Limping towards my only hope of comfort and warmth at this early hour, I desperately try to block out the memories from last night.
After Jimin had beaten me to a pulp I spent the rest of the night in that exact spot wallowing in self pity. I couldn't comprehend the events that had just taken place and the immense pain that tormented every inch of my broken body. That was when I realised that anything he did for me was purely because it probably could've benefit him in some way, I feel like a fool for believing maybe some part of him still cared. When he held my hand it was only so he could sleep in peace, when he beat up my dad and the creep in the alley way it was because I am his property to take his anger out on and nothing more. I thought the Jimin that I use to know was still here somewhere hidden, but I now realise that the boy I use to know is dead, because he would never have done that to me. I suppose I should've expected it, he did say to me the bullying was only going to get worse, and here I am.
Eventually, I gathered just enough strength to pull myself off of the cold, hard ground. I wandered the streets for the remaining hours of night before visiting Jay B. I couldn't stay at his last night as his family had something going on but he said he would be there the next day so although it's early I try my luck.
Without hesitation, I knock loudly on the door of my bestfriends house. After a couple more tries and a few minutes waiting it swings open to reveal a half naked, sleepy Jay B.
"You're lucky it was me and not some random person! Put a god damn top on will you?" I scold as I enter the warm house.
He ignores me and gapes at my face, "what the fuck happened to you?" He interrogates seriously.
"I'll explain later, just let me sleep here for a bit, pleaseee." I plead and he reluctantly allows it seeing my obvious situation.
"why are you sleeping at this time anyway, it's morning not night." He gestures towards the window, showcasing the sunrise as it's about 5:30am.
I don't reply too immersed in the comfort his bed is providing me as he climbs back into the bed and we both drift off again easily. As I've said before we may as well be blood related, so sleeping in the same bed is completely platonic and casual for us.
[...]
The familiar screams capture my mind, sending me into a trance. I feel compelled to find the source. I tear my body away from the warmth of my bed and walk through the welcoming, homely house.
I go onto my tiptoes to reach for the lock on the door that towers over me as I'm only 10 years old. Opening the door the screams grow louder, almost deafening. The voice of the women holds a certain familiarity keeping me on edge.
Abruptly, all my actions halt as the image before me gets revealed. I feel my breathing hitch and my pulse drastically increase.
It can't be? This isn't real, it needs to not be real!
I'm now wishing I had never left the comfort of my own bed.
I drop to my knees, a numb feeling engulfing my body. Tears I didn't even know were there are now streaming down my face.
There, right infront of me, is my mother. My precious mother, lifeless. Her eyes half ajar and blood running all down her face. She's dead. She's actually dead.
Suddenly an aching feeling runs through my veins, it's agony, it's heartbreak. The pain is excruciating, quickly becoming unbearable.
I scream.
[...]
Panicked, I sit up and breathe heavily. That nightmare won't stop tormenting me, it took me years to finally overcome it and now not even 7 months after it stopped invading my mind it has returned, as ruthless as ever.
The sweet scent of pancakes invades my nostrils and that's when I notice the dent in the bed next to me where someone not long ago was laying peacefully.
I barge into the kitchen, letting my nose guide me.
"Whatcha cooking?" I innocently coo, in a high pitched voice doing aegyo.
"Ahhh, sleeping beauty has finally woken up." Jay B teases, paying no attention to my attempt to be cute which I find rather rude.
I drop the act and plaster a straight expression onto my face before lowering my voice by an octave, "What do you mean? We slept at 5:30?"
"Yeah, and it's now 1pm." He informs me bluntly.
I glance at the clock to see he's not lying.
Finally the mouth-watering food is placed infront of me, "Ahhh, thank you oppa! You're the best." I smile then devour the heavenly brunch.
[...]
After brunch Jay B forced me to tell him everything that had happened and to say he was fuming would be an understatement. I reassured him it was fine and I should've known it was coming to which he had no reply. That conversation took us into the evening, and now at 10pm I'm walking home...I mean to the Park's home.
I sigh as the familiar exterior of the warm home comes into view as it doesn't feel so warm or welcoming at the minute, more like I am someone who doesn't belong.
Aware I can't avoid it forever I take a deep breath then open the door with the spare key Mr Park gave me a while ago.
"Oh, y/n you're back." Mrs Park comes to greet me, "We were just talking about last night with Jimin over-" Her words are disrupted by a small gasp that escapes her mouth.
She pulls me into the dining table where Mr Park and Jimin are sitting and urges me to sit down which I comply, "What an earth happened to you?" Mrs Park's voice is lined with worry and concern.
At her question I can't help but peer in Jimin's direction. He's refusing to look at me, a blank expression moulded onto his porcelain-like face, giving away no hint of emotion.
I sigh loudly, ensuring he hears it. I turn to his mother completely changing my demeanor as I offer a small smile and brighten my features, "Oh, it's nothing to worry about Mrs Park, really! My friend and I were going to the shop to buy more soda and a man tried to mug us." I fabricate a story in my head quickly. That is the first time I notice Jimin's face flash with emotion, confusion maybe? Before returning to it's previous stubborn, cold, glazed over impression.
"Oh lord, that's terrible! Are you and your friend alright? What happened with that horrible person?" She showers me with questions to which I briefly answer.
"A police officer saw luckily and came and helped us, he also dealt with the man." More lies.
I'm a pathological lier now.
"Oh, well that's good." She sighs in relief. The atmosphere progressively grows tense, "Why don't you go and get some sleep? You've had a rough night." She pities me, which only angers me further but I hold it in as it's not her fault.
Not wanting to refuse sleep I drag myself to Jimin's bedroom.
"Oh and y/n," she stops me, "It might cheer you up to know that the boys really enjoyed the food you prepared yesterday." She smiles sympathetically at me.
Not having the energy to fake a smile I just nod and continue on my path to sleep.
[...]
As I feel myself about to drift off the door creaks open and my eyes shoot open again, any calmness abandoning me, leaving me with the harsh realities of life.
"Y/n?" Jimin whispers as he enters.
I don't answer but raise my head to look at him to show my prescence.
"Mum wanted me to make sure you were ok, and give you this." He pushes the tray in his hands towards me.
Although I'm not on talking terms with him, I also have a massive migraine and am not going to turn down pain relief. I skip over the food, not wanting to eat for the first time since I was born.
His grip on my arm forces me to pause in my actions, "You shouldn't take the meds on an empty stomach. Eat first...mum would want you to." He states and I scoff in disbelief at this man's bipolar.
"And you care why? Have the soup if you want it, I won't tell her you didn't make sure I took it correctly." I mumble.
"Please, y/n." I don't think I've ever heard this boy use manners before, especially not with me.
"Who do you think you are to tell me what to do?" I sinisterly chuckle amused at his words. I don't know where this newfound confidence has come from but I don't care I am proud to finally be speaking up to him.
Don't get me wrong I use to try but he would never listen, given the current circumstances he doesn't have much of a choice.
When I get no reply I carry on spitting remarks in his face vexed, "Look at me Jimin!" I utter through a clenched jaw and gritted teeth, I want him to see what he did to me and face it, "Look at me," I repeat, "This is what you did to me. These cuts and bruises aren't some man who tried to mug me, aren't my dad, aren't even you and your gang. No, these were caused by you, and only you." Something at him seems to snap and the aura he emits so confidently returns.
I can't help but cower as his threatening presence glares daggers into my head, as if it was a bullseye, "Listen you bitch, I told you when you first asked me for help what you were getting yourself into. I never said we were friends, I never lead you on, infact you've been quite lucky until recently." It's his turn to scoff and laugh, "You brought this on yourself and I've done nothing wrong in heind sight, I warned you and you accepted it."
I have no reply because deep down I know, he's right. I was grasping at the hope and invisible chance that maybe, just maybe I would get my friend back but he's gone and I've always known he's gone. He only did to me what he told me he was going to do, technically I have no right to be angry, but I could never show him my defeat.
He huffs, "Just eat then take the medicine, after that do whatever the fuck you want." Without another word he exits, once again leaving me with the company of my sorrows.
As soon as I'm sure he's gone the fragmented mask I put on shatters and breaks away from my face, revealing the mental wounds and scars that are go deeper into my face than any of the physical marks he leaves.
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Thank you - Bangtanxxo