TYSM FOR 10K YALL
QOTD: ur favourite character on hsmtmts and why? don't say richard for hotness
• • •
Josh's POV
'I'm looking for inspiration
And I think I found it in your heart
It's the kinda thing you get when you're not looking
It's the kinda thing you had from the start...'
𝐈 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐘 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒 against the piano keys a bit too harshly before giving up and slumping into my chair. It was good to know I was finally to write something genuine for a song, but the place it was coming from - wasn't as good.
It had been a day since I went to Addie's house for dinner. A day since we hadn't talked again. A day since I felt like a fool.
I fucked up. The dinner went perfectly, almost too perfectly that I was fully invested in the story we were depicting. Until Jordan came and messed everything up again - however he also reminded Addie and me that this wasn't real. So much so, that when I tried to stand up for her - I took it too far and was starting to sound like the new boyfriend - and Addie had to put me in my place.
I wasn't her boyfriend, that wasn't ever going to happen. I'd like to say that I was just tapping into my acting skills. But hearing the way he spoke to her, how could you not want to look out for a person like that - especially when you cared about them more than you realized.
"Well don't, this isn't even real just - this wasn't part of the deal. And it's Addie."
I guess I had a habit of picturing the life I wanted with the girl but then being blindsided by the reality of the situation. Every song of mine used to be about the first girl who did that to me, but this new girl helped me write so many more snippets of positive songs. I was now writing positive words, but feeling like a letdown as I put down the pen.
This wasn't her fault though, none of us saw this getting so serious - I guess we were naive to think things would go back to normal after this dinner. But I still wanted her in my life? And now when I want onto social media, fan accounts had started speculating as to just whom this new girl was.
The fact that I wasn't just interacting with Olivia made people some livid, but majority of them were defending us - to not assume we were together. Maybe I should listen to them too.
I wondered how she was feeling with all that - I assumed she'd be even more put-off from being associated with me. I didn't know how to reach out to her again, I didn't want to make her feel as confused as I was - but I missed talking to her an unhealthy amount. We all crave human connection - but the connection you feel with certain people can never be replaced with other things.
Olivia was one of the few people who understood my situation completely, and she was confused as to how it all went crashing down so soon. Nothing even happened to affect anyone else - Jordan was keeping his mouth shut and Addie's family still believed I was the new guy who'd be performing at their event soon. But me and Addie somehow let the smallest dispute ruin the ease of our relationship - but I guess it's because we lost track of what it even was.
But it had been 18 hours since we hadn't spoke and it was starting to feel ridiculous. I know where I went wrong - I let my emotions cloud reality and that wasn't going to happen this time. I needed to let her know that I was going to be there for her, as a friend. That was better than our current scenario. I thought she felt the same way - there were too many moments to count - but maybe she's as good of an actor as me...
I just needed to talk to her again.
I moved from the piano and sat on the couch, staring at Adeline's contact on my screen. She finally sent me the photos of us from when we met at the grocery store - and the picture of me giving her a piggyback sat above her name.
"Fuck it, you're an Allstar as she'd say" I mumbled, mentally laughing to myself. I pressed the call button, which practically sent electricity through my arm.
Shit, I had no idea what to say. Okay hang up hang up -
'Somebody one told me the world is gonna roll me -'
My eyes shot to the front door as I heard the infamous tune before it cut out. There was a dead silence in my apartment so I could somehow hear the noises on the other side. I found myself almost slipping on my socks as I rushed to the door; this couldn't be happening.
"You ruined my surprise, I waited for someone to let me into the building and everything" the petite girl complained after I opened the door. I simply let out a breath and stood smiling as I took in all of Adeline's features. This was happening.
"Well that's your fault for making your ringtone for me the most obnoxious song" I retorted and she rolled her eyes as she laughed. After our giggles settled down the air turned nervous again.
"Oh sorry, please come in." I said with a short giggle before moving aside. She nodded quickly and let herself in and observed the familiar surroundings again.
"I see you've gotten back into cooking" she commented as she looked over to the messy kitchen surrounded by bowls and random ingredients.
"Yeah well - I saw this video on how to make a mug cake so I kinda had to experiment. It was very much my level of cooking," I answered and I felt at ease seeing her smile again.
"You're gonna have to make that for me Ramsey" she retorted and I laughed as crossed my heart with my fingers. I then saw her smile fade as she prepped herself to say what she came here for.
"Okay I'm just gonna say it...Josh I - I'm not very good at explaining why I - freak out sometimes and I know that last night I let out my frustration at you and - "
"Addie it's seriously okay," I interjected as I didn't want her to feel any of this guilt - she was just reminding me of the situation's reality and I pushed myself away. I didn't want her to think I was the kind to just leave her - her biggest fear with anyone.
"I get why you said that I mean, you're right I shouldn't have overstepped like that...guess I was really getting into my character" I said with a small laugh. I smiled over to her but I saw a flinch of sadness in her eyes. But then I saw her look away, as if she was telling herself to snap out of whatever thought she was having.
"R-right. I mean I'm just sorry for being so harsh about it like - yeah we both know it's true but - Jordan and his fucking annoying face just got to me and I thought he was going to rat us out and it'd be so humiliating and, yeah" she rambled and I had a crooked smile that matched hers.
We were standing on opposite sides of the room, like we were afraid to be any closer, like we used to be. And even though we were trying to clear the air - something just felt unspoken.
"Also with me deflecting I almost wanna say...don't take it personally? I kinda do that a lot" she added with a self deprecating laugh. I then furrowed my brows and pouted. At the same time I finally made my way to the couch and she followed suit till we were bot sitting on opposite ends.
"W-why would you say that?" I asked and she just shrugged her shoulders.
"It's almost easier I guess...to do that to people...I'm sorry that's kinda deep and depressing" she quickly said and I shook my head and without thinking I inched myself closer to her. But then I stopped myself before it became too obvious.
"Addie you can still tell me anything, I told you that I don't judge you for, well anything - other than you liking pickles" I teased and she let out a laugh.
"You're right you're right" she agreed before taking a deep breath, she looked into my eyes and reminded herself that I was always here for her. Meanwhile, I just tried to not get distracted in anyway, "I guess it's like, the more people you let into your life but not knowing their intentions, the harder the heartbreak feels if they leave. That's why I basically have no friends" she confessed and I frowned but I understood her completely.
"I really am sorry that everything you've gone through has made you more afraid - but hey Blaire is the greatest friend anyone could ask for" I encouraged and she nodded enthusiastically.
"She really is. B-but you're so...unexpected Josh that's why I, I almost don't believe that you're here sometimes - but you are and I don't want that to....change" she said after letting out a sigh.
"That won't change Addie" I assured and she grinned, "and you know that I went through the exact same thing?" I added and she agreed with a nod.
"I will always admire that you went to a Miranda Sings concert for her, a true loyal crush" she teased and I shook my head and she nudged me to make me laugh again.
I scratched my forehead "Yeah I had no idea what was going on." This only made Addie laugh more, "but yeah, when you have stains in the past...it's hard to let other people in. Then there's just nothing to do but remember and, live in the consequence" I rambled. I looked back to her and saw the softest smile to match her blue eyes. Her face just seemed to say 'You get me.'
"You articulated that so well, you should make that into a song. This conversation could be some inspiration for you if you still haven't found it" she joked and I simply laughed along with her.
If only she knew.
"Duly noted. I was writing a little bit before you got here actually so I'm trying to get some stuff done before your Disney Ball." I hinted and she rolled her eyes once she was reminded of the event. It was coming up and she used to tell me how much she had to be doing, as Gwen's 'favourite intern.'
"Wait ooh can I hear it?!" she then piped before she jumped an inch closer. Fuck, why did I say that.
"Oh it's - it's barely done there aren't even any chords so," I watched her excitement simmer down, "but when one is done I'll for sure have you listen to it first" I added and she chuckled lightly.
"I'm not musically inclined in the slightest so just know I'll say 'it's amazing' no matter what - maybe Olivia would have some actual advice" she replied and I nodded.
"She actually does, I mean did you hear her new song on Instagram?" I then asked and Addie immediately gasped and clapped her hands together.
"The TALENT in that small person blows my mind Shuie don't even get me started!" she bellowed comically and I had to throw my head back and laugh, "and the fact that she STANS Taylor Swift as much as me we could be best friends." she continued with so much glee.
"I mean us two are, so why not you and Olivia next" I said and Addie raised her brows.
"Josh we're best friends? I didn't consent to this" she teased back and I giggled. It was the simplest joke and I doubt she thought anything of it, but my head went spinning within milliseconds. We were, right?
There was a part of me that somehow felt bad if I friend zoned her by saying that...wait she friend zoned me first never mind. Jesus, this girl had me under some spell, and she'd never know.
"Well, I won't tell anyone if you don't" I said with a smirk and she matched my sassiness by poking her tongue out.
"Well I certainly won't be telling the Internet anything of the sort" she stressed and I nodded exaggeratedly. Why did that kind of hurt though?
"Yeah uh - how are you dealing with the fans speculations and all?" I pryed and she looked at me before huffing.
"I mean - okay well you know I was just kidding I'd love to share you with the world like that" she clarified and it instinctually made me smile, "but yeah it's not great being a normal girl associated with a guy that millions of other normal girls find hot, and they get mad at you when it's not them in my place or for not being Olivia Rodrigo" she ranted and we both laughed after a couple of moments.
"But I mean, there's not enough 'evidence' for them I guess...I imagine it will all die down soon ish. Trust me they used to be on my Explore Page like they just nitpick literally everything and they'll find something new eventually" she detailed and I laughed as I agreed.
"I'm glad for that, so - we're cool and all? And your family's still cool with me?" I asked in a high pitched tone which particularly caught Addie's attention.
"Nice to know you're so concerned with them but - yes you're great to them, I didn't even get to tell you how well you did. In fact they're kinda pissed at me for not being nicer to you, makes sense" she said and shrugged her shoulders.
"Well I didn't get to tell you that I had so much fun getting to know your family and everything, I know it won't happen again and stuff but it was the best favour ever" I cheered and she held her hands to her heart and smiled.
"Thanks Josh that actually means a lot, they're usually a lot for people but you really held your own" she replied and I nodded to tell her it was all good.
As the conversation naturally found its end, Addie and I had nothing to but to look at each other for a few moments. I missed doing this, it barely happened though. The whole apartment fell silent for only a second, but instead of the usual emptiness I felt since I lived alone, there was a serenity when she was here.
Addie clearing her throat brought us both out of it, "Okay well - I actually need to get home for dinner...making Angelo some more ramen" she rushed and I stood up with her.
"Yeah no problem, thanks for stopping bye Addie - talk to you later?" I almost pleaded and she turned back to me as we neared the door.
"I'll call you Allstar" she said and I looked down and grinned at my shoes.
"Also last thing I - I don't mind Adeline...if you think it's nice then, I guess it's okay" she said quietly. Her eyes met mine and I looked away again.
I didn't know how I was going to do this. How I wasn't going to let my crush not get in the way again. The way she just said that - sent an uproar of nerves through my body.
But I just had to get over my feelings - again. I'm an actor, it's fine.
"I'll be waiting for your call, Adeline." I replied.
The next thing I saw then made me question everything.
She tried to hide it as she looked down but I caught it. As her grin rested, she bit her lip - it barely lasted a second but I saw her quickly try to take it away as it seemed to even take her by surprise.
"See ya." she concluded before closing the door behind her. I watched the door for a few moments before spinning on my foot to face the apartment, a million thoughts running through my mind.
"My...very confused inspiration, ladies and gents." I commented into nothing, but it made me smile nonetheless.
─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
--- notes ---
okay i know what the word simp means technically, and joshua isn't that in this story.
but like at the same time THE SIMP ENERGY COZ HE LIKES HER SO MUCH I'M
this was a fun one to write lotta cute vibes up in here, thanks for reading!
votes and comments make my day i love ANY feedback y'all xx