Chapter 4
~ Pain ~
• • •
(Mild eating disorder warning!)
Izuku POV:
(Two days later, Monday morning)
Izuku stumbled through the front door, one hand clutching the right side of his torso and the other holding his duffel bag. It was around three in the morning, so Inko would be asleep by now.
He walked slowly into the kitchen, only turning on enough lights to see by. He lifted his bag and placed it on the kitchen bench, feeling a dull ache in his shoulder from the effort.
He moved to the fruit bowl on the bench and grabbed an orange, cutting it into eight slices, not bothering to put them in a bowl. He started thinking back, wondering when he last ate.
Not this weekend, as usual. I didn't eat on Friday either. Thursday? Yeah, mom was getting suspicious so I forced down a sandwich to appease her.
He winced at the memory, his fingers tugging at his hair. He hated the feeling of eating so much. Usually he could handle a piece of fruit every now and then so he could still work. But even just the memory of eating a whole sandwich made him feel sick.
He picked up an orange slice and bit into it, screwing up his face like he had bitten into a lemon. He had always loved oranges as a kid, but now eating one felt like drinking battery acid. He rested his elbows on the table, dropping his head. The first slice was always the hardest, but he quickly swallowed it and moved on to the next one. After months of doing the same thing, it hadn't gotten any easier, but he had learnt that the faster he ate it the better.
He had to eat it. He didn't have a choice. His job required him to be very physically fit, and working out with no food in your system made that impossible and dangerous. He was reluctant, but a piece of fruit every few days was better than full meals. At least he wasn't getting fatter than he already was.
Aito didn't like his eating habits, but Izuku knew that as long as it didn't start costing Izuku work, Aito only pretended to care. Aito knew about all of the things Izuku tried to keep a secret from everyone else. He knew about the PTSD, the alcohol, the drugs, the cuts, the starving. Aito knew about all of it. But so far, none of those things had made him fall short when it came to earning money, so all of Aito's attempts to stop him were half-hearted.
But Izuku didn't mind. He knew Aito only wanted him for the money, he had come to terms with his boyfriends true agenda months ago. Besides, he couldn't blame him. Who could ever actually love me anyway? Not even my soulmates.
At the thought of his soulmates Izuku shuddered. He had been suppressing his guilt all weekend but now it flooded into him. Everything he had felt, all the pain he had gone through, they felt it too. Their bodies were marked in all the places he was injured.
Thinking quickly he snatched a pen out of his bag and rolled up his sleeves. He didn't like the thought of writing to his soulmates, there were a million ways Kacchan could figure out it's him, and he hoped that maybe they'd forget about him. But if he didn't say something he might self-combust.
I'm sorry about this weekend. I didn't mean to hurt you.
He quickly finished what was left of the orange, flinching with every bite. He then cleaned up the kitchen and headed up the stairs, trying to be as quiet as possible so he didn't wake up his mother.
When he made it to his room he pushed his bag under the bed where his mother wouldn't find it and changed into comfier (less bloody) clothes. He was craving a shower, but his every movement sent waves of pain rushing through him. All he wanted now was to get into bed and never leave.
He felt a soft scratching on his arm. It's three am, why are they awake? His eyebrows furrowed as he moved the fabric of his sleeve aside to see his soulmates message.
Don't worry about us. What happened to you? Are you okay?
After everything he had put them through this weekend, they wanted to know if he was okay. Izuku's mouth parted slightly in shock, butterflies flapping dangerously in his stomach.
They want to know if I'm okay? He couldn't bring himself to believe it. For the first time in years, he felt the desperate need to come clean. To open himself up to his soulmates and tell them everything. Izuku felt a violent desire to tear himself open, to bleed the truth until all of his darkest secrets were exposed for his soulmates to see. He didn't know if the urge was due to the soulmate bond, or simply because he had never had someone to confide in, but it ripped his heart out.
With shaking hands he lifted the pen again. He couldn't tell them the truth. But every line he drew on his skin felt like a clawed hand reaching through him and digging out his soul. Every stroke felt like he was signing his life away to the reaper.
I'm fine. I just wanted to apologise.
He was anything but fine. He was standing on the roof of a skyscraper with one foot hanging off the edge, waiting for the wind to come and knock him down. And he had just turned down the only hand that had been extended to him.
Please tell us who you are.
We can help you.
No you can't. No one can.
I said I'm fine. You should go to sleep.
He waited for hours for his soulmates to respond, thinking maybe they had listened to him and finally gone to sleep. But when he looked at the clock, only ten minutes had passed.
Finally, he got a response.
Not until you tell us something.
Tell us your name. Tell us what happened this weekend. Just tell us something!
We only want to help you.
Izuku watched every word as it was written, his brain fuzzy with exhaustion. It had been more than 48 hours since the last time he slept, and over a week since he had gotten more than three hours of sleep in a row. He wanted to end the conversation with his nagging soulmates, so they could all get some sleep and to reduce the chance of Kacchan figuring out his identity. So he said the only thing he could think of.
I was working. Go to sleep.
He rolled over in his bed, pulling the covers up to his chest.
It was Monday. In a few hours he'd need to go to school and face Kacchan. It would be hell, and Izuku shuddered at the thought. But despite the avalanche of thoughts flooding his brain, it took only moments for Izuku to drift into a much needed sleep.
What's up my beautiful demon babies?!
How y'all doing?
I feel like this sucks, but it's been awhile since my last update so I forced myself to finish it. Hope you enjoyed it anyway.
I will return soon with a new chapter, I promise.
QotD: Who's your favourite BNHA character?
Word count: 1239
Date: 24/04/20
Love, Eli ~