hi 💜
____________
Jeongguk was well aware of his worth.
He didn't need to be told.
It was an underlying understanding, a mutual acknowledgement that his peers kept on the lay-low. There was always this silent thought in the back of his head, this tranquil 'whats the point?' that came with every argument he had, behind every action that he took. He had to think twice before doing anything around here. If it wasn't to his direct benefit, then there'd be no point. Disadvantaged? Definitely. Doing things that were unnecessary and getting involved in business that didn't concern him would only risk his neck and everyone else at the brothel for that matter.
He was used to being used, a body to played with for pleasure, to be discarded and bored of when men and women grew tired of him, it was fate, really. If you called it that. Jeongguk would tell you that he had no future. Nothing to save him from this eternal storm in his heart. A storm that only grew stronger with each cigarette that he smoked as time passed by and he grew from a boy to a man. Each tendril of ash that settled in the pit of his chest did nothing but brutally reinforce the severity of his occupation and what it would remain as for the rest of his life.
Should the circumstances arise that he ran out of money for college, his position would be permanent.
He most probably would.
Yoongi would be reluctant, of course. He'd say 'oh Jeongguk you stupid boy, save up.' and Jeongguk being Jeongguk, wouldn't listen to him.
He'd pay every penny back to Yoongi if it were the last thing he did. If that meant that he had to live on the streets for the rest of his life, then so be it. He'd do exactly that.
He hated being in debt to people.
Yoongi was the only person he had to financially worry over till about last week.
He hadn't had to worry about anything before Kim Taehyung's arrival really.
The boy was confused more than anything.
If he was going to claim his land, he'd take it to court, or he'd trample all over this palace in a heartbeat. The man had so much power he could shut Baekhyun's brothel down in the blink of an eye, he could throw everyone out and demolish the building and the authorities wouldn't bat an eyelash. They wouldn't dare question someone with a position at the very top of the hierarchy like that.
They wouldn't dare question Kim Taehyung.
Yet he hadn't.
He'd given them 'another chance.' and that 'other chance' was Jeongguk.
Why him of all people?
What would he do that no one else could? If he was going to ask for his body then that would be understanding, he'd had many clients like him. But he didn't. He didn't ask for money or him. What did Kim Taehyung want with Jeongguk? There had to be something else.
An explanation, a reason, just something to stop his thoughts devouring his mind.
You see, Jeongguk had a lot of time on his hands to think.
Let it be moments he had his head shoved in a pillow getting drilled by some stinky old man, or riding some teenage dick that was more on the flaccid side of things. He had time to cast his mind to every corner of the world. Explore everything.
Usually, he'd recite the versus of his poems, it's when his creative juices would be flowing the most. He'd let them take over his brain, block out the pain in his lower region, block out the sting of their nails digging into his hips, their hands grabbing at his hair, the rough slap of skin against his own as they continued pounding. He let them. At least he had himself and his mind.
That's all Jeongguk really needed.
Sometimes they sacred him though, his thoughts. So dangerous in all their omniscience. Things that he shouldn't really be wondering about but found himself doing so anyway. The majority was swarmed with his poetic analysis, he'd be evaluating some sonnet in his head by Elizabeth Barret Browning while he was being slammed against a wall and treated like a play toy. A distraction at its finest.
He had no choice really, unless he wanted to enjoy it. He never did. Never enjoyed anything anymore.
"Gguk." Park Jimin spoke next to him. They were lying in bed beside eachother, their shift had just ended and his friend had decided to join him and his philosophical endeavour. Again, too much time on their hands had you doing things like that.
"What do you think the world would be like if we were at the top?"
The top. It seemed so far away.
Jeongguk let out a soft scoff, his hands laced together on his stomach as he gazed up at the cracked plaster of the white washed ceiling above. There was so much that he could say to that, any other day he would. He'd voice his thoughts about the corruption that prevailed in this ugly society, he'd tell Jimin to stop asking stupid questions that he already knew the answer to, he'd laugh with him despite his aching throat and the tears in his eyes that blurred his useless vision.
Sometimes, he wished he couldn't see. It'd make things a whole lot easier, it'd keep his emotions at bay. He'd only have to worry about what he smelled, those potent scents that the men wore and the sickeningly sweet perfumes that choked him from the women. It was much better than seeing their faces, staring into their eyes, watching them use his body like a tool and discard of him. Far easier than seeing them above him.
On top.
"It'd be hell." He deadpanned. The truth. The world would be hell if Jeon Jeongguk was on top, things would be ten times worse than what they currently were. It was bad enough and he doubted that people would want it to get any worse.
"You're going there." Jimin mused. Going where? Oh, yes. He certainly was. "To the top."
"You say that like I want to." The younger said quietly.
"Who wouldn't?" Jimin smiled incredulously. This was a game to him, Jeongguk knew that he'd give anything to be in his position right now. Give anything to live the high life.
He didn't get it.
"You don't?" The boy despised the shock in his voice. Why would he? He didn't want to leave and be part of something he didn't deserve. It didn't matter that he had no say in it. He didn't want to leave his friends and his 'family' or whatever they were to him. They were closer than anyone he'd had in his life. "Of course you don't."
Jeongguk smiled as Jimin answered his own question. Yes, of course he didn't.
"I don't see it the way others do and I probably never will." He swallowed the lump in his throat, gaze fixated on the beam of light that spilled from the door that stood slightly ajar.
He always did this; this was how Jeongguk would spend his Friday night, alone and wallowing in his self pity. Park Jimin deemed it necessary that he joined him, convinced that he'd slump far too deep into his depression if he didn't give him some company, he was wrong but Jeongguk was too tired to tell him that so the boy let him share his bed and his dangerous thoughts. He couldn't keep everything to himself in this world.
"I'm sure things will be fine, don't worry."
"I'm not concerned about myself, I'm concerned about you and Jin hyung, are you going to be alright?" Jeongguk had emotions, Jeongguk cared a lot. He showed it reluctantly but there were times that he failed to hold back. He turned his head to look into his best friend's pretty eyes.
"We're fine, Gguk." It wasn't much to reassure him but it did stir up some thoughts.
Why was he even leaving?
Oh, because he was being heavily blackmailed. Even if Jeongguk didn't care much for himself, he hated that he was helpless in this situation. Of course he'd sacrifice himself so that everyone could carry on with their own lives.
But what use did Jeongguk have in the Kim mansion?
And more importantly, what use did Kim Taehyung have with him?
_____________________
"Eat." Yoongi mumbled from across the dinner table. They were at home. In Yoongi's tiny flat.
It was more of a home to Jeongguk than anywhere he'd been before. Nothing would change that. He gazed at his reflection in the murky mirror on the wall behind Yoongi's head. Jeongguk was modest to others, but he wasn't one to put himself down for his appearance.
He was the most expensive out of all of the escorts in that place. A pretty face got you a lot of money and that's all that Jeongguk cared about and would probably ever care about.
Money.
For Yoongi.
"Thank you, Gguk." Yoongi sniffed. Swirling this ramen about in his bowl. Thank you. Yoongi wasn't the one that was supposed to be saying thank you. It was supposed to be Jeongguk. It was always Jeongguk.
If Yoongi was in trouble, then Jeongguk made it his own business. His own problem. It was the last he could do.
"I don't want to go." He replied, emotionless, boring holes into the table with his piercing gaze. He needed to stay, he had no place there. Nothing would ever be of use to him. "But I am."
He wasn't doing it for himself, he was doing it for anyone but himself. Everyone was greatful to him, really. He wanted to help them, he wouldn't let those men of power strip away their homes and their jobs and throw them out on the street. They looked down on them as though they were vermin, the lowest of the low. This hierarchy made Jeongguk want to pull out his hair.
That's why he was going.
"Have you packed everything?" The older tilted his head trying to capture his gaze. He was always so concerned for him it was sickening. For once, Jeongguk wanted to be the one concerned, he wish Yoongi would let him. But he kept his outer shell stoic and impenetrable. It frustrated him.
"There's not much to pack, hyung." Jeongguk didn't have many belongings or valuables other than his college stuff.
And his diary.
He wouldn't let anyone touch his diary.
"What do they want with me?" He asked quietly. It still baffled him, that's all he seemed to be thinking about for the majority of this week. What was it that Jeongguk had in his possession that others didn't? Why was he singled out? What did Mr Kim even know of him? Hopefully nothing. He didn't want anything to be held against him. Well, too late it seemed. His whole occupation could be held against him. Smart one, Gguk.
"I don't know." The older shook his head, brows furrowed and eyes tired. "Stay away from trouble."
"I don't look for trouble, trouble looks for me." A smile reluctantly tugged at his lips.
"You're so lame." Yoongi rolled his eyes with utmost disappointment. Jeon Jeongguk was not lame, he was the furthest thing from it and Yoongi knew that very well.
"I'm gonna miss you.." he trailed off.
He'd miss everyone, dearly.
Seokjin and his as stupid dad jokes, Jimin and his wild dreams and pretty voice, even Baekhyun despite how much of a selfish pimp he was.
Literally.
Every time he thought about it, he grew angry. It was awful, he despised it. He didn't care how high up Mr Kim was, he gave him a reason to dislike him, he was so sure that his perception wouldn't change.
"Make the most of it while you're there." There was a certain pain in his voice that made the boy's throat dry. It felt clogged up.
He sniffed again, feline eyes thin with exhaustion, Yoongi was always so exhausted; Jeongguk often helped him with everything around the house. He often needed help that he constantly refused.
Jeongguk however, was persistent.
"When will you stop feeling guilty and know that I'm thankful of you?" He leaned back in his chair and stared at the older, watching him wearily.
It didn't take a genius to figure out that Yoongi had been hiding something from him.
Jeongguk noticed it pretty early on, as soon as he was old enough to read people. He was good at that. Reading people. It was the only thing that stopped him from lashing out at everyone. The fact that he knew what was going on inside their head and he knew how to handle the situation. Often handled well.
"When you're gone and you're in a better place." The older pushed his chair back and left the table to take the dirty dishes and place them in the sink in the kitchen. "You won't have to look at this dump again."
"Don't say that. I know my place."
" You don't care for yourself enough. You're always so busy caring for me." It was true, Jeongguk was selfless, always put himself last. Sometimes it was a bad thing but he never really saw the bad in it. Just saw what good he was doing for others and continued to do exactly that. He never asked for anything useless in return from Yoongi no matter how often his hyung wanted to get him things. He'd refuse them in a heartbeat, too humble to accept anything these days.
If living with the Kim Taehyung was an option that he could have a choice in; he'd have said no. Straight away.
He didn't care for material wealth or whatever it was that Taehyung possessed. He wanted a good heart, like him. He hated those that were blinded by their wealth and their status, those that looked down on others like they were below them, unequal to them. He despised them to say the least.
Till a few days ago, he hadn't the slightest clue what Mr Kim's personality was like. He could be completely different to what he allowed Jeongguk to see on the television. There was nothing particularly alarming about him save the way he carried himself as though the world was at his feet. There were a million things that he could say about him but none would ever have been bad. But now, his perception had changed.
Kim Taehyung was like all the others.
He'd become more aware of it the second he joined him. The boy made a mental note to never get involved with him when it was unnecessary. It wasn't like Jeongguk was going to openly suck up to him if he wasn't wanted- in fact, that would be glorious! He'd rejoice such a thing. He'd be greatful if he'd leave him alone, shocking if he dismissed him.
That wouldn't happen though.
These men were all the same.
When they were given priceless privileges, they misuse them and trample on them and corrupt them till nothing else was left, not even a morsel of hope.
Jeongguk had hope.
He wondered if Kim Taehyung had some too.
_________
I am SO sorry this took so long but how did you guys like chapter one??😢 Jk isn't your typical weak, dainty character like my other books, I really like his character here tbh..
I'd love to hear your feedback uwu, comment all you like, I love you guyssss
-varsha 💜