but then she locked eyes with John B and he shot her a smile, giving her two thumbs up. Izzy only made a face before she shook her head and descended into the small cabin below the boat.
"God, your boyfriend's acting strange today," Izzy said to Sarah once her feet met the hard flooring.
Sarah, who had already grabbed a few towels, scoffed slightly, but it sounded more like a dry laugh. "Yeah, well, JJ's acting like he's in love with you," she countered as she turned around to face her friend, raising a brow as she did.
Izzy raised her brows. "Excuse you?" she asked as she put her hands on her hips.
Sarah tilted her head and pursed her lips. "Like you don't see it."
Izzy made a face and shook her head. "See what?"
Before Sarah could respond, the hatch door slammed shut, encasing the two girls in darkness. Izzy's heart dropped to her stomach as she blinked and realized she wasn't imagining this. That only made her bloodstream course with flames. With her skin the temperature of magma, she reached the hatch door and tried opening it, but it stayed shut. The boys had locked them in.
"Oh, fuck no!" Izzy yelled, as she pounded on the hatch door with her fists.
"John B, you asshole, let us out," Sarah cried. But no one replied and the door stayed locked.
That only pissed Izzy off even more. She began pounding on the door, faster and harder than before. "JJ, I'm going to neuter you!" she shouted. The fire had spread to her heart, burning it to ash. She was more than pissed. She was nuclear.
That time Izzy did receive a response, but it did nothing to extinguish her rage. She heard JJ laugh once, and then John B joined in before there were heavy footsteps walking away from the hatch door, indicating the boys had moved to another location.
Assholes, Izzy thought as she clenched her jaw. She continued pounding on the hatch door while Sarah yelled for them to let them out for a few minutes before she groaned in irritation and punched the door. "Motherfuckers!" she yelled.
A few more minutes passed and Izzy was starting to feel sticky. Sweat beads collected around her brows, slowly dripping down her face. She took off the shirt JJ's had given her and stared at it for a moment before she brought it to her forehead, and wiped off her sweat. She stepped down the stairs and sat on the floor. She figured they'd be down there for a while for some weird reason. She didn't exactly know why they had locked them down there, but then her mind wandered and she wondered if this was their plan to get Kiara on board. Maybe she was reading too much into it, but boys were stupid, and they would definitely try some stupid bullshit like locking the girls down there until Kiara arrived and then they'd let them out. Maybe that was it. But that seemed stupid. How would they ensure that Kiara wouldn't just leave? Whatever. The entire male species were dumb.
"John B, let us out," Sarah cried out once more, but she received no response.
"S, they're on some bullshit. Just sit down and wait until they get their shit together," Izzy said as she leaned back against the wall and released a sigh.
Sarah glanced at her then sighed. "Fine," she muttered as she sat down on the floor next to Izzy and slumped against the wall. She angled her head to look at the girl beside her and soon a grin was on her face. "I brought you down here for a reason anyway."
"Jesus, what now? You and John B are full of shit, I swear," Izzy groaned. She rested her head against the wall and angled it so she was looking at Sarah. "No, ulterior motives my ass."
Sarah shot her a blank look. "Hey, I don't have any ulterior motives," she claimed, raising her hands in the air as a sign of surrender. She brought her hands back to her lap a second later. "I just wanted to ask you a question."
Izzy furrowed her brows. "Okay . . . ?"
Sarah bit her lip. "What do you think of JJ?"
"Uh . . . he's a person."
Sarah rolled her eyes and pursed her lips. "No, I mean like what do you think of him?" she asked again, using her hands to emphasize her words.
What else was Izzy supposed to say? JJ was a person. Sure, she liked hanging around him and she liked the way her name sounded tumbling off his tongue. Maybe she also liked the way he always seemed to find her at the right time just like all her favorite songs found her. And, okay, maybe, just maybe, she thought he could be sweet when he wanted to, but that didn't mean anything. (. . . Okay?)
Izzy shrugged at her thoughts. "I literally just told you," she muttered, raising a brow.
"Oh, my God, Iz," Sarah groaned, and she tangled her hand in her hair. "Do you like him or not?"
Izzy's eyes widened. "What?" she questioned, blinking rapidly at the girl. "No, of course not. How could I?"
"Well, you were wearing his shirt and—" Sarah began.
But Izzy cut her off. "So that means I like him?"
Sarah only shot her a blank expression, then slapped her arm. "Izzy . . . I know you," she said as she searched her eyes for understanding. "You don't get this way around Rafe. You're not like . . . yourself around him. You smile more when JJ's around."
Izzy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, 'cause Rafe's an asshole. JJ's not as much of a dickhead as him," she claimed. She ran a hand through her blonde hair, finding that the tips were wet. "Besides, Rafe's nothing to me now. I dumped his ass . . . and I should have done that a long time ago."
Sarah nodded. "Yeah, John B told me you did."
Izzy furrowed her brows and flicked her eyes to Sarah's face. "How the fuck would John B know?" she asked, slightly scoffing. Did the whole damn island know?
"He said he heard it from JJ," Sarah simply said, shrugging slightly. Then she sighed and put a hand on Izzy's shoulder. "So I'm asking you if you like him . . . if you like JJ, I mean."
Izzy opened her mouth to deny the claims, but the words tangled around her tongue. She thought about her words for a moment, wondering what exactly she felt for the Maybank boy. She knew she didn't like him . . . not like that anyway. She couldn't. Her father wouldn't approve. And, yeah, she knew she was trying to not be his puppet, but sometimes she couldn't help it. That was just a side effect of being William Windsor's daughter. His fucked up views just automatically cemented in her brain.
But that wasn't the point.
Even if her father didn't approve, Izzy Windsor did not like JJ Maybank anymore. Maybe she had in the past, but not anymore. They were friends now. She looked at him like he was her friend. And he was. And that was enough for her. It had to be enough. Because JJ Maybank was a nobody and sure, okay, he had a way of making Isadora Windsor feel like someone, but that didn't mean anything. They were simply just friends and that was all they could be. That was all they'd ever be.
Izzy glanced at Sarah once more, her face a little solemn now. "No," was all she said, her voice dry. The words left a bitter taste on her tongue.
Her words seemed to annoy Sarah, as she sent her a blank look and sighed. She began to open her mouth, but before she could speak, hurried footsteps sounded from above them. It sounded as if the person or people above them were running, and then the panic set in. They weren't going to leave them down there, were they? Fuck.
Sarah sprung to her feet first. "John B, is that you?" she shouted as she climbed up the ladder and began to bang on the hatch door. "Fucking let us out! It's hot as fuck!"
And then someone opened the hatch door. The sunlight blinded the two girls, and they had to blink a few times before their eyes adjusted to the new light. Izzy stood to her feet and blinked to see who had opened the hatch door, only to find Kiara Carrera staring down at them with a fire burning in her brown eyes.
"Shit," Izzy muttered. Her heart swelled in her chest when she saw Kiara's face, and she almost smiled. That was the part of her that missed the girl who she used to get stick-and-poke tattoos with behind their parents' backs. But there was another part of her that was pissed. She was pissed that she had been right, and the boys tricked them into this.
"What the hell?" Kiara spat out through gritted teeth as she glanced between the two blonde girls.
"Are you serious?" Sarah groaned. She began to climb up the ladder with Izzy following shortly behind her. The two of them made it out of the hatch and began looking around for the boys. Izzy caught sight of them first.
There was a smaller boat a few yards away from the one they stood on, and a figure could be seen standing behind the controls. Izzy blinked and discovered the figure was no other than Pope Heyward. And swimming toward him was JJ and John B. The two boys reached the boat and pulled themselves onto it.
"Get your asses back here!" Kiara yelled as she ran to the edge of the boat and stared at her friends, who had left her with the two Kooks. Izzy and Sarah quickly approached the edge as well, standing next to the Carrera girl and glaring at the three boys.
"We can't!" John B shouted back. "Not 'till you three figure it out."
Kiara shook her head. "I will kill every single one of you!"
"You can't just leave!" Sarah yelled, her voice strained.
Izzy only crossed her arms over her chest and glared at the three boys. Idiots.
"There's food in the cabin," Pope exclaimed. He shot them a wide grin and gave them two thumbs up, "and JJ rolled a blunt."
JJ nodded, a grin sliding onto his face. "Hydroponic!" he called out, sending them the ring gesture with his fingers.
Izzy flipped him off.
That made JJ laugh. "Izzy, that's so nice of you!" he exclaimed as he gave her a head nod and grinned even wider. "Keep up that spirit, babe! You're gonna' need it to get through the night!"
"Bitch," Izzy huffed under her breath. She sat down on the ledge, figuring there was nothing she could do. It wasn't like she could swim to them. She'd fucking drown.
Sarah shook her head once before she began unbuttoning her shorts. "Well, I would rather drown than stay here with Kiara, so . . . " she trailed off as she kicked off her shorts, then set her sights on her shirt. She pulled it over her head and threw it aside, now dressed only in her floral swimsuit.
"Fine by me," Kiara spat. "Maybe you'll finally shut the hell up." She turned around and threw her shirt over her head then unbuttoned her shorts and kicked them to the floor. She glanced at Sarah once more and rolled her eyes. "You don't even know where you're going."
Sarah flipped her off, and walked to the edge of the boat, standing on the ledge. "I don't care," she muttered before she dove off the ledge and submerged into the water. Once in the water, she began swimming after the boys, but they had already begun to start the engine. Their boat soon began to move further and further away from the girls.
A scoff escaped Kiara's lips. "They're not coming back for you," she called out to Sarah as she slapped her hands against her thighs.
"Don't you know how to steer? Can't you get us out of here?" Izzy asked, glaring up at Kiara.
Kiara shook her head. "They messed with the boat," she muttered bitterly. "We're stuck here."
Fuck, Izzy thought. Those assholes.
"Love you guys! Bye!" John B abruptly shouted before a laugh escaped his lips.
Then, the boys were gone, too far away to reach by swimming. Sarah soon realized that and began swimming back to the girls in defeat. She inhaled sharply and used her arms to push herself through the water, but before she could get far, she let out a scream and submerged fully into the water. She came back up, gasping for air as she winced.
"S, you okay?" Izzy called out, concern dripping from her tongue. If Sarah was drowning, she couldn't save her. She didn't want to watch her friend die like that. She briefly glanced at Kiara, preparing to ask the girl to save her friend, but she never got the chance.
"I got stung by a jellyfish!" Sarah cried out. "Shit!" Another wince left her lips as she quickly swam to the boat, latching onto the ladder attached to the side and climbing up it.
"You swam right into a man-o-war I don't know what you thought would happen," Kiara muttered as she picked at her fingernails.
Izzy shot her a look before she sighed and reached over the ledge to try and help Sarah up the ladder. Sarah grabbed onto her hand for support, and swung her legs over the ledge, then hopped onto the boat. Sarah slipped her hand out of Izzy's and slumped to the floor, leaning against the ledge as she hovered her hand over the wound plaguing her side.
"Does it hurt?" Kiara smugly questioned.
Sarah touched the sting mark, then released a wince. She angled her head so she was looking at Kiara, who was glaring down at her with a smug smirk on her face. "You know what they say about curing jelly-fish stings . . . " she trailed off. "You have to pee on me."
Kiara shook her head. "I'm not fucking peeing on you."
Sarah swallowed hard and flicked her eyes to Izzy. "Iz?"
Izzy made a face. "Ew, no," she muttered. Sure, she wanted to help her, but not like that. There had to be a first aid kit around there somewhere. "I'll—"
Kiara cut her off. "I have a better idea," she sighed as she walked away from the two girls and entered the control room. She began looking around, searching for something unknown to the two other girls.
A sigh escaped Izzy's lips and she was about to call out to Kiara, but then she caught sight of something which made her lose her train of thought. On the ground, resting on her pile of clothes (she had put them there when they first arrived) sat her phone and it was lit up, signifying that she had received a notification. And she wasn't sure why, but the notification made her heart swell in her chest. But it wasn't a pleasant ache. It swelled so much that it hurt.
Izzy hesitantly approached the pile of clothes, bending down to retrieve her phone. Her eyes flicked across the screen, discovering the notification was a text from her father. Perfect. Just what she needed right now. She sighed and opened her phone, tapping the messaging app, then clicking on her father's contact. She bit her lip in anticipation before she began to read the message, already knowing what to expect.
Dad: Isadora, it has been brought to my attention that you still have not gone by to apologize to the Camerons. Not only is that disrespectful, but it shows you're not responsible enough to be on your own. Furthermore, Rose informed me that you and Rafe are no longer together. Why would you jeopardize your future like that? He was good for our family. I expect you to apologize, and make things right. Also, I will have one of the housekeepers keep an extra eye on you until I come back from my trip. I will be there soon, and I expect you to be on your best behavior when I arrive. Please do better for your mother.
Tears pricked her eyes as Izzy stared at the message, reading over the last sentence until she was sure the words were cemented in her brain. Do better for your mother. God, she wanted to punch him. She wanted to call him and tell him to fuck off, but if she did, he'd take away her trust fund. He'd take away all she had left. And, sure, she maybe, sort of had friends now. She had Sarah and she sort of had JJ and John B, but that wasn't the point.
Money had been the only thing Izzy Windsor had ever known. It was the only thing that stuck by her when her mother died, and people started calling her a basket case. When she first discovered her father was having an affair, money gave her a new shoe collection. And after her mother died, and she began to resemble the corpse, money gave her a new closet filled with clothes her mother would never wear and access to the top hairstylists to get rid of the honey-blonde hair color they both shared. Money had always been there. And yeah, okay, she knew she was trying to let go of shit, but there were some things she just didn't know if she could abandon. Money was one of those things.
"Iz, you want some?" Sarah's voice infiltrated her ears, snapping her out of her trance.
Izzy quickly wiped the tears from her eyes. She knew pretty girls didn't cry. She couldn't cry right now. It didn't feel right. So, she wiped her tears and turned around, finding that Kiara and Sarah were passing a joint back and forth. Sarah had it in her hand now, offering it to Izzy.
And for a second, Izzy let herself wonder what would happen if she did take the joint from Sarah, and let it ease her emotions. She could be relaxed. She could be numb. She wouldn't have to feel all this pressure from her father. She could just be numb. But if Izzy had learned anything it was that being numb was worse than being in pain. Because it was. Being numb meant not feeling anything. It meant not caring. And Izzy wanted to care, no matter how much pain it brought her. Because where you're numb, you don't realize the damage you do to yourself. When you're numb, you're not a person anymore, you're just an empty vessel . . . and Izzy Windsor was so fucking tired of being hollow.
So Izzy did something she never thought she could. She shook her head and said, "No, weed fucks with you." Her words dripped from her tongue like honey; it was easy to say. And for a second, she felt better. "I'm gonna' tan or whatever." And then she walked away and laid down on the floor, staring at the sun. It burned her eyes, but it left her feeling warm.
Do better, Izzy repeated her father's words in her mind as she closed her eyes and basked in the warmth from the sun. Do better for your mother. And she was. She was trying to do better for her mother, not the version of Julia her father had manipulated into her mind. She was trying to do better for the Julia that would want her to live. That Julia wouldn't want her daughter to become someone she despised. She'd want her to live for her, not become her while slowly dying inside. She'd want her to live. She would. Because at the end of the day, Izzy would always be Julia's girl, but she didn't have to be Julia.
You have to live for her, Izzy muttered in her head, and then she nodded. And so, she decided she would. She would try to live for her mother. She would try because that was all she could do.
a/n: okay, nevermind, i lied. NEXT chapter is my favorite with izzy & kiara. i wasn't going to split it up but it just didn't seem right. so this chapter is a short one, but it's one of my faves because jj and izzy are kinda cute but ya know. also, she's ignoring her shitty dad & not using drugs to numb her feelings. so proud.
also also i KNOW jj and iz are super slow burn but i didn't want it to be like enemies to lovers right away!! i feel like they both needed enemies to friends to lovers </3
thanks for reading!