“You go first,” I mumbled, when Grace nudged me to get out of the car. Shrugging, she squeezed out of the back seat first. When I was the only one left in the car, I took action.
I lunged for the driver’s seat, but crashed face-first into the back before I could reach it. I crumpled to the floor of the car, groaning.
I heard a chuckle and peered up blurrily to see five Jeremys laughing at me. I tend to see multiples whenever I’m dizzy. Slowly, five Jeremys became one.
“Nice try,” he told me, reaching out one hand to help me up. I scowled at him, ignored the hand, and plunked myself down in the middle seat. There was a satisfying click, and then I sat there, smiling smugly up at Jeremy.
“I don’t like it when you smile like that,” he told me nervously, “Just let’s go.”
He took me by the hand and began pulling, but I let out a howl.
“OW, you blockhead, that hurts! I’m rather attached to my arm, you know.”
“Oh, for the love of…” Jeremy trailed off when he saw what I’d done. He shook his head, looking up at the sky. Behind him, the sun was setting and light spilled from the huge mansion of Estelle’s house. The music that was pounding was quite distinguishable, and Marianas Trench was now playing “All to Myself.”
“What on God’s green earth is taking so long?” I heard Jake ask, and then he was beside Jeremy, peering into the car where I sat, smiling at them.
“She freaking handcuffed herself to the seat,” Jeremy informed Jake, rolling his eyes.
“She what?” asked a bewildered Jake, and then came to see for himself. His blue eyes narrowed as he took in my wrist in a metal bracelet, attached to the arm of the chair.
“Where did you get the handcuffs from?” he demanded.
“You reminded me that I had them when you found my, uh…” I trailed off, glancing at Jeremy.
Jake gave an evil grin. “When I found your firetruck lacy thong?” he asked seductively, but then the smile slid off his face as he put two and two together. “Oh, God,” he exclaimed, “what the frack were you doing with that thong that reminded you of handcuffs?”
“Long story,” I rolled my eyes, “and you don’t get to know.”
“Fine,” scowled Jake, “be that way.”
And then he was gone, Jeremy following them to where Grace and Jay stood waiting for them. Okay, this wasn’t going to plan.
“Hey!” I yelled after them, “Wait! Aren’t you gonna take me home?”
“Nope!” Jake called back, “if we can’t take you to the party, then we’ll take the party to you!”
“Oi!” I screamed, “No! You can NOT bring people to see this! Let me go!”
Jake leisurely strolled back over. “Okay. Where are the keys?”
I smiled. “At home.”
“Then you’ll have to wait,” Jake sighed sadly, and turned to go again.
“No, Jake!” I begged after him, “I’m sorry! Just find a way to free me, I don’t want to spend the night out here! If I’m left alone, I’ll be bawling my eyes out. What if some drunk idiot decides to come in? I’ll be helpless! Please, Jake, find a way to get me out!” I sobbed, and then opened one eye to see if it was working.
Jake’s face was torn, and I knew I had him. “Please,” I added another sob, and gave a sniff for extra effect.
“All right, I’ll see what I can do,” Jake relented, and I gave him a beatific smile.
“You’re the bestest!”
“I know, I know,” Jake affirmed, turning back towards the house.
“No need to be so modest, Jakey,” I admonished, and he didn’t even answer.
When Jake was gone, it got boring. Grace, Jay and Jeremy had entered the house ages ago, and I was stuck on an empty lawn, in a Hummer, chained to the chair. How do I manage to get myself into situations like these?
I sang along to the words of “Cross My Heart,” but after that, no song came. Just some random throbbing beat with no real words – it was some cheap pop song. I guess Marianas Trench finally took a break.
I sighed, practiced crossing my eyes, hummed for as long as I could without stopping, held a conversation with a napkin, where I told it how underappreciated it was, and then I ran out of things to do. What was taking Jake so darn long?
“BOO!”
“AHHH!” I screamed, and turned to see a chuckling Mark. “Oh, frig, don’t do that!” I panted weakly. And then the silence got awkward.
“Um, what are you doing here?” I asked. “I thought no Leaguers were invited.”
Mark shrugged, looking at me sheepishly. I guess he felt bad around me, since it was his best friend who had broken my heart.
Don’t think about that, that’s why you were talking to napkins for Pete’s sake, I told myself.
“I guess that means I’m gate-crashing then,” Mark’s voice broke in, a welcome diversion from my thoughts.
“Oh, naughty boy,” I said in a monotone.
“Um,” Mark cleared his throat nervously, and looked down, kicking the ground. Since the Hummer was so high up, I got a clear view of his curly hair. I vaguely wondered what it would be like if I shredded a napkin and threw it into his curls. I guess I’m feeling better.
“What?” I asked, amused, as Mark continued to look nervous.
“I was wondering if Grace was with you,” he finally muttered, and I grinned. “I need to tell her something.”
“She went inside ages ago,” I nodded towards the doorway where I could see people silhouetted, dancing.
“Thanks,” Mark said, relieved I seemed okay around him. “You coming?” he asked, holding out his hand.
“I’m a bit, um, tied up at the moment, but I’ll come in later.”
“Okay,” Mark gave me a parting strange look, but left, headed towards Estelle’s house. A small part of me wondered that if Mark was here, did that mean his best friend was here too? But I refused the urge to call after Mark.
“BOO!”
“AHHHHHHHH!” I screamed again, louder than before.
A grinning Jake popped up into view while I gave convulsive gasps.
“Guess what the bestest person ever found?” sing-songed Jake, “These!” he cheerily held up the biggest pair of pliers I’ve ever seen in my life.
“No!” I screamed, holding my body over the cuffs, “You’re not cutting them!”
“Suit yourself,” shrugged Jake, swinging the pliers over his shoulder. I glared at him through narrowed eyes. Jake really wasn’t letting me be a brat about this.
I sighed, holding out my hands. “Fine, cut me loose.”
“YESSS!” Jake yelled, pumping one fist into the air, “I’ve wanted to use these for so long!”
A few snips later I was free and heading towards the house with Jake. “Have you seen Estelle yet?” I asked nervously as we neared the massive Victorian-era doors.
“Yep, those were her pliers,” Jake replied cheerfully, and I scowled.
“You told her what happened to me?”
“Goodness, no!” Jake said, pretending to be scandalized, “I just told her I needed pliers because I was gonna bury the body, but needed to pull out all the teeth so there wouldn’t be any identification later.”
I accepted that as a valid reason.
“Oh, and she’s already kinda tipsy.”
“I thought she only had champagne here?” I asked, frowning.
“Yeah, she must’ve had too much of it,” Jake was saying when I was assaulted by a mass of giggly girls.
“COURTNEY!” they screamed in unison, “You came!”
“Uhhh…” I said, beginning to wonder if this was a good idea after all. “Yep. Here I am.”
I finally recognized Estelle. She was grinning at me, and was wearing the most tiny, revealing dress I’ve ever seen. I mean, it would be small on a Chihuahua, you can imagine how tiny it was on her.
“I thought you’d never make it!” she gushed at me, holding one of those champagne glasses that always look so cool.
“Complications arose, ensued, were overcome,” I said loftily, quoting the best movie of all time: Pirates of the Caribbean.
She didn’t get it. “Rat’s tight!” she agreed, and then giggled. “Oops! I mean, that’s right!”
“Mm-hmm…” I said, smiling.
“Oh, and I’ve decided that I don’t care about the Ivy League!” she announced grandly, and her little minions actually started to clap. “They’re not gonna control my life anymore! From now on, I’m following you, Courtney!” she said, and then hugged me.
“Whoops, gotta go puke!” she said cheerily. “See you later! And don’t leave too early, either, I’ve got a grand finale!”
Since she spent so much time talking, she didn’t make it to the bathroom and just ended up puking over some random guy’s shoes. He absently patted her head and carried on in his conversation.
“That looks like fun!” I said, pointing, as Estelle tipsily made her way over to the champagne table. Waiters were also circulating with trays, and I snagged a glass, quickly downing it before Jake could stop me.
“I’m going to get drunk!” I announced, beaming up at him. Jake gave a patient sigh.
“Have you ever been drunk before?” he asked. I grinned.
“Oh, yeah. Funny story, actually. First time I got drunk, it was with my entire family! And believe me,” I said emphatically, gulping down another glass, “a drunk four-year old brother is not fun.”
“What?” Jake gasped.
“Yep,” I nodded, “it was New Year’s and we just kept making toast after toast, and nobody realized how much we were drinking until David fell of his chair! My dad kept hiccupping, and my mom started crying… Jared got aggressive and beheaded Timmy’s stuffed dog. Poor Mayday,” I shook my head sadly, beginning to get emotional.
“And how do you get when you’re drunk?” Jake asked apprehensively, trying to snatch my glass away from me but I quickly drank my third glass of champagne.
“Oh, I blurt out everything that comes to mind,” I said nonchalantly, drinking a fourth. Jake gave up on stopping me.
“Don’t you just love pirates?” I asked, giggling, “Pirates kick ninja-butts any day, and I’d just like to see anyone say otherwise!” I shouted, whirling around, but no one was challenging me. I smiled. “See? They all agree! That means I’m right.”
“Oh, Lord…” Jake mumbled, following me as I woozily made my way towards the stage.
“AND,” I yelled, “I hate poodles! They’re like walking marshmallows, why would anyone want a pet marshmallow? I just don’t understand!”
Jake sighed as I drank my sixth glass. But then he smiled evilly.
“Courtney,” he whispered, leaning into me and his piercing blue eyes glittering mischievously, but I cut him off.
“Jake, you’re cute,” I announced, studying him. My vision was starting to get blurry. Did I mention I get drunk really fast and really easily?
“Mm-hmm,” I nodded, “First day I saw you, I just knew.”
“What did you know?” Jake asked apprehensively.
“That you were hot!” I laughed. “And kissing you was nice, too. I liked it. Not like it was with N- N-” I hiccupped. Some part of my non-influenced brain was warning me not to go there, but I didn’t care. “Not like it was kissing Nate,” I finally said his name, “but it was still nice.”
And then I closed the short distance between me and an amused Jake, and kissed him. He held me for a brief moment before he pulled away.
His eyes looked at me with compassion. “Courtney,” he said softly, “We already tried this, remember? It didn’t work.”
“Third time’s the charm?” I asked, smiling up at him.
He chuckled. “No.”
“But we had some good times, didn’t we Jake?” I asked him trustingly, and he smiled.
“Yeah, if you can call them good.”
“Well, there was me and the butt jeans incident,” I reminisced, “and painting Ellen’s face blue. That was just classic. Oh! And threatening Alice with scissors! Do you remember?” I asked fondly.
“Yeah, man that girl was annoying.”
“Mm-hmm. And I almost made you eat your words. That would’ve been fun to see. Party pooper,” I said reproachfully.
Jake rolled his eyes. “Remember when I tried to teach you math?”
“That was a complete fail,” I agreed.
“Hey!” Jake said indignantly, “That was a fantastic method, it’s not my fault you’re dumb!”
“Watch who you’re calling dumb, blockhead,” I scowled up at him. “Or have you forgotten how you tried to take cookies out of an oven without a mitt?”
“You’ve done wa-a-ay stupider things, Courtney,” Jake reminded me, rolling his eyes.
“Yeah…” I sighed happily. “And Leah was great. Even though you nearly dropped me when I was hanging onto the balcony. Hey!” I said brightly and suddenly, startling Jake, “We should break into Ellen’s house again! Did you know she had a nose job done?” I asked, “Man, she was one ugly gargoyle before that. I tell you, she did a sighted world a favour when she re-made her face.”
“It was just her nose!” Jake inserted, offended.
“And there was a video there, too!” I added, not paying any attention to Jake. I was in word-vomit mode. The actual vomit would come later.
“You were in it, Jake. And you cheated on Leah! You kissed Ellen! Ugh,” I commented, and just the thought of Jake making out with Ellen made me lean over and puke all over Jake’s feet. Okay, I guess the vomit came sooner, rather than later. My bad.
“Gross,” Jake commented casually, wiping off his shoes with someone’s random sweatshirt.
“My turn,” he grinned, the evil grin returning. “Tell me about fourth grade. Why didn’t you want to do the play in the beginning?”
“Oh,” I said, face brightening, “because in fourth grade we did a play of Rapunzel and I had to wear a wig. And the kid playing the prince was the most obnoxious little bugger I’ve ever met, even more obnoxious than me! Can you believe it?” I asked incredulously.
“I can’t,” Jake said honestly.
“So the day of the play, he yanked on my hair too hard and my wig came off. I was so royally pissed that I jumped from the tower and landed right on top of him and proceeded to beat the snot out of him. Except he tore off my skirt, so everyone saw my 101 Dalmations underwear. So I gave him the world’s biggest wedgie and hung him by HIS underwear from the top of the tower. All of it happened in front of an audience, by the way. My mom has some pretty embarrassing pictures," I concluded thoughtfully.
Jake chuckled. “You haven’t changed too much,” he commented.
“Yes, I have!” I said angrily. “For instance, today, I wouldn’t hang him by his underwear, I’d kick him in the---”
“Yeah, I remember,” Jake said hastily, wincing at the memory.
“Okay, and what’s the story with the thong and handcuffs?” he added, winking and nudging me. I was happy to oblige him with the story, considering the seven glasses of champagne I’d consumed.
“Oh, well, it was back when I was in Canada, and it was my sweet sixteen birthday,” I began, but then I saw him, in the crowd, arguing with his sister.
“Oh, Lord,” I said, before the blurriness made everything go black.
Note from ella:
I'm so sorry for such a long wait! I hope this turns out longer than most uploads, to make up for it! I thought I'd have so much more time to upload over winter break, but I don't! My family wants to know what I'm doing every second of the day, so I really don't have time to come on. I hope you liked this, I've wanted to make Courtney drunk for awhile now, because she's entertaining. Let me know what you think is gonna happen!
This time, the huge thanks for the cover goes to Naaatt (the girl with devil horns, and IVY LEAGUE written in huge letters).
And I'll be reading the story requests as soon as I can. I just wanted to say thank you so so much for all the support and sweet comments you guys have been leaving me! It really makes my day better :) Have an amazing day yourselves, you fabulous people! :D