Jason was standing a few feet away from me in the hallway and the fact that his locker was near mine didn't help at all. I knew what the protocol was; take a deep breath and count mentally till twenty as I walk in his direction. But right now, it felt I was in vacuum and a foreign language taking over my mind who knew nothing but, "Phone Home."
My legs were trembling and my hands were slightly shaking as I miserably feigned nonchalance. It felt like I was a phone on vibrate mode who forgot that it only has to shake when it gets a notification or a call. My heart was literally thudding fast and hard against my ribs and I mentally kept repeating Don't Look here. Don't look here, a thousand times. But of course, the guy who had been talking animatedly with his friends had to stop mid conversation to take in his surroundings and I swear I saw him take a double take from the corner of my eye when he saw me.
We were seeing each other after a week, and of course I was angry at this brown eyed gorgeous looking guy who was surprised to see me opening my locker without noticing him. After some moments he seemed to regain his composure as he cleared his throat and started talking again, but this time his voice kept on decreasing which meant he walked away like he didn't just see the girl he insulted in front of the whole school.
Hello! An apology would suffice, thanks.
"Oh hey." Beth came and hugged me in someone-had-died-and-you-need-a-hug kind of way and I wanted to shove her and say,"Stop treating me like I'm made of glass.", but shut my mouth and returned it affectionately because I needed one.
"What's up?" I smiled and looked at her.
"You missed a whole week of school, that's what's up." Beth shrugged and looked around and as I mirrored her expressions I saw students scattered around, some in groups, some alone and that's when I noticed that even when they all were sometimes pointing not-so- subtly in my direction or looking at me with raised eyebrows or a wrinkled nose, no one had actually teased me with Jason or hollered his name out.
Beth had called and apologized everyday for her irrational behavior and how she shouldn't have forced me.
Paris, Jess and Sarah dropped by my house everyday after school to check on me if I was feeling okay, and that they were sorry. They even said how they were going to make Jason apologise to me but that was the last thing I wanted so I sternly told them not to.
If he wanted to apologise he would approach me and do it, not because someone told him to.
Also, over the days I realised that I wanted my dignity and respect back, so even if it meant that I'd have to stay away from the brown haired guy as far away as possible then so be it.
"Did I miss something?" I questionineg gazed at everyone standing in the hallways. No one seemed too eager to tease me with Jason which would
have been easy to point a week ago.
"Not really," Beth shook her head, her auburn curls softly hitting her face, "I think they just got bored of teasing you with him," she shrugged, "if that's what you're asking." She locked her arm with mine and gave me a warm smile as we both began walking to history class. I returned her gesture and it felt nice to come back to school; all the drama aside.
******
I have always been shy and kept to myself like I can't recall the last time I was called up in front of the class for a presentation without my hands and legs trembling like the buildings do during an earthquake. I would rather take the wrong order given to me by the cafeteria lady than stomp my feet and go bonkers like hello? I didn 't order a salad with fries on the side.
Sometimes I question my bravery not knowing when to surface because when it heard say it! and Jason in a frame, it suddenly knew how to swim towards the shore.
So when Mr. Smith barked a new seating arrangement for the class, in which Jason's place was assigned next to mine, my courage drowned like
a hand dramatically stuck out of the water. I could have went upto our biology teacher and requested to change my seat as I cannot see the blackboard from the third bench or something but instead I froze and looked towards Jason who dramatically had his head buried in his hands.
I was already insulted once in front of the whole school and I understood well to maintain my distance with him, Yes, I was head over heels for him but not to the extent that I'd lose my dignity in the process.
Okay maybe I'd be half lying if I said that I didn't like the idea of him sitting beside me But that didn't mean I was going to prance on him like a hungry predator.
"Come on. Samuels." Mr. Smith uninterestineg drawled as he flicked the page of his textbook" "I don't have all day."
Jason sighed as he finally got up before furiously picking up his bag and marching towards his new seat. I kept staring ahead with my chin resting on my palm and made no attempt to look at him. He looked a bit thrown
back that I wasn't staring at him with heart eyes and giggling with excitement. I wanted to smack him on the head for even expecting that from me.
Once we were all seated and removed our textbooks, Mr. Smith announced the seating arrangement would be the same for Senior Year and the person you're sitting next to will be your assigned lab partner.
I heard a low growl and a tsk from beside me. This made me riled up and to make a show I wasn't happy to sit with him either I dramatically whispered a "What?!" laced with fake horror enough for Jason to hear and snap his not-so-subtle shocked face in my direction.
Ha! Take that.
We didn't speak at all during the class and as much as I wanted to focus on what our biology teacher was saying, my attention kept shifting to Jason and the level of proximity between us. We were a few centimetres away from each other and his hands were lazily sitting on the desk covering half of the space which made me consider putting mine on the table. I
didn't want an accidental brush of our hands and him to withdraw like he just touched fire given his behaviour towards me.
I ended up resting my hands on my lap and mentally told my heart to stop bouncing like an excited kid outside an ice cream parlor. Even when I had set my mind to be calm and nonchalant around him, I knew it was going to take time.
******
It had been almost two weeks since Jason was assigned his new seat and I noticed he'd gradually stopped fussing about how he wasn't the most happiest person to sit beside me. The reason could've been me not making eye contact with him even once. As much as I wanted to stare at his gorgeous face, the thought of him insulting yet again made me cold and withdrawing. In one instance, he dropped his pen which rolled under my chair
and he didn't bother to pick it up let alone ask me for it. His behaviour kept getting unacceptable and so I made no move to be the good person and bend down to retrieve his object.
And I didn't understand the reason behind him stealing glances at me. Like calm down I am not going to jump at you the minute you look away.
I was currently sitting in the cafeteria with my friends talking about Sarah's now official boyfriend George. I felt happy for her as her green eyes sparkled with joy as she explained how he stopped by her house, bent down on one knee and asked her to be his girlfriend. We all were sharing the same energy levels and Sarah couldn't stop blushing at every word being thrown at the table.
After a few seconds the bell went off signalling the end of lunch hour. I picked my tray to dump the leftovers in the bin, but my juice box knocked over and the few remaining drops of liquid rolled down the box and splashed on my black sweater.
"Shit." I muttered under my breath as I examined the stain. It wasn't that big or visible but I didn't want a sticky spot on my favourite top.
I told my friends to go ahead as I'd had to go to the washroom and clean up. They all waved me a goodbye and 'meet us after school!" before walking away, their cheery voices fading.
I opened the doors of the cafeteria and was about to take a left for the washroom when I saw a familiar person standing at the turning point with arms crossed on his chest.
He seemed to have been waiting for someone as he kept tapping his feet and checked his watch every now and then. But when he saw me he stopped and peeled himself from the wall.
Jason looked more embarrassed (and flushed?) as he saw my terrifying expression. But after what seemed like forever, I broke my gaze and started walking away.
"Wait!" He exclaimed and jogged up to me. I stopped in my tracks not quiet understanding his sudden change in behaviour but didn't utter another word. He took a deep breath and closed in eyes as if trying to muster up courage to say something.
And when he finally did say those words it sure wasn't what I was expecting.
I expected that he'd say can you talk to Mr.Smith to change seats or something unrealistic like change schools I don't want to see your face.
But rather he said, "I am sorry."