It was ambivalent. Yoongi had no idea if it were the medication, the blow to his head or the mere experience of sleeping in a bed for the first time, but each time he resolved to stay awake after a wakeup call and interrogation, he slipped into slumber within seconds.
Yoongi eventually stirred. From the snowpack window, he saw the vivid gleam of dawn peek over the magnificent magenta horizon through the cold snowfall and felt as its warm rays kissed upon his cheek. He groaned in protest, his body was not in the mood to cooperate. He felt every movement and wondered if he would be able to stand without assistance.
He contemplated the future when he realized that he would have to go back out there, in the blizzard, to reality. Where would he go? Surely he could not survive without a thick winter coat or shelter for long and the last thing he would want is to run into his assailants again. Although he knew of other hide-outs, without a coat or blanket his chances of survival were nonexistent.
At the moment, prison did not seem as daunting as before. He would have a roof over his head and the basic jailhouse diet-three meals per day. Although he assumed he would become the prison's 'toy', it was the dream.
However, he brushed said thoughts off. He had survived just fine thus far without the need to resort to such extremes and he knew he would lose all will to go on if he allowed it. He had to survive or perish in peace.
He needed his clothes and he needed to run.
Easier said than done. His vision hazed over as he lifted his head from the pillow and his body screamed in protest. He heaved himself upright which only aggravated his injuries further. His head shot towards the door when a knock resonated. He cursed under his breath and his plan immediately flowed down the drain. He was screwed.
Soojin had told him that Hoseok promised to return, but Yoongi never believed her. Well, he had not until said other emerged from the door with a garish beam plastered to his face.
"I was afraid you'd still be asleep," Hoseok said.
"Sleep seems to be frowned upon at this establishment."
It was silly, but Yoongi shut his eyes when Hoseok chortled with hopes that the angelic sound would permanently commit to his memory. There was a stupid grin on his lips, but Hoseok must have thought he was in pain because his laughter trailed off. Yoongi opened his eyes as the sound died.
Hoseok crossed the room to come within range. He deposited a couple cups of what appeared to be coffee, on the table nearby. He dragged a chair beside the hospital bed and sat upon it.
"How are you feeling?"
"Like I got my ass thoroughly kicked, but I'm alive so...there's that."
Yoongi leaned back against the pillows, because his body ached from sitting. He hissed when a set of stitches pulled.
Hoseok knitted his brows together. It was odd, but Yoongi wanted to run his finger along the slight crease that appeared in his forehead to smooth it out again.
"Are they giving you anything for pain?"
"Yeah, but I can still feel it. It's not unbearable but..." he fumbled with the buttons on the bed to sit up without strain on his bruised muscles, but accidently had it too far and angled back down. Through the entire ordeal, Hoseok's eyes never left him and he moved to the edge of his seat as though he prepared to assist the moment he needed it. Those who said 'chivalry is dead' are wrong.
"I'll talk to the nurse."
"It's fine," Yoongi said with a dismissive hand, but Hoseok was unconvinced and Yoongi knew he would eventually push the subject. At least for that moment, he let it slide.
"Oh, I brought you some tea," Hoseok said, "I don't know if you can have it, but I don't see why not."
"That actually sounds really good right now," Yoongi gushed.
Hoseok looked unsure when Yoongi made grabby-hands for it, as though he needed permission from someone in authority. Yoongi decided to play dirty, he pouted and gave the best puppy-eyes he could muster. He watched with satisfaction as Hoseok caved in with minimal effort. His eye-roll was negated by his hearty smile as he passed Yoongi the warm beverage and settled back in his chair.
They both sat in a comfortable silence and sipped at their tea, but the moment Yoongi winced when he tried to place his cup in the small rolling tray beside him, Hoseok's smile slipped and he swiped the cup from him.
"Miyeon said to let you know that she told you to rest and take care of yourself, not end up in hospital."
"No, she told me to stay in bed. I think I'm doing a pretty great job following her directions," Yoongi said with a smug grin in hopes to lift his spirits.
Although Yoongi was the one in the hospital gown, he abided by misfortune far easier than Hoseok and he knew that the other was worried. Perhaps his kindness was what made him so sensitive, or maybe his sensitivity was the origin of his kindness? Regardless, Yoongi wanted to hide all negativity and shield him from it, even though he knew his very presence was the greatest darkness.
"Definitely not what she meant," Hoseok chuckled, although pity still lurked behind his cheerful visage. Yoongi loathed it, but tried to chase away the pity with a smile.
"Is she your friend?" Yoongi's feline eyes observed him suggestively.
A rosy hue rose to bubble upon his prominent ochre cheeks. "She is now," he smiled.
With a quirked brow, Yoongi asked, "Do you like her?"
Hoseok's face contorted to disbelief and confusion, which caused Yoongi to burst out in laughter before a fit of coughing attacked him. Hoseok looked concerned, even though it ended fairly quickly.
"She's not really...my type. I thought that was pretty obvious," he rubbed his nape sheepishly. His gaze was fixated on Yoongi's exposed chest as though his heart would push through and explode, but his worry about his health did not stop the blush that deepened to an obvious pale rose.
Yoongi did not know what to make of him or his words. He knew there had been implied interest, yet he was unsure of his assumption. Hoseok had been subtle, but at the same time he was blatantly obvious. It should have been crystal clear, even to a socially deprived boy as Yoongi himself, but doubt was a powerful artefact he had buried within his imaginative shortcomings.
Part of Yoongi wanted to ask why he had been there with him when he could have done anything else in the world, but he also did not wish to dwell on it. Perhaps he did not want to admit it to himself, but he needed him—at least for a little while. He needed to forget the impending brick wall his life was about to crash into and enjoy the vista's beauty before it ended.
After he had come to an agreement with himself, he allowed himself this one last memory as something to refer back to when everything fell apart.
Yoongi switched off his fear, guilt and doubt and immersed himself in the radiant halo created by Hoseok's smile.
His smile.
Yoongi needed him to smile, at least once more, so he opted to change the topic.
"Shouldn't you be working or something?"
Hoseok chuckled subtly, clearly at a joke only he knew the punchline to, but his smile was there so Yoongi did not think twice about it. The simple question began a string of conversation that transitioned from one subject to the next without pause. Hoseok spoke about his job, ranted about business mumbo jumbo, mergers, conglomerates and a bunch of other things and words Yoongi did not understand.
The sound of Hoseok's voice kept a smile tailored upon Yoongi's lips.
Hoseok eventually moved on to talk about his friends, and retold an animated story of when his friend, Park Jimin, had guilted him to hang his outdoor Christmas lights and he had almost stapled his hand to the roof when his pitbull-jindo mongrel, Ddosun, and American Eskimo dog, Monie, ran beneath the ladder.
The mental image of him shrouded in an ugly Christmas sweater and jeans, balancd on a ladder while he tried to hang tangled icicle lights caused Yoongi to giggle. However, it also created a pang of longing for something he knew he could not have.
Yoongi wanted him, no doubt. Every single pathetic molecule that made up his entire existence yearned for him, his exuberance, endearment and warmth.
The longer they spoke, the more his desire increased. Every word Hoseok said, every piece that filled another section of this puzzle, made his heart cry out for him. It was unfair. Hoseok made it all too easy to forget the truths he had struggled to hold off and it made him far too desperate for a distraction to even pretend to fight it.
Yoongi was the sunflower, enamored by the beauty and light of Hoseok's sunlight. He was helpless.
When one of the nurses emerged from the door to do a checkup, Hoseok stepped out the door to make a phone call. The moment he disappeared, the room felt colder and darker. By then, Yoongi knew he was pinned.
He was ashamed of himself, ashamed that he had allowed himself to become spellbound so quickly. What ashamed him the most was that he had let Hoseok to, once again, waste his time on him. He needed to get away before he let his selfish heart take over any more than it already had.
It was easier to think about said thoughts when he was not there, but to say something is easier does not always mean that it is easy. It was all relative when 'easier' just meant 'not quite as unbearable'.
At first, Yoongi had not heard the nurse ask him about his welfare, but she seemed patient and understanding when she repeated herself. He wanted to ask her when he would be discharged, but all hope was lost when she informed him that he would have to remain hospitalized for at least another day.
He had not the time to dwell on the topic, because Hoseok had re-emerged. The nurse asked about breakfast and Yoongi responded nonchalantly. His gaze traveled behind the woman and glued to Hoseok. Apparently, Yoongi was not the only one who thought that way, the nurse eyed Hoseok up and attempted to include him in conversation.
Yoongi could not be bothered to listen, but it was not like he had anywhere else to give them privacy. The nurse was exquisite, the manner in which she eyed him Hoseok was suggestive, but her smile faltered when he redirected the conversation to ask questions about Yoongi's well-being.
When they exchanged gazes, Yoongi finally realized that he had been staring. Hoseok gave a bright smile before he looked back to the nurse to politely put an end to whatever conversation she attempted to have with him.
Yoongi was glad when she left.
He expected Hoseok to leave shortly after, but when the younger pulled out a laptop from his bag, he realized he had not planned to leave anytime soon.
"Do you want to watch a movie? There's wifi so we can watch Netflix or something."
Yoongi barely knew what 'Netflix' was, so he shrugged slightly. "Whatever you want is fine," he mumbled.
Hoseok became an exhilarated ball of sunshine when he rambled about some show Yoongi could not be bothered about (he was quite uneducated when it came to movies and television), but his explosive energy was infectious and Yoongi could not refrain the grin spread across his face.
They spoke through most of the movie, commented on the smallest things or threw silly jabes at it, but for Yoongi it was the most fun he had ever had since he last recalled. He barely remembered what 'fun' was, but he knew that he would miss it once this fairytale took its last breath.
Yoongi expected Hoseok to wither away into thin air any given moment, he had since the moment he opened his eyes, but even if he left to take a quick phone call or get some snacks, he always returned.
No one ever came back before, because that was not how life worked for Yoongi.
Hoseok should have vaporized like everyone else had, everyone like Yoongi's parents, like his social worker who said she cared and then left him to rot when someone younger and cutter came along, like the kids in the orphanage who came and went while he remained, like every foster who who claimed he was special and then returned him like defected merchandise.
He should have disappeared like every other human Yoongi had encountered, but even when he fell asleep on his couch during afternoon hours, he awoke a couple hours later to find Hoseok still seated in the same chair, a pair of peach-lense glasses slipped down his angular nose as his indolent fingers danced across his laptop keyboard.
Why? Why was he still here? Why?
Hoseok looked up from under his glasses and stared at Yoongi with a curious expression.
"'Why' what?"
Yoongi's cat-like eyes sparwled wide. He had not realized that he spoke his thoughts aloud, but he was grateful that he had an opportunity to receive an answer to it.
"Why are you still here?"
Hoseok observed him and seemed to understand that his query was out of utter genuine confusion rather than annoyance.
"Do you want me to leave?"
Yes. No. Never.
"No," Yoongi replied firmly.
"I enjoy your company."
"I was sleeping and probably drooled so..."
The man seated at the computer laughed with bellyache. With his finger, he pushed his wayward glasses higher on his curved nose bridge.
"I want to make sure you're okay," Hoseok said, "that's what friends do, don't they?"
"You don't even know me," Yoongi deadpanned. Although he had mentioned it before, he felt the need to remind him-himself included. It was true, Yoongi knew him better than he had before, but Hoseok knew nothing about him, not even his (real) name.
"I'm working on that," Hoseok piped.
Yoongi tried his best not to shut him out, but his natural response was to deflect and avoid anything personal. Hoseok had been so open and friendly and Yoongi did not know if he were able to replicate it. He had no idea how to be a person, anymore.
"I'm really not that interesting," Yoongi insisted.
"Geong-gil-hyung, I'm not going anywhere until they make me. Besides, this chair is really comfy."
Lies. All of it was and Yoongi could tell.
Sure, he wanted to believe him, he wanted to hope that Hoseok would be the one to stay, but he was unable to believe him. He could not. Hoseok would leave like everyone else.
People always come and go.
Yoongi weighed his options with diligence. Thankfully, Hoseok had not pressured him for a response, instead he closed his laptop and slid it back into his fancy shoulder bag. He gave Yoongi his full attention.
"I don't know how to have friends..."
It was a silly phrase, he would admit, and he regretted it immediately. He had no idea what he had expected, but Hoseok had not laughed and continued to stare at him with a smitten grin that assured Yoongi that his statement was far from stupid.
"Well, practice makes perfect. You're doing pretty well so far," he encouraged.
Multiple negative responses dined upon the tip of Yoongi's tongue, but he swallowed his retort along with the fear that prowled within its shadows.
'Enjoy your last moments with him. Cherish what is in front of you while it's still present.'
They began with comfortable conversations and eventually returned to the laptop to watch some viral videos Hoseok found hilarious. Yoongi loved to watch him laugh.
Sooner than Yoongi was prepared for, the sky plunged into an ominous darkness and glistened with infinite stars. He was surprised when Soojin returned with a smile plastered to her round face, she warned Hoseok that he had five minutes left before he would be locked in the hospital. He rose to his feet reluctantly and stretched his long limbs over his head.
He bid his goodbyes, took Yoongi's hand in his for a moment and promised that he would return the next morning. Yoongi squeezed his fingers subtly to hold on while he still could, to burn the image of his face into his memory one last time. Hoseok seemed to understand the situation and stared directly into Yoongi's eyes. As he made his sweet promises again a smile formed on Yoongi's lips. They said their final farewell and with a nod, he was gone.
"I heard he was here the moment visiting hours began," Soojin said with a cherry lilt as she fluttered around the room. "He must really care about you."
Yoongi fought back tears, but managed to control the sudden urge.
"He's just too nice," he said and fiddled with the blanket. He shifted his weight a little to relieve some of the ache that had seeped deep within his muscles.
"Well, I'd love for someone to be 'too nice' to me," she smiled, which he returned.
"Remember, the faster you get to sleep, the faster you get to see him again in the morning."
She was right, but he was unsure if he would even see him the following morning.
There was still a decision to be made.
Yoongi could barely walk without a coughing fit, as demonstrated each time he needed to use the restroom. How was he supposed to escape the hospital without being caught? Curse this cold!
'Could I make it down the hallway without plunging to my feet?'
'Should I risk staying one more night?'
'Was the possibility of seeing his smile one last time even worth it?'
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How was it?
What do you think'll happen next? Will he escape or stay?
Also, this is not Sope related, but that moment when BigHit staff accidently posted RUN BTS ep. 102 and then immediately deleting it, lol. Now everyone is against plastic bags, which is a good thing in itself.
안녕히 가세요, 모니 보라해요~💜🌌✨