IT WAS DARK for so long.
Towards the beginning of this darkness, all I felt was pain. A hot, burning pain. It was excruciating.
Once the fire subsided, the nothingness settled in.
It was hard, remembering when the nothingness began. And more eerily, it was hard remembering when it stopped.
Opening my eyes was blinding. But it didn't hurt; nothing hurt.
I stared up into the light above me, wondering where I was.
Heaven? Purgatory?
Hell, maybe?
I didn't know how long I laid like that, unmoving and gazing into the overwhelming white brightness.
A thought crossed my mind. Why wasn't I instantly looking away, blinking rapidly in discomfort?
I guess I really was dead.
Eventually, I decided to test if this was true or not. I slowly brought my hand to cover the light above me. It was far away, my fingers unable to touch it. Sitting up was the next step, my body easing up off of the surface it'd been on. My fingers trailed against the smooth surface beneath me, bare feet ghosting against the wooden floor.
The room was dim, two of the walls made entirely of windows. I looked out of them, my eyes darting everywhere as I took in my surroundings.
It was nighttime, but I could see just fine, oddly enough.
I listened to the sounds of the forest, my mind almost as still as the air around me.
The sound of footsteps approaching made my eyes dart towards the door. I stood completely still, watching as the doorknob turned.
A small girl entered. I took in her appearance, detailing almost everything about her in mere seconds. Golden eyes, pale skin, and inky black, short hair. Everything about her was beautiful.
Even the sad, confused look on her face was lovely.
"You..." she breathed out, voice laced with heartbreak.
I waited for her to continue, eyes unwavering, contemplating what she'd do next.
"You don't remember."
Her words weren't a question, rather a statement.
I furrowed my brows, taking a tentative step towards her.
"Remember... what?"
Speaking felt new, like I'd never done it before, yet my voice was anything but dry and scratchy.
"You don't remember me?" she pressed on, her small hand still gripping the doorknob.
I glanced over her once again, racking my brain for a name. As I did, I realized I didn't remember much of... well, anything really.
"...I-I can't say I do," I admitted, shyly looking down.
The girl seemed at a loss for words. A silence fell over us, and I started to wonder if I should leave. If she'd let me leave.
"I'm sorry, but where are we?" I finally asked, moving closer to her. Despite not knowing her or where I was, I didn't feel threatened.
"You're safe," she began, her hands coming up as if she was calming an agitated animal, "we're in my home. Y-You've been here before."
For some reason, I believed her.
"Why don't I remember?" I muttered to myself.
"I'm... Alice. Alice Cullen."
Alice. It didn't ring any bells.
I timidly walked around the room, sticking close to the windows. I took everything in at my own pace. Another question began to plague my mind, one that seemed to prove Alice's suspicions.
"Why can't I remember my own name, Alice?"
My eyes lingered on the moon. When she didn't respond, I turned to her.
"Who am I?"
She pursed her lips and glanced behind her. Was there someone else here?
"You're Evelyn Crawford. I-" she cut herself off, clearly unnerved by our conversation. I could tell she didn't know what to say.
"I know this must be a lot," she sighed, "but I promise that you're safe. Everyone here, we're here for you. We know you, and you... you knew us."
I nodded.
"You said we. Who is we?"
Alice took a step to the side, pulling the door further open as she did.
"They're all waiting in the living room, uh, straight out and to the left."
Without another word, I felt myself glide past her and out the door. I felt so lightweight, not at all sore from laying on the hard table. Looking over my shoulder, I noticed Alice following me from a distance. She offered me a small smile as our eyes met.
"I'm here, it's okay,"
Her gentle voice and reassuring words put me at ease as I continued down the hallway. I could see light emerging from a room on the left, and I gripped my fists. Rounding the corner, I stood at the entrance to the living room. Eventually, Alice was standing at my side.
We were met with the sight of six people.
I didn't recognize a single one of them, but they all reminded me of her.
Eyes that ranged in different hues of gold, pale skin, and they were exceptionally beautiful.
"I..."
"She doesn't remember us," one of the boys muttered. He had bronze hair, and it shined in the golden glow of the lamp next to him.
I watched as everyone's faces shifted into an array of different emotions.
One of the men in the room, the one with dark curls, looked absolutely devastated.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
It was the only thing I could manage out, eyes shifting to look at the floor. It was hard to keep looking at the helpless group. I couldn't help but blame myself for their anguish; after all, it was my fault I couldn't remember anything.
"Alice, Jasper, take her hunting. She needs to feed," a soothing voice called out.
I followed the sound, spotting a handsome blonde man. He nodded at me, and my shoulders relaxed.
"Don't be sorry," the woman next to him cooed, "just go with Alice and Jasper. They'll explain everything."
Another blonde man, who looked a bit younger than the first one, sat up from the couch. I assumed him to be Jasper. As he walked up to me, I felt the anxiety that had been looming over me disappear.
"Still skittish, even now," he hummed, a playful look in his eyes.
"I... I guess not remembering anything can do that."
Although I felt more relaxed, and a part of me knew I could trust these people, I remained guarded. Until I knew more about my situation, there was no way I could pretend to be comfortable.
Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I turned to look down at Alice. Her hand trailed to my own, as she gently took it and began to lead me across the living room.
"I'll explain everything. You may not know it yet, but you're probably pretty hungry. Aren't you?"
As soon as she mentioned hunger, I felt a stinging sensation in my throat. Gulping, I let out a shaky breath. Not that I needed to - I didn't need to breathe.
Was that normal? Not breathing?
"Uh, y-yeah... hungry," I choked out, following Alice outside and into the forest, Jasper close behind. The further we walked, the more my throat burned. I was craving something, but I couldn't place what it was.
"That hunger, it's for blood," a southern drawl caught my attention.
Jasper caught up to Alice and me, his amber eyes staring down at me knowingly. His words didn't register, my face blank.
"Does that scare you?" he asked.
I mulled it over, my free hand clutching my throat. The other was still being held by Alice.
"...no."
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"She handled herself well for a newborn,"
Carlisle gave Edward a brief nod.
"She did. No doubt that with survival instincts like Evelyn's, her priority was figuring out if she was safe or not; thirst must have come second."
"Self-preservation," Esme added, a troubled smile placed upon her lips.
Everyone seemed to be avoiding the elephant in the room. But Emmett couldn't. He was seated in an armchair by the wall of windows, face buried in his hands. Rosalie noticed his silence, and after a moment or so, she walked over to him.
Taking a seat in the chair across from him, she let out a sigh.
"It could be... worse, you know. She could be dead."
Emmett glanced up at her with narrowed eyes. She huffed, quickly losing her patience.
"I'm just trying to look on the bright side of things,"
He scoffed, "Well, that's a first."
"Don't do this," Rosalie barked, "don't make this about you."
Emmett gripped his fists, his chin placed atop of them.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
His voice cracked, something it rarely did. The pain he felt was evident, but so was the anger. The raw, hurting anger.
"You can't just sit here and shut down. That girl," Rosalie looked outside for emphasis, "Evelyn, needs you now more than ever."
Although her tone was icy, her words were true.
A hand placed itself on Emmett's back. Glancing behind him, the warm smile of Esme was there to ease him.
"Rose is right. We don't know how unstable Evelyn is; she'll need our patience."
"And our care," Carlisle joined the three, standing next to his wife.
Emmett inhaled, moving to sit up a bit straighter. He knew he needed to pull it together, and with his family by his side, it was possible. However, the pit in his stomach wouldn't budge. It was a feeling he'd been suffering with since he first saw Evelyn's still, lifeless body back at the police station. It was defeat.
He'd failed to protect the person he cared about most. Someone he loved.
Memories of their last phone call played on repeat in his mind. While Evelyn had been comatose, it was the only thing to keep him going.
"I love you."
Her voice, like windchimes, had been so full of life. But the voice he'd heard when she walked into the living room had been different. It almost didn't even sound like her. He wondered, was she just a shell of what she used to be?
"You can't think like that," Edward appeared next to Rosalie, hands in his pockets.
"Butt out, man," Emmett huffed. He was used to having his thoughts read, but it never got less annoying.
Edward didn't respond, instead choosing to discuss more serious matters with Carlisle.
"How did this happen?"
Carlisle's brows furrowed as he wrapped an arm around Esme.
"Well," he breathed out, "it's hard to say. Memory loss after being bitten is rare; I've only ever heard of it a few times, Alice being one of them. But the cause for their amnesia has all differed; no case is the same,"
"Do you have any ideas? I mean, as you said, every case has been different. So why Evelyn?" Esme pondered, the role of the worrying mother coming to her naturally.
"I was able to tell that she was in a state of shock when she turned, so she must've been having an anxiety attack." Carlisle began to pace alongside the window, staring out into the night. "There must've been a higher chance of living. Or turning, I suppose."
The doctor grimaced as he stopped speaking.
"Other than that, I wasn't able to note anything else out of the ordinary regarding her circumstances," he spoke like he was reporting on a patient. Which in a way, he was.
The room fell into silence, everyone ruminating over Carlisle's analysis. Emmett felt at a loss for words.
It was Edward who finally broke the tension, a thoughtful look in his eye.
"Emmett," he called out.
"Yeah?"
"Evelyn had pretty bad anxiety. Her mind, it was always in shambles. Did she mention anything about that to you? Anything at all?"
Emmett thought back on all the nights they shared in her alcove window, talking about anything they could possibly think of. Eventually, he nodded.
"She... she told me she'd been diagnosed with something. Uh, severe generalized anxiety,"
"I wonder..." Edward, who'd always taken a liking to psychology and mental disorders, began to rack his brain for anything relating to her's. Within an instant, he ran up to Carlisle's office and was back with a book on the subject. He skimmed the pages, looking for any sort of answer to their problem.
"People who suffer from severe generalized anxiety often suffer memory loss. Short-term, usually. Was she always misplacing things? Forgetting what she was doing?"
"Yeah... tiny always lost her phone. And her keys. And her wallet," Emmett couldn't help but let out a dry chuckle. Even in a situation as grim as theirs, he found himself adoring her.
"Sometimes if a person with severe anxiety and a bad memory goes through a disturbing experience, their brain can choose to completely forget things prior to their accident. I suppose in Evelyn's case," Edward trailed off, handing the book to Carlisle.
"Post-traumatic amnesia."
Edward nodded as Carlisle spoke, the older of the two reading the page.
Emmett's head dropped as the pit in his stomach turned into claws, tearing up his insides.
"Oh..."
"Emmett, this could be a good thing. If Edward's suspicions are correct, Evelyn has a good chance of gaining her memory back," Carlisle explained, setting the book down on a nearby coffee table.
A spark of hope ignited in him, and for the first time in hours, he stood up. All eyes remained trained on him as he approached his adoptive father.
"What can I do?"
"All any of us can do is wait. Explaining everything at once would only overwhelm her, which will be easy to do right now."
Carlisle was right. Everyone in the room knew how volatile newborns could be; with heightened senses came heightened emotions. Mood swings were a part of the process. Luckily, they had Jasper to help smooth things over.
"Let her ask the questions, and answer them as simply as you can. The goal is to help her come to her own conclusions. The memories should start coming back," Edward explained.
"And keep in mind," Carlisle was quick to interject, "we don't know how much she'll end up remembering. It would be best if you just... keep your expectations low."
To any normal person, the entire conversation would've been an information overload. However, the Cullens weren't normal. Their minds worked faster than others. Even Emmett, who was having a hard time accepting all that had happened, refused to let his shame get in the way of fixing the situation.
He wouldn't give up on her that easily.
This was their new reality, and he was going to do his best to make it work.
—edited
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Sooooooooooo...
It's been a while since I last updated, and for that, I seriously apologize! I love this story to death and appreciate all the support it receives.
On another note, HI PLOT TWIST!!! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! It was so much fun to write, even if it was a bit challenging writing from Evelyn's point of view. It was hard imagining what it would be like to wake up as a vampire, with zero past memories! I chose to believe she wouldn't question what she was, rather who she was. With the help of Jasper's ability to calm her and Alice's experience with waking up as a newborn with no memories, I thought it would be fitting for them to be her guides in this new world.
I hope you guys enjoyed reading! If you did, don't be shy to add a comment, vote for this chapter, and add Ethereal to your library/reading list! The support means a ton to me. Thanks, guys!
~ May