Trigger Warning - PTSD + Talk of domestic abuse. These stories are real and have no affiliation to the real Harry Styles.
BSL. Speech + Sign. Speech
An hour and thirty minutes into keeping Blue company for the Night, Harry found himself curling up next to her with heavy eyes.
The show on the screen long ignored and sleep begging to be accepted.
Blue laughed at him and encouraged him to sleep, explaining she's used to Insomnia being a total bitch.
Together, they remained on the couch. Almost cuddling and super comfortable.
It is morning now and Blue opens her eyes. Two hours of sleep is not bad for someone that goes weeks without a wink.
It feels a little refreshing but there's a hint of fatigue lolling around because her body isn't used to this madness called rest.
On the couch with her is Harry, fast asleep and looking particularly adorable with his mouth slightly agape.
He lightly snores and something warms up in her staring at how soft he looks. Blue wants to touch his sweet looking curls and brush her fingers through his jaw, but she stops herself.
Things aren't fully back to normal and there's a lot to talk about.
Blue stretches herself out of the comforting couch and drags her feet to the kitchen for a cup of warm water with a slice of lemon.
Maybe they will get to fondly communicate how they got their wires crossed and escalated everything.
Maybe she will explain her strong feelings for him and wonder where things are going between them.
Blue pauses as she remembers she needs to message Paula about the dinner suggestion and she smiles, getting a knife for her fresh lemon.
There's something strange and she suddenly turns to see Harry behind her.
"Jesus!" Blue screams and jumps, holding the knife.
Harry widens his eyes in shock and jumps back as she leaps with the knife.
He raises his hands to calm her down and fights himself from laughing at the sight before him.
From the look of things, she clearly screamed and he finds it funny.
"Calm down!" he signs.
"Not when you're creeping around," she frowns.
"I thought you'd hear me coming," he shakes his head.
"You're like a bloody spy, I didn't hear you coming," Blue slowly exhales.
"That's funnier," Harry giggles.
"And ironic," she slowly signs and speaks.
"Someone has been brushing up very well," he points out.
"I was super fluent, so learning has brought back memories," she smiles.
Harry walks over to her and observes the set up of a wooden chopping board with a fat juicy lemon and knife.
"What's happening here?" he points at it.
"Warm water and lemon for my morning," Blue replies.
"Can I have some?" he asks.
"Sure," she nods with a smile.
"I didn't mean to sleep last night," Harry frowns.
"Mate, don't apologise," she shakes her head.
Harry smiles and understands she's being nice but he feels stupidly bad for passing out barely into the night.
He's an early riser and he sleeps super early. His body will probably break if he's up at anything past midnight.
This was hard for him and he feels like he's failed.
"I wanted to be there for you," he mouths as he signs.
"Thank you," Blue mimics him with a smile.
"Stop that," he rolls his eyes.
"Don't tell me what to do in my house," she laughs.
"Did you sleep at all last night?" he smiles.
"A little," Blue slices the lemon and looks at him. "Did you know that you snore?"
Harry is hit with a little confusion.
"I snore? Like when I sleep?" he asks.
"Yes, it's low and cute," she smiles.
"How does something sound cute?" Harry chuckles.
"It sounds nice to my ears," she tries to explain.
"I'm not your target market for that explanation," he teases.
Blue lightly slaps his arm.
"I know! It was supposed to be a compliment," she says.
"Fine. Thank you," he smiles.
Lemons sliced, she places them into their mugs and pours in the warm water with a smile on her face.
Harry takes the mug in gratitude and they slowly return to her living space. The couch is waiting for them as they sit on it and he slowly cranes his neck, wondering how he stayed curled up all night.
A part of his neck hurts and he cannot hide it. He cranes it a little till he freezes when the gentle touch lands on his skin. It's Blue.
Blue is staring at him with a smile as she gently touches his neck.
"Sorry about the couch," she says.
"It's fine. I offered," he smiles in gratitude.
The simple feeling of her hand on his neck is causing a madness in his head and he's doing all he can to stay cool.
This is all so comforting, familiar and still somehow a little strange to him. Blue clears her throat and stows her mug away, turning to him with a sober look on my face.
"I didn't mean to freak out that day," she starts.
Oh, the talk is happening now. Harry sits up a little and focuses his eyes on her gentler ones.
"What happened?" he frowns.
"When I was younger, I dated a powerful man - not that powerful but in his own way," Blue manages to say.
"Please share this only if you're comfortable," Harry notes.
"I am very comfortable. Do you want to know the story?" she asks for consent before dumping it all on him.
"Yes," he sighs.
"He ruled a lot of my life and he owned me. I owed him money for helping me clear my mother's hospital bills and he controlled me till I was able to pay," she bites on her lip.
Harry frowns in concern as she continues to share.
"He occasionally hit me but the mental abuse was the worst. I hated my body and intimacy for a while," she fights back tears.
Noticing this, Harry puts away his mug and moves a little closer to her. He just wants to hold her to his chest and let her know she's safe right now.
"Kissing you was the first intimate moment I've shared since his death and it triggered me," Blue sniffs.
"Breathe," he urges.
"It was never your fault. I just felt like I didn't deserve to move on and I sometimes still feel like that," she says with tears streaming down her face.
"I know the feeling," Harry does not like to see her like this one bit.
"I couldn't explain because I froze in the moment," she sniffs.
"I'm so sorry," he maintains eye contact.
"It hurt a lot," she signs, staring at him.
"I know," Harry slowly nods in understanding. "But you deserve to move on, always."
"He's dead and gone, I'm honestly past that," Blue manages to say.
Something blooms in Harry's heart as he realises they share a lot in common and yes, it may not be the best of similarities but it's enough.
It hurts to know she's been in the same boat and he just wants to take the pain away from her.
The idea of them trauma bonding makes him a little worried but he buries the thought for now.
"You're strong and it will get better, I promise," he assures her.
"How do you even know that?" she sighs.
"Because I've been there before," Harry wipes away a lone tear.
With tears in her eyes, Blue looks at him and cannot believe this.
It is not unrealistic but it hurts a little more to know he's been in her shows. If that's what he's implying.
"What do you mean?" she frowns.
Harry rubs his palms as he steadies himself to share with her. This is the first time he'll be sharing with someone that's not family or Zayn.
With Zayn, it was with a lot of anger. Right now, it's different. There's hurt and a lot of it. He clears his throat.
"My voice," he says, verbally.
Blue is taken back as she wasn't expecting that. A smile cracks on her face and she slowly shakes her head.
"Try again?" she asks, signing.
Harry nods before clearing his throat to try again.
"My....Voice," he slowly says.
"Okay so it's obviously not you horse, your voice?" she smiles.
"What if I have a horse?" Harry frowns as he signs.
"Are you messing with me?" Blue nearly panics.
"Of course, I am," he chuckles. "I meant my voice."
"I was right, your lovely voice," she smiles at him.
"I hate using it for a reason. My mum always encouraged me, I tried a mainstream school and was great with attending speech therapy," he starts his own story.
Blue slowly nods along with her eyes dancing all over his features.
"I don't know what I sound like but the stress of speaking was a turn off, it still is," he rolls his eyes.
"Your anti-speaking campaign has been noted," she lightly jokes.
"Good! Anyway, I kept trying. I used my voice a lot with my mother, sister and Zayn. Nobody else, except the therapist of course, not even Luce," Harry explains.
"Poor Luce, she's missing out," she smiles.
"Oh please. It was great that way. I noticed the funny faces whenever I used my voice with them in public but I didn't care. They understood me and that's what mattered to me," he smiles a little.
This makes Blue smile and nod in agreement.
"It was fine until I met someone I thought I loved more than the world," Harry's smile disappears.
Blue notices this and stays calm, allowing him to tell his whole story.
"It was toxic. She was older and liked the idea of me, not me as a person," he frowns. "I'm not blaming her age, by the way."
"I know," she quickly signs.
"I got too comfortable but she hurt me. Physically and emotionally. She hated my voice and always felt the need to remind me," he shifts, uncomfortable.
"You don't have to bear it all with me," she reminds him.
"I want to," he replies.
"Okay, but remember to breathe and take it easy," Blue sighs.
"I blamed myself a lot and I hated myself for not being normal or that bullshit," he scoffs.
Blue stares at him with tears in her eyes.
"I had friends, hearing and deaf, I was fine with my own community before her. All she did was alienate me and somehow blame me for it," he starts growing emotional.
Blue continues to fight her tears as she slowly nods along to his explanation.
"Domestic abuse is different when you can't communicate like everyone else, so I always failed to escape and always found my way back to her."
Harry stops himself and exhales, fighting his own tears now. It's heavy to offload and it is somehow relieving at the same time.
Blue takes his hand in hers and gently holds his hand in silence.
This is her own way of soothing him.
"It's fine, you're safe now," she reminds him.
"And it feels good," he stares at her.
"My abuser died. How did you escape her?" Blue asks.
"She left me when she had no use for me. It was a random blessing, she found someone new to leech off and left the country with him," he chuckles in disbelief.
"I'm so sorry Harry," she sighs.
"It's fine, I'm over it," he frowns.
"Are you sure?" she stares at him.
"I wasn't over it when we met and I projected so hard but it made me realise I needed to be over it," Harry manages to explain.
Blue moves closer to him and they're sitting on the couch, face to face. A hand comes to his face as she softly stares at him and she smiles a little.
"I'm proud of us," she says.
Harry gulps and blinks at her beautiful face.
"Sorry," he says with words.
Knowing people never get him at the first attempt is something he's used to but he's okay with trying again, as long as they're not rude to him.
Something about going back to gradually use his voice makes him happy and triggers good memories he shares with his loved ones.
Maybe Blue will be able to make new good memories with him. Who knows?
"You're either saying sorry or saying your name, I'll go with the former," she smiles.
"You're good at this," he is amused.
"I know, I'm perfect," Blue wiggles her eyebrows.
"Yet you sign like you're about to fight?" Harry raises an eyebrow.
"Whoa mate! Don't drag me," she warns.
"Okay fine, you're perfect," he laughs a little.
"Good, now tell me what you're sorry for," she smiles.
"For being harsh and annoying," Harry admits.
"Annoying is correct but it's fine, I understand better," Blue absentmindedly brushes away a stray morning curl.
Harry brings his palm to her cheek and gently touches her soft face. He just wants to touch her and hold her till whenever.
Everything about being so close to her does a lot to his heart.
"Are we back to being friends now?" he asks.
"I don't want to be friends with you," she admits.
"But I apologised," he widens his eyes.
"Calm down," she signs with a smile.
"I'll try," he stubbornly shrugs.
"I want to be more than friends. I like you and I'm not going to pretend these feelings are all platonic," Blue explains.
This hits him out of nowhere and he slowly nods in understanding.
A part of him is terrified to try having feelings all over and having something romantic with someone.
It is scary and haunting.
"I like you too," he starts.
"But?"
"We should talk about this more and better," he struggles to explain.
"Just reject me and I'll get it," she chuckles.
"No, we need to know what we want to do with these feelings," Harry counters.
"What do you have in mind?" Blue calmly asks.
Harry thinks for a minute and smiles a little.
"A....date?" he says, verbally.
"We should go on a date?" Blue is smiling her heart out.
"We can have a breakfast date right here, spend the day together and see where it goes," Harry suggests.
Blue hums and nods in agreement. There are feelings but it is also wise to see where they want to go with these feelings.
They don't want to rush in and ruin it all. Harry might have a point and she likes it.
"Sure, it's a date!"