"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
- Mahatma Gandhi
I've been in my bedroom for the whole week and I know my parents have to come and talk to me because I'm going back to school tomorrow.
They confiscated my phone and dad made sure to put in his safe this time. My mother and father have not talked to me since that day. What surprises me even more is that they didn't even scold me.
I've been in my room eversince. I've been eating Mrs Kane's meals and to say they tasted like garbage would be an understatement.
I don't even want to think about Langa right now. I miss Mrs Mpi's food terribly.
I want to end my life. I searched for something that'll help me kill myself quickly.
I found a used razor blade and some pain tabs and decided to use the two.
Just as I was about to sit on my mat and kill myself, my parents walked in.
"What's going on here?" My dad asked looking at the scene in front of his eyes.
I ignored him and went inside my bathroom to pour a glass of water. If they want to watch me kill myself, I won't deny them the opportunity.
I put all the pills into my hand after I came back and my mother kicked them off my hand. They went flying all over the room and I stood up and glared at her.
"Is this because of some stupid boy?" She asked me.
"I'm not a bitch" I said eyeing her up and down.
My father slapped me. It was the first time that he actually hit me. He's never laid a hand on me before.
"You have no right to lay a hand on me Robert. I'm not your daughter" I said rubbing my cheek.
"So you don't want to talk. If you want to kill yourself, go ahead. Kill yourself. You're just as useless as your father, I should have took the abortion money and killed you myself" she said holding me by my braids.
Dad laid his hand on her back and shook his head. Mom was being too harsh. I know she doesn't mean what she said but that didn't stop me from crying.
"Tell us when you're ready to talk. Here's a paper with your new rules which you'll follow until you're ready to talk" Dad said as he ushered mom out of the room. They closed the door behind them and locked it.
I opened the envelope and went over the rules.
1) You will get a new driver to take you to school. He will be changed every week and he will be under strict orders.
2) You will not stop anywhere on your way to school. He will fetch you in front of the school gate and leave you inside your class every morning.
3) We have eyes watching you in school so don't even think about hanging out with Charmaine.
4) Peter will walk you to your classes and sit with you during breaks.
I tore the paper up into pieces and cried for the whole night. Francesca knocked on my door during dinner time.
"I brought you food" she said knocking again.
"I'm full" I said. She continued knocking until she decided to open the door and leave it on my table. She exited the room and locked the doors.
My dad had them put on manual so I can't open them. I was literally in jail.
■□■□■□■
The curtains in my room opened and my alarm rang. I switched it off and went to take a bath. When I came out of the bathroom there was a bowl of oatmeal with peanut butter and banana. I looked at it once and clicked my tongue as I wore my school uniform.
My doors were open since it was a school day. I walked to the door without greeting my family.
I sat in the backseat of the Toyota Fortuner and the driver drove me off to school without speaking to me.
Peter was waiting for me in front of the school gates and he opened the door for me.
"I'm not mad at you" he said kissing my cheek.
I let out a sigh of relief. I don't like Peter anymore but that doesn't mean I wanted him as an enemy.
"It's that boy from the cafe right? I told your mom about him. They did some research on him" he said holding my hand.
"They what?" I asked as my anger grew. My face didn't show it but I wanted to punch Peter so hard that he sees stars. Now I regret not attending those karate classes.
"I was worried. Now I have my African princess back and I'll do anything you want me to do" he said.
I tried to force a smile on my face because I didn't feel like starting a fight.
"Let me walk you to your class" he said.
"I have to pee first" I said. He nodded in understanding and said he'll wait outside.
When I got inside the bathroom, I found Azania. She was the invisible girl in my grade, I don't even know much about her.
"You look like shit" she said eyeing me up and down.
"Look, I need a favour from you" I pleaded.
"What makes you think I'll help you?" She asked as she scoffed.
I took out 3 R200 notes from my wallet.
"Okay. What do you want?" She asked as she walked towards me.
"Go find Charmaine now and bring her here. She should follow behind, you must arrive first and distract Peter. Talk about GTA or something." I briefed her. She nodded and walked out of the toilet.
I waited impatiently for a couple of minutes until Charmaine walked in.
"My parents have grounded me. They took away my phone" I said as I cried into her embrace.
"I'm so sorry. Let's go sit on the stadium so you can tell me about it" she said pulling my hand.
"I can't" I said wiping my tears and pulling away from her embrace.
"Why?" She asked as she looked at me.
"My parents banned me from hanging out with you. They have eyes everywhere. I just wanted to tell you so you don't think I'm ignoring you, I'm working on it though Charmaine. You're the only true friend I have" I said
She picked up her schoolbag and gave me one final hug before she walked out of the door. She didn't say anything.
I washed my face and walked out of the toilet. Peter was still talking to Azania but he walked towards me when I came out.
"What took you so long? You look like you were crying" he said as he held my face.
"Period pains" I said wiping my eyes. I was back to being who I am again. Boring Ada with the boring boyfriend.
"I'll meet you here after class" he said giving me a kiss on my cheek before I entered my form room.
I sat at the front of the class, away from Charmaine and decided to talk with Simlindile. I zoned out when she started talking about the number of bones a human body has.
I hate my life...
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