It took me six weeks to come to a realization that I had a crush!
I wasn't sure if one would call it a crush but I kinda liked this boy in my Geometry class.
It started a couple of days after I joined the high school in my neighborhood. The boy- Tom Rogers had occupied the seat beside me and we were at the back of the class.
I had specifically chosen that spot to stay out of the groups that had already formed prior to my arrival.
I believed they would ignore me and thought it was best to stay out of sight, and attract as little attention as I could.
But to this day, I have had no trouble with my new classmates. I had not spoken much, except to ask doubts on demanding situations and they had replied politely.
Needless to say, I was still glad for choosing that corner seat at the back, as it was the only class I got to sit close to Tom and would never have gotten the opportunity to talk to him.
With the teacher in the front not making any sense to me, I had rested my head over my hands on the desk and watched his skillful fingers glide over the paper making fine strokes and elegant curves.
"It looks great." The words had been out of my mouth and a second later I realized I had said my thoughts out loud. The ash blond boy turned towards me questioningly and his confused, green eyes glimmered in the light until I pointed at his work.
The sketch was that of a hand with a skull necklace hanging by the fingers. He was adding precision to it when I had abruptly interrupted him without consulting my sane thoughts.
He smiled at me politely, crimson coloring his cheeks lightly as his hand hovered over the sheet as though insecure about his art.
"Thanks." he replied, and we turned our attention back to the teacher demanding it.
Blissful days passed quickly, soon followed by weeks and my life was back in it's tranquil pace as it had been during my early childhood.
And as a bonus I got to share a few words with Tom either at the beginning or at the end of the hour.
We exchanged names in the first week. And by the end of fourth, we had progressed to making fun of ourselves and our inability to comprehend the teacher or the subject she was handling.
He often teased me playfully but I felt too shy to tease him back. Once I tried to mimic his sketch and it had made him crack with laughter and I blushed fiercely before joining him. I had to admit- drawing for not my thing.
The hour had always passed quickly with me paying my full attention to the boy beside me, watching him silently work with an attractive furrow between his eyebrows, while waiting for him to ask my opinion at the end of the hour which he did much to my delight.
I was having my dinner one night, with dad sitting by the porch changing channels when it struck me.
I realized I liked Tom Rogers. A lot.
I don't know how it had come to that or why.
The thoughts of him had always brought a smile to my lips, and I found myself thinking about him all day long. They were times I reminisced our conversations over and over in my head though they bore trivial matters.
It was strangely maddening that I had to wait till morning to see him again.
And the thought of school for the first time made my heart leap not with fear but delight.
I wondered if that was what it felt to...to like someone not as a family or friend but in a romantic fashion...
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"Ann!"
I turned my attention to the door and almost immediately slapped my hand across my forehead.
Callie stood at the doorway, waving her hand in the air madly, trying to get my attention but when she saw the glare Mr Wright threw at her, she tip-toed away, with a palm on her mouth.
The bell rang and I rushed outside to see her waiting by the corridor, watching the students- no searching for someone!
"C'mon!" I said, dragging her away towards the exit, where we could get some fresh air.
Callie was one of my first friends in my new school. We befriended each other almost immediately, thanks to her loud, outspoken, sneaky demeanor. She never judged me but often bugged me for help with home work just prior to submission and I had taken it upon myself to remind her of every test she seemed to have trouble remembering.
We shared several classes, most of which she ditched with her friends.
"Your hair," I said, nodding at the brown mahogany all over the place which had been perfectly straight this morning."It's as messy as a cuckoo's nest!"
"Is a cuckoo's nest that bad?"
"Dunno. Never seen one."
"Can it be a Kiwi's burrow? They're so adorable and cute!"
I laughed, shaking my head and saw a familiar boy approaching us. And since her back was facing him, she was unaware yet again that her boyfriend tried to give her a scare.
He motioned for me to keep my silence and tip toed and yes-
A blood curling scream echoed in the hallways just as I covered my ears.
After a few minutes of reprimands, she faced me, waving a hand at her boyfriend.
"Tyler, this is Ann."
"Ann, this-"
"I prefer Tyson!" He cut off, flexing his biceps.
Callie snorted loudly and playfully tapped his butt. I blushed as he pecked her lips in return. Asking him to wait by the parking lot, she turned to me.
"So? Why did you call me?"
She looked up at me with puppy eyes. "It's Mia. Looks like she ditched me again. Some party at the cousin's. She must be long gone. I can't see her and her phone's on silent!"
"There's still an hour to go."
"Not for Mia! She's worse than me."
I had noticed that before. It wasn't abnormal for the two friends to ditch classes now and then.
"I still don't understa-"
"We planned to go to star bucks, the four of us."
When I furrowed my brows, she explained, "Chase is coming as well."
Lowering her tone, she pretended to reveal a top secret, "Honestly, the two of them are inseparable. Sometimes, I get jealous." She whined but grinned the next second. "I don't want to be the third wheel!"
I chuckled. Callie was really funny at times. Scratch that. Most of the times.
"So, you're coming with me!" she stated finally.
It was an invitation for me, to hang out. Well, not an invitation considering she started dragging me out of school. But it felt different, strange somehow. I wanted to jump with happiness but also I wanted to crawl up to a corner and hide myself.
Callie and Tyler were funny and sweet couple. From what I saw, I guessed Chase was polite as well. I decided it was fine to go out with them. The three looked gorgeous to me and I wasn't sure I belonged to that crowd.
"Okay." I whispered to myself, as we reached the parking lot when Tyler and Chase were smacking each other's head. Just playful smacking unlike what I had witnessed and experienced in my previous school. There was no blood shed, no tears of pain, no witnesses snapping pictures, just two teenage boys hitting each other playfully and there was nothing but laughter in their tone and amusement in their eyes.
For a moment, my throat clenched tightly, almost painfully.
It's supposed to be like this for everyone, I thought, bitterly. I was lucky enough to escape the abuse but I knew they were others back at my middle school who were still unaware of this world.
Is this what Grandma had been talking about? I was sure she would be happy for me if she saw me hanging out with other students.
It had been tormenting me for a while that I had only got to share my worst moments, and not the sweet memorable ones with her.
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"You said you were celebrating!"I turned to Callie, sipping my drink. "What's the occasion?"
"Good question." She replied, staring at the menu. "But I don't know that myself."
The boys had been talking endlessly about video games which Callie and I had soon lost interest. Tyler once paused to ask me if I played and I shook my head. He didn't prod me with further questions.
"Never knew you had a brother!" Callie was saying, after a couple of minutes when I had started to open about myself.
I shrugged. "He's six. Lives with my aunt and-"
"Holy shit!" Chase swore loudly, attracting the attention of the other customers.
Lifting his petrified gaze from his phone and fixing it on me, he asked: "Didn't you go to Southeast Middle school at Oakheart Avenue?"
"Yes." I whispered, my lips trembling. Had he found my profile on social media? It had to be that. Now, he would-
"One of the students committed suicide!"
"What?" The news hit me like a bolt from the blue and my heart started to pick it's pace.
"What?" Carrie and Tyler repeated, stunned.
Chase tuned his phone, allowing us to see the screen.
What I saw, made my hands tremble and I felt faint.
Gripping the table's edge I blinked at the screen once more.
It was a picture of a dark haired young boy, smiling up at the camera. I had seen the same face several times, near the parking lot or the playground. He was always on the ground, beaten up and bleeding as Ashton and his friends ganged up on him.
I swayed on my seat.
"You know him?" Chase questioned.
I could barely nod.
When I found my voice, it was barely a whisper. "How- how did he...-"
"Hanged himself in his bedroom..."
I shut my eyes.
I felt the need to puke from a funny sensation in my stomach and my head started to spin. It wasn't even a month since I had last seen him...sprawled on the ground, crying while Ashton stood over him...laughing!
Someone was asking me if I was okay. My vision had gone blurry. I think it was Callie trying to shake me.
The pain in my head shot high, spreading to the back of my eyes.
It was his fault!
It was Ashton's and his friends.
All their fault!
They had killed someone!
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If today feels like the end of your world, tomorrow could be the day you rebuild it. Don't give up just yet!
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