The last thing she saw were the bright lights shining right above her as she lay flat on the table. She felt herself enter into a deep slumber and all she saw was darkness. For some reason, it didn't feel right to her. She could hear people calling out to her, people blurting out words she knew nothing about. All she knew was that something that wasn't supposed to happen was happening, and she wasn't sure if she could make her way out of it. She fought to open her eyes again but she just couldn't. The darkness enveloped her even more until she began to see a ray of light. The more she looked at it, the brighter it got. Too bright, if she was to describe it, because she then realized what the brightness meant.
Bin woke up to the sound of heavy breathing. When he opened his eyes to check on Ye-jin, he saw that she was panting like she was having a nightmare. He immediately used his elbow to prop himself up on his left side to face her.
"Yej? Yej." He rubbed her arm to wake her up to no avail. "Yejie, wake up babe."
She continued to pant and breathe heavy, and Bin could see her eyebrows furrowing in her sleep even with the lights turned off.
"Yejie," Bin gently shook her shoulder, continuously calling out to her. "Babe, wake up."
He was beginning to worry even more when she kept shaking her head in her sleep. She seemed as though she was trying to wake up but was unable to.
Ye-jin eventually opened her eyes, gasping for air in a jolt and sending her body to wake up with a jerk.
"Babe, you're okay," Bin immediately said as he caressed her face. "You're okay. I think you were having a nightmare."
Waking up with her body jerking that way triggered the spasms on her back, making her grab Bin's arm tightly. That sudden jolt she had was also hard on the injured spine itself, putting her through a wave of intense pain as soon as she woke up.
"Yejie?"
"Ow babe my back," she said, her voice shaking as she tightened her hold on his arm, turning her knuckles white. Her breathing increased as she brought her arm to cover her eyes, her other hand forming into a fist.
Bin immediately sat up, trying hard not to panic, as Ye-jin moaned and hissed.
"Yej," he said as he swallowed the lump in his throat. "Let me get your meds."
Just as he was about to get up, she stopped him.
"Wait," she said to him, her breathing still fast and shallow. She stayed as still as she could while biting her lower lip. "Stay with me, please."
"Babe..." Bin leaned down beside her and placed his arm across her pillow, his cheeks resting on her forehead while he waited with her for the pain to subside. He closed his eyes when he heard her call out his name softly as if asking for help. He felt as though he was being punched in the gut not being able to do anything for her.
"I'm right here, Yejie, I'm right here," he said softly, his free hand rubbing her shoulder. "I'm right here. Breathe, baby."
Ye-jin didn't dare move an inch until the spasms stopped. It was only then when she was able to relax and loosen her hold on him. Bin could feel her taking slow deep breaths to calm her breathing down as she relaxed her fist.
"Yejie," he said softly.
"Beanie," she whispered as she exhaled slowly.
Bin swallowed the lump in his throat while he gave her forehead a soft, gentle kiss before sitting up. Ye-jin's eyes were still closed and she still hasn't moved other than letting go of his arm.
"Do you think you can sit up now to take your meds?"
"I think so," she answered quietly.
"I'll be right back, okay? I'm just gonna get you some water and your pain killer."
Once she heard their bedroom door open and Bin stepped out, Ye-jin finally lifted her arm off her eyes and wiped her tears. She looked up at the dark ceiling and took slow deep breaths, hoping to relieve the tightness in her chest.
More than three weeks have passed since she was discharged from the hospital. While her surgical wound was healing and her pain was well managed, Ye-jin began noticing a change in her everyday activities. As time passes, fatigue and shortness of breath became more apparent to her. As much as she looked forward to going home to California, it also meant that it was time to face the inevitable. Her worries must have been carried on to her sleep, causing her to dream about what she feared the most.
Bin came back with a glass of water and her medication for pain and her muscles, setting them on the night stand before turning the lamp on and helping her sit up. He pulled a chair by the bed and sat facing Ye-jin, watching her take her pills before reaching for her face to caress her cheeks. He stood up and softly kissed just below her eyes, knowing she already dried the tears that wet her face.
"Thank you, Beanie," she whispered while caressing his arm. "And, I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what, Yej?"
"Your arm," Ye-jin answered while looking at him. "I hope you don't get a bruise from it."
He gave her a sweet smile as he held her hand. "Don't worry about it, Yejie. How are you feeling?"
She took a deep breath before answering. "I'm okay now, but I really couldn't take it earlier. The last time it hurt that bad was almost a month ago when I was still in the hospital. I didn't expect to wake up like that."
The pain was still comes and goes but it has become more manageable and bearable with her medications all throughout the three weeks that she was at home. She has been able to do more around the house while making sure that she wasn't pushing her back's limits. It was only from moving a certain way upon waking up that caused her to have pain as bad as it was.
"Your body jolted quite a bit when you woke up, I think that must've caused it to hurt that much," Bin said while reaching for her back to stroke it gently.
Ye-jin nodded and gave him a faint smile. "It was such a sudden move, I started having bad spasms. It's much better now, though."
"What were you dreaming about?"
She looked at him closely before shaking her head. "It's not important," she answered quietly.
He reached for her face to caress it before nodding, knowing it wasn't something she wanted to talk about. "Okay, but if you ever want to talk about it, let me know. You want to lie down again?"
She shook her head. "I think I'm just going to lean on the head board for a while."
Bin helped her sit in front of their head board and lean her back on it, taking the space beside her. She immediately leaned her head on his shoulder while her arm was wrapped around his. He ended up resting his head on hers too.
"How does your back feel, Yej?"
"It's okay," she answered softly.
"You're not just saying that?"
Ye-jin smiled and looked up at Bin, who gave her a kiss on the forehead. "No, I promise."
They sat quietly beside each other for a while, so quiet that they thought the other had already fallen asleep. Ye-jin was wide awake thinking about how she was hoping her medications were helping with her cardiac issues. With just days left before they fly home, she was eager to find out what difference they made over the past month.
Bin felt her take a deep breath as she shifted in her spot, her head turning from side to side as if looking for something.
"What do you need, babe?"
"Either of our phones," she said. "I wanted to check the time."
Bin reached for his and gave it to her. "It'll be light out pretty soon, Yej, you should get some more rest."
"Beanie?"
"Yeah?"
"Let's go to the beach."
He lifted his head off of hers and looked at her with a worried expression. "Babe, your back. I don't want you to strain it. Maybe you should just rest today."
Ye-jin looked up at him, her hands on his arm. "I wanna watch the sunrise with you. I promise I'll let you know if I can't handle it."
"Yejie..."
"Please? I'm okay, promise."
Bin let out a sigh before giving her a smile. "How do I say no to that face? You're too irresistible."
"Thank you, babe," Ye-jin said with a big smile on her face.
"You'll tell me if you need to rest?" He asked, earning a nod from her. "Do you think you can walk now?"
"Yes, babe. It already subsided. It's just the usual lingering feeling now."
"Okay, let's go then."
They changed out of their pyjamas and Bin drove them to the boardwalk and pier located just ten minutes away from their rental villa. He parked as close as he could to the boardwalk and helped Ye-jin get out of the car.
"It's okay, Beanie, I don't need my walker," she said to him when he was about to take it out of the trunk.
"Are you sure?"
Although she hasn't been using her walker as much lately, he was worried that she was overdoing herself especially after what happened just an hour ago.
"Mhm," she hummed in response while nodding.
"Just use me then," he said with a smile as he held his hand out to her, which she took.
"Gladly," Ye-jin replied with a smile.
They got to the beach just in time for them to settle down on one of the benches on the boardwalk facing the ocean. It was still dark outside and the morning twilight was just starting as they sat down.
"Are you cold, babe?" Bin asked while he put his arm around Ye-jin.
"No, babe, I'm okay," she replied with a smile.
She leaned her head on his shoulder and took a deep breath, taking the view in front of her in. From the darkness that enveloped the sky, they could now see shades of orange and pink hovering over the ocean. There were barely any people on the beach yet, considering it was still very early in the morning, so it was as serene as it could be.
He lowered his head to peak at her and she gave him a smile when their eyes met. "I promise, I'm okay. What about you, Beanie, are you okay?"
"As long as you're okay, Beanie's good," Bin replied, making her smile.
"Did you ever wonder why I like calling you Beanie?"
He looked at her again with a curious smile on his face, pleasantly surprised with her bringing up why she likes her pet name for him. "Yes, but you never told me why."
Ye-jin looked at him with a smile before facing the ocean again. "I don't know, beanies keep your head warm in the winter, so to me they are very comforting and cozy."
She turned her head in his direction and gave him a warm smile. "That's exactly how I feel having you around me; very comfortable and cozy."
"That's very nice to hear, Yejie," Bin said with a smile. "Having you call me that always reminded me of the actual beanie, the hat, but I never really thought of what it meant for you."
"Now you do," Ye-jin said with a smile.
"I do, and I'll always be your Beanie," he said as he leaned closer to her to let her rest her head on his shoulder. "Literally and figuratively."
"Why do you call me Yejie?"
Bin blinked as he did not expect her to ask that question. "Uhm, because it sounds cute."
Ye-jin playfully poked his side, making him laugh. "I gave you 'comfortable and cozy' and you gave me 'cute'?"
"It's because everyone else was calling you Ye-jin, so I wanted something different. Something that only I would call you," he explained. "I was a possessive bestfriend, you know."
"Oh, I know," Ye-jin answered with a chuckle.
"And I'm even more possessive as your boyfriend now," he added.
"I don't have a problem with that. I've been waiting for you to claim me," she said with a tease.
"I wasn't the one who kept pushing me to date other people," Bin said defensively. "You would even set me up for dates. How was I supposed to confess when you openly pushed me towards other people?"
Ye-jin giggled as she snuggled closer to him. "Well, I had to make sure I don't blow my cover."
"Let me tell you, you were pretty good at keeping your cover," he replied with a chuckle. "But not anymore. I love clingy Yejie."
"Good, coz I don't plan on being less clingy," she said as she tightened her hug on his arm. "This is what we missed out on all those years."
"So we gotta make up for it all now," Bin said as he leaned his head on her and laced their fingers together. "Stay clingy, Yejie, even when we get married and have kids."
Ye-jin was caught by surprise but she loved it. It gave her a giddy feeling inside, making her smile. "How many kids do you want?"
"I want at least two," Bin replied. "One boy and one girl, but I grew up in a small family so I kind of want a big family. How about ten instead?"
"Beanie!" Ye-jin playfully hit his thigh, making him laugh.
"What??"
"That's the kind of answer that if I was drinking something, I would've choked on it."
"Well, you asked."
"Nine will do," she said to him, making him laugh even more. "We're talking about kids already, we haven't even talked about where we're going for our honeymoon yet."
"Where would you like to go?" Bin asked.
"Switzerland," she replied with a smile. "I'd love to go there with you."
"Then Switzerland it is," he said with a smile.
They both fell quiet after that, taking in the beauty of the horizon in front of them while savouring the warmth brought by sitting so close together. Ye-jin thought of how natural it was for them to talk about their future. She was sure, it was him. It has always been him and it will always be him.
Bin held her hand tight, his own thoughts running through his mind. He would do everything in his power to keep Ye-jin in his life and live the life they just talked about. They would still get engaged, get married, have kids and have grandkids.
After sunrise, they walked hand in hand to the car and drove a couple of streets down to have breakfast at a restaurant off the beach. It took a while for it to happen, but they acknowledged their spontaneous trip to the beach as their first date as a couple.
When they got home, fatigue set in so Ye-jin dozed off while Bin worked on some job-related tasks on his laptop before making their lunch. He was grateful for having the opportunity to do some work remotely as a software engineer since he needed to save some of his personal leave because she is most likely to have another surgery.
While he was cooking, she felt Ye-jin wrap her arms around his torso, giving him a back hug. His shoulders jumped a bit, since he thought she was still asleep in the bedroom, making her giggle.
"Did I scare you?"
"Sort of," he replied with a laugh. "I didn't think you'd wake up so soon, I'm still working on lunch."
Bin turned his head to the side to peak at her and Ye-jin met him half way, giving him a kiss on the lips.
"It's okay, babe. Can I help?"
"Sure, you can mix this while I chop up some more veggies," he said while giving her the salad bowl.
Her phone rang while they were finishing up, making Bin quickly run to the living room to get it for her.
"What's wrong, babe?" Ye-jin asked when she noticed the change in his expression.
"Dr. Martin's Office," he said as he handed her her phone.
Her eyebrows met, wondering why her cardiologist's office in California was giving her a call even before she was back. She answered her phone but she didn't say much. Bin just watched as she intently listened over the phone while giving short answers, mostly yes, no and okay. When she hung up, she instantly went for a hug to seek comfort in him and Bin's long arms caged her in without hurting her back.
"What did they say?"
"Just confirming when I'm back and that I have a test to do in a couple of days," she said while resting her head on his chest. "Diving right into it, huh."
"It's okay, babe, you got this," Bin said as he caressed the top of her back. "We got this."
Ye-jin took a deep breath, closed her eyes and just stayed wrapped up in his arms. "It feels so nice just hugging you like this. It's calming me down."
He could feel her anxiety in the way she hugged him tightly and it made a lump form in his throat. She doesn't talk about it much but he could tell just how much she longed for herself to be physically healthy again and do all the things she used to do.
"I love you, Beanie," she mumbled softly in his chest.
"I love you, too, my Yejie," he said before kissing the top of her head. "I love you, too."