We were finally back from the Land of Iron and were in the Hokage's office giving a report on our mission, and something felt off. Tsunade wasn't making eye contact with me, and the others in the room looked nervous. I was curious about it. Did something happen?
"Lady Tsunade, is something wrong?" I asked carefully. Kakashi turned to me and raised an eyebrow. He noticed too, but wasn't going to ask. Oh well. I wanted to know. Tsunade closed her eyes tightly, and then looked at me with some of the most serious eyes I've seen her have. What's going on?
"Sasuke left the village. We think he's joined Orochimaru?" My eyes went wide, and my heart stopped. He what? He left the village? Why the hell would he do that? I tried my best to keep everything about my body language neutral so they wouldn't have a reason to not let me help, but on the inside, I felt like breaking down or punching something. We talked about this! I told him exactly what would happen if he went to Orochimaru. Why?
"Well, we have to go find him!" I said, trying to hide my panic, and expecting her to send me right now to look for him. Kakashi sighed next to me. He knew this wouldn't be good. He saw right though me, and I knew it. Damnit. He better not keep me from going.
"We've sent a team already. They should be back soon. Naruto is with them. He will bring Sasuke back." Tsunade said calmly, trying to keep my emotions in check. Naruto would try his best, I knew that, but I wanted to help. Sasuke would listen to me, I'm sure of it. Unless he's lost his mind. Then maybe not. But I could at least drag him back here. Or put him in a genjutsu and make him come back. I had more options than Naruto did.
"I'm going to look for him." I said flatly. I wouldn't just sit around and wait for him to come home. Orochimaru wanted to kill him! How stupid could he be? For a supposed prodigy of his class, he sure was making stupid decisions lately.
"No, you're not Mika. I'll go." Kakashi said sternly, and looked at me seriously. I scoffed and raised an eyebrow at him. What the hell?
"I can go too! I can't just sit here and-"
"No! Absolutely not. You'll stay here." Kakashi yelled. My eyes went wide again. I was taken aback a little bit. Kakashi doesn't yell at me. I felt anger start to fill my body, and I let it. How could Sasuke do this? And why is Kakashi being so unreasonable? I can go look for him. I have to save him!
"You don't get to tell me what to do Kakashi! He's my brother! If I want to go look for him, I will!" I yelled back. I was starting to lose it and I knew it. I could feel Tsunade watching me, judging if I was fit to accomplish this mission. I felt anger and tears starting to rise in me, and I fought to keep them down. Letting them out certainly wouldn't help my case to go. Kakashi ignored me and turned to face Tsunade. I grabbed his arm to stop him from saying what I thought he was going to say, but he just glared at me, telling me to stop, and turned back to her. I was stunned. Kakashi hasn't been this upset with me since I made him leave the ANBU.
"Lady Tsunade, last time Mika and I talked about this, she said that she would willingly trade places with Sasuke as Orochimaru's vessel if she had the choice to save him. She should not go on this mission." Kakashi said pointedly. I scoffed.
"He's right, Mika. I can't send you, just like I couldn't send Sakura. You're too involved. And if what Kakashi is saying is true, that's even more reason. You'll stay here." I glared daggers at Kakashi. I had never been this angry with him before, but he was keeping me from saving my brother. How dare he?!
"Look, you can me mad at me all you want to, Mika, but I won't lose you too. Stay here. I will do my best to bring him home, okay?" Kakashi put his hand on my shoulder and looked at me with sad eyes. I was still glaring at him, and I was still angry, but I understood. Or at least I tried to. I knew I wouldn't win this fight. I couldn't disobey orders, and Kakashi knew I wouldn't. "You can yell at me when I get back, okay? I'll try to find him." Kakashi basically pleaded with me to let him do this without a fight. I just nodded, and he turned and walked out the door. Tears were building in my eyes and I didn't know if I could control them.
"I don't have anything for you. You can have a day off." Tsunade said sadly. I nodded and made my way to the place I thought I would be most alone, so I could cry. The KIA stone. It was acceptable to cry there anyways.
I sat down in front of the KIA stone and thought of all of the things I did wrong. Was I not there enough for Sasuke? Did I not try to teach him what was right? I thought our talk yesterday helped. He seemed less angry when I left. Maybe he's just as good as hiding emotions as I am, though. Why would he go to Orochimaru knowing that he wanted to use his body as a vessel so he could gain the sharingan? Why? Was he that desperate for revenge, or was it something else? Orochimaru promised to give him power when he gave him that curse mark. Was that it? But Kakashi and I could give him power. Why didn't he ask us?
I needed help. I didn't want to lose Sasuke too, especially not with the feeling that I failed him looming over me. What would Father think? Would he blame me? Of course he would. What about Mom? She would be disappointed, but she wouldn't blame me. She would blame Sasuke. It was his choice. But I could have influenced him to make a better one. I raked my hands through my hair, frustrated with everything. Maybe talking to Minato-sensei would help. I mean, I know he can't answer me, but it did always make me feel better. I'll try it.
'Hey Minato-sensei. I know it's been awhile. I'm sorry for that. Since the village was attacked, I've been on missions constantly. I really miss you and Obito and Rin. I know Kakashi does too. Oh yeah, Kakashi and I are dating!' I smiled at that. Minato used to tease me about Kakashi all the time, and I just pushed those thoughts away, thinking it would never happen. 'I guess you were right about us all along. I wish you were here. Sasuke left the village. He went to join Orochimaru who promised him enough power to kill Itachi. But he just wants to use Sasuke as his next vessel' I sighed. This was a truly messed up situation. 'I don't know how this happened. Where did I fail? I tried my best to get him on the right path, but he still chose this. And there's nothing I can do. Kakashi and Lady Tsunade won't let me help find him. I know they're right in that decision. I may or may not have told Kakashi that I would gladly switch places with Sasuke if it meant saving him. And I would. He's my little brother.' I sighed again. 'I just don't know what to do, or where I went wrong, Minato-sensei. Why is he so much different from me? I never needed power or revenge on Itachi. Why does he? Why can't he let it go? I know you'd have the answers if you were here. Or at least a comforting hand on my head and some reassurance. Thanks for listening.'
I felt a little better after at least letting out my thoughts. It was obviously a one sided conversation, but I somehow felt comforted after sharing everything. I decided to go to my parent's graves and talk to them too. I knew if they were alive, I'd have to tell them, so why shouldn't I if they're dead? For some reason, that made me nervous. I knew that they already knew what was happening, but somehow telling them made it feel real, and I didn't like it. How would my father react if he were alive? How would Mom? I felt like they would find a way for it to be my fault.
I kneeled in front of their graves, and just waited for the words to come, but they never did. It seemed like hours passed by and I just sat there, playing with grass. I hadn't been so scared to tell them something since Obito died. Tears finally started welling up in my eyes, and I did nothing to stop them. This would have made Father more angry, but it didn't matter. I needed to cry, so I did. I felt like a complete failure.
I looked up and saw Kakashi walking towards me, hands in his pockets and a sad look on his face. My heart beat started racing with anxiety. Did he find Sasuke? Is he okay? What about Naruto? I met Kakashi's eye and he just shook his head to let me know they didn't find him. I closed my eyes tightly and the tears started flowing harder. Damnit. How could Sasuke be this stupid? He's not an idiot. And if Naruto went, how could he not bring him back? Naruto was probably the only one who could change Sasuke's mind without just forcing his hand like I would have. If Naruto failed, then how would we get him back?
Kakashi sat down beside me and started rubbing my back, trying to calm me down. I put my head in my hands and just let the tears fall. I failed. I failed at raising him.
"Have you told them?" Kakashi asked quietly. I shook my head. I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell my parents that I failed, even if I knew that they already knew. I couldnt disappoint them again. "Want me to? Or do you want to be alone?" I was surprised. Usually Kakashi can read what I want easily. He hasn't asked me what I need in years. He always just knows.
"I don't want to be alone." I said, glancing over to him with tears still filling my eyes. He nodded.
"If it will make you feel better, I'll tell them." I nodded. I couldn't do it, but they deserved to know. "Hello Fugaku, Mikoto. I don't know if I've ever been here, and I apologize for that. I've tried to encourage Mika and Sasuke to visit though. I know Mika has, but Sasuke is stubborn." He stopped talking and ran his hand through his hair. I looked over at him, and he looked stressed. I probably did too, so who am I to judge? "Anyways, there are a few things that you guys should know." A few? I was only going to tell them about Sasuke and apologize profusely for failing. "I know you never approved or liked me much, but Mika and I are dating, and I love her." I blushed and smiled a little bit. My tears stopped awhile ago when Kakashi started talking to them. "I know I'm not an Uchiha, but there aren't any left for her to be with, so hopefully I prove to be enough. I promise to take care of her." I leaned into him, and he put his arm around me. I was still bitter that he wouldn't let me help with Sasuke, but I couldn't stay mad forever. "On another note, Sasuke left the village." I closed my eyes and tried not to cry again. I was imagining Father's face contorted in anger, and I didn't want it. I deserved it, but I didn't want it. "He never recovered from Itachi killing everyone, and he seeks revenge. Orochimaru promised to help him achieve that. Please don't blame Mika." My eyes went wide at this. Why wouldn't they blame me? I was in charge of him, and I let it happen. It was my fault. "Mika and I both tried to get him to see that revenge wasn't worth it, but he never stopped. It wasn't her fault. It was Sasuke's choice. We'll get him back eventually, I'm sure of it. Between Mika and Naruto, he'll have no choice." I nodded in agreement. I'd drag his ass back to the village through hell or high water if I had to, and I knew Naruto would do the same, just in a kinder manner.
"I'm sorry Father. I feel like I've failed you. And Mom, I know you're worried up there, but I'll get him back. I'm sorry I couldn't save him. I miss you guys every day." I added before comfortable silence filled the air.