It's almost time. Or at least, that's what everyone says. The cemetery near Judgement's church buzzes with a strange energy. Beginning sees flickers of red every time she ventures too close-- Judgement's fire, blazing high from beyond dark stained glass. Just looking at it fills her with a sense of dread. Just thinking about it makes Beginning absolutely sick.
They're going to cross over into the human world before long. There are no doubts about that. Judgement is strong enough to do it. Whatever she's doing in that church, Beginning is certain that she's going to succeed.
The change is making everyone tense; a sense of anticipation and tension settling over the lot of them. Beginning can feel how worked up everyone is getting, and it's quickly making her nervous. She catches more fights, more squabbles, more trails of blood left behind on the cobblestone streets. It feels dangerous to wander too much, so Beginning settles for hiding out in the ruins. She feels a bit like Cowardly, but it seems a lot better than braving the tension that's filling the foggy air.
But then, Jealousy tracks her down, relaying a message from Judgement that Beginning is to go on a last-minute patrol in order to make sure that no one new has formed. That there's no one else that Judgement wants. Beginning gets a shiver down her spine just hearing the order, just thinking that there could be someone else out there like her.
Knowing that there's absolutely nothing she can do to say no, Beginning reluctantly follows Jealousy to the edge of town, avoiding any sort of chatter. Jealousy seems very, very tense, and Beginning knows why. She doesn't want to poke any further after their last meeting. She doesn't want to make anything worse. So she follows Jealousy in silence, half-praying that she won't be sent on this mission alone.
However, when she sees the person waiting for the two of them to arrive, Beginning suddenly regrets hoping for anyone to go with her.
Negativity, wearing her ragged dress and her usual bitter expression, brilliant red eyes fixed on Beginning like nothing could be worse than seeing her there. Beginning smiles and waves hesitantly. All it earns is a grimace.
Well, this is going to be lovely. As in, Beginning is deeply, deeply regretting that she's not partnered with someone like Obsession.
"Well, sucks to be me I guess," Negativity says bitterly once Jealousy leaves. "I get to be stuck with you. I mean, you get to be stuck with me too, so I guess you're no better off. Lucky us, huh?" Right away, more pessimistic words. Beginning tries very, very hard to remind herself that she was going to be kind to this person. That she has to go through with it.
"Let's at least hope we get along," Beginning says with a nervous laugh. Negativity looks at her like her head is screwed on backward.
"Sure. Just get walking."
Their job, apparently, is to patrol the outskirts of the town just to see if there's anyone new out there. Beginning gets the distinct feeling that this is a fool's errand, but it's not like she can question Judgement.
Silence falls over the two of them for a while, both walking side by side and not meeting eyes. Negativity is looking away with bitterness, and Beginning just isn't sure how she's supposed to start any kind of conversation. She feels lost in way too many ways.
"Um..." she starts eventually. "Is there anything you want to talk about? It's kind of awkward to be quiet for all this time, right? I don't really care what it is; I'd just be okay with listening."
"Ugh, you're acting nice again," Negativity bites out. "Gross. I guess I can talk about something, but it's just gonna be me complaining. You can put up with it for the ten seconds I know you're going to, then we can just go back to silence, okay?" She smirks a bit, clearly expecting Beginning to back out, which is most definitely not happening. Beginning pointedly nods.
"Yep, sounds good to me. Go ahead."
Negativity makes a disgusted face, but just as quickly goes back to glaring. "Fine, you asked for it. So... that Inconsistency, huh? Isn't she just a bitch? I keep having to deal with her and I hate it. She can't make up her mind about anything, and it's annoying. I mean, how much worse can she get? She was even copying Judgement a while ago. She's so stupid. It's like she doesn't even realize how bad she's making herself look.
Beginning stares as Negativity rolls her eyes. It's exactly what she was expecting, but still so jarring. Setting her jaw, Beginning decides to deal with this her way, whether Negativity likes it or not.
"Well... I mean, she's not that bad. It's kind of sad that she's so unhappy with herself, but I wouldn't call her annoying. I think she's just struggling a lot." Beginning forces herself to sound positive. She's determined to counter this. She can find something good to say for sure.
Negativity gives her an absolutely disbelieving face, though, and Beginning is left forced to keep up her smile. She keeps her shoulders back, her head held high, and tries to focus on the dirt beneath her bare feet. She's okay. This will be okay. She can keep herself together somehow.
"You know she just rips us all off, right?" Negativity deadpans. "All she does is take our features and bits of our personalities. She had red skin up until a while ago, and everyone knew just who she was trying to look like. All she does is make herself look like a fool. Even though it's all messy and bloody and gross to change herself, she just keeps doing it."
"But doesn't she have a reason for that? I mean, people don't just do things so extreme because they want to."
Offering Inconsistency the benefit of the doubt feels weird on many levels, but Beginning somehow thinks she's doing the right thing. She's having a conversation that isn't involving any kind of threat... which is something. She's participating in a way that isn't just worsening gossip.
"Pfft, you've gotta be kidding me. She's doing it because there's nothing to her. That's it. All she knows how to do is copy us so she can feel like she's got some substance to her. There's nothing in there beyond all of the pieces she's taken and tried to make her own." Negativity's tone drips mocking bitterness, thorns dropping from her lips with every word. The line of them reaches her waist now, and she finally bothers to tear them away.
There's... there's no real answer to that. Beginning can see it too, but she doesn't want to say anything cruel. Even if Inconsistency isn't here to hear it, she doesn't want to be like them. Instead, she tries a different path.
"What about you? Is there some reason why you see everything so badly?" Beginning says it simply, the word falling out of her mouth before she can really think about it. It's a question that's been hovering in her mind for a while now, and spitting it out somehow feels right.
"Me? I just hate everyone. All of them, all of us are awful, y'know? This world of ours is dark and cold, no one thinks of anything but beating each other up and getting ahead, and we're all watched over by a god who wouldn't care if we died," Negativity, for once, ends her sentence with a nearly hysterical laugh. "What's there to be happy about? Everything here is shit. I'm not stupid enough to pretend like there's any good in this worthless world. Don't you ever regret trying to be nice? It doesn't get you anywhere."
The grin on Negativity's face is pure resentment. Her words are no longer dull complaints, but what they've been replaced with might be worse.
The sheer passion of her hatred makes Beginning's throat tight. She felt like that for a while too. She thought she hated the world around her. And yet, pushing past those feelings has made everything change.
Negativity's skinny, scarred arms cross in front of her midsection. Her narrow body looks painfully small amidst the fog and dead trees. Everything around them is dead and dull, and Beginning suddenly feels very, very alone. She wonders if Negativity does too. She wonders if she always has.
Everyone here really is on their own.
"Maybe," Beginning continues carefully. "In some ways, I do think that this place is terrible. But that doesn't mean we have to be. You can choose to become someone you're happy with. Anyone can. I don't regret being kind. I'm happy with myself now. I'm being the kind of person that I want to be. I know that I'm doing my best to be someone I can be proud of."
"Ugh, you're just disgusting," Negativity says after a beat. "I can't believe you. Spewing all this crap about being happy. Yuck. You act like you're serious. I actually want to hit you for that."
It makes Beginning's chest hurt. This person really has no comprehension of what wanting to be kind is.
All anyone here does is think of themselves. It's sort of pitiful when she thinks about it. Beginning remembers being new and scared very clearly-- she remembers what it was like to hate. Even more clearly, she remembers deciding to be different. There's something that makes her different. Beginning thinks of her brown eyes and picking faces out of the fog. Beginning tries to imagine just what it is that fills her heart.
For a moment, they both go quiet. Negativity pointedly looks away. Beginning keeps her gaze focused clearly ahead, staring into the white. She forces herself to keep breathing, slow and steady, in and out. This conversation is making her nervous. She's realizing all of the wrong things.
The two of them have made their way to the same dead forest that Beginning had come through when she first arrived. Once again, she's wandering the same fog-covered paths. She wonders if that patch of dead, blackened grass is still out there. She wonders if she could return there, if she could somehow push closer to the mystery of just who she is. In a way, Beginning still considers herself to be pushing forward. She doesn't know what she's supposed to do to remember what her name is supposed to be, but living every moment as they come seems as good as anything.
Even full of doubt, she can keep on living.
Negativity still isn't looking at her. She's shivering, though, narrow shoulders trembling. For some reason, Beginning wants to hug her.
"I'm sorry," she says because it seems right. "I shouldn't push so hard. You have a right to your opinions too, even if we disagree." Beginning smiles at Negativity then, allowing herself to relax even a little.
Negativity looks at her incredulously.
"...there's something wrong with you," she says, tone biting and sharp. "Seriously. You're screwed up in the head."
"Maybe," Beginning replies with a laugh, "but like you said, I don't think there's anyone here who isn't. I'm okay the way I am."
"You've changed." Negativity says it way too bluntly. "You've changed and I don't like it. It's gross. You're walking around all the time with a stupid smile and treating everyone all 'nice' like you think it'll do any good. I don't know what kind of persistence you picked up, but I'd rather you hurry up and kill it. Hey, that's the nice thing you could do for me. Just stop it."
Beginning can't help a sigh. This... is really what she expected, but it's still no less frustrating. Reminding herself that she can't give up so easily, Beginning opens her mouth to say something, but then--
Just as they're passing a particularly large tree, its blackened, withered branches stretching up and vanishing into the fog, Beginning sees something that she knows she shouldn't. For just an instant, she swears she can see a person sticking out of the withered wood.
It's clearer than before. Than ever. For that split-second, Beginning can see every feature on the girl's decayed, skeletal face.
She gasps, choking in a breath, but as soon as she blinks, everything is gone like it was never there. The wood is right back to mere gnarled blackness; no trace of a person, of a corpse in sight. Staring at it for a long second, Beginning wills the sight to return. She can't be imagining this. She can't be mistaken. With all certainty, she knows it was there.
"D-Did you see that?" she asks Negativity, voice a hesitant stutter. "In the tree. There was something there."
Negativity looks from Beginning to the tree and back again, her red eyes near-glowing in the fog. The fog which suddenly feels just a little bit too thick. Beginning bites her lip, feeling frantic. They're out here all alone, and seeing something like that... She doesn't like it.
"See what? Are you losing your mind or just trying to mess with me?" Crossing her arms, Negativity makes a sour face. "Either way, I don't care. We have a patrol to be on, so let's get moving."
"It was a person. There was a person in the tree."
"You know, I remember you being on this bullshit before. When we first found you. All worked up over a face in a rock or something that stupid. Maybe you just have a problem? Did you ever think of that?" With a deadpan voice, Negativity says her piece and turns to leave.
Beginning is left to follow, only able to give one last, desperate stare back at the tree where she saw it. Maybe she is going crazy. Maybe she actually saw something. It doesn't make sense that Negativity wouldn't see it too-- but-- she has to not be imagining it. Beginning saw that face as clear as day. Even now, she can remember every detail of the girl's features. She can't be seeing things. Something, something was there.
But with little choice but to keep moving, Beginning rushes to keep up. Even now, she doesn't want to be left out here alone.
For the fun of it, Negativity trips her, lashing out with a burst of that magic energy and catching around Beginning's feet. She stumbles once, but doesn't fall, and the slight snicker Negativity gives quickly gives her away. Beginning sighs to herself. Now that was just being petty.
She's gotten herself absolutely nowhere. In fact, she may have even slid back a ways in how Negativity sees her. Beginning wants to be frustrated with herself, but it's not like there was anything else she could have done. She did her very best, and that's all there is to it. The incident with the tree is just... one more thing that she doesn't want to think of.
The patrol continues without incident. The two of them walk in silence, Beginning trying very hard not to get herself into another one-sided argument. She's still thinking about the person in the tree, but now, as their patrol reaches its conclusion, the realization that Judgement's plan is close is slowly setting in. That beautiful world of velvet blue and shining lights will be burned to ashes by a red, red flame. Beginning thinks of the people in that world, living beings entirely unlike whatever the ones here are. She wonders if their blood will be as red as hers.
Looking down, Beginning tries to shoo the thoughts from her mind. It's not safe to be thinking these things. Standing up to Judgement, as much as she wishes she could, would be suicide. Being set aflame seems like the most horrible death of all. The most terrifying ending she can imagine.
"You're thinking about something stupid, aren't you?" Negativity chimes in, making Beginning jolt. "I can see it on your face. You look like you're about to cry." Her curtain of black hair falls into her face.
"I'm... I'm alright." Beginning doesn't feel too sure of that.
"Whatever. Hey, maybe I should be like Cruelty and try to make you cry. Might teach you a thing or two about not being a wimp."
"No, I'm really okay," Beginning says a bit nervously. She'd rather not deal with a Negativity who's trying to be mean. The usual things that come out of her mouth are plenty bad enough.
They reach the edge of town again soon enough. Negativity almost immediately goes to walk away, dismissively calling over her shoulder that Beginning can report to Jealousy all by herself. "I'm done with this crap," she says. "I've had more than enough of dealing with some deluded optimist for today. You can go share your cheer with someone who cares."
"Thank you for walking with me!" Beginning calls back. "I'm glad I didn't have to go by myself." She smiles, as genuine as she can manage.
Negativity turns around for a second, looking at Beginning with an expression that hovers somewhere between annoyance and raw confusion. She glares, sneers, looking at Beginning like she's never been more disgusted, then goes right back to walking away. It's pretty much what Beginning was expecting, but she's satisfied. Something in Negativity's eyes teetered on that same fragile look Beginning is learning to recognize.
All she has to do now is tell Jealousy that, as expected, they found no one. It still seems like sort of a pointless errand to Beginning, but it wasn't quite as horrible as she thought. A simple walk with someone to talk to is something that she can make the best of, in some way or another.
. . .
The only thing that's left to do after that is wander. Beginning isn't quite sure what else to do with herself. She's too nervous to sit still, too anxious about the coming mission into the human world to possibly calm down. All she can think about is blood and screaming, the claws of the ones she's come to know tearing open people who never deserved it.
She can picture Judgement's fire clear as day, destroying everyone who doesn't see her the way she thinks she deserves.
So Beginning keeps moving. She nervously paces the town, going back and forth up and down rough-stoned streets and over piles of debris, cutting her feet over and over, but watching them heal in minutes every time.
It's weird. It's still way, way too weird. Somehow, Beginning knows that her body isn't meant to heal like this. She's still certain that something is wrong, but the weight of her horns on her head and the soft, grey tone of her skin says otherwise. This is reality. This is how she is.
Even if maybe, maybe, she was something different not long before.
Before long, Beginning stumbles upon another situation that she's quickly learning to recognize as a mess. Cowardly, pressed down against a corner between buildings, curled in on herself and digging her little nails into her arms so tightly Beginning can see spreading stains of blood. The poor girl is shaking, and Beginning quickly sees why. Inconsistency is standing over her, hooves planted firmly apart and wild, red eyes glaring down at the smaller girl like she wants to eat her alive.
"The fuck is wrong with you!?" Inconsistency screeches, crossing two of her four arms. "You trying to stand in my way, huh? You're the punching bag here, rat. Don't think you can get any funny ideas about being tough!"
"A-All, a-all I did wa-was a-ask you n-not-t to hit me," Cowardly whimpers, squeezing both sets of her eyes shut. "P-Please ju-, just l-leave me alone... I-I wo-won't p-piss you off ag-again, p-promise--" A desperate little squeak leaves her, small and miserable and so, so afraid.
"Haah!?" Inconsistency bellows right back, leaning even farther into Cowardly's space. "As if you get a say in that! You're a fucking roach, not someone who gets a choice." A vicious smirk falls over her lips. "Now hurry up and apologize before I get mad. Come on, say you're sorry like a good girl. I might decide not to kill you if you behave."
Beginning is seconds away from stepping in when Cowardly looks up, glaring with a level of animosity in her eyes that makes Beginning gasp.
"I'd k-ki-kill y-you," Cowardly spits, voice shaking so badly she can barely talk. "I-I'd k-kill you in a s-second if I-I could. I j-just wi-wish that every fucking o-one of y-you wa-was dead."
That's... that's not at all what Beginning expected to come out of Cowardly's mouth. Around her, Cowardly has been nothing but scared and small, not-- never so angry. It's hard to picture so much viciousness coming out of the same person that all but begged Beginning to hold her hand, but there it is. There's no way she was mistaken, especially not judging by the way Inconsistency's glare intensifies at the words.
"Come on. Are you stupid or what? Sassing back to me like you think I won't beat you black and red!" Even with fury in her eyes, Inconsistency's grin only widens. She's smirking like she wants to gut Cowardly, and that's where Beginning decides that this has gone on for long enough.
Just as Cowardly curls back in on herself, whimpering like she really does think she's going to be killed, Beginning rushes forward, grabbing one of Inconsistency's scarred arms.
"The fuck do you want?" Inconsistency shouts instantly, whipping around to look at Beginning, then looking very surprised indeed.
"I want you to calm down," Beginning says, voice level. "I don't know what Cowardly did, but beating her up isn't the answer. I don't want to see anyone get hurt, so I'm going to step in if you try. Let's just back off and not get into a fight." Looking Inconsistency right in her eyes, Beginning projects as much confidence as she can. She's been up close with Inconsistency before. She knows that she can be stronger if she tries. All she has to do is make sure that Inconsistency knows that too.
"B-Beginning--" Cowardly yells out of nowhere, surging forward and wrapping her arms around Beginning's waist, latching on like a very desperate leech. "S-Save me! S-Save m-me, please!"
Letting go of Inconsistency's arm, Beginning moves on instinct to pat Cowardly's head, running her fingers through the girl's fluffy hair. This close, the spines on Cowardly's body are tearing at Beginning as well, scratching sharp, painful lines into her skin. It hurts to have her cling, but Beginning doesn't push her away. She doesn't so much as flinch.
"Don't worry. I'll protect you," Beginning says, shocked at the softness in her voice. For once, she legitimately feels like she can.
Inconsistency spends a moment staring at the scene disgustedly. She looks from Beginning to Cowardly then back again, all before her expression changes to something cold and haughty.
"Fine. As if I care. Go cuddle or something, whatever."
Tossing her head, Inconsistency stomps off, only bothering to aim one vicious kick at Cowardly's skinny legs as she goes.
Beginning is left with a distraught Cowardly clinging to her midsection now sobbing as her little claws dig into Beginning's skin. Her hands are sharper than Beginning has really thought about. Her touch actually hurts, and Beginning is left thinking about the sheer bitterness in her words before.
A part of her wants to say that this isn't a good idea, that she shouldn't trust so easily when it comes to the people here. But at the same time, she realizes that she'd been in a similar situation not long ago. If Cowardly's been hurt for so long, it's no wonder that she's angry. Surely, she's just bitter and hurt. Surely, she's just lashing out at the people that have made her life miserable. Beginning needs to have hope. Cowardly is scared, and any number of things could come out of someone so frightened.
"It's okay," Beginning soothes, rubbing one hand up and down Cowardly's back. "She's gone now. It'll be alright."
She doesn't see the look of raw anguish in Cowardly's eyes.