Not long after her rather one-sided conversation with Jealousy, Beginning decides that it's about time she tracked a certain person down. She hasn't seen a trace of Cowardly since the incident with the church... and that's sort of worrying. Cowardly could very reasonably be hiding away somewhere, minding her own business and avoiding everyone else, but Beginning is a bit nervous that it's been quite as long as it has.
She doesn't dare ask around, but she does decide that going back to the place where she met Cowardly for the first time might be a good idea. It's difficult to track down an exact place amidst the clinging fog, but after a good amount of running around and roof-jumping, Beginning finds it.
It seems sort of weird to her that it was quite that easy to find one specific place. Perhaps she just got very, very lucky this time.
The area is a small, enclosed square, surrounded on all four sides by rotting houses, with only a small alley-- the one that they'd left from last time-- as an exit. The houses are all two-story, and appear to be in relatively better repair than most of the ones Beginning has seen. The fog is thinner here than usual, possibly blocked out by the tall buildings surrounding it. Which... really doesn't seem possible. Beginning is about to stop and question it, but reminds herself that she's looking for Cowardly right now.
"Cowardly," she calls out somewhat nervously, hoping that the wrong person won't answer. "Are you around here? It's Beginning. I wanted to talk to you again, if that's alright?" Beginning walks around the little square, looking for any sign of the person she considers almost a friend.
After a little bit, she catches sight of something shifting near one of the houses; a small crumble of debris crumbling down. She walks over to the blown-out window where the sound came from slight below, and hauls herself up to the sill, still slightly surprised by just how easy it is.
As soon as her head peers over the sill, splintery wood prickling at her hands, she hears a loud squeak, then sees Cowardly quickly trying to scramble away. Beginning blinks. She wouldn't have expected Cowardly to be afraid of her after how well things went the last time they talked. It's not like much has ever made sense in this world, though.
"Hello," Beginning chirps, setting her expression into a friendly, non-threatening smile. "I was calling for you. Did you maybe not hear me?"
"I-I-I heard y-you..." Cowardly stutters. "B-But, but I didn't know i-if any-anyone else was around, s-so I st-stayed here. I'm k-kinda surprised you noticed me..." She trails off, glancing all over the room, eyes in all different directions. It's disconcerting, but not any worse than the others.
"I guess I just got lucky, then," Beginning tells her, not wanting to admit that the nervous little girl got herself noticed. "But anyway, I'm just here to talk to you, and I'm alone. So no worries, okay?"
Cowardly makes a face like she doesn't really trust Beginning, but just as quickly, that expression turns into a smile. She sits up onto her knees, brushes her skirt off with sharp little hands, and looks up at Beginning with way too many wide eyes. "W-Well... come on in here th-then. I'm not much good at talking to people, but if you wanna... I c-can try." Her voice is hesitant, with a note of something Beginning doesn't quite recognize.
But she's not going to question that. Cowardly hasn't done anything bad to Beginning yet, and she'd hate to ruin a potentially good relationship by being suspicious. She can give Cowardly the benefit of the doubt, at the very least. It's worth the risk to try to get another person on her side.
So Beginning hauls herself up over the windowsill, slipping inside even as shards of glass slice thin lines into her legs. She sits next to Cowardly, crossing her legs and breathing a sigh of relief. The house they're in seems relatively stable, and honestly, even sort of cozy. There are only traces of fog slipping in from the outside, and the whole space is dark and small in a way that Beginning can imagine is very comfortable indeed for someone who gets picked on. And she knows already that Cowardly gets picked on.
"So," Beginning starts, "it's been a while since I've seen you. Have you been doing alright? Has anything interesting happened?"
Cowardly scoffs. "Alright is relative. I guess I've been as good as ever... but th-that's not saying much..." She looks down, picking at her arm a bit, then starts to look nervous. "I-I mean... yeah, I've been o-okay."
"That's... I'm happy nothing has been too bad."
"Y-Yeah. I guess so. Um, b-back when I took you to the church... h-how'd it go...?" Cowardly stutters, doing a very poor job of making any kind of eye contact. She acts like she doesn't want to talk about it, like she's just making conversation for the sake of keeping Beginning pleased.
Beginning doesn't really want to talk about that either. Just thinking about the person inside that church... she shivers, feeling a distinct prickle of fear down her spine. That's the last thing she wants on her mind.
"It, i-it was alright." Beginning swallows. "I'm fine, if that's what you're wondering. Nothing bad happened." Remembering how nervous Cowardly gets, Beginning forces a smile, trying to sound calm. "Um... was it unusual that I was called there...? Or is that, well, normal?"
Cowardly freezes up a bit, still refusing to meet Beginning's eyes. She chews on her bottom lip, picking at her arm even more viciously. Beginning thinks she can see blood welling up already, little scratches and holes forming from her sharp little nails. She's so nervous. Beginning can kind of understand why, but around her? It's sort of concerning.
"N-No... it's not normal. That person d-doesn't j-just call, c-call us in like that. She m-mostly just le-leaves us alone... because w-we're all too, m-m-much trouble. Normally, y-you only get call-called to see her i-if you've done... um, done s-something bad." Cowardly explains, all the while picking even harder. "Sh-She's not th-that int-terested in, uh, most of u-us. We're n-not... not, um not m-much more th-than tools."
"So... why does she want me? Did I do something? I can't be the only one that she calls in like that, can I?" Now, Beginning is legitimately curious. As much as she hates talking about Judgement in any way, this is a subject that's raising some questions. Namely, ones in regard to just how Judgement knows. Or maybe, some kind of explanation as to why Beginning seems to have a target on her back. Just... something.
"N-No... you're n-not the only-y one..." Mumbling, Cowardly raises her now-bloody fingers to bite at the sandpapery skin. "V-Vanity too. She's the other one that, th-that she has that kind of i-interest in."
"Why Vanity? Did she do something special too?" Beginning presses. She's finally getting some real information out of someone.
"Sh-She's," Cowardly gulps, "she's been s-sort of th-that person's... something f-for a while now. No one, um, n-no one knows if i-it's good or b-bad. V-Vanity gets c-called-d to the church by h-herself and, um, th-that's all anyone knows. Sh-She hasn't died yet, s-so there has to b-be someth-thing going on..." She trails off, sounding impossibly nervous.
That's something to consider. Beginning does remember taking Vanity to the church a while back, and it's suddenly occurring to her that none of the others have had that happen-- at least, not that she knows about. Could she and Vanity have something in common? And if so, what could be the common factor? Beginning still has a lot of things to figure out about herself, and even if she is getting used to living amongst the other girls, she can't be satisfied with going without knowing who she is and why she formed.
"That's... interesting," Beginning trails off. "I don't know what Vanity could have done. She's so quiet, and I don't even see her around. I'm guessing that she keeps to herself most of the time?"
"Yeah, th-that's right... V-Vanity just st-stays by hers-self. Sh-She doesn't like, l-like any of us. She's st-stuck-up, stuck o-on herself, and just wants to b-be alone all the t-time," Cowardly mutters, still chewing on her finger. "Th-That's the only re-re, reason she's still alive. Because th-that person l-likes her. Sh-She's t-too lazy on h-h, her own."
Well, that's certainly news. Beginning had guessed that Judgement would kill off the ones she didn't like, sure, but hearing it for real is another thing entirely. And Vanity? Beginning had noticed that she seemed disinterested in everything but herself. The only surprise here is that someone so self-absorbed is on Judgement's 'special' list.
The more Beginning hears, the more curious she gets. She's ridiculously glad that Cowardly is willing to share all of this.
"That's... kind of scary," Beginning admits. "I don't know how Vanity manages. Judgement," Cowardly flinches at the name, "was a very scary person. I'd be afraid to have to see her very often... But, um, what about you? Are you alright? I haven't talked to you in so long, I was getting worried if you were still okay." She smiles, trying to force the nervous thoughts away. The subject is getting far too dark as it is.
Cowardly grimaces, making a face like she's eaten something sour. "What d-do you w-wanna know for-- I-I mean... I've b-been okay, o-okay, I guess. It's not like anything i-is ever very, g-good here."
Beginning sympathizes. "But... have you been okay? No one's been hurting you, have they? There have been a lot of people targeting me, so I'm kind of concerned if anyone's gone after you too..."
Making another very sour face, Cowardly's teeth dig deeper into her finger. "O-Of course pe-people h-have been hurt, hurting me. Who doesn't? I-I'm small and w-weak and use-useless. N-No one here h-has any... any idea how to, t-to do anything but h-hurt people. It's ju-just the way i-it goes... I l-live with it, and th-that's-'s it." There's a bitterness in Cowardly's tone that makes Beginning's chest feel tight. There's something off here. Cowardly sounds less afraid than angry for once, and Beginning immediately gets a bad feeling. Those weren't the words of someone just scared.
But... Cowardly is sort of justified. Beginning can imagine being bitter if she was picked on to such an extent too. She did have some anger issues herself not too long ago. She can't judge Cowardly for harboring some resentment towards the people that make her life miserable, can she?
"I-I hate th-them..." Cowardly continues, seething through her teeth even as her teeth keep worrying at her bloody little finger. "I h-hate all of them... I, I-I wish that everyone e-else would just die. It would be better here if all of the strong people, if all of the mean people just went away."
In the last sentence, Cowardly doesn't stutter. Beginning sucks in a breath. That's... that's new. She doesn't think she's heard a sentence out of Cowardly's mouth before that was so steady. It's almost strange to hear. Even more disconcerting is just how hateful the little girl sounds. While Beginning can understand anger, that kind of thing is just--
"Wh-What about you?" Cowardly gets out next. "Aren't you angry? D-D-Don't you just h-hate ev-everyone wh-who, who hurts you? I do. I'll n-never stop hating them." With her last words, she looks down, glaring.
"No," Beginning says, with more certainty than she thought she'd have. "I don't. I don't hate people. It's not like I enjoy being hurt, but hating them would just bring me down. If anything, I think I feel sorry for them all." The words come out naturally, calmly, entirely self-assured.
Beginning is almost shocked at what she's saying. She's thought it before, but never quite managed to put it into words like these.
"Y-Yeah?" Cowardly mutters, still looking down. "Y-You'll change y-your mind s-s-soon enough. No o-one lives without hate h-here."
. . .
Beginning goes right back to Obsession, which might say things about her own sanity and choices, but Obsession is also kind of the best option she has. Obsession, to her credit, is as nice as can be. She fusses over Beginning, gushes over her even more, and is all-around the best option for not getting hit or threatened. That's kind of sad, really, but beggars can't be choosers, and Beginning certainly isn't complaining about it.
There's something calming about having one person that doesn't try to hurt her, but Beginning does still have her doubts. She wants to believe in Obsession. She wants to have hope that one person here can be good.
"Oh, Beginning, I'm so happy to see you again!" Obsession says when Beginning comes back, as if she wasn't expecting it at all.
It sort of hurts. Beginning thinks of Hysteria, of Jealousy, and wonders who here isn't of the same mold. Seeing the desperation in Obsession's eyes over a mere conversation makes Beginning's chest feel funny. She is the only one here who seems to be capable of being kind, but...
"Hey! What are you two doing all buddy-buddy?!" Before the two of them can even turn around to find somewhere to sit, Inconsistency's low, screechy voice sounds from behind them. Beginning's shoulders drop instantly. She doesn't know how Inconsistency found them, let alone how she of all people could be quiet well enough to sneak up on them.
"I'm spending time with my precious Beginning," Obsession says primly. "That's it. You can excuse yourself right now if that's all you wanted. I feel no need to entertain the both of you, and, well..."
"Oh, shut up! I'm not here to hit anybody... this time." Inconsistency grins, wild. "I just, y'know, wanna talk or something. Beginning gets all of your attention, so I wanna play too!" She's behaving oddly cheerfully, but that doesn't really come as a surprise. Beginning doesn't think there's anything she wouldn't expect from Inconsistency at this point. "So! I'm gonna sit down with you two! No complaining, got it?"
Obsession sighs but doesn't say anything more. The three of them take their seats on the ground near a crumbling brick wall– Beginning in the middle of the other two. Inconsistency leans in much too close.
"So whatcha talking about?" Inconsistency glows, rocking back and forth. "What do you two talk about?"
"Well--" Obsession gets one word out before Inconsistency cuts in.
"I wanna talk about Selfishness!" she shouts, slamming her fist down as her voice morphs into a vicious growl. "That bitch keeps trying to mess with me! She thinks she's all that, even when everyone here knows that I'm stronger. It's pathetic. I can't believe she's that stupid."
Beginning somehow doubts that. From what she's seen of Selfishness, she's not exactly someone Beginning would want to mess with. She also doesn't believe that Inconsistency is quite as tough as she's bragging about. Inconsistency is the type of person to talk herself way up, Beginning is learning. But Selfishness... her strength is far more real. Physically speaking, Beginning has seen just what the slightest effort from her can do.
"Inconsistency, dear. Selfishness is stronger than you." Obsession tips her head a bit to the side, making a very tired face. "At least in the sense of her body. You know what she's like. She'd kill you for talking like that, and then where would we be? You certainly wouldn't like it if she heard you saying you're better..." Obsession trails off, but her point is clear. Someone like Selfishness probably would kill someone for insinuating they were stronger than her, Beginning thinks with a muted sense of horror.
"Yeah, her body might be tough, but she's weak on the inside," Inconsistency hisses. "You get me? Like, have you ever seen her cry? I cry all the time and I'm fine, but that bitch barely even shows any feelings beyond 'better than us'. It's weird, I'm telling you. She's not all that. I swear, I could beat her if I really tried!"
The look in Inconsistency's eyes is pure mania. Beginning has to fight the urge to sigh. Another personality change within the span of a few minutes. Somehow, she's starting to see this kind of thing coming.
"Now, quit saying those silly things," Obsession chides. "Whether... whether you're right or wrong, you're just going to get yourself in trouble like that. I'm sure even you can understand. Selfishness's insides aren't something either of us should be concerning ourselves with."
With those words, Obsession gives Beginning a loving look, probably not wanting Beginning to get in trouble. Or to take an interest in someone else. Beginning isn't quite sure which one it might be.
But... what the two of them said, even in such a short time, has raised some questions. Beginning, now that she thinks about it, hasn't seen anything from Selfishness but anger and pride. She'd assumed that Selfishness was just like that, but considering what she'd seen of some of the others in the most recent of her interactions with them... Beginning is almost having some doubts. What if-- What if there's something more?
Beginning can almost picture it. Like with Hysteria, Selfishness making that kind of shocked, uncomfortable expression. It somehow seems to fit, even though Beginning doesn't know how it could. She has to be losing it. A few little insinuations and she's imagining Selfishness as anything more than an arrogant person with a major superiority complex.
Even so-- What if she did try?
It worked twice, sort of. Kindness got her places that she never expected. In those moments, it had seemed like the wisest idea, sure, but could she really do it again so easily?
Imagining what would happen if she was so open with Selfishness is almost scary. Beginning comes close to shying away from the very thought. But... maybe it couldn't hurt to try. She wants to be better. She wants to be different, and treating the others with kindness is just the way to do that.
Noticing that she's sort of tuned out of the other two's discussion, Beginning forces herself to go back to paying attention. She can think about this later. If anything, she's just been given a new idea on what to do with herself next time. Beginning focuses her attention back onto Inconsistency and Obsession, pushing those thoughts down for another time.