● Austin Mahone ●
"Austin, where are you going?" Alex called from behind me.
I turned around and stopped, swallowing hard. "Listen to me, you've got to get everyone out of the house. I need to talk to Juliet alone."
Giving me a face of confusion, he crossed his arms over his stomach. "What the hell am I supposed to do? Drag them outside?"
"I don't know!" I groaned. "Just-- just take them to the boardwalk or something! Get everyone out!"
He nodded, but he didn't go immediately. "Wait, Austin. What you said about Juliet earlier, I--"
"I don't have time for that! I don't care!" I yelled, throwing my arms up. And without even listening to his retort, I spun around and found Juliet's room, laying my hand over the doorknob.
● Juliet Saunders ●
Why did I even bother? I thought. Why did I try to get back at him? I should've known I was going to lose in the end. Who am I to think I can take down someone as powerful as him? I'm not as strong as I think I am. I'm still that cowardly, insecure teenager that I was five years ago. That will never change. Never. Neither will the fact that I like him. I like him and I still don't know why. I don't understand why I can't let the past go and just forget. I just want to forget.
I'd stopped crying and I just sat on the edge of the bed, wondering how it all ended like that. He was supposed to be the one hurt in the end, not me. But then I had a change in heart and I didn't want to hurt him anymore, I just wanted to be with him. And that's when it all came crashing down on me.
I assumed everyone was probably waiting for me in the living room, but I didn't care. I wasn't going to let them see me like this. They could wait just a few minutes before I composed myself.
My door opened without warning, Alex appearing before me. I pushed a smile and looked down at my lap, knowing he knew that something was wrong. Out of all the people here, he was the only one who wasn't oblivious. He sat down beside me.
It was silent. He didn't say anything and neither did I because I expected him to. I didn't have anything I wanted to tell him.
Finally, after minutes of silence, he spoke. "You still like him, don't you?"
Swinging my head to his direction, I felt my throat tighten and my stomach tie up in a knot. I didn't think I was that obvious. I looked back down and let out a sigh.
"How did you know?" I tested softly, ashamed by the fact that someone other than Austin knew.
He stifled a laugh. "Juliet, you weren't exactly very good at hiding it."
I smiled to myself, almost laughing at how I just thought I wasn't being obvious. Apparently I was. Well, at least enough for Alex to find out.
"Is that why you--" His voice trailed off and he studied me, waiting for me to reply.
I nodded without even having to have him elaborate. I knew he was asking if that's why I changed my appearance. "And still, after everything that's happened between us, I can't stop thinking about him. He's in my head all the time and I don't know why."
At first he didn't say anything. I felt his eyes break from me and he looked down, almost as if he was thinking over his words before he said them unlike anyone else in the house. "Do you think maybe you love him?"
My body immediately tensed up at those words. I didn't even consider that.
"I shouldn't, so--"
"I know you shouldn't, but that doesn't mean you can't. Do you love him?" He repeated, only more stern this time.
Well, I thought. After years of torment and and name-calling, I still have feelings for him. And when you still have those thoughts about someone even through their faults, that's love. You stick through them through whatever and no matter what they put you through, you still feel the same no matter what. I've never been in love before, so I don't know. Maybe I do. Shouldn't I just know?
"I really don't know," My voice cracked.
He sighed. "How do you feel when you see him?"
"My stomach starts to hurt."
"How about when you hear him?"
I shrugged. "Same."
"And when he looks at you?"
"I--" I paused, shutting my eyes tight. "I feel good. Great, actually. Like he's the only one there. Kind of like. . ."
I looked over at Alex, realizing that I'd just answered his question. I loved Austin. How? I don't know. I really don't. But no one ever said love was easy. Love is weird. It makes no sense at all, but once you feel it, it may take some time to realize it, but once you do, it hits you like a bus. Just like it did to me.
He wore a smile knowing that I'd just admitted to something I didn't even think was possible. I smiled too.
"I was going to go check up on Austin now considering no one else will. Do you want me to send him in here when I'm done?" He asked, getting up and heading for the door. I nodded. He left.
Time passed slower than ever and all I could think about was what I said to Alex. Well, I didn't exactly say it, but I thought it. And that was bizarre enough.
Finally I heard voices from the next room, Austin's room, and I scrunched my eyebrows and slowly stood up, wondering what they were saying. I pressed my ear to the wall, listening in on the conversation.
"Get everyone out!" A voice said, Austin's.
"Wait, Austin. What you said about Juliet earlier, I--" Alex.
"I don't have time for that! I don't care!"
Those words felt like a knife. He didn't care about what I said. Alex must've told him what I implied and then he said he didn't care.
He didn't care.
My heart sank to my feet and I trudged back over to the bed, sitting down on the edge. I didn't cry, I was just in a state of shock. I didn't have the time to think about what would happen if he didn't love me back, so as of that point, I was surprised I didn't break down right there.
The conversation subsided and the door opened. I stood up. Austin stood there, but he didn't look at me. He just made his way inside and then shut the door softly. Finally, he turned around and met my eyes.
"What the fuck do you want?" I spat, the anger showing through my body. I shut my jaw tight and felt tears burning in my eyes at his presence.
He didn't answer, he just looked at me up and down. It wasn't in a flirtatious way, but in a way that looked sad. It was a look I'd only seen from him once, which was the night on the dock.
This time, I felt no sympathy towards him though. I disregarded the wound on his face because I just didn't care in that moment.
"I said, what the fuck do you want?" I shouted, a tear slipping from my cheek.
Still, he just watched me. I didn't know what he was waiting for. Maybe he was waiting for me to go completely insane or apologize. I didn't know. But at that point, I just wanted to get out of there. I didn't want to be anywhere near him again.
Looking down, I clenched my fists tight so that my nails buried into the skin of my palms. I shook my head and started for the door. "I don't have time for you anymore."
Just as I swiveled around him to get to the door, he stepped in front of me, blocking my path. I looked up at him to see that he was just inches from me. He looked down at my eyes, scanning them as if he was still waiting for me to do something.
"Why did you listen to me?" He asked in a soft whisper, picking up his hand and resting it on my cheek.
Running my tongue across my lips, I looked at him like he was crazy. "What are you talking about? I didn't--"
"Back in Freshman year. Why did you?"
And then I knew exactly what he was talking about. It was exactly what I didn't want him to know about, but he figured it out. He knew that I changed myself for him.
"I can't believe you're even asking me that question," I raised my hand and tore his away from my face. I knew he wasn't going to let me leave, so I just walked to the other side of the room to keep my much needed distance. I turned around to see that he was about to speak up but I cut him off as soon as he drew in a breath. "Maybe it was because I was sick and tired of hearing about how disgusting I was everyday. Maybe I didn't want to deal with people staring at me and talking about me behind my back. Or maybe I just--"
I stopped.
Don't say it. Whatever you do, just don't say it.
I looked down, vulnerability washing over me. I didn't want to admit the main reason why I did what I did to myself. I couldn't do that. I couldn't show him that he was right.
"You just wanted me to like you," He said softly, but loud enough for me to hear. I moved my eyes up to his, shocked at his bravery to say that but also by the fact that he was right.
How did he find out? Did Whitney tell him? Or Kyle? Or--
"Juliet, you didn't have to do that," He breathed, shaking his head slowly.
My body heated back up, indicating my anger. "Yes, I did! I wanted to get you back for every little thing you put me through! When I came back here, that was my plan. I wanted you to like me so that I could just reject you and embarrass you like you did to me. But then I--" My voice softly trailed off and I looked to the side. "I started to like you again."
And there it was. Those words rolled off my tongue with so much hesitation that it sounded weird when I played it back in my mind. I kind of implied that I liked him back at the dock, but this was straight forward. There was no beating around the bush. It was just there. And he stayed silent, letting those words linger in the air.
"Like I said, I-- I don't know why I do but I just do. I can't wrap my head around it. It doesn't make sense," I explained, my voice soft and my eyes avoiding his.
"Juliet, I--"
"After everything you did to me, I should hate you," I interrupted, disregarding the fact that he was trying to tell me something.
"I know, but--"
"And sometimes I do. I really do hate you sometimes. But then I think about how good of a person you are deep down and I forget. I can't--"
"Juliet, listen to me," He sighed, ending my oration. I looked up at him and saw he was slowly working his way over to me. "You need to stop having those feelings for me. Don't you get it? I'm not the same person I was five years ago and as much as I hate to say it, neither are you. I miss how you used to be too. You used to be so sweet and kind but then you-- you changed. I know, it's my fault that you did, but still. You're different. I'm different. There's no going back. You like who I used to be and the same goes for me. But we've got to face the facts. We're not the same anymore."
I stayed put, reevaluating his words in my mind. He was right. I had feelings for who he used to be, not who he is now. They are two completely different people. And the same applies for myself. Who I am now is not who I was in middle school.
Why did we change?
Because we got caught up in high school, that's why. There was no other explanation, really.
But one thing wouldn't stop running through my mind: "You like who I used to be and the same goes for me."
". . . the same goes for me."
Did he just admit to having feelings for me five years ago?
"Well," I sighed, hitting my hands on my bare thighs and looking away from him. "then I guess that's it. I'll just stay out of your way and you'll stay out of mine."
My words were soft and calm, yet angry and meaningful at the same time. It hurt me to have to say them, but it seemed that was what he wanted. I wondered if he knew how much I still wanted him -- I mean, loved him despite the numerous amount of times he told me to stop. I just couldn't. You can't just expect someone to get over another person in a matter of minutes. It doesn't happen like that.
I could feel his eyes on me, sympathy and sorrow flooding through them. But I didn't understand why he wouldn't leave.
This is what he wants, isn't it?
"You need to get out now," I murmured lowly.
"But I just--"
"Get out!" I shouted, pointing to the doorway, my chest heaving up and down heavily. "Now."
Shaking his head, he did just as he was told. He got out and hopefully, he would stay out of my way just like I would stay out of his.
__________
**VOTE!
NEW Austin Mahone fan fiction by one of my good friends, @khalmeavampire ! The first two chapters are UP NOW and are absolutely AMAZING, I am SO excited for all of you to read it! He should be updating Cashier Boy VERY soon! Go fan him and VOTE!