In the van all I could think about is what yoongi told me. He told me to put on a mask for the time being, put on a mask of my dream persona. He said it would be hard to keep up, but the second we were on the private plane I could crash. I understand why it would be hard. But I don't understand the reasoning behind that why. I run my thumb back and forth over my knuckles thinking. Why is it so hard to show who Iwant to be? Be who I am? Is it the autism? Anxiety? Depression? Panic? The possible PTSD? Combination of all my mental disorders? Disorders. Why is it a disorder? Nothings wrong with me, it's a part of who I am. This mask yoongi said he hated the mask cause it was a version that wasn't real, wasn't true to the person. I get it. He meant putting on a mask, no matter what kind. Whether it be a smile in my darkest moments. A sense of calm during the storm. Or pretending to be quote normal. It's a sense of peace that isn't real. It only makes things worse. Cause it's fighting my own natural instincts, it's a fight. An internal fight. Reality versus perfection. One where reality will always win out whether it's 5 minutes or 5 years of wearing this mask, this persona.
I'm pulled from my thoughts by Sejin letting us know that we'd arrive in about thirty minutes. I look to Namjoon then to jungkook. Jungkook was currently the pillow to a sleepy winter bear. Jungkook slowly shakes him awake, he doesn't budge. Typical taehyung. Jungkook looks back to yoongi for help. Said person just shrugs in response. Jungkook then tries kissing his forehead as a sweet way to wake him up. Again he doesn't budge. Taehyung being seated in front of me I decide to help out Jungkook and keep my thoughts at bay. I lean forward and start playing with his hair, slowly making my way toward his ear, which I can't reach due to my short stature and the seat between us, but thankfully Jimin who's on the left of taehyung gets what I was doing and takes over for me. Jin snickers at my smart thinking. Once Jimin gets to taes ear he sticks his finger in his ear drum ever so lightly, just enough to tickle the skin. Not even a second layer Jimin hand is in Taehyung's hand and said boy is sitting straight up wide awake. The car erupts in laughter, thankful for my quick thinking. And just in time too as we pull up to the airport. I look to Yoongi, he nods. Time for my mask. My very temporary mask.
First out was The maknae line, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook, in that order stood in front of the door leaving just enough room for namjoon to get out and stand behind Jungkook, he then took my hand and led me to behind the, where my 5'4 frame was hidden from cameras due to the maknaes height. Even Jimin, the shortest member, was taller than me, though I refused to stop calling him smol. Yoongi soon got out and stood to my left further blocking me from the sight of cameras and fans. He put his hand on the small of my back to help keep you grounded and stable. Lastly Jin and Hoseok stand behind me again blocking me from view. I feel safe and protected surrounded by my soulmates. Even though I could only hold joonies hand, I felt thankful that I could at least see them all with just a turn of my head.
My mask is strong, from the cheerful smile to the bounce in my step. I keep it up. It's the only thing keeping me from breaking down at every flash of a camera, yell of a fan. But I'm okay. Until I hear a fan yell my name. I start to stop, confused but yoongi keeps pushing me along. Then I realize that voice, she said words. The. I realize she said "He'll be mine one day Iris". I was nowhere close to breaking, well at least myself. Her now I could show who's boss but instead of that I grip Namjoon's hand tighter. We're almost to security, almost past the cameras and fans.
As we approach security, I realize a fault in our plan, so do the reporters, there soon running around to the sides. All so that once I'm in the scanner they can get a photo of me. I look at Namjoon and he notices what they're doing. He's mad. I can tell, and from the pure stance of the others they are too. Thankfully Sejin talks to the security team and they agree to take us through the private employee entrance. I suspect it's purely because they don't want to deal with the flashing of cameras either. As we lead to the employee entrance we hear the fans' disappointment.
40 minutes later and we're all through security. No fans No cameras. Just us walking to our fancy private jet. The boys still choose to walk around me knowing that saesangs might have bought a plane ticket going anywhere just to be in the airport at the same time as them. We approach gate 13, ready to board.
Once we board the boys all expect my facade to break but it doesn't just become me again. They look confused so I speak
"I got mad instead of anxious when a fan yelled something along with my name."
Jimin: "what did they yell"
"he will be mine one day iris. I'm more confused with how that knew my name."
yoongi: that is concerning. Namjoon let sejin know about the fan. But let's stop talking about this. And let's just sit down and enjoy our flight.
we all sit down, me with joonie. Totally not because of my overprotective nature. Yoongi was with Jin and Hoseok behind us and the maknaes in front of us. We were now preparing for take off. A 3 ½ hour flight. Not too bad.
A/N From here on out i will be uploading every Wednesday. I really hope you enjoy the story! How is it so far?