I'm not sure how long I'd been asleep, it was late; or early, however you wanted to look at it. I still hugged Juice into my body and held his hand but the nightstand light had been shut off. The room was now dark and cool. My heart ached when I could hear Juice's voice whimpering softly into the darkness like he was talking to a ghost of the past.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know dear; how much I love you. So please don't take my sunshine away."
Truth will ultimately prevail where there is pains to bring it to light. The scary question is: what is the truth going to be when pain brings light to it?
I don't remember falling back to sleep last night but I do remember slipping out of the coma to the sound of something familiar. I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face when I realized that Juice was in the kitchen with Percy, and if Juice has Percy, he'll have Daylon too. I could hear Percy talking to Juice about proper typing skills on the computer keyboard. Percy is learning how to use the computer at School and he's over the moon about that because it means he gets a better opportunity to impress his dad. I told Juice to praise Percy and show him how proud he is of how well he's doing in School.
I sighed to myself and rubbed my face tiredly. I knew I had to roll out of bed to begin the day; I couldn't just neglect my duties as a mom just because Juice is home. I was glad Juice got Percy up for School before he left for the clubhouse. It's not often that Juice helps me in the morning with Percy, so when he does stay at home during the mornings, I use him to my full advantage. I find it very annoying when people praise the fathers for looking after the kids or doing housework but in the same heartbeat expect the mothers do it without a complaint and without a reward. Juice is a parent, like me; he isn't a part time babysitter or maid. He is expected to help raise our kids and maintain the upkeep of the house; just like I'm expected to do all that.
I wrapped my fluffy bathrobe around me after rolling off the side of the bed. I could hear Percy talking to his dad about School and his friends. It made me smile, from this side of the door it sounded like every other father-son conversation but the moment I step into the hallway I'll be faced with my reality; the reality that everyday I'm left wondering if the father of my children and the love of my life is going to be wounded, dying, or dead at the end of the day. I'm left worrying if Juice has rubbed too much off on Percy and Daylon, Percy mainly. I'm left sitting by the phone and door waiting for a sign that something has happened to my family. My life isn't glamorous or dazzling; it's a dark and grim place. But it has its moments of pure happiness and joy, moments where no darkness can touch it. I don't blame Juice for any of this, I've never blamed him and I'll never blame him for any of the events that have happened, are happening or are going to happen; he was in the club long before we met. But I wish he'd help out more here because it feels like I'm a single parent. I feel like I'm all alone in this. I'll never tell Juice that though. It's the biggest guilt trip; I'm basically making him choose; the club or me.
But I forcefully smiled widely when I opened the bedroom door and proceeded down that hallway to the kitchen where Percy was sitting at the dining room table while Juice was at the counter preparing breakfast. Juice had gotten Percy ready for School today that made me smile softly. I couldn't help but feel at home seeing all three of my boys together, Percy was smiling at the drawing he had on the dinner table as he waited for the School bus to arrive, Daylon was fast asleep in his swing, and Juice, he was smiling and beaming at Percy's bouncing conversation as if none of what happened last night affected him in the slightest, but the moment he looked up and saw me standing in the doorway, his smile vanished. He looked like that man who I saw come into the house last night with ashy complexion and scared eyes with a gloss of sweat blanketing his face. It was as if whatever was haunting him was in me. Maybe I was the one who haunted him.
My mind was pulled away from Juice when I heard the horn of the School bus outside. Percy immediately jumped from his chair and hugged his father Good-Bye. Juice hugged him back and kissed the top of his head, rubbing his shoulder.
"Have a good day at School, Buddy." Juice said to our son before I escorted Percy from the kitchen to the front door then watched as he ran down the path to the sidewalk then onto the School bus with his backpack bouncing at his side. While I was watching Percy, Daylon woke up and was cranky; being automatic instinctual mother that I am, I turned on my heel to go to the kitchen to tend to Daylon's needs. When I got there Juice was picking the crying infant up from the swing, I stood by and admired the two of them. Juice cradled Daylon in his arms like he used to do to Percy when he was that age. Hell, Juice still does cradle Percy like that.
I stood in the doorway between the kitchen and living room with my arms crossed over my chest. Juice didn't notice me standing there again as he rocked the grumpy infant and swayed him with a tenderness that I've almost forgotten he has. He play fights with Percy like a big kid but he's so gentle with Daylon, reminding me that he's capable of so much more than I've become accustomed to.
"Are you feeling better?" I asked curiously without even thinking about it. Juice looked up at me and frowned grimly. He hasn't looked very happy since Friday; usually spending time with me and the boys helps him deal with things. It melts his stress away. Although, for some reason everything that usually makes him happy doesn't have the same effect anymore. That's a very worrying thing to think about. He needs something to help keep the noise in his head at bay.
"I wish I was but I'm not." He replied weakly, he kept his voice down. I frowned sadly at his response. I was glad he was being honest though. I moved from the doorway to his personal space and gently placed my hand on his shoulder. Juice jumped a little bit and looked over at me, cradling Daylon close to his chest.
"Wanna talk about it?" I offered a shoulder to cry on, again. I'm his old lady; it's my job to be there for him. Juice put Daylon back down into his swing with a heavy sigh and looked at me with his dark coloured eyes.
"It's nothing for you to worry about right now." He told me flatly. My eyebrow cocked upward with a confused expression. Something didn't sit right with me. He said "right now". Does that mean I have to worry about it later instead of right now?
"Don't you think that if I have to worry about it at all I should know what I'm worrying about?" I asked stubbornly. Juice sighed again and mentally kicked himself. He said too much already, he let me know that something is happening in the club and I should be worried.
"Fine, fine, I'll tell you what's going down." He said in defeat. His stress levels spiked, I could see it in his eyes. I could see it in the way he looked down at me with a grim line on his mouth.
"The complications in Nevada were, we bumped into your dad. He recognized me and followed me back to Charming." He half assed explained to me holding Daylon a little bit tighter. I knew he was lying, maybe not entirely but partly. I knew my dad was involved and he was in Charming but the rest was a lie. I wasn't born yesterday. But I decided to turn the other way, as long as he doesn't know where I live or anything else. But either way, I put on a pretty smile and nodded kindly, letting him believe I bought what he was trying to sell me.
"Now, was telling the truth so hard?" I sarcastically stated with my arms crossed over my chest. Sheer shame and panic struck Juice's face instantly. He knew I didn't believe him but he didn't know how much I knew based off of his lie. Instead of standing there staring intensely at each other, I smiled kindly and cocked my head to the side.
"Are you going to the clubhouse today?" I asked curiously. Juice hummed them shook his head.
"Jax said I should stay home today, if they need me he'll call." He replied honestly, patting Daylon's butt gently to get the small boy to stop fussing. I grinned devilishly at him and nodded in understanding, placing my hand back on his shoulder.
"Does that mean I get some time with my ol' man?" I asked cheekily, giving his shoulder a light suggestive squeeze. Juice knew exactly what I meant by that. Gemma is picking Daylon up so she can have the three grandsons over for the day. Even she is rooting for Juice and I to have a girl, she wants a grand baby girl.
Juice devilishly grinned from ear to ear and blushed lightly at my comment.
"I know, about damntime I get some r'n'r." He cheekily commented before leaning in to peck my lipssweetly. Oh boy, have I ever missed just having some time with him alone. Ithink Jax letting him out for a day or two is a good thing. Juice isn'tmentally or emotionally correct for the Sons and everyone can smell it on him.I'll protect him until the day I die though. Nobody is going to try to hurt myfamily.۰[<L