I made a trailer for this book and I attached it above! I hope that you guys enjoy it!
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Without even realizing it, the summer flew right in front of my eyes. Hot, love struck days melted into one another, until all my memories of July were of Nick and I on the ranch, sun-kissed and in love. I didn't think that my feelings for him could grow more intense than they already had, but once again Nick defied the impossible. Every single time that I would glance at him, his wide grin shining at me, I would feel my heartbeat speed up. Like clockwork, all my feelings resurfaced, but with twice as much intensity than the last.
So, it is easy for me to want to stay in our little haven together, just us, our moms, and the ranch. But no matter how much I feel for him, staying in the same place all the time could get quite mundane. I might be a homebody, but even I draw the line somewhere. So, when he asked me if I wanted to go hang out with his friends again tonight, I happily obliged.
When we make our way into his rusted pick-up, its already night outside. I flick on the radio and turn the volume up on the country station. A couple of weeks ago I would have rather jumped out a moving car than listen to country music, but it has started to grow on me. However, Nick's favorite pastime is still bullying me for this, so I rest myself against his cloth seats and wait for the heckling to begin.
But he doesn't.
As I look at Nick, half confused and half grateful, I realize that he doesn't seem to be here at all. Sure, his gaze is on the road, but I can tell that his mind is elsewhere. The usual rambunctious Nick is replaced by a completely different person, this one more pensive and isolated.
"Are you okay?" I ask, placing my hand on top of his near the gear shift. "You seem out of it."
His eyes tear off the road, as if his thoughts were interrupted, and turn to mine. "I'm good. Don't worry about me."
He flashes me a smile, one that looks like his usual one, but not quite. In the beginning of the summer I would have been fooled, but now, knowing Nick as much as I do, I can tell that somethings missing. The smile may be there, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.
"Okay," I say, because even though I know that he's lying, I know that he's not lying to me, but himself. Whatever it is that's bothering him, he isn't ready to talk about, and as worrying as that is, I have to respect that. But just so that he knows that I'm here and I care, I give his hand a squeeze.
The smile on the corner of his lips is real.
***
When Nick stops the car, we are at the train tracks, and I can feel my stomach flip inside. This place gives me a bad feeling, and I would have been fine if I never had to come back here again. I'm sure that concern is written all over my face, but Nick wouldn't know, considering that he doesn't give me a second glance before hopping out of the car. I trail after him, my concern and confusion only growing. Maybe he is mad at me?
The usual setup of lawn chairs is already assembled, with everyone sitting around the fire situated in the middle. When I approach, Nick has already taken his chair, and I sit in the only available seat. It's across from him, sandwiched between Sammy and Blair.
"If it isn't Leighton, the superfreak of a softball player," Bruce says with his usual goofy smile. "Lucky for you I've been training. I bet that if we went one-on-one right now, I could hit it farther."
I laugh. "I wouldn't even be too sure if you could hit the ball."
"Ouch," he says, gripping his chest. "Is this what you deal with everyday?" He asks, turning towards Nick. "How do you keep a high self-esteem?"
I expect him to say some witty retort or to just laugh it off, but he doesn't even look Bruce's way. He just cracks open a beer and stares off glassily into the night. When I see the beer, my heart pangs. He said that he was going to stop drinking for my sake.
I can tell that something is wrong, and based off Bruce's expression, so can he.
Sammy and Blair sneak each other smirks. They must think that he's mad at me, which I bet would make Sammy so very happy. Right now, however, I could care less about Sammy's obsession with my boyfriend. She, however, sees this as an opportunity and pounces. She leans in close to Nick, who sits on the other side of her, and pretends to lower her voice, as if she's telling a secret.
"Do you remember how every summer we would spend all our time in that treehouse of yours alone? I swear, we practically never left that place."
The treehouse?
Our special place?
I remember the intense guilt that I faced bringing Jack into there. It felt so wrong, because the place was ours. While I was feeling this guilt, Nick had been bringing girls in there every summer.
Are all these memories that I thought were ours even ours alone?
How many girls did he take swimming in the creek or horseback riding? How many nights did he spend with Sammy atop the treehouse roof, staring at the stars?
I want to vomit.
I wait for his reaction, for his eyes to jump to mine in panic. I wait for him to show some sign of remorse or caring, but nothing. He just takes another drink from his damn beer.
Who even is this guy in front of me?
Sammy doesn't get a reaction out of him either, but I know that she doesn't care. He may not show any emotion, but I do, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to see that I am upset. She leans back in her chair, her work obviously done, and shoots Blair yet another one of her smug smirks that make me want to pitch a ball straight into her face. But it isn't Sammy who betrayed me, it's Nick, and I won't let myself take the blame off him.
I focus intently on the fire in front of me and realize that my emotions and the fire pit have a lot in common. One single phrase by Sammy, coupled with Nick's somber mood, and I am a ball of anger, confusion and hurt. Over the flames, I see Bruce discreetly nudge Nick. I see him ask: "Are you okay?", but Nick just brushes him off, his eyes glassier than before.
"Hey Leighton," Bruce calls, snapping my attention away from him and the fire. "Do you want to help me bring this cooler into my trunk? I could use some of your softball muscles right now."
I know that he's trying to lighten my mood, so I nod my head and attempt to flash him a smile, but it comes out pitiful and lifeless. I stand up and trail behind him, and once we reach the trunk of his pick-up truck, which is a safe distance from the group, he turns towards me.
"Something is wrong with Nick."
"I bet," I mumble, my hurt coming across as attitude.
He sighs. "Look, I know that you're probably mad at him because of Sammy's comment, but if you knew what he was going through right now, you would cut him some slack."
I cross my arms. "What is he going through then?" He hesitates and tries to distract himself with something in the trunk, but I don't allow him to.
"You don't get to hint at it but not tell me," I say grabbing onto his wrist. "Come on."
He tucks his hands into his pockets before looking up at me. "He wouldn't want me to tell you this, but today is a really special day to him." I nod my head, urging him to continue. "Him and his dad would always take a trip for the day, just them two. He looked forward to it all summer."
Realization sets onto me. "This is the first time that he's had to go through this day alone."
Bruce nods his head. "I knew that it was going to be really hard on him. That's why I set up this bonfire. I thought that being around friends would make this day a little less lonely, but it seems to have had the opposite effect. I think being around all of us only reminds him that his dad isn't here."
I nod my head. I can't imagine going through today as Nick. The hurt he must be feeling right now is immeasurable. While that doesn't erase the problems that I have with him over Sammy's comment, it most definitely pushes them to the backburner.
"So, what do you want me to do?" I ask.
"Could you just drive him home? I don't think that he needs to be around us right now."
"Of course." I say. Anything to help Nick feel better.
When I get back to the fire, Nick has four empty cans next to him. Blair and Sammy cast me dirty looks as I kneel beside him.
"Maybe we should go," I say to him, trying to capture his attention. "We have a lot of things to do in the morning." His eyes still don't meet mine.
Sammy scoffs and whispers to Blair underneath her breath. "Geez, you'd think that she would allow him to make his own choices. He's eighteen, not eight."
While I would usually ignore her, today I am so fed up with her that I can't hold myself back.
"I don't know what makes it so difficult to comprehend this," I say, venom dripping from my mouth. Her head whips towards mine, realizing that I overheard. "But he's not with you anymore, and all the conniving games and snarky comments you've played over entire summer still didn't change that. Maybe it's time for you to start acting your age and move on."
Her jaw drops, and I can tell that she wants to say something back, but I truly don't care. I turn my expression towards Nick again. "Come on Nick, please look at me."
I wait a few moments, and when I'm about to ask him again, his eyes shift towards mine. Their so empty that it's jarring, and I almost wish that he didn't listen to my request. "Come on Nick. Can we please go home? For me?"
He doesn't respond, but I try my luck anyway. I stand up and tug his arm upwards, and surprisingly, he stands. His arm wraps around my shoulder and pulls me close. He leans against me as we walk, causing us to stumble, but I still manage to keep us upright. After we've been walking for a little, he talks.
"I'm sorry," he mumbles, each word slurring into the next. "For the treehouse, for Sammy, for everything."
I'm breathing heavy, the trek to his car growing tiring with his extra body weight. "Don't worry about that right now." I say. "Let's just get you home."
We walk in silence a little longer before he speaks again. "I don't deserve you. I'm a complete fuck-up. You should have chosen Jack."
"Don't say that."
He ignores my comment. "All I do is drag everyone down. You... my mom... everyone. He's been dead for six months and I'm still a fucking mess."
My heart breaks for him. How could he think that?
"You don't drag anyone down Nick. We all need and love you. You're just going through a rough time right now, and that's completely normal." We're at the car now, and he leans himself against the driver's side door.
"What if I never get better?" He looks at me with such a feeling of lostness that I want to cry for him.
"You will Nick. I promise."
"You don't know that," he slurs. "You don't... I don't... no one knows. I'll be dead weight to everyone my whole fucking life."
His voice sounds like he's far away, and it's beginning to frighten me. "Let me just have the keys so that I can get us home. Okay?"
He stumbles closer to me. "You should go back. You'll have more fun without me there. I'll just...I'll drive myself."
My voice begins to shake. "You've had too much to drink Nick; you can't drive yourself. Just give me the keys."
He looks at me for a long time, seemingly drinking my face in. He places a soft kiss on my lips before pulling away, an unreadable expression in his eyes. "I'm tired of holding everyone back," he says.
It dawns on me what he is about do, but before I can move to stop him, it's too late.
In the blink of an eye, he opens the car door, gets in, and locks the door behind him.
"No!" I shout, jiggling the door handle to no avail. I hear the key turn in the ignition. "Nick stop right now! You'll die if you drive yourself!"
He doesn't look at me.
I can't let him leave. I can't. If he gets in that car and drives away, I'm not sure that I'll ever see him alive again. The engine revved, and I run as fast as I can to the passenger side. I yank at the door handle, but it's locked too.
"I'm broken Leighton," he slurs through the open window. "I'm not good for you."
"Nick stop this right now!"
My voice is panicked, and I can feel the car begin to move. At the last second, I do the only thing that I can think to do, and I throw myself through the open window as he presses the gas.
His head whips towards me. "Leighton what are you doing!"
But it's too late, because I'm already inside, and his foot is already pressed on the gas, hurling us forward. As he looks at me, his eyes a mixture of confusion and loss, a headlight appears in the distance, and none of us realize that it's coming towards us, barreling with speed, until the car is illuminated in bright white light, and then everything goes black.
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I hope that you guys enjoyed this chapter! If you did please leave a vote! I have also edited a trailer for this book and attached it to the chapter, so make sure to watch it! I hope that you have an amazing day!
-K