When I am dead, my dearest,
Sing no sad songs for me;
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget.
______________________
It was my fault.
This entire mess was my fault.
I had brought this upon them, brought this danger to their doorstep.
G.A.
Gabriel fuckin Augustine. That damned bastard did this to those children.
He had remained in Livius' territory, even after I had told him I wasn't going anywhere.
To think that he let in some shitty vampires as well, all to hide his presence from everyone except me, so that I alone could feel this guilt.
He was a bastard. A real bastard.
And yet this was still my mistake, even if he'd committed the act. I practically paved the way for him.
He knew from the very beginning that I would never rat him out to Livius. That I wouldn't say a word to anyone, all because he was a fae.
My fault. My mistake.
I couldn't help it as my knees gave out beneath me, the truth hitting me like a slap to the face. I didn't care if my skin would bruise, or if someone found me leaning on the floor over some stupid crown.
I should have told him.
I should have told him.
From the very beginning, I should have told him. Even if he yelled at me for wandering off on my own. Even if he hunted Gabriel down. Even if it was a betrayal to my kind.
Leaving Livius in the dark was a betrayal to our bond.
Who the fuck cared that I was still mad at him at the time? That we still weren't completely getting along? Why did two innocent pack members have to pay for my own stupidity?
Against all of my restraints, a choked sob escaped my lips as I bent over, my legs tucked beneath me and my hair falling in my face.
Those dead bodies...
I could feel the weight settling on my shoulders when an image of those lifeless corpses flashed in my mind's eye.
I had done that to them. Their Luna, meant to guard and protect them alongside their Alpha, had led them to their deaths.
I should have told him.
That day I had stood there debating whether he should know, I should've just came out with it. I should've thought about what lying would mean. I should've foreseen what Gabriel was capable of, instead of simply thinking of myself, and how it would've affected me alone.
Even if that didn't stop this, I still would've done my part, still would've made him just a little more aware.
If I had, this weight wouldn't be here, dragging me deeper into an abyss of grief and self-loathing.
I had caused this.
Even if it wasn't directly my fault in that regard.
Earlier than that, if I had agreed to go with them in the first place, Gabriel wouldn't have even felt the need to do this, to make me physically unable to face anyone.
He was trying to get to me, to force my hand.
How could I ever look Livius in the eye again after this? How could I pretend I wasn't the least bit responsible for the pain brought upon his pack?
The mere thought made tears fall from my eyes, the intensity of what I was realizing was sending my mind into a frenzy.
There were no excuses.
I had lied. I had lied to him. No matter how many times I tried to convince myself that it wasn't a true falsehood because he didn't ask, the truth was that a lie of omission was still a lie.
Withholding the truth was still a betrayal.
And that stupid, selfish action cost us lives. Living, breathing souls. Taken.
What have I done?
I wanted to scream, to rage at the heavens for my horrible decisions, but only I was to blame for this. I made that choice, and though it seemed so insignificant at the time, it mattered more than I could ever know. I hadn't even thought to look at the bigger picture.
I watched as one drop landed on the ground in front of me, then another and another.
And before I knew it, they were trailing down my cheeks, the only proof of my self-contempt and remorse.
It was my fault. Those corpses bleeding out on the floor of the woods...
Pale, lifeless bodies. Their scents fading into the ground, never to be caught again. Their fresh blood drying on their delicate skin. Their tiny little hands, and the too small graves that would be dug for both of them.
On top of that, two other wolves had lost their mates today. Over something so senseless. Over a mistake that could've been prevented.
Even Selene had fallen silent. I hadn't heard from her at all these past few weeks, but she disappeared like this all the time. Always running off to wherever the moon goddess allowed wolves to go in order to escape the manacles of their humans mind.
I wept harder the more my thoughts settled, the tears escaping me like an ever flowing waterfall filled with my own sorrow and turmoil.
An accessory to murder.
How could I even begin to explain this?
Losing those children was one thing, knowing that I was responsible for their deaths was another thing entirely. And it changed everything.
I could never forgive myself. Livius could never forgive me. After all that shit I said about how important it was for us to communicate more often, I had still kept things from him.
I hiccuped as my eyes continued to fog up, my breathing uneven as I choked on more quiet sobs.
"Alexandria?"
I turned sharply at the sound of Damien's voice, and I hated myself for the relief I felt knowing that he was there and not anyone else. He was also a pack member. I had taken from him as well. It made no difference.
A shocked expression washed over his face as he took in my red nose, bloodshot eyes, and flushed face. I didn't even bother hiding it, not around him.
Instead I gently pushed myself off the ground and came to stand up, tears still falling from my eyes as my legs kicked the crown behind the bush.
Damien's brows dipped in confusion, but I didn't give him a chance to say anything as he approached my anguished form.
"Where on earth have you been these past few days?" I suddenly questioned hysterically, more tears collecting in my eyes when he came to a stop a few feet away, those emerald eyes searching my own with concern.
"The King sent me out on a mission," he answered slowly, still staring down at me as though he was trying to solve a puzzle.
I shocked him when I leaned into his chest, his arms instinctively wrapping around me. I heard his sharp intake of breath, the way his heart began beating just the tiniest bit faster at what he was seeing.
Even now, I was still being selfish.
I didn't deserve to be consoled. Not by him, not by anyone.
And yet...
And yet my fingers still curled into his shirt as he tentatively began swaying us both, his hand coming up to stroke the back of my head. "I suppose it's a good thing the Beta sent me to find you," he murmured, his voice cutting through my quiet sniffles.
I barely had the mind to acknowledge his words, instead my head fell deeper into his chest, the tears never once giving me reprieve. "I'm sorry, Damien. Fuck, I'm so sorry."
There was no hiding the obvious remorse in my voice, and I felt his arms tighten around me. I could practically see the confusion written on his face, but he spoke quietly nonetheless. "Luna, this isn't your fault."
He pulled back just enough to look at me as he uttered those words, our eyes meeting as I blinked up at him, droplets still rolling down my flushed skin. "But it is, Damien," I whispered, my voice hoarse.
He shook his head, clearly not understanding my truth as his hand came up, those calloused fingers brushing over my cheek as he wiped away the tears that escaped. But his tenderness only made me cry harder.
"I don't know why you're blaming yourself for this, Alexandria," he murmured softly, as though he was afraid I'd break in his embrace. "But you don't understand how fuckin painful it is to see you cry like this."
Even as he spoke, I choked on another harsh sob, my fingers never once pulling away from his shirt as I met his pained gaze once again. His eyes were filled with utter sadness at my frenzied state and he seemed to be at a loss for words. "Damien I..."
My voice fled me as I attempted to explain what I'd done, what I'd caused. I had to tell him, I had to tell Livius. I already couldn't live with myself for letting this happen. The weight of lying to him again would end me.
I owed them this much anyway.
"I know who did this," I told him, my voice still an inaudible whisper, but I knew he heard. "I met him in the woods a few days ago. The day Bella got lost."
My heart sank when he went rigid against me, his arms going completely stiff as he continued to stare down at me, his expression morphing into one of shock. "You know the man responsible?"
I swallowed and nodded mutely, my head dipping in shame. "He is a fae. He came here to ask that I return to my people with him. I refused. So he did this."
Probably more out of contempt for werewolves then anything.
But it was also an attack against me. Gabriel was killing two birds with one stone.
"Did you tell the King?"
I was silent for a few long seconds when his question reached my ears, my hands slightly unfisting his shirt as I prepared for the growing wave of his contempt.
"No."
Damien also fell silent, his grip on me once again loosening ever so slightly at the new information. "Please don't tell me you knew what he was planning."
I blinked up to meet his hard gaze once again, the tears easing up enough for me to fully look at him. I shook my head. "If I had, I would've told him the second I found out."
Gabriel may have mentioned a 'plan B' but that was all I had known.
Regardless, it was my carelessness that got us here. I should've thought deeper into it.
Damien's eyes softened, his grip on me loosening ever so slightly at my answer. He seemed to be realizing something as he blinked down at me, his eyes narrowing on my red cheeks. "Then you shouldn't be feeling guilty, Luna."
He said it as though it was the most basic truth. But it wasn't true. Not at all.
"No," I murmured, staring pointedly at his chest. "You don't understand, Damien. I still protected him."
"Not intentionally."
"Stop trying to justify what I've caused," I muttered, still leaning into him. "Even if I hadn't known what he was planning, the mere fact that he was in Livius' territory without his consent should've been enough for me to mention that meeting."
"I never said you weren't in the wrong. But I'm going to tell you this right now." He sighed, those emerald eyes briefly slipping shut. "No matter how much you blame yourself, there's nothing you can change right now. It's out of our control."
"Yes, but-"
"There is no but," he said, cutting me off. "I understand that you're remorseful. And I know exactly where your thought process is going right now, Alexandria . You're thinking of all the things you could've done differently."
I fell silent at that, a part of me knowing he was right. I couldn't help but imagine all the things that I could've changed, all the things that could've prevented this.
"We both know better than to live in the past."
My eyes guttered at that, and he stiffened as my tears returned in full force. "Shit," I cursed, wiping viciously at my eyes. "Just... give me a second."
Fuck, I needed to stop crying.
But Damien didn't let me go, instead choosing to gather me in his arms, his hands going back to my hair. "I knew I sucked at consolation. Now look, I made it worse."
In any other situation, I probably would've laughed at the grumble in his voice, but instead I allowed him to pull me closer, his arms providing a strange comfort.
Nothing he said had made me forgive myself, or had changed anything really. The grief and crushing regret that hung over my shoulders remained, but a silent realization had come with his words.
I couldn't change what was already done, and it will haunt me for years after this. But the least I could do was admit to my own errors. I couldn't make this right, but I could be honest, regardless of the consequences.
And after a few moments I reached a conclusion as I finally pulled out of his embrace. "I have to tell him." I sniffled, my voice no louder than a whisper.
"I have to tell him," I repeated mostly for myself as I met his forest green eyes.
He paused, then nodded in agreement. "That sounds like a good start, but I also need to warn you of something else."
I turned back to him, my eyes narrowing curiously at the way his face suddenly grew serious. There were still wet tears staining my face, and I had no doubt that I looked like a complete mess, but the way his expression changed made me uneasy.
"It's also the Luna Queen's job to meet with the families before the funeral."
********************
"I can't. I can't do this, Damien. They can't make me do this."
"No one's making you do anything, Alexandria. It's your responsibility."
I paused my pacing around our bedroom, images of Gabriel and Castiel, of those children, of Livius all flashing in my inner eye.
Facing my mate was one thing, but their family.
Their mother who I had glimpsed sobbing while cradling the dead bodies of her children to her chest right before Damien ushered me out of the clearing and brought me here.
"Damien." I turned to him, my eyes searching his own as he leaned against his bed. "You need to understand-"
"You didn't kill her children. You didn't take part in their murder. You didn't let those vampires in," he argued, his voice urging me to understand once again.
Ignoring his words, I continued my frantic pacing, my hand running through my loose hair for the hundredth time tonight. "We've been through this Damien. It's what I didn't do that matters. I know you told me not to think of the 'what-ifs' but fuck I'm still at fault and we both know it."
Damien pushed himself off the wall, his eyes narrowing on my hysterical form. "Fine. Say you did tell King Livius, hm? And he never catches him. Two pack members still lose their lives. And then what? You still won't feel any better, Alexandria. You'd probably regret not taking him down when you two first met, but the fact is that you couldn't have known," he continued, slowly approaching me.
He came to tower over me, his concerned gaze meeting my own. "Sure, I'm not going to deny that maybe there might've been another outcome had you said something, but we agreed that we can't dwell on that. You'll lose your mind trying to imagine different scenarios."
"You can only move forward from here." I fell silent as he brushed a strand of my hair out of my face while leaning down to fully meet my eyes. "Telling the Alpha is one step. And meeting the families is another."
"How angry do you think he'll be?" I asked quietly, not minding the way he fixed the few messy parts of my ridiculously long hair.
He let out a heavy sigh, and turned to look out of his window, the sun peeking through the trees. "I don't know, but they should be back by now."
"Did they find anything?"
"Judging by the pure rage I can feel through the pack link, I don't think so," he replied and I quietly nodded, before following his gaze to the rising sun.
I'd been up all night, and so had Livius. But I knew even if we had tried to sleep, we would gain nothing but more restlessness.
"I should probably go see him now before I lose whatever confidence you managed to brew up," I mumbled, stepping away from Damien and reaching for the door handle.
Tugging his room door open, I turned to glance up at him, a small smile gracing my lips. "Thank you, friend. I would've lost my mind in that clearing without you."
He returned the expression before falling into the smallest bow, his hair falling into his face as he lowered his head. "Anytime, Luna."
I let out a low laugh at his decorum, before laying a hand on his forearm and leaning forward to press a kiss on his cheek. "Stop it with the formalities, Damien. You're one of my dearest friends, you should know that," I murmured while pulling away.
I didn't have time to tease him about the blush that crept onto his normally pale cheeks, or the way he ducked his head in both shock and embarrassment.
Instead I giggled at his reaction before striding out of his bedroom, and in the direction of my mates office.
However, the moment I turned the corner, my smile fell and that sinking feeling returned to my chest at the thought of telling him. It had seemed so much easier while talking to Damien, but now that I was actually going to face Livius, all of my fears seemed to return in full force.
I had no idea how he'd react, how angry or upset or disappointed he'd be. But I was ready to accept it, to accept this first step no matter what it entailed.
I was going to atone for what I'd helped cause. No matter what it took.
My fists clenched at the thought and I blinked rapidly to rid myself of the tears that threatened to spill.
Luckily, my body instantly snapped back into shape the moment I heard footsteps round the corner, the unprepared part of me fearing it to be my mate.
Instead, it just so happened to be the last person I ever wanted to see.
Cruella paused, her eyes locking with my own before widening ever so slightly at the sight of me there.
I glanced past her, and down the hall to the double doors that led to Livius' office, before allowing my eyes to wander back to her own, my brow arching.
"I went to go talk to him," she said, her voice curt as she continued to approach me. "But it seems my 'consolation job' has been passed on."
I didn't have the energy to shoot a retort, and frankly, I didn't think she did either. "Is he alright?"
She paused for a moment before answering. "Well, he's angry. Very angry."
I nodded at that useless bit of information before striding past her, my arm slightly grazing her own as I walked in the opposite direction. But I was forced to stop walking when her hand suddenly gripped my arm.
But before I could snap at her, our eyes locked and I glimpsed the grief and pain dancing within her stormy blue gaze.
She seemed to hesitate for a moment, her eyes drifting from my own before sliding back to me, as though even she had to draw up the courage to say whatever she was trying to say.
"I'm not in any place to ask anything of you, Alexandria. But he won't let me close to him right now, and I don't know what else to do. So, I'm begging you," she implored, holding my gaze and urging me to feel the suffering and utter agony that she felt. "Please take care of him."
I realized how hard it must've been. Losing two pack members and then being unable to console the one person you know felt it the most. She had been there for Livius when he'd lost everything, and now she was only allowed to watch from afar as he grieved, unable to do anything.
Perhaps I would've felt bad for her if it wasn't for everything she'd said to me.
I mean it kinda was her fault, but I had too much on my mind to say otherwise. Instead, I gave her a nod while her grip on my arm loosened.
The least I could do was honor the fact that she'd set aside her pride to ask that I remain by his side because she herself couldn't. She cared for Livius that much.
I found that oddly respectable.
Shaking my head, I stared at her back after she offered me the smallest bow and turned away.
Such an enigma.
Turning back towards my mates office, I slowly approached the looming doors and raised one hand to knock, our conversation flowing to the back of my mind as I recalled what I had to do.
Breathe, Alexandria.
You just have to be honest.
I loosed a calming breath before finally knocking on his door, the sound quiet and tentative even to my own ears.
After a moment of complete silence, I moved to knock again, while subconsciously holding myself back from simply running back down the hall. But before I could even make a sound, I was graced with a lovely response.
"What?" Livius snapped from the other side, and I nearly flinched at the sharpness in his voice.
Regardless, I slipped the door open and swiftly stepped inside before clicking it shut behind me.
No turning back now, Alexandria.
Tell him and accept whatever the truth brings. Whether it be his rage and hatred, or even a rejection. This has to be done.
I inhaled deeply as I cut off my own thoughts. This was only a small part of the price I owed. It all started with him.
But he was already so angry, I feared what that would lead to.
I shook the thought away. No chickening out.
Turning around, I met his gaze, our eyes locking for the first time since that cursed clearing, and the utter rage in that dazzling sea of blue nearly made me stumble backwards.
But before I knew it, he was already on his feet, those pale eyes softening just the tiniest bit as he circled around his desk and took in my reaction. "Alexandria."
My heart sunk as his harsh expression melted away into something else entirely, and I managed to so clearly read the devastation in his eyes.
My mate was so clearly and undeniably hurting.
And I was part of the reason why.
Even so, I swallowed back my shameful tears and made my way towards him, my arms instinctively curling around him as he buried his head in the crook of my neck.
"Livius," I murmured, my hands closing around the material of his shirt as he hugged me, his shoulders shaking with nearly unnoticeable tremors.
It was the Alpha's responsibility to protect the pack, especially the pups. And this loss...
I couldn't imagine how much it was weighing on him.
I felt his hand trail to the back of my head, one of his arms still wrapped securely around my waist as the other ran gently over my hair.
We remained like that for goddess knows how long, both of us drowning in the silence of our own grief. My heart hurt at the way he hugged me, as though he was afraid that I too would disappear. The way his hand ran through my hair, while his head was tucked in my neck.
He never held me like this. Not even when he was angry. His grip on me was so tight, his hold unrelenting as he inhaled my scent.
No, this embrace was out of sadness, frustration, and... fear?
Before I could think harder on it, he pulled back just enough to press his forehead against my own. "I couldn't protect them, moon."
His voice was hoarse, as though he was holding back more than just mere tremors, but before I could even think of reaching for him again, he tore himself away from me and moved a safe distance away. "Two pups belonging to my pack. Murdered. And I did nothing."
I watched as he ran a heavy hand through his hair, while moving away from me and towards the floor to ceiling windows of his private study. My heart broke as he put his face in his hands, before rubbing viciously at his jawline, as though he couldn't simply sit still.
"Livius-"
"Gods, they were so fuckin scared, Alexandria. I could feel it. For the longest time, I could feel everything they were going through. And yet it changed nothing. I was still too late," he growled out, while pacing through his office, his hand always going back to pull at the roots of his black hair.
He was going to drive himself mad if he kept going on like this.
My lips pressed into a thin line as I took in the mess that his office had become. I knew for a fact that the dents in the wall, and the paper sprawled out everywhere were the result of his anger earlier.
I couldn't help it as my bottom lip trembled.
Fuck. Stop crying. Just stop. You have no right.
But here he was. Beating himself up for something that was more my fault than his.
And if my confessing to that could take away even a little bit of his guilt, if it could heal even the tiniest bit of his pain and turn that rage he'd wrongfully directed to himself towards me, then it would be worth it.
I retreated several yards away, my arms wrapping around my waist as I blinked down at my boot clad feet, my hands fisting the shirt of his that I wore. "Livius, this isn't your fault," I finally managed to say, my voice quiet even to my own ears.
I felt him pause at that, his towering form fully turning to me for the first time since his frustrated declarations began. "Don't try to make me feel better, Alexandria. I should've been there."
"No, really," I choked out, lifting my head so that he could see my silver lined eyes. "If anyone is responsible for this, it's me."
He visibly stiffened at the evident pain dancing in my chocolate colored eyes, but he said nothing, instead choosing to wait for my explanation.
I broke contact with him again, desperately attempting to keep my stupid tears at bay.
Just say it. No more running away.
"I never told you this," I began, my voice low, but I knew he'd heard me. "But a couple days ago, when we were still on... unstable terms, I ran into two people in the woods. Two fae's."
I couldn't help the way my breathing sped up as he approached me, instead I forced the words to continue before I was rendered speechless at his proximity. "Gabriel Augustine and Castiel Alexievich. One was a former member of my father council and the other an old friend. They- they wanted me to leave with them Livius, and I said no. So Gabriel stayed behind to convince me, and-"
I visibly flinched when Livius raised his hand, never thinking that there'd ever come a day where he'd hit me like this, but I should've foreseen it.
I deserved this.
I deserved more than this.
My eyes snapped shut as I prepared for the bruising contact, my heart beating erratically in my chest. I kept telling myself that I knew this was coming, that I knew I'd have to face his ire, but fuck, I hated this, hated fearing him.
And yet the pain never came.
Instead, all I felt was his warm palm against my cheeks, both of his hands coming up to cup my face as he leaned my forehead against his chest. "I know, Alexandria."
My body went rigid at his tenderness, at the understanding in his voice. "Y-you do?" I asked, my brows furrowing as my heart settled, and the heat from his hands seeped into my skin.
I paused again when he leaned down to press a lingering kiss to my forehead, his hands never once falling away from my face. But that one kiss was filled with so much love, so much care and tenderness that I wanted to start crying all over again.
It was almost as though he saw my regret, as though he knew how much I was beating myself up for not telling him.
A moment later, he stood back to his full height, his eyes staring down at me as he tilted my face up to meet that sea of blue. "Victoria was with you that night. She saw them disappear and reported the incident to me," he answered.
He had known.
"It's why I rewrote those pack laws. Why that curfew was introduced. Why the shifts were doubled at night." His thumb stroked my cheek bone, his fingers gently gliding over the few tears that had managed to escape as he frowned at my panicked state. "It's because we never found them."
"You knew?" I questioned, finally snapping out of my disbelieving daze as I searched his sapphire eyes. "You knew and you didn't get mad at me for not telling you?"
"You were upset with me. And you had every right to be."
"It was a betrayal."
"I had betrayed you just days earlier."
I clenched my jaw at his words, at the reaction I had not expected. He had known. This entire time he had already taken the necessary precautions without my telling him, and yet there were still casualties.
"Even so," I mumbled, leaning into his hands as I lowered my gaze to his broad chest. "Imagine how much worse it might've been had Victoria not told you. Even now, it's bad enough. If you had at least known how- how powerful Gabriel was, you could've done so much more."
Damien was right. Even if I had told Livius, I would've ended up feeling guilty one way or another. Just meeting with Gabriel was the crime. Everything pointed back to him.
He did this to get to me. He killed two innocent children to get to me. I should've known he wouldn't back down. I should've realized that he wasn't truly giving me a choice.
It was either return to the Fae Kingdom, or be attacked for betraying them.
"You didn't tell me, Alexandria. And that's alright. Because I did the same things I would have done if you had," Livius said, those eyes boring into my own.
His words changed nothing. "How can you be so understanding?" I murmured quietly, while subtly inhaling his reassuring scent of lilac.
"I understand why you fed me that little lie of omission, love." He pressed his forehead to my own once again, one of his hands falling away from my cheek to wrap delicately around my waist. "You had to choose between two of your identities, and at that time, neither one of them seemed appealing. You were upset with me, and you didn't want anything to do with Gabriel. So you said nothing."
"But Livius, because of that one decision, things could've gone so wrong," I said, my hands coming up to rest against the taut muscles of his chest. "If Victoria hadn't told you-"
"No more ifs, Alexandria," he murmured, his hand trailing down my neck. "It's clear that no matter what I say, your remorse will not fade, moon. Even if I truly believe you were never wrong, you won't believe me until you yourself realize it. But please, Alexandria, don't let this guilt drag you too far down."
I knew what he was saying was true, but fuck, I still wish I'd dealt with Gabriel the moment we met. I wish I had ended this before it even began. But at least now I knew that my lie had not made the situation any worse.
And yet, my regrets remained. Because the attack was still against me. He used those two pups as a punching bag because I was out of his reach.
Earlier I had wished I had told Livius. Now I wish I'd beaten the shit out of Gabriel the moment I laid eyes on the bastard.
Because even if Livius and I retraced our steps and decided that we hadn't faulted where we thought we did, the fact remained that Alaric and Aria were dead, and the world wasn't any better because of it.
"Though I am glad you still told me regardless," Livius added, breaking through the silence as the warm skin of his forehead remained against my own. "The mere fact that you were willing to risk my anger because you believed yourself to be in the wrong is enough for me to fall for you all over again."
"I couldn't not tell you," I whispered, my hand tentatively reaching up to rest on his cheek, a part of me glad that I was able to distract him from the storm in his mind. "Even if it would have made you reject me. I could never live with myself if I had kept it a secret."
"You think I could ever reject you after all this?" He chuckled, the husky sound sending my mind into a frenzy. "I've spent my entire life searching for the soul that made me whole. How could I ever throw that away?"
"Alright, Romeo." I smiled softly, my face slightly flushing at his words before I moved my head to rest against his shoulder. "No more secrets, hm?"
The arms around me tightened, and I felt him lay another kiss on the top of my head. I couldn't find it in me to comment on how touchy he was being. I knew he was still anxious and upset. He needed this contact- this reassurance more than I did. And I truly didn't mind.
I felt him rest his chin over my head, my body melting perfectly in his arms.
I truly didn't mind at all.
"On a serious note, we were lucky this time, Alexandria. We should consider this a lesson learned," he murmured to me. "That when we fight, it not only puts our relationship at risk, but the pack as well."
I nodded in agreement, my head still hidden in his chest. "Mother always told me that the Alpha and Luna were partners. We can't afford to make anymore mistakes, to risk anymore lives like this. Even if it was beyond our control this time."
Livius was quiet for a few moments, his fingers absentmindedly rubbing circles around my waist. "No more secrets," he repeated, bowing his head so that his breath fanned my skin.
"Or lies of omission. Or half-truths. Or ignoring the other for long periods of time."
He let out a low laugh and I smiled into his shirt at the musical sound. "Yes, love. No more of that either."
I fell silent in his arms, both of us comfortable with the others' presence.
Gods, I had missed him.
And it's funny because he was right here the whole time.
"What now?" I mumbled, my voice muffled by the fabric of his dress shirt.
"Now," Livius said, slowly pulling away and leaving me feeling strangely cold without his familiar embrace. "We are going to take care of our pack, moon."
A soft smile made its way onto my lips as he circled back around his desk, his hands sliding over the few papers sprawled out. "The funeral is in a few days. I will address the people tomorrow, and make them aware of the situation. After that we'll personally visit the Estienne family and offer our condolences. Then we'll hunt down those fuckers."
In other words, we'd drown ourselves in work until our own sorrows and regrets caught up to us.
Sounds like a plan.
Livius lifted a stack of papers, his eyes briefly sliding over the first document before he extended it to me. "Here's the autopsy report I received from my medical examiners."
I took the papers as he continued speaking, the printed images of the scene enough to make me set aside a few pages. "Apparently one of the vampires who'd attacked them had focused specifically on little Aria. She died mostly from blood loss," Livius admitted, looking over another image.
"They drained her," I murmured, my eyes narrowing on the pictures I had set aside. "You can even see where they bit her."
My mate nodded. "She lost several liters of blood," he said with a sigh. "Perhaps that wouldn't have affected us, but she was a child."
"And Alaric?"
"He didn't lose as much blood as his sister, but he still died from blunt force trauma to the head," Livius answered, his hand gently trailing over the picture. "He seemed to have put up a fight."
I nodded in silent understanding, both of us lost in our own thoughts as we weighed out the information.
"We narrowed down the search to four vampires, and that fae," my mate finally said, his voice cutting through the silence. "Based on the scents we caught on the victims, the clearing, and the surrounding area, only five were unique."
I leaned against his desk, my eyes sliding over to the world outside. "We also can't rule out Gabriel masking some of their scents," I added quietly. "We need to remember that whatever information we gather is what he knowingly left behind."
I felt him nod in agreement, his body also turning to face the floor to ceiling windows of his office. "I've completely shut down our borders. No one is allowed in or out. My warriors are doubling their shifts. At least we know he can't go anywhere."
I nodded again. "He's powerful, but not even a Ring of Blood can get all five of them out safely."
"Think he'll leave his vampire friends behind?"
The question was bitter and filled with resentment, but I answered regardless. "Gabriel is ruthless and prideful. He probably thinks you're unaware of his presence, since he bet on my silence. But even he wouldn't have the guts to betray whatever alliance they have going on with the Vampire Queen Valerie."
Livius hummed in agreement, his arm coming up to drape over my shoulders as he tucked me into his side. I said nothing as he pressed his lips to my head once again.
"I'm sorry I didn't take him down when we first met," I mumbled, the words suddenly pouring out, and Livius' grip around me instinctively tightened.
"This really isn't your fault, moon." He said against my head, both of us looking out to the territory we were meant to rule over.
I knew. I knew it wasn't entirely my fault. And yet, there was still so much that I knew could've been done, so much that I could've done to avoid this overwhelming sorrow we both now felt.
And yet, all we could do now was find peace in one another, while guarding the pack we had both been sworn to protect.
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Someone copied my book lol. 🤡
Ok I rlly need to take this seriously, and I am upset since I spent so long working on HLF but I'm too tired to rant tbh. So many writers on Wattpad deal with this, and I would be an idiot if I thought I'd be an exception. 😔
Thankfully, she complied and took it down since sis literally stole the entire first half of my book, even down to the dialogue. And there's rlly not much for me to do to stop this from happening again smh.
Even if I were to say "DONT COPY MY WORK" I don't think it'll make much of a difference. If you don't plagiarize, you're a decent human being. If you do, then regardless of what I say, it's going to happen.
But guys please, don't read books with the intention of taking people's work and effort. It's not right, nor is it in anyway fair.
So please, if you see anyone who you might think is taking from my work, do not hesitate to tell me. I don't read much on Wattpad anymore so I wouldn't have even found the book if it weren't for my precious reader Ayaka013 (Thank u sm).