Cordelia stood in the corner of the ballroom, watching from afar as Alastair spoke to their father. Their father was feeling much better now and had even been able to attend the ball. Although, Alastair had come seeking her out earlier and had told her that their father was indeed drinking again. Her brother's words had filled her with anxiety and she felt a sense of anger directed at her father. When would he learn that he was only slowly killing himself? Cordelia understood that it was an addiction her father held, but she felt that he needed to take some sort of responsibility for it.
Cordelia watched as Alastair gave their father a tense glare as he spoke and she sighed to herself. She was not sure what they were speaking about and she did not wish to know. Alastair had told her that things at Kensington Gardens were very tense and he and their father did not speak. Their mother had tried her very hardest to bring everyone together but it had not worked. It made Cordelia feel thankful that she now lived at the Institute.
"Is your brother alright?" A voice spoke from beside Cordelia.
She jumped in surprise and looked beside her to see Thomas Lightwood. He was looking over at Alastair with a bit of concern on his face.
"Oh yes, he is alright." Cordelia felt surprised by the question. "He and my father are getting into a bit of a debate, I suppose."
Cordelia watched as Alastair stormed away from their father and sighed in defeat. She did not know if they would ever mend their relationship although she desperately wished they would.
"He looks very distraught." Thomas observed.
Cordelia turned to him, biting her lip in worry. "Will you go after him for me, Thomas? I am afraid that he will not open up to me if I do as I am his little sister. He may appreciate it if you do."
"Oh, I do not know, Cordelia." A small blush rose to Thomas' cheeks. "I do not think Alastair would appreciate me going after him."
"He would." Cordelia assured him. "I know that Alastair secretly admires you, even though he may not show it."
Thomas looked surprised but nodded his head and then left. Cordelia knew that Alastair and Thomas were acquaintances so it would not be strange if Thomas went after him. Cordelia stood by herself then and listened as slower song began to play. Couples began to dance and then suddenly James was standing in front of Cordelia. He looked absolutely breathtaking tonight and Cordelia could not help but blush at the sight of him.
"Would you care to dance with me, Daisy?" James gave her a small grin.
She decided to tease him. "Do I have much of a choice?"
"As my wife, I do not believe that you do." James grinned widely now.
He held out his hand and Cordelia laughed and took it. James lead her to the dance floor and they began to dance. Cordelia could not count how many times she had danced with James, but it felt like she was floating on air every time she did it. Her body felt warm pressed against his but Cordelia was now used to the feeling. She had a hard time believing that this was the boy she shared a bed with every night. James was so beautiful and Cordelia was just average. There was nothing quite special about her.
"I must say, Daisy, that you look very pretty tonight." James smiled down at her.
Cordelia could not help the blush that rose to her cheeks. "You are required to say that because I am your wife."
He chuckled. "Maybe, but I really do think that you look pretty tonight."
"You flatter me too much, Jamie." Cordelia smiled up at him. "You are not so bad yourself; I caught Catherine Townsend staring at you from across the room earlier."
James looked amused. "Really? Then I must leave you in the middle of the dance floor at once to go greet her."
He was making a reference to when he had left her to go greet Grace at the very first ball Cordelia had ever attended, and she laughed. She liked it when James was in these playful moods; he always made her laugh.
"It would not be the first time you would have left me." Cordelia shot back, amused as well.
James laughed. "It was good of Matthew to have saved you from the humiliation I would have inflicted."
At the sound of Matthew's name, Cordelia's heart lurched. She had not spoken to him since they had had their fight and Cordelia found that she missed him. She knew that she should apologize for her harsh words but she was afraid to approach him. Cordelia sought him out in the crowd and saw that he was dancing with Lucie; he was grinning down at her as she laughed lightly. Matthew looked so incredibly beautiful and it hurt Cordelia's heart. He did not love her anymore. The thought had been needling at her for the past few days and it kept her awake at night. Cordelia had forced herself to forget about it but she found that she could not.
"Yes," Cordelia spoke finally. "It was very nice of Matthew to save me like that. I do not know what I would have done if he had not been there."
"Matthew has always had the need to help and protect everyone he can." James spoke fondly. "He took to you very quickly - it made me glad. He is not one to accept change in our little group."
Cordelia did not wish to speak about Matthew with James so she decided to change the subject. "I told Aurora of our fake marriage."
James looked interested. "What did she have to say about it?"
"She was surprised that we were not truly married." Cordelia felt herself blush slightly. "I find that I have come to like her very much. She is very kind."
"I have as well." James smiled. "She fits in very well with all of us. I suspect that her and Matthew have feelings for one another."
Cordelia froze for a moment as realization struck; so that was why Matthew no longer loved her. He had placed his affections in Aurora - it all made perfect sense. Cordelia could not ignore the sense of heartbreak that she felt once again.
"What makes you say that?" She asked casually.
James shrugged. "It is only a feeling. Although they have been spending much time together. It would make me very happy to see Matthew happy with someone."
"I, as well." Cordelia's mouth felt like sandpaper.
The dance ended soon after that and James left to speak to Christopher. Cordelia stood on the side of the dance floor, watching Matthew from afar. He was standing alone as well, his dark green eyes studied the side of his left sleeve. Cordelia knew that she should go up to him and apologize; it would only further drive a wedge between them if she did not. She began to move towards him, her heart beating faster with every step she took. Cordelia had never recalled feeling intimated by Matthew but she now was. She did not know if she would be able to handle the weight of his stare as she apologized for what she had said to him. What if Matthew did not forgive her? What if he now wanted nothing to do with her?
Cordelia forced herself to push these thoughts to the side as she neared him. Matthew was kind and forgiving - he would not push her away or refuse to speak to her. Cordelia was now almost standing in front of Matthew and was about to call his name when someone approached him. It was Aurora. She was smiling up at him and Matthew returned the smile as soon as he saw her. It made Cordelia stop in her place. James had been right; it certainly did look as if he and Aurora felt for one another. Matthew deserved to be happy. What Cordelia had said to him had been terrible and Matthew deserved people in his life who were kind to him. Cordelia certainly had not been kind to him.
She watched as Matthew and Aurora began to speak and laugh together and Cordelia turned around and walked away. She felt heartbroken. It would now be Aurora that Matthew would take to the Hell Ruelle and it would Aurora who he danced with at balls. It would no longer be Cordelia. The thought made her feel sick. In her distressed state, Cordelia sought out Lucie, and found her standing alone by the entrance to the balcony. Without thinking, Cordelia embraced her, burying her face into her best friend's shoulder.
"Oh, Daisy." She heard Lucie say. "Are you alright? Has something happened?"
Cordelia pulled away from Lucie, tears in her eyes. "I got into a terrible argument with Matthew the other day and he said that he no longer loves me. I believe that he now loves Aurora."
"Oh, Cordelia, I am so very sorry." Lucie looked saddened.
"And I know that I should not care as I can never be with Matthew anyways, but I find that I cannot help it." Cordelia sniffled.
Lucie reached out and pulled Cordelia in for a hug again; she held her very tightly.
"Do not cry. You are Cordelia Carstairs - you are one of the bravest people I have ever known. Do not allow some silly boy to allow you to feel any less than you are." Lucie spoke firmly.
Cordelia felt touched by her words. "Thank you, Luce."
They both pulled away from each other and Lucie gave her a cheery smile and wiped away a tear that was on Cordelia's cheek. Cordelia felt very happy in that moment that she had chosen someone like Lucie to be her Parabatai.