Chapter 184: His Feelings
Betrayed and wounded him?
Chen Rong wanted to laugh when she heard this. And yet, when she saw his lonely eyes and his bloodstained, grimy figure, this handsome and unfeeling man somehow felt cold and lonesome despite the warm sun above them. His was the desolation of someone who lived in an eternal wasteland, never understood nor accompanied by anyone.
Her eyes suddenly stung as she stared at him. She tilted her head to let the wind dry her eyes... Perhaps she had never known this man whose bones yearned for tenderness. She once thought he was made of iron, never to be defeated. But she was wrong. He was always alone in both lives, his soul always wandering and searching for warmth regardless of the things he had.
In their last life, she had used the wrong way to capture his attention. Despite trying her best, she couldn't get him to look back at her.
In this life, she let go of him and of her own obsession. Yet this unintentional and subconscious rejection was what made her enter his heart.
After thinking about it, Chen Rong felt that she did really hurt him. Just like how he had hurt her in the past, she now walked right into his heart and then dismissed it, delivering his biggest wound.
Her lips twitched, but different from before, Chen Rong did not feel happy this time.
She stayed her long hair from flying in the wind. As she was about to speak, Ran Min's deep voice continued: "Ah Rong, if..."
"If you find yourself with child and have nowhere to go, then come find me," he abstrusely said.
Chen Rong's head whipped up to look at him.
"Murong Ke really didn't touch me," she said as she met his lonely gaze. She sounded rather powerless. She, too, knew that any woman who fell into the hands of the Hu would at best sleep with their general alone or more commonly become a plaything for their captains and soldiers... It was the norm which no woman could escape. It was why both Ran Min and Wang Hong didn't think it would be different for her.
"You're too strong-willed," Ran Min went on. "If you couldn't tolerate Chen Wei, you could've found me and told me. Yet you slept with Wang Hong over such a trivial thing. You had forsaken me, Ah Rong."
There was a sadness in his voice, and he had sounded even more powerless when he said she had forsaken him.
Chen Rong's lips moved. She knew that if she had sincerely wanted to marry him, she could have looked for him when she heard about Chen Wei. He may not have listened, but she should have tried.
Ran Min stared at her. Seeing her head bowed and the muscles on her mouth twitching, he said, "I did not want to dwell on your loss of chastity, I still wanted to marry you... But you refused me. Ah Rong, your heart is made of iron and stone."
At this juncture, he looked up to the sky, his handsome face smiling plaintively. "I was born to the Hu and took the enemy as my countrymen. Despite rescuing countless clansmen, what I receive is always disdain. But none of that had mattered... because you had given me the kind of happiness that made me think life could be complete. Then you turned around and did this to me. Ah Rong, how I hated you then, how I wanted to kill you."
Chen Rong bit her lips, her head hanging even lower.
Ran Min's throat undulated. He closed his eyes to hide the pain and loneliness in them. His lips moved to hoarsely say: "I, too, wanted to let go this time. But when I thought of you being held captive by the Hu like the thousands of Jin women I had seen, crying under those damned Xianbei, I could not sit still."
Chen Rong took a step back, bowed, and accorded him ceremony. Her emotions were too complicated and she felt a lump in her throat. Besides doing this, she didn't know what else to do.
Ran Min's hoarse voice continued to sound in her ears: "I'm relieved to see you return safe and sound."
Upon these words, he regarded her and added, "Woman, remember my words. If you have nowhere to go, you can come to me. As a man of honor, I will not ridicule you. Your child will also be treated as my own."
Having said this, he stared deeply at her. He stared so earnestly and so persistently that it seemed he wanted to ingrain her in his memory, but also as if he wanted to take one last look at her before completely forgetting her.
His sigh was carried away by the wind. By the time Chen Rong looked up, she only heard the wind rustling through her sleeves.
Ran Min walked to his horse, turned and mounted. Without looking back, he yelled in a clear and ruthless voice: "Go!" His riders left with him, and the rising dust made Chen Rong squint her eyes.
Wang Hong came to stand behind her. In the sunlight, he stared after the crimson figure that was going farther and farther away. With his hands behind his back, he lightly remarked, "Why would you have nowhere to go? He's needlessly worried."
His dissatisfied voice flowed into Chen Rong's ears. She quickly blinked her tears away before turning to face him.
She met Wang Hong's silent eyes as soon as she turned around. He made a displeased huff at her watery eyes and said, "Let's go." Before Chen Rong could follow he had strode away.
This translation belongs to hamster428.
Chen Rong went back to the carriage.
She lowered her head and stared motionlessly at her entwined fingers. Momentarily, thoughts from both lives rushed to mind and turned at long last into a sigh.
Absently, she raised her head to watch the scenery go by. When she finally remembered Wang Hong, she turned to look at him.
He had closed his eyes like a statue.
Chen Rong moved to him, and just as she neared, his cold voice sounded: "Not thinking about your old lover anymore?"
She blanked, then suppressed her laughter and answered, "Why would I think about my old lover when my new one is here?"
Wang Hong opened his eyes.
The look in his eyes was still distant and out of reach, but Chen Rong knew him so well that when she saw his pursing lips, she laughed, raised her head, and placed a resounding kiss on them.
Even though he was teased, Wang Hong continued to look at her with the same aloof and distant eyes.
Chen Rong sighed. She quietly moved away and bowed her head. Then she took the seven-string zither from the carriage wall and, with a wave of her hand, let spill a quiet and distant longing.
With her head lowered against her red outfit, her face was as beautiful as a lake in the setting sun. A lock of hair was swept back as her hands moved, revealing a white neck that was as elegant as jade.
Unconsciously, the indifference in Wang Hong's eyes was replaced by mesmerization.
The sound of the moving carriage, a whisper, and the sand that permeated the yellow road froze into an eternal picture in this timeworn music.
"Oh scholar with the blue collar,
How long I've loved and pined.
Though I haven't visited,
Why don't you to me write?
Oh scholar with the blue belt stone,
How long I've missed your sight.
Though I haven't visited,
Why don't you come sometime?
I keep pacing up and down,
On the tower of the city wall.
A day without seeing you,
Feels like three moons of yore..." (1)
子衿 from The Book of Songs
Hers was a lovesickness that couldn't be described in words. When she missed him, the hour did not pass and night was no different from day. When she missed him, the sumptuous palace was but a large wall, keeping him far from reach. When she missed him, every sigh lingered, every piece of her broken heart was of his smiling face. When she missed him, even death did not daunt. Countless times had she sat in the moonlight wishing to fly to him in a faraway place when her soul was finally freed from its corporeal encasement.
Her longing had clearly been engraved into her bones, yet her music only betrayed tranquility without anguish.
Unconsciously, Wang Hong reached out and held Chen Rong from behind.
He softly kissed her hair. His throat moved, wanting to say something, but he eventually held back from speaking. He saw from her music her imprisonment in the Hu barracks, among filthy, lustful eyes, thinking of him as she peacefully waited to die.
He hugged her so tightly that it made her miss a note. Chen Rong rested her hands on the strings and stopped playing.
Suddenly, her earlobe felt warm.
Wang Hong was gently nibbling on it. "I knew about your conversations with Ran Min at the Xishan Monastery."
Conversations at the Xishan Monastery?
Chen Rong blinked uncertainly.
His lips moved down to kiss the pulse on her slender neck. While she shivered, he softly said, "You asked me why I came to save you... You're so good to me, Ah Rong, that I dare not fail you."
I dare not fail you.
Chen Rong seemed to be intoxicated by these words. Her eyes fluttered, and she couldn't help turning her head.
However, as soon as she made a move, her head was held in place so that she could not turn back to look at him no matter how hard she tried.
If he didn't want her to turn around then she would not. Chen Rong smiled, let herself be lost in the intoxication and settled into his arms.
At this time, he lifted her face and softly bent down to kiss her. She raised her head to meet him, their fragrant tongues and bodies entwined into one.
The cavalcade continued at a constant pace to Nan'yang City.
The closer they got to Nan'yang, the livelier the road became. A caravan passed by from time to time, small groups of three or five could even be seen.
They were naturally Jins... The more chaos the kingdom was in, the more patriots made themselves known. Ever since the new Mo'yang and Qi'yang mayors arrived, more and more hot-blooded men followed them here. In their mind, Mo'yang, Nan'yang, and Qi'yang formed the first line of resistance against the Hu forces. And of course everyone wanted to fight in the forefront.
Wang Hong's cavalcade was being watched by more and more people among the travelers. Although their clan emblem was not displayed, their sturdy bodies, restrained brutality, and excellent mounts showed their capable combat prowess.
While the carriage continued its usual jostling, a rider suddenly stopped in front of Wang Hong's carriage.