Shit.
I can't believe it's the 17th of October - the anniversary - and I forgot!
Guilt floods my body, consuming all of my logical thoughts and I fail to bring myself out of this panicked, fragile state.
"Yooo, Y/n? Calm down." Jimin is currently trying to get me to relax slightly but it doesn't work.
Eventually the anxiety attack subsides. I just needed some time to come to terms with my absent mindlessness.
"I'm a terrible daughter! I didn't even remember it was the anniversary." I cry.
Jimin looks at me in disbelief, "Y/n, if you were a bad daughter you wouldn't be getting these nightmares."
I nod my head, trying to convince myself more than anything else.
"Look, we've got school now let's just get ready ok." He begins to move and get ready for the long day ahead.
"Wait," I hold him back, "After school what is your mum doing?"
He expresses a weirded out face, "Why do you want to know what my mum is doing? And she's probably going to visit the grave." He fades out at the end.
"Do you think she would let me go with her?" I ask frantically.
He laughs, "I think she would drag you along with her even if you didn't want to." He walks off and I smile to myself grateful for the Park's kindness and warmth they've shown me.
[...]
The day went by agonisingly slowly and surprisingly, Jimin and his squad were no where to be seen.
"Hey I'm going to Mum's grave tonight, do you want to come?" I question my tired friend as we walk further from the jaws of hell; school.
"Sure." He replies.
"Ok, come with me now then because I think Mrs Park is going to drop us off because she's coming too." I state and take his hand pulling him along with me.
[...]
"Y/n, just let me change into something more comfortable then we can go to see your mum ok?" Mrs Park voices as she walks through the huge double doors, back from work. It's kind of nice hearing someone talk about her as if she was still here, as if this situation was normal.
"Ok, Mrs Park can we take JB as well?" I inquire, doubting if she will recall him from before.
"Oh, of course that's fine." She enters the room and instantly spots him sitting beside me on the leather couch, "Oh wow, you've grown up so much! How are you?" Clearly she does remember him.
"I'm fine, thank you Mrs Park." My flustered friend politely answers.
"Ok, I'll be back in a minute kids." With that she strolls off to get changed.
[...]
I freeze up, my body isn't allowing me to go any further. It's always been difficult but why this year is it harder than ever before?
I observe the dull grey stone from a distance, the engraved words faded more than last year.
"Do you want to get closer?" JB asks me sympathetically.
"Yes. I just can't bring myself to goany nearer." I answer honestly.
He reaches his hand out to me, "Come on. It will be fine."
I flash an appreciative smile before clasping his hand in mine as if for dear life and force my weak, shaking legs to approach the grave surrounded by flowers and various other gifts of respect.
Squinting I make out the calligraphy on the headstone. 'Lee Y/m/n. Loving mother and husband to Lee Y/d/n, Lee Y/n...' The rest of the words were too far gone to be ressurected. I scoff in my head, it's typical and ironic.
I love you, mum. I miss you, but don't worry about me. I still have my bestfriend and he's always here to protect me, he misses you too. And Mrs Park has been taking good care of me which is why I came with her today. But you don't need to worry about dad, I will still take care of him. I'm sorry I've not been there for a while now, but I needed to be selfish because i couldn't take it with him anymore, but I will go back soon! I need to go now, sorry I don't visit more often but it's pretty painful, not that that's an excuse. Sorry, I will try to come back more frequently from now on. Goodbye Mummy, I love you.
I feel the tears brimming at the edge of my eyes threatening to fall but I hold them in, as a result a stinging pain encompasses my eyes. They finally fall and once they've started they don't stop.
[...]
It's now 11:46pm and I'm settling down in Jimin's bed trying to sleep after the emotionally draining day. Crying always makes me tired so as soon as my head hits the pillow a deep sleep casts over me. I go to sleep content, feeling the nightmare has finally left me alone.
[...]
She's dead. She's actually dead.
Suddenly an aching feeling runs through my veins, it's agony, it's heartbreak. The pain is excruciating, quickly becoming unbearable.
I scream.
[...]
"Y/n!" A young man's voice calls my name awakening me from my slumber.
I follow the voice only to see Jimin looking at me like any sanity I had left me completely.
"What?" I mumble still readjusting to the real world.
"You just had a nightmare didn't you? You said they would go after the anniversary." He shows an unreadable expression.
"I know, I'm sorry. I thought it would go but obviously not." I utter feeling like I've reached a dead end.
He blatantly rolls his eyes, "Is there anything else you can do to get rid of it, I'm tired." He whines the last bit like a new born baby making me giggle slightly.
"Nothing that I know of. I'm sorry but I'm leaving after three days anyway because my dad's sluts should be out of the house by then."
He hesitates in his answer, "Well...ok then." He rolls over and easily falls asleep again.
[...]
The days pass quickly and soon I realise it's the 20th, Friday. After school I traipse to Jimin's house, strangely sad about my departure.
"Thank you for letting me stay here." I thank Mr and Mrs Park once I have packed a few things. I was going to leave the things I bought with Jimin's money as I wasn't able to pay him back but he insisted I kept it as he had no other use for it. I entered this house empty handed and am leaving with a suitcase full of clothes and essentials.
"Oh, it's no problem y/n. You know you are welcome here anytime!" She hugs me, a smile constantly shining on her face. I can see wherer Jimin gets his looks from.
"It was nice seeing you again y/n." Mr Park formally shakes my head and nods his head in my direction. I return the gesture and tell them I'm going to thank Jimin before leaving.
I walk up the stairs and stand infront of the brown door I scowled at a couple of weeks ago when I first came here to seek refuge. It feels like such a long time ago. I knock.
"What?" Jimin greets in the same way he did the first time I did this.
I speak loudly, never forgetting what he said to me that first day, "It's me y/n, I'm leaving now."
I hear rustling and footsteps approaching until the door swings open.
"I just wanted to say thanks for letting me stay here, and don't worry I will still try to complete your homework." I reassure, I feel I owe him at least that much.
He half grins at me, "It's fine and cheers."
As the air grows thicker and an awkward tension arises I quickly exit saying a final thank you on my way out.
I smile one last time at Mr and Mrs Park before exiting through the legendary double doors.
I wander through the same streets I had been so desperate to get off of a couple of weeks ago, retracing my steps towards the familiar run down neighbour hood. As the decaying old house comes into view I sigh and hesitantly enter the building.
"7 years. 7 years. 7 years. 7 years. 7 years." I hear the familiar voice muttering the same thing over to himself repetitively. It doesn't take a genius to understand he's talking about it's been 7 years since the accident.
I cautiously approach the rocking body, it appears all sanity has abandoned him. He looks worse for wear and almost unrecognisable. His state has deteriorated even since the last time I saw him, but it always does around this time of year.
The floorboard lets out a quiet groan underneath my foot from the pressure of my weight. Suddenly, the crazy man before me stops his actions and slowly turns his head to face me. No emotions are present even when I search deep into his sunken eyes. If he wasn't moving he could easily be mistaken for a corpse.
"D-dad?" I stutter, unsure of his current behaviour patterns and mental state.
He fails to reply and just stares at me. Unexpectedly, he jumps up and promptly moves towards me, stumbling along the way. He instantaneously pounces on me and I let out a blood curdling scream...
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Hey Guys!
Thank you for taking the time to read this chapter, I hope you enjoyed it.
The next chapter will be out soon and I would love to hear some theories about the story if you have any?
Thank you - Bangtanxxo