The boy wore a black sweater, with three of his friends and they stared out of the window, before realizing this empty road lead them nowhere. The trees, the wind, the sky, evoking feelings and they began to wonder what drove his friend to take that decision. He once in despair, for reasons he pushed them out and everyone else. Everything became much worse when he signed himself up to that mental hospital. His insanity wasn't that insane at all, in fact, he still able to manage everything but well maybe he was trying to distract himself from- whatever he tried to forget. In the most extreme way. What they hated from him was just he kept thinking to fix himself on his own. He was digging and burying himself with problems, and at the same time he built his own wall of ego; distanced himself from the people who cared about him, and let himself drown in lonesome.
"Gentlemen, I think we arrived." Without even saying a single word, one of the boys took some money out from his wallet and give it to the driver. "Thank you, Mister." They left the taxi immediately before they changed their mind.
They had visited this place a few times before but they always felt strange to step their feet on it. There was no memory, nothing. However, as they hardly arranged words in their mind, they couldn't. They feel more broken than ever every time they were here.
--
So, here came the boy. A boy who everyone loved. His name, his face, his talent, undoubtedly outstanding from the rest of people. Living his life as a celebrity from a very young age; everyone could assure that he had that life goal that everyone can ever imagine. Never lacking money, bunch of good friends, loved by millions of fans, and had a supportive family; everything was complete for him.
Except himself.
Now there he was, sitting face to face with that woman. She was probably in her middle 50s, wearing a white coat along with few papers on her hand.
"Hello, how are you?" She started to crack the silence between them and initiated the conversation first.
"Not so fine. But I'm good." He replied with a small trembling voice.
"Do you mind telling me your name?"
"You have my photos and my bio-data on your papers. Why bothering ask?" the skeptical tone on his words echoing the whole room. He still had that flat looks set on his face; wondering why he should be doing this useless therapy session right now.
"No. This time I want you to tell me your name. Loud and clear. I want to know whom I talk to." The woman threw him a serious stare. From this kind of gesture, he knew exactly that this woman didn't come to play a game. She was a professional in her field and no one could or should manipulate her.
"I am Kim Hanbin. And you?" he jokingly laughed and throw a faint smile.
"I'm your psychiatrist. Just call me doctor. And I think I already told you my name yesterday."
"Ahh.. doctor. You know I easily forget things right? There are a lot of complicated things going on my mind right now; they are uncoordinated and I don't have much energy to tell them to fuck off. Don't be too strict to me, I'm tired you know? If I regain my sanity back soon then you'll be jobless because I'm your only patient on this goddamn asylum. Be patient to me too, ok?" he lowered his shoulder while doing a small stretch. This session was tiring for both parties yet they have to do it all over again for almost every day.
"So.. Hanbin, do you know why you're here?" the doctor already flipped a paper on her hands and clicked a pen on her right hand.
"Because I'm depressed?"
"Do you know what causes your depression?"
The boy bite his lower lip, his mind went back far when he was still working on his music studio. "I don't know, maybe I overwork myself and had multiple burnouts. I have to keep making good music and sometimes I pushed myself too hard."
"Is that all?"
"Maam, if you suddenly sad and want to kill yourself; do you always know the reason why?" he gave her the confused stare as if he was testing her.
"I am the one who should be asking. Not the otherwise."
Shocked to hear the answer, a small laugh slipped from his mouth. He was nowhere near the definition of serious. He already figured out something inside him probably incurable; therefore he just enjoyed every second of his life as something similar to a comedy.
"Alright.. hahaha I can clearly tell you that you are doing great with your job. I love it."
"Back to the question Kim Hanbin, do you know why you're here?"
There was a short pause between them. His face slowly frowned and the air between them went thin. Those four walls that caged them felt to grow bigger and heavier. He sighed, recalling those memories were the hardest thing to do for him.
"Hanbin?" the doctor tried to wake him from his daydream. She was waiting for those words to be said, because once he said those words then she could really begin the therapy. As long as he didn't say those words yet, all these sessions were just utter chitchat. She had to try her best to let him said those words by himself; and nobody should say those words in front of him. Otherwise, something unpredictable would re-emerge and she obviously didn't want that.
Cmon boy, say it.
"I had to fight the other guys so I can finally reach here. I'm not the strongest, but I have the advantage because I know the woods better than the others."
The woods.
That's it.
--