Isabel looked in the mirror, staring at her reflection, trying to figure out what looked off about it. She couldn't figure it out, until she saw something strange on her face. It was a small white scar on her cheek that certainly wasn't there before. But as she inspected the scar, another one appeared on her other cheek, but this scar was darker. The first one was white, but this one was light pink.
And, before she knew it, several more scars started to appear on her neck and face, each one bigger and darker than the one before it. The last one was at the base of her neck, and it was about three inches and deep pink. At first, she just stared at the scars, wondering what they meant and why they were showing up. But there wasn't any sign as to what they could possibly mean.
And then, suddenly, she felt a sharp sting on her chest, and she gasped in pain. The rest of the scars had just appeared without a sensation. Then there was another sharp sting, this one worse. As the stings continued to get worse, she pulled off her shirt, and on her chest, she saw thick, long scars, but these ones were black- dark and nasty. Each time a new one appeared, she felt a worse sting of pain, and she closed her eyes, trying to work through the pain. And finally, it stopped.
When she opened her eyes again, she saw on her stomach the worst scar yet. It was as wide as her stomach, thick and jagged, and it was a darker shade of black than all the others. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart. What did all of this mean? Why was this happening to her? She looked at the scar at the base of her neck and hesitantly touched it.
She immediately brought her hand away as a bad memory flooded her brain.
Is that what these were? The scars of her past? She thought about the memory that had been brought about by the scar she had touched. She wondered what memory touching the first scar would bring back. But then she looked at the scar on her stomach and wondered what that scar would bring back. Well, actually, she had a feeling that she already knew. So she absolutely did not want to touch it and absolutely under no circumstances was she going to.
Suddenly she heard a squeaking noise at her feet, and she looked down to see that a mouse had settled on her foot. For a second, she just stared at it, breathing heavily. She hated mice. She hoped that if she just stood still, it would eventually go away. But that was not what happened. Instead, it looked up at her, and, almost as if it sensed her fear, began to climb up her leg. Isabel screamed and kicked out, trying to throw the thing off of her leg.
Fortunately, her little maneuver worked, and she saw the mouse land on the ground and scurry off. Unfortunately, it also caused her to lose her balance, and she took a few steps back, just trying to regain her balance. By doing so, she ran into a small step-stool that she hadn't seen, and she tripped over it. And on her way down, because fate absolutely hated her, as she flailed her arms trying to find something to grab a hold of, she accidentally brushed her hand along that big jagged scar on her stomach.
Immediately, her worst memory started to flash across her eyes, and the worst part of it was, she couldn't stop it. With the other scar, the memory had stopped when she was no longer touching it. But with this memory, it just kept playing. Once it ended, it just started over again, trapping her in an endless cycle of mental agony. The pain of her hitting the floor didn't even register over the pain the memory was putting her through. And even though she tried everything she could to get it to stop, she just couldn't.
So, instead, she just curled up into a ball, put her head in her knees, and started to cry.
***********************
Ciara wasn't sure what to expect when the car containing her, Reid, Rossi, and Hotch pulled onto the Whittle's property. She could see that the property was large, and she wondered if the four of them would even be able to search the whole thing. There were a lot of places someone could hide evidence out on the farm. But it turned out that evidence would be the least of Ciara's worries. The thing she had to worry about was that the property was going to bring about a bittersweet, horrible sense of familiarity.
When the four of them stepped out of the vehicle, Ciara could already smell the cows. Growing up, the cows were one of the favorite parts of her home. To be honest, she had liked the cows on her property more than she liked most people, and they were very familiar with her and her scent. So much so that they usually didn't even mind it when the small fleshy alien walked up and started petting their calves. Not to mention the fact that Ciara, most of the time, had volunteered to feed and watch after the orphaned and/or rejected calves, and the ones her family kept remembered that.
So when the four agents had split up to search the property, she had secretly hoped she'd come across the cows, but she wasn't going to waste time by purposefully seeking them out. Luckily for her, Hotch assigned each of them a direction to search, and when he gave Ciara her direction, she could see a barn in the distance. Perfect. As she searched, she eventually came across the corral, and she stopped her search for just a second to look at the cows, and she smiled softly.
She knew that these cows probably wouldn't let her get close to them. She was unfamiliar to them. But yet, she still wanted to go into the corral and try. If someone found her, she could say she was searching for clues in the dirt. She looked down at her shoes and decided that she'd better not. After all, she didn't want to get the nice white soles of her Converse dirty. By the time she got to the hotel to clean them, they'd already be stained, and she didn't want that.
So instead, she turned her gaze away from the corral and started to walk towards the barn. She wondered if there would be any clues about the case or the picture in there. When she got inside, she started searching for a light switch, and after a minute of fumbling around, she finally found and flipped it. She looked around, and pushed against the wall, she found four pairs of mud boots, each one most likely belonging to one member of the Whittle family.
She looked at the smallest pair and put her foot up against it, seeing that they were about half a size bigger than her shoes. She thought for a second, before shaking her head. She might get in trouble for doing this, but she was sure that if she told Hotch it was in the name of looking for evidence, he'd forgive her. She slipped her foot, shoe and all, inside the mud boot, and it fit just right. She slipped the other one on and looked around the room she was in. Seeing nothing that could help her, she traveled into the next room.
And as soon as she stepped into the room, her face broke into a wide smile, and if it wasn't for the fact that she hated the sound, she would have squealed with excitement. In this room laid eight calves, each in their own pens. And although the pens were quite sizable, they looked like they needed some new straw. But Ciara wasn't there to judge, she was there to look for evidence. But how could she look for evidence when all those calves were looking at her like they wanted her to come over and say hi?
"Well, as far as I can see, there's no evidence here, so I suppose..." Ciara said, and practically ran over to the first pen, where the calf inside got up and walked straight over to her. Ciara looked down at the gate, knowing she couldn't go inside the pen, but sure wanting to. On the gate, there was a label, saying the calf was a female named Spot, along with her birthdate and the fact that she was still feeding on a bottle. She stuck out her hand and Spot almost immediately started to suck on her fingers. If Reid saw what she was doing, he'd probably have a heart attack. She looked down at Spot, who seemed almost sad that her fingers weren't actually food.
Wait a second...
"Have any of ye guys been fed since this whole thing happened?" Ciara asked them, and Spot let go of her fingers and made a single bawling sound. "Oh, ye poor babies! Ye must be so hungry!" Immediately, Ciara went and looked at all the other labels, and saw that the first three calves were all on a bottle, and the other five had graduated to a bucket. Good for them. She went back into the first room, remembering from her childhood how to make the replacement milk.
Luckily there were enough buckets and bottles that she could make all of them at once. After looking around, she also found a carrier for both the bottles and the buckets, which would come in handy for carrying everything. She went over to the sink that was probably big enough to hold her and turned on the water, letting it warm up while she measured out the milk replacer. Hanging on the wall by the sink was a whisk, so she put the water into each bucket and bottle, and as she used one hand to stir up the buckets, and used the other to shake up the bottles.
Once they were all made, she put them in their proper carriers and carried them all into the other room. She started on the opposite end of the room, giving the bucket calves their meals first since she knew they could manage on their own. There was a bottle holder hanging on the gates of the other three pens, so she slipped them in. Spot and the bottle calf in the middle quickly started to feed, but it was the third calf that worried her.
Despite a bottle being a few paces away from it, it just laid where it was. Ciara looked at the label on the pen and saw that it was another female calf named Evanna, and she wasn't even a month old. Poor baby probably wasn't strong enough to get up after going that long without a meal. Ciara originally wasn't going to go inside the pens, but if Evanna wanted to eat, she'd have to. She lifted the bottle out of the holder, climbed over the gate, and walked over to the calf, crouching down just a step in front of her.
"Poor little baby," Ciara whispered to herself as she held out the bottle just in front of Evanna's snout. Luckily, she had enough strength to lift her head and she started to drink. Ciara smiled a little bit, before all of a sudden, she remembered the reason why she got so friendly with the cows during her childhood; why she was so familiar to them. She tried to rein in her memories, but everything was just so familiar. The smell of the hay, the sound of the calves, right down to her crouching down and feeding a calf that wasn't even strong enough to stand.
As memories flashed across her vision, she felt a tear fall down her cheek, and she shook her head, resetting her train of thought like an etch-a-sketch. She didn't have time to be trapped in the past. She wiped the tear away and went back to making sure that Evanna was still drinking. Suddenly, she heard the door open, and then she heard Reid's voice.
"Oh, Ciara, there you are! Everyone was done searching, but we didn't know where you went, so we were worried that- what are you doing?" She looked over at where he was standing, a confused look on his face, and she gave him a soft smile.
"I think that much would be obvious. I'm feeding a calf," Ciara answered nonchalantly, and Reid raised an eyebrow.
"Okay, but why?"
"These guys haven't been fed since the Whittles were murdered. They were awfully hungry, and I grew up with cows, so I remembered how to feed them. So I did. This little one was so weak from hunger she wasn't even able to stand up, so I brought the bottle to her," Ciara explained, before looking back down at Evanna. "We need to get someone to come over here and feed the animals. We should call Akilah and Morgan and have them talk to the neighbors. I'm sure they'd be more than happy to."
"You're right. I'll... talk to Hotch... about it.." Ciara wasn't sure what was causing the apprehension in Reid's voice, so she looked over to him and nearly started laughing. He had been standing near Spot's pen, and the calf had walked over to him and had tried to suck on his fingers, an action that unnerved him. He had taken several steps away and was staring at Spot.
"Ye should let her suck on yer fingers, it's quite an interesting sensation. I know her teeth may look big and intimidating, but she won't bite ye," Ciara told him.
"I am not letting that calf suck on my fingers," Reid responded firmly, and Ciara laughed slightly. "It's not that I'm afraid she'll bite me. I don't want cow saliva all over my hands. That's gross... why are you doing it??" As Reid had been talking, Evanna had finished her bottle, and, just to freak Reid out, Ciara had let the calf suck on her fingers.
"I grew up on a farm, remember? I used to do this all the time!" Ciara told him, and he shook his head.
"Well, we need to meet up with Rossi and Hotch to search the house. And please wash your hands before you do anything," Reid responded, and Ciara patted Evanna on the head, promising that she'd be back tomorrow to check up on her. She slowly stood up, her knees cracking after being in a crouched position for so long. She quickly climbed back over the gate and dusted her pants off, sending a smile towards Reid.
"You know, you could have just opened the gate and walked through."
"That's no fun. Ye wanna help me wash the bottles and buckets? If they aren't washed they'll get all crusty and gross. If ye help me, it'll get done faster," Ciara said, and Reid looked at the buckets she was gathering, before sighing.
"Fine." Ciara smiled and began to walk into the other room, but before she could, she saw a piece of paper by the door that she hadn't noticed before. She asked Reid to grab it so she could look at it later, and she walked through the door as he took the paper down, folded it, and stuck it in his pocket. She walked over to the sink and set the bottles and buckets in one of the basins. She started the water in the other basin, and Reid walked up beside her, looking at the dirty bottles with a disgusted look.
"I'll wash the bottles."
"Oh thank God." Ciara smiled softly and took the three bottles and started to wash them, not at all grossed out by washing off the foamy spit on the nipples. In about five minutes, everything was washed (including Ciara's hands), and Ciara took the mud boots off and left them where they were. Reid gave her the paper and she tucked it in her pocket. She turned the light off in the barn, and together the two agents walked to where Hotch and Rossi were waiting for them.
"Where were you?" Hotch asked Ciara once she was in earshot, and she just shrugged.
"I went to look for evidence in the barn, but I noticed that the calves hadn't been fed in a bit, so I... may have fed them. Please don't be mad," Ciara said.
"Well, I wouldn't want you to just leave them there. We'll have Morgan and Akilah ask the neighbors to come over and feed the rest of the animals," Hotch responded, and Ciara nodded, glad she wasn't in trouble.
"Well, let's get to searching the house," Rossi suggested, and the four agents walked into the house. They walked through all of the rooms, but they couldn't find anything that the police hadn't found. But then they walked into Katelynn's room, trying to see if there were any clues as to where she had gone or what had happened to her. Ciara stood in the middle of the room, trying to avoid the many bloodstains that were on the floor. She really should get some shoes with black soles. The first thing that she noticed was that the room was immaculately organized. The only things out of place were the blankets and pillows on the floor.
"Her room is obsessively organized. I don't think she'd leave the bed unmade unless she didn't have a choice," Rossi noticed, and Ciara just looked at the dried bloodstain on the bed. The strange thing was, it was on the lower half of the bed... just like...
"Everything in this room has been swept for evidence, right? I can touch whatever I want?" Ciara clarified, and Hotch nodded.
"What are you thinking?" Reid asked, but Ciara didn't answer. Instead, she went over to the door that she assumed was the closet, and opened it. The clothes inside were also organized. The hangers were all facing the same way, the color of the clothes matched the color of the hanger, and the clothes were all organized by color, the darker clothes to the right, lighter clothes to the left. But that wasn't what she was looking for. She pulled a random hanger out and held the dress against her body.
"Her boots were just half a size larger than mine, so I wondered if her clothes would be about the same size as mine, and they are. And here's why I wanted to know that," Ciara said, before going to put the dress back in the closet. When she did, she noticed that there was a black line marked on the white rod. She aligned the hanger with the line and noticed that all the other hangers also had their own lines. Interesting. But she wasn't going to focus on that. Instead, she crossed over to the bed and sat on it.
"What are you doing?"
"Haven't ye noticed how low on the bed the bloodstain is?"
"Yeah, I was wondering about that."
"Well, this is why." Ciara, knowing that she was around the same size as Katelynn, laid herself back on the bed, adjusting herself so she'd be about where Katelynn would normally sleep, and then, after taking a deep breath, spread her legs. She heard a gasp or two in the room, and she knew why. The bloodstain was now right between her legs.
"Okay, so what about the scratches on the bedpost?" Hotch asked, and Ciara thought for a moment, before realizing. She put her wrists together, and lifted them above her head, setting them right where Katelynn's would have been. All of a sudden, in less than a second, her chest tightened to the point where she could barely breathe, her heart began to race, and the room began to slightly spin. At that moment, she realized why the bloodstain and scratches had been so eerily familiar.
"Oh my God..." Ciara wasn't sure who said it, but all she knew was that she needed to get away from where she was. She couldn't stay in this room any longer, not when being in it reminded her of things she had tried to forget. She scrambled off of the bed and meant to run out of the room, but she realized that would be too suspicious. Someone might catch on and try to pry into the things she was trying to hide.
"I think I need to step outside for some air," Ciara said, speaking the words as quickly as she could, hoping no one noticed how panicked and out of breath she was.
"Are you okay?" Reid asked, and Ciara gave him a weary smile.
"I think I just picked up on some residual panic that Kate-lynn left behind. Her panic and fear must have been so strong that by being in the same place she was, I felt it too," Ciara said. "I'll be fine. I just need to step out for a moment." She didn't even wait to see if they believed her or not. She just walked out of that room and didn't stop until she got to the back of the house, to a spot where she was sure nobody could see her. She leaned against the house, and suddenly, she couldn't hold it in anymore. She sunk to the ground, put her head in her knees, and let herself break down.
The truth was, it wasn't residual panic that Ciara had felt. She had felt a horrible sense of familiarity as her mind reminded her of things that she had begged her heart to forget.
Yeah, here's another long chapter for you guys. So, what did you think about Ciara with the calves? She does love her animals. But what do you think she was reminded of? What sort of memories did the farm bring back for her? And then there's what's going on in Katelynn's room. Well, since the chapter was already long, I'll just quit my rambling here. So... BYE!
"The mind replays what the heart can't delete." -Yasmin Mogahed