Alyssa
"Alyssa you do realise that you've just taken like 3 massive steps back in this whole situation?" Nessa said sternly, watching me like a hawk.
"You don't think I know that?" I groaned loudly, throwing my head in my hands. "I'm an idiot, a fucking idiot."
"I wouldn't say you're an idiot but you're not the brightest." She tried to sound helpful but in reality, her softening the blow for me wasn't the answer. I needed to be reminded that my actions were stupid and I shouldn't do it again.
"I shouldn't have gone round there, I should have just called him and given him a shit storm over the phone." I looked up at her. "It's all my own, stupid fault."
"Look Alyssa, we all do it at some point." She gave me a reassuring smile. "When there's real feelings involved, it's hard not to go back at some point."
"But it's just really scary to think how easily he turned me from wanting to rip his throat out to shagging him in the space of ten minutes." I exclaimed.
"Men have some weird powers over your emotions, this is why they ain't worth shit." She chucked. "Well most of them anyway."
"We get it, George is an angel." I rolled my eyes at her.
"All I'm saying is, you let your guard down and now you understand why it wasn't the best idea." She pointed out. I didn't know how to feel after it happened. The only thing I could do was just run as soon as I woke up. "If it didn't really mean much to you then you know that you're on the right track and will be able to move on from him soon."
"I don't know how I feel honestly." I frowned. "He broke up with me then pulled this shit?"
"Like I said, men are weird and have no idea what they're doing but we somehow always go back to them no matter how fucked up they are." She smiled. "Do you still want to be with him?"
"I'm not sure." I mumbled.
"Then maybe work that out before you beat yourself into the ground for one little mistake." She said.
Maybe Nessa is right, I should work out what I want before I continue to beat myself up about it. He was the one who initiated it all, he kissed me first. I do regret telling him I hated him though because it's the furthest from how I feel.
It's just hard to really put into words how I really do feel and the song he wrote about me hurt. Could I really forgive him for it?
"We need to get our shit together to catch this flight." I sighed, looking at her with tired eyes.
"Yeah, I can't really be arsed getting a flight to New York today but I promised George I would stick it out on the tour for a week." She made a face at the idea of having to travel in America on a tour bus.
"It's not all that bad, although I've only done it in the UK." I gave her a thoughtful look.
"Yeah but the difference is you're getting paid to do this, all I'm getting is a week with sweaty drunk guys on a bus." She laughed.
"I'm sure it won't be that bad." I tried to reassure her but it fell flat because the reality is, I have to do it for longer and while living on the same bus with my ex. Which wouldn't be half as bad if the last time I saw him before he left for the start of the tour was to call him out for being a dick to me, only to end up in his bed.
"You're a terrible liar, you know that right." She shook her head laughing.
"Yeah, I know." I laughed too.
-
I don't know what's worse, flying 6 hours across the Atlantic with a child behind me kicking my chair every five minutes or realising I had to spend 3 weeks travelling around America with my ex-boyfriend.
We grabbed our luggage and headed for the arrivals floor. It was kinda bittersweet in a way, Matty always told me he couldn't wait to show me New York City but that was when we were together. Now that I'm actually here, it felt like there was nothing to be excited about. I wasn't excited to go and see the city. I just wanted to get to my hotel room and sleep for the day until we had to go to the venue in the morning.
"There they are." Nessa pointed, I looked over and to my surprise the four of them were standing waiting for us. George said something to Ross and they both laughed. Matty shoved Adam as he clearly said something to annoy him, it was nice to see them in a way but the dread begun to set in the second Matty looked up and we locked eyes.
"Great." I said flatly and we begun to walk over towards them.
I stopped in front of them all, Nessa threw her arms around George and they shared a little moment together. The awkwardness set in after Adam and Ross gave me a hug, I didn't know if I should give Matty one since things were still in uncharted territory between us but my uncertainty was taken away from me when he was the one to pull me in for a hug. "How was your flight?" He asked me.
"Annoying, cramped and I had a gremlin behind me that wouldn't sit the fuck down for five minutes." I said bitterly as I pulled out from the hug.
"I guess that's the risk you take when you fly." He said looking me over slightly.
"It is indeed." I said feeling slightly uncomfortable and unsure what to say or do next. I was still a bit angry at him but for some reason, he seemed to be acting as though none of that even happened.
"Right well, now you two are here we have to get you to the hotel and then we have a date with the city." George told both Nessa and I.
"We're going around the city today?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
"Alyssa it's only 2pm, there's still so much time in the day and it's your first time in America." He rolled his eyes at me. "You're not spending it in a hotel room sleeping."
"Who said I wanted to sleep?" I tilted my head to the side.
"We share a flat together, I know exactly what you do with your day when you're not working." He chuckled.
"He's got a point." Matty chirped. I gave them both a glare and sighed.
"Fine." I said in defeat.
We all made our way into the city and as much as I wanted to keep being huffy and moody, the second I saw the skyline in front of me, it all drained away. I couldn't stop smiling at it all. The buildings were so big and scary for a small town girl like me. But it was exciting at the same time.
The hotel we were staying at was close to Times Square apparently, which was somewhere I definitely wanted to go to anyway. I know it's cliche and somewhere that everyone goes when they come to New York but it didn't stop me from wanting to see it for myself.
When we got to the hotel they showed us to our room, I was sharing with Adam. I was grateful that it wasn't with Matty because let's be honest, that would fuck up my head even more than it already was. Adam sat down on the bed and gave me a smile.
"You look happy." I told him, going through my suitcase to find an outfit to change into.
"Just feels good that you're here now and we get to show you some cool things while we're here." His face was lit up like a Christmas tree.
"You're been here many times before though." I pointed out.
"Yeah but showing someone who hasn't is fun, you get to relive the excitement all over again." He beamed. "So hurry up and get ready so we can get out there."
"Right, I'm going to." I said picking up a pair of light blue jeans and crop top from my belongings.
I went for a quick shower and dried my hair then put on my clothes. It didn't take me more than half an hour to get myself ready for the long day ahead of me but the tiredness was already beginning to wear me out a little. Jet lag is something I've never really felt before since the only other time I left the country was when Matty took me to Paris but that was only an hour time difference for me. This was a whole 5 hours now.
Once I was done I told Adam I was ready to go and we left the room and met everyone else in the lobby. "So where to first then?" Nessa asked the lads.
"Times Square is just around the corner so probably best starting there." George answered, looking for approval from the guys. Everyone nodded and left the hotel. The heat outside hit me all over again and I wanted to melt on the spot.
We walked a few blocks to Times Square and it overwhelmed me the second I was there. It was so busy and loud, people were everywhere taking pictures and looking at the billboards. "This is mental." I said to George, he just looked at me and laughed.
"Yeah, it's definitely not a pace you're used to." He chuckled. We walked over to the stairs and I couldn't stop looking around at everything. It was intoxicating to be standing there in a city I never thought I would ever see in my life time.
"We need to take pictures to document your first time in America." Adam said pulling his phone out.
"No, please don't." I begged him but he didn't listen and took a picture of me glaring at him.
"Come on, at least smile." He whined.
"I don't want a picture." I groaned.
"Stop being a baby about it." Matty rolled his eyes. I turned my glare to him but he just laughed then grabbed my hand and started to pull me up the stairs with him.
"Matty what are you doing?" I asked him in frustration. He stopped at the top and turned around to face where Adam was standing, phone still pointing at us.
"I'm making you have fun, that's what." He grinned at me, the glare on my face wasn't budging at all. He let go of my hand and put his arm around my shoulder, smiling down at Adam.
"This is ridiculous." I whined.
"Lighten up will you, this is America we're in." He turned his head towards me, our eyes locked for a few seconds before I begun laughing, it made him smile in triumph.
"I really can't stand you sometimes." I turned to look at Adam so he could take a picture quickly, Matty had an over exaggerated grin on his face.
"Now we both know that's a lie." He said smugly, it made me smile more because he knows he's right.
"In your dreams." I continued to smile. Matty removed his arm from around me and tilted his head to the side.
"Here's an idea, if I make it back down before you then you have to let me take you out tonight." He smirked at me, I narrowed my eyes at him about to protest when he shot off back down the stairs.
"That's not fair." I called out behind him, rushing down the stairs as quickly as I could. I almost beat him but to my own misfortune I slipped on the last step just as he turned to show his victory. I landed on the ground with a thud causing the rest of the group to laugh hysterically at me.
"Looks like we have a date tonight." He looked down at me, a smug grin taking over his face. I shot to my feet and glared at him.
"Unfortunately I don't go on dates with cheaters." I shot back. The second I said it though, the reality of the words hit me and him deeper than I intended it to. I meant because he cheated by running off without giving me a head start, not because of what he did in the past but by the look on his face, that's what he thought I meant.
"I see." He looked away, his face dropped slightly and he just turned cold.
"You alright there?" George asked me, walking over to us. I looked at him and smiled.
"Yeah, it wasn't sore." I said. He gave me a nod and then we started to move onto the next location.
-
Matty
My goal is to try and make things as light as possible between Alyssa and I, she was making it hard though. If I wanted to win her back then I had to show her how much fun we used to have while we were together, even if it meant that I would face initial rejection and disappointment. I couldn't let myself get defeated by it all though.
But when she made that comment about cheating it all became clear to me that it was still just as fresh to her. I don't know if that was the intent behind her comment but that's how it initially hit me anyway. Maybe it's my own guilt seeping through though.
The sun was beginning to set as we sat in Central Park and just soaking in the quiet atmosphere around us. It's ironic because the second you leave the area, it's a chaotic mess of people. However when you're in the park it somehow seems to feel calm, especially at this time of night. We sat in a circle on the grass chatting away.
"So how do you feel about America so far?" Adam asked Alyssa, she looked up from her phone and smiled.
"It's a bit mental but I kinda like that at the same time." She said to him. "It's nothing like London though, which shocks me a little."
"Why did you think it would be like London?" George raised an eyebrow at her curiously.
"I don't know, it's a big city too." She shrugged.
"I think it's a bit overrated." Nessa spoke up, everyone looked at her in shock.
"You don't like New York?" Ross asked in disbelief.
"Nah, it's alright but just a bit over the top in a way." She said. "I've been loads of times before when I was younger, I think I've just seen it too much to really have a fresh opinion on it."
"Is this time not a bit different because you're with George?" Alyssa asked her, Nessa looked over at George and smiled.
"Yeah, I guess." She said sticking her tongue out at him.
"How romantic." I rolled my eyes.
"Don't be bitter that you're alone." George shot at me, I flipped him off but noticed Alyssa looking at me with a hint of sadness in her eyes.
"I'll be back in a sec." She announced standing up and wandering off. Everyone turned their gaze towards me.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"You could cut the tension with a knife here." Adam chuckled.
"Yeah, what's going on there?" George nodded towards the direction that Alyssa had walked off to.
"What do you mean?" I made a face at him.
"Well for a start, you two are flirting more than you did when you first met which is honestly an achievement at this point and secondly, you two keep giving each other weird looks." George said.
"I guess we're just trying to get things back to how they used to be before we got together." I shrugged, every single one of them rolled their eyes at me. It was kinda weird in a way.
"I call bullshit on that one." Ross laughed.
"Yeah me too." Nessa narrowed her eyes at me.
"I think you all need to stop thinking too deeply into what is happening in our lives and focus on your own." I huffed, folding my arms across my chest and leaning back against the tree behind me.
"Or maybe you should focus on trying to mend the broken relationship you have with her since you clearly still have feelings for her." Adam said, he had a smug look on his face as though he thought he was complete genius for hitting out with that one.
"Is this just attack Matty for all his mistakes day?" I whined.
"Nah, that's a daily thing mate. This is us trying to get you to grow a pair and do something about all this." George grinned at me.
"Maybe I don't want to." I said stubbornly, looking away from them all. "Who says I even have feelings for her still? We broke up almost 3 months ago and she's clearly begun moving on so what's the point in me staying stuck on this broken record?" I feel like none of them were buying my bullshit though.
"It would be believable if you two didn't shag 2 weeks ago." George hit back, everyone looked at me with wide eyes. I didn't even tell any of them about that night. Not even George, unless Alyssa told Nessa who then spilled the beans to George.
"How did you even find out about that?" I narrowed my eyes at him.
"She went to yours raging at you, then never came home until the next day." He smirked. "It doesn't take a genius to work out what the fuck went on there."
"Fuck sake." I groaned.
"Plus she told Nessa about it and well, of course Nessa was going to confirm that to me." George gave his girlfriend a wink.
"George I won't tell you shit again if you're gonna blab about it to everyone." Nessa said firmly. George gave her an apologetic look and hung his head.
"Sorry." He said sheepishly.
"Look it doesn't matter, it was a one time thing that didn't really mean much clearly because when I woke up she was gone and it's not been mentioned since." I said bluntly to try and throw them off and talk about something else.
"You might be buying the bullshit you're trying to sell but none of us are." Adam shrugged.
"It's also none of your business." I snapped.
"It kinda is when we're the ones who have to sit by and watch you pine after her for the next 3 weeks." Ross chimed in.
"Why don't you go talk to her." George nodded towards where Alyssa was standing, she was on the bridge near the river taking pictures of the sunset. I frowned in her direction, would she want me to go and speak to her?
"I don't wanna be annoying." I mumbled, I felt like a child right now.
"Aw Matty, it doesn't matter what you do, you're always annoying." George said in a condescending tone, placing his hand on my knee.
"Fuck off." I huffed and pushed his hand off my knee. It made them all laugh at me which just frustrated me more. "Fine, I'll go talk to her but if I say something stupid to upset her it's on every single one of you for bullying me into it." I jumped to my feet and gave them all a stern look but it just made them laugh even more.
I turned and walked over to where Alyssa was, feeling the nerves begin to build up more. I knew they'd all be watching us and dissecting every little thing that I did. When I got a few feet away from Alyssa she turned and saw me standing there, I awkwardly started looking around to make it seem like I just happened to be walking near her. She gave me a funny look then turned back to look out to where the river was flowing. Fuck sake Matty, why are you acting like an idiot again?
"It's a nice sunset tonight." I said to her as I reached the stone wall of the bridge. She glanced at me and nodded.
"It is." She mumbled quietly.
"You okay?" I asked then instantly felt like an idiot again, why do I not know how to talk to people sometimes?
"Yeah, I'm just a bit tired really." She said softly, I could see from the look on her face that she was exhausted but was trying to stay out with us to make everyone else happy.
"If you wanna go back to the hotel then that's okay." I told her.
"Maybe in a bit." She looked at me and smiled softly.
"Alyssa." I said, she nodded to let me continue. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" She asked confused.
"Everything I've put you through." I said quietly. "I don't think I've really had the chance to just say that I truly am sorry for being a dick to you or for making things difficult."
"Why are you saying this now?" She leaned one arm on the bridge, looking at me with so many questions clearly floating around her head.
"I just think it's the right time to be brutally honest with you, I guess." I sighed, I looked out at the sky that was turning a light shade of pink. "I've been so up and down with you these past few months, it's not fair."
"I guess that's just how you are as person then." She said.
"If you want me to stop all this, I will." I told her. "I don't want you to feel like there's any pressure to be near me or to feel like we have to be friends."
"Maybe I want to be your friend." She said quickly.
"I don't think I deserve you in my life at all for fucking you about so much." I said honestly.
"What is it you want from me Matty?" Her words threw me off a little, I didn't expect her to be so blunt and forward.
"I want..." I begun to say but I got cut off by George calling my name. I looked over and he waved at us to come over to him. I could fucking kill him right now. "We should go see what he wants." I sighed.
Alyssa nodded and turned to walk over, I trailed behind her kicking a stone in frustration. When we got to the group they were all standing up now. "We're gonna head back to the hotel now, you guys coming?" George asked.
"Yeah, that's fine." Alyssa said quickly. I couldn't help but just glare at George, he just ruined a moment that could possibly change the course of my plan to get her back.
-
Alyssa
No matter how hard I tried to fall asleep it was almost impossible due to the fact that Adam wouldn't stop talking in his sleep. I felt myself staring at him, trying to send signals to his brain to shut the fuck up but it didn't seem to be working. Why did I have to be stuck with him in this hotel tonight?
I rolled over and picked up my phone off the nightstand and groaned at the time, it was only 2am but I was lucky if I fell asleep for an hour at most. The curiosity of what Matty wanted to say to me earlier in the evening was also eating away at me. Not that I think it would change anything anyway, I just wanted to know.
I scrolled through my Twitter feed and noticed that Matty tweeted something ten minutes ago. He was still awake for some weird reason. Adam said something about how annoying Matty was being, in his sleep. I looked over at him and begun laughing quietly to myself. Even in dreams Matty was a pain in the arse.
I decided to get up and throw on some clothes quickly, sleep wasn't coming to me anytime soon and from the looks of it, Adam wasn't shutting up either so I needed to get out for a bit. I noticed when we got to the hotel that they had a rooftop balcony that over looked the city, so that was my destination in mind to get away from the thoughts.
When I left the room I walked past Matty and Ross's room but for some reason my legs froze on the spot. I pulled my phone out of my hoodie pocket and pulled up Matty's text thread. Am I being an idiot here? Maybe but he was awake and I was lonely.
Can you come to your door?
I hit send and waited. A few minutes passed by and I came to the realisation that maybe he fell asleep by this point so I started to walk away when the noise of his room door opening brought me to a halt. I looked at it and then Matty appeared through the crack. He had one eye shut as the light hit him. "Did I wake you?" I asked nervously.
"Kinda, I was just falling asleep." He whispered. "Is there something wrong?"
"No, not really." I suddenly started to feel like this was a mistake. "Adam keeps sleep talking and it's driving me mental so I was gonna go up to the roof for a bit, saw you were on Twitter and I don't know." I stopped myself, feeling really stupid.
"Give me a minute, I'll throw some clothes on." He said quickly.
"No it's okay, you don't have to." I tried to backtrack but he just rolled his eyes and closed the door. Man, now I do feel stupid.
A few minutes passed by until he finally stumbled out of the room and closed the door behind him. "To the roof." He nodded towards the elevator. We walked over and waited for it to get to us, not a word being said though.
The rooftop was empty but that's to be expected in the middle of the night. The second the cold breeze of the night hit me I felt like this was a bad idea but I've already dragged Matty into it so I can't back out now. We walked over and sat down on the wicker couch near the edge of the balcony.
"So what's really keeping you awake?" He asked me, sitting in a position so he could face me.
"I don't know, probably the jet lag." I shrugged.
"It does make sleeping more difficult." He chuckled, nodding his head.
"Also Adam kept talking loudly in his sleep and it was driving me mental." I whined. "Apparently you're annoying."
"Me?" He said with an over dramatic look on his face. "That's defamation of character right there."
"Yeah cause you're far from annoying." I said sarcastically.
"You know what, I am annoying and I take pride in that." He said confidently. "It's a lovable trait really."
"Uh huh, it's so lovable that poor Hann is dreaming about it." I laughed.
"Clearly I'm so fucking good at it that I can plague his mind when he's not even awake, that's a talent to be proud of Alyssa." He grinned, a proud look appearing on his face. I shook my head laughing, he was such a dork sometimes.
"I've missed this." I said a little too happily. He looked at me and smiled.
"I have too." His smile hit his eyes and it hurt a part of me more than I care to admit. Why did this have to be so complicated and hard? What the fuck am I supposed to do now?