Zit angst because why not.
Tw for suicide and mention of self harm, and just general angst.
Song is let her go by passenger
———
Hi Zed. When you read this, I'll be gone. I'm sorry to leave so soon. But I had to let go.
I didn't live a good life, I've done a lot of wrong. I never deserved you. You only want the best for everyone. Please, find someone better. Promise me.
I love you. Please don't blame yourself. I know I will never see you again, but it wasn't your fault. You have to know when to let go. I'm sorry. Find someone else. Someone better. For me. Be happy. Live on. I love you.
-Tango
Zedaph must have read the note a million times.
He had it memorized, from the tattered edges of the paper to the jagged imperfect writing.
The way it felt rushed, like there was so much to say but not enough time.
Never enough time.
He cried every time he read the note, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes even now.
He saw his breath curl in front of his vision as he stared at the snow covered grave of his long gone lover.
Three years to the day.
Three.
Fucking.
Years.
It was a all Zed could do to not start sobbing.
He still remembered the demons bright red eyes, charming smile, energetic personality.
He was always so happy.
All Zed wanted was one day.
He'd even settle for just a minute.
One more kiss.
One more loving smile.
Even just a clip of his charming laugh.
There was never enough time.
Zed stood from his knees not even bothering to wipe away his tears.
He grabbed a stone from his pocket, clearing the snow off the grave and delicately placing it on top, next to two others. A Jewish tradition.
Zed choked out a sob, covering his mouth. He was never particularly religious but it felt right.
He carefully folded up the note and slid it in his pocket, rubbing his hands together for warmth.
After a few minutes he left the graveyard, going home.
You have to know when to let go
He dropped his winter wear on the floor outside the door and curled up on the couch, hands shaking as he went to his contacts.
A sob broke out as he clicked on a name, shoving the phone to the side of his face the second he confirmed the call would go through.
It rung twice before it was patched through, "im- impu.." he let out another sob, finding it hard to remember to breathe.
"Pleas-se.. come o-over, I'm afraid I'll- I'll hurt.. hurt myse.." more sobs cascaded from his chest, his nose running and head spinning.
"I'm sorr.. sorry to both.. I didn't know who else to.." he could barely string together sentences, his brain a mess of grief and anguish.
He took a few deep breaths after prompts from the person on the other line, but that didn't seem to do anything to calm him down. His entire body was just one broken floodgate, spewing enough emotions for both himself and his dead lover.
He stayed like that for god knows how long, shivering and sobbing into a pillow, until he felt two arms pull him into a hug.
He latched onto whoever it was, sobbing into their chest. The mystery figure whispered gentle words of encouragement, seemingly familiar with the situation.
After a few minutes the sobbing slowed, leaving Zed hiccoughing and gasping for breath.
He pulled away from the hug, wiping his tears with the back of his hands.
"I..I'm sorr-sorry Impulse, I don't mean to bother.." the British man murmured, gasping and stuttering for breath- a nasty after effect of sobbing.
Impulse smiled sympathetically, "no- please don't worry, I know how hard this is for you.."
"Tha..thank you.." Zed said in a bare whisper, curling up around a pillow.
"Want to watch a movie or something?" Impulse asked gently.
"Mm.." Zed hummed out a quick yes, eyes glossy and empty.
"Any requests?" Impulse asked, grabbing the tv remote.
Zed seemed to think for a second, before shaking his head. "No," he said simply.
Impulse put on a Star Wars movie, knowing Zed liked the series. He wasn't really watching the movie, a look of concern painted over his face as he watched Zed.
Impulse knew Zed was prone to hurting himself, especially around this time of year. He was worried.
The brit noticed Impulses worry, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything. He just felt so empty.
He didn't know when to let go.
The movie came and went, along with the day. Night fell and Zed felt unusually tired. He drifted off quietly that night, heart heavy.
———
When he woke up he was alone on the couch, the sun streaming through the window.
There was a piece of toast with a little note on the coffee table, and Zed found it within himself to get up and read it.
Hey Zed! Sorry I couldn't be there when you woke up, but I had to go :(
I made you some toast, call if you need anything.
-impulse
Zed cracked a small smile, ripping the slice of toast in half and biting in to one of the halves.
Today he didn't really feel like doing anything, so he turned on the TV and forgot about all his problems.
———
I'd just like to say I'd die for any of the hermits, but specifically ZIT-
They're just so fkin happy it makes my sad little heart melt.
-yours, (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ ʞɔnℲ