Gabe stopped to catch his breath, smiling as he looked around the sepia-coloured park of his childhood. It was exactly as he remembered it down to the smallest detail: the scratches on the paintwork of the swings, the markings made by lovers and ex-lovers on the old oak tree in the far corner, the stale white dog mess that lined the edges of the woods, it was all there. Even the smell, that indescribable golden smell of happy childhood memories.
'Come on Gabe!' yelled his seven-year-old self. 'Pass the ball.'
Gabe took another deep breath and sent the ball long to himself, watching as his young legs went scampering after it. He liked to spend at least an hour a day in his happy place, but he had to tone it down after nearly losing a full week and began to lose his grip on reality. They say time flies when you're having fun, but in Paradise it breaks the sound barrier. Those first couple of years simply disappeared into a hazy blur of exploration and discovery.
God told them nothing about Paradise when he opened it up to them, everything they know now they garnered from their own discovery. Trapped within the sealed containment of the Fleet, Gabe initially mourned for their lost chance to escape, but all too soon the lure of their own personal paradise became too much, and with God promising to take them to their new Earth there seemed little reason to sit helpless in the Archangel. Wheeling Monkey's MediBay unit they searched the shuttle finding a blue gridded portal prickling with electricity deep in the cargo bay, then without a second thought, they kissed goodbye to reality and walked into Paradise.
On the other side he found himself alone in the bedroom of his old family home, the distant, familiar sounds of warm laughter and tranquillity coming from downstairs - everyone was there, everyone except Nate, he was nowhere near ready to see him yet. Paradise had spat him out in the safest place he could remember - instant wellbeing.
The glowing blue door had scanned his subconscious, creating his own personal universe based on who he was and what he experienced in life - much the same way it did for the subconscious task of redemption, except without the monstrous representation of your personal insecurities waiting to tear you apart - actually, that wasn't necessarily true, they were here if you knew where to look, but they were contained. Every mood, need and want was all here, tied up in the physical embodiment of his subconscious memories. You know how some people would say they needed to 'find their calm or happy place,' well here you could physically do that. You could visit your Calm place, be it a town, city or a whole country - whatever form your subconscious deemed necessary for you to understand. Then it populated it, mostly with people you knew, like actors playing out your best bits, but often with total strangers: faces you passed on the street once decades ago, stored and recorded for no other reason than it happened. Sometimes a version of yourself would be there, sometimes it wouldn't, it all depended on how you remembered it or how your brain interpreted it at the time.
Each world was bespoke and tailored to your own personal psyche, and it adapted to however you felt that day - like a living film set with you as the hero. All your greatest, happiest and finest moments in life were made real, however, so were all your weakest, saddest and most shameful.
There are those who need their demons roaming around wallowing in self-pity to make them feel better - Gabe didn't. His were separated by city walls, rivers and sometimes oceans. If he wanted, he could travel to Fear or Guilt but only if his subconscious deemed it important to keep him happy, otherwise they were locked away, as far away from everything else as they could go. An endless ocean protecting him from himself - after all, everyone had their demons lurking beyond the water, and there was a lot that Gabe wasn't ready to see just yet.
It often felt like a waking dream, because in many ways, that's what it was. Back in the real world your dreams were influenced and interpreted by how you were feeling that day, or what was playing on your mind, but in here, when you found yourself drawn to a feeling or a need, or a memory of someone; or a desire left unsatisfied, then your subconscious shaped your world to it, interpreting it in a way you could understand until that need was satisfied. Some days it would come to you, other days you'd have to travel - because some days it's the journey you desire not the destination.
Gabe could spend hours in the YAMA canteen eating bacon sandwiches, reliving his memories of Jaibles and Monkey during training, or weeks stood on the endless lake of Planet Battenberg with his memories of Pembo, just reliving the early days of their relationship, like pictures in an old photo book.
Some days It was like Alice falling down the rabbit hole, one memory or feeling would spark another and another and he was gone - he spent weeks rediscovering memories of his grandparents after remembering one old memory of a family holiday. He knew he needed to take a break from the place after he spent six hours in a permanent state of weightless hysterics, giggling like a madman, tears streaming down his face in joy as he stared down at the giant, weathered face of his Grandad, his kind eyes and warm smile shining back at him, all because he couldn't shake a memory of him throwing him in the air as a young child.
After landing in paradise, he found Pembo, Jaibles and Wildcard roaming around together with the same look of confused awe that he must have been wearing, but no sign of Monkey - it took a long time before they found him. They initially made their base on the leylands of all their paradises with the promise to return each evening to share what they had learnt - but promises in paradise are hard to keep and soon Jaibles and Wildcard started exploring further and further afield, but Pembo always returned.
Those halcyon years with Pembo were the most content and happy he had ever been, they were the Gods of their own universe. They started by building themselves a little cottage next to a stream on a small plot of land, nothing special but perfect in every way. Then they built a village with a little shop at one end and a pub at the other - they made the night skies clear enough and the weather cold enough to make a log fire each night so they'd have something to sit in front of, huddled in blankets and talk about their next adventure as they gazed skywards. It wasn't long before they had created a nearby city with shops and restaurants, nightlife and a twenty-four-hour bagel shop. Then they needed a holiday, so they built their planet up around them and explored their horizons. When they were satisfied, they looked back to the stars where they first met and talked about how close they came to exploring it: before Alan, Susan and the spiraling holy war - so they built their own universe to explore, with its own galaxies, solar systems and planets with friendly aliens, and another twenty-four-hour bagel shop. Life was perfect - almost. Every now and then, he would catch a glimpse of Nate - It was only ever a fraction of a second, a glimpse in the crowd of strangers so he could never be sure, but he could feel it: a nagging tug at the back of his mind, a familiar gentle twist in his stomach telling him all was not right. Then he'd vanish and paradise would continue as scheduled.
They expanded their universe to their heart's content, flying from planet to planet, populating it with either memories or simply inviting friends to come and stay. Their imaginations ran wild: they built skyscrapers and became the heads of their own fictional global corporation; they reigned as King and Queen in a sixteenth century castle for an entire year, populated exclusively by loyal subjects all under four foot tall - creating cartoon enemies to vanquish and armadas to sail and conquer with, and when that wasn't enough, they would leave their paradise and visit someone else's.
Gabe watched as his seven year-old self flicked the ball up and caught it under his jumper. He flashed Gabe a cheeky smile and waved him a cheery goodbye as he jogged off towards his old family home. In Paradise there were no awkward goodbyes or excuses - when your need was met the cast of actors dispersed in a flourish of unspoken optimism. Gabe breathed in the heady scent of freshly-cut grass and walked over to his Delorean DMC-12 to head home. Floating gracefully over his childhood he accelerated to 88 mph and exploded in a clap of thunder back to Wildcard's deserted island where they had been staying for the past few months.
Circling the pristine utopia of golden sand, happily isolated in a never-ending ocean of strawberry daiquiri, he landed on its southernmost tip, shaded by the giant palm leaves of the island's ever-ripe coconut trees.
'Hello Treacle, long time no see!' smiled Jaibles as he bound towards Gabe and embraced him with a suffocating cuddle. 'Can't stay. Just stopped by to invite you all to a little soiree I'm holding tonight. I've finally finished decorating my new abode..'
'The hollowed out volcano nestled deep in the perpetually thunderous mountain range?' interjected Gabe.
'That's the one! Well, it's finally finished so I thought it would be nice to have a little house warming?'
In the distance a winged figure caught Gabe's eye. Far too big to be a bird, it soared majestically towards them. Jaibles let out a sharp whistle and a jet black, armor-plated dragon landed in the Daiquiri ocean and nestled it's head into Jaibles arm.
'Right,' said Jaibles, climbing onto it's back. 'See you at seven!'
At 6:59pm a clap of thunder sent them pressing tightly against the narrow pass of the volcano Jaibles called home. Sheltering once again from heaving rain and crumbling rock blasted free by aggressive lightning, Gabe, Pembo and Wildcard rang the doorbell of the 16 foot carved stone door, illuminated by moonlight and residual lightning, and awaited their gracious host.
The vast stone door heaved open as if compelled by some magic and they piled past the welcoming Jaibles and into the warmth of his domain.
'Margaritas?' he offered casually, adjusting his plush red smoking jacket around his delicately embroidered cravat.
'That would be lovely,' replied Gabe, brushing volcanic rock from his hair.
Jaibles clapped his hands twice and pop sensations Little Mix strut out of the kitchen and handed everyone a frozen margarita.
'Are they the real Little Mix?' asked Wildcard, tentatively.
'Doubtful,' said Jaibles. 'Though to be honest I'm starting to lose track of who I created, who's a memory and who I invited.'
He led them through a long room decorated in painstaking detail to replicate the Sistine Chapel except with a bowling alley to one side and an old western saloon bar to the other, and out to the veranda. Monkey welcomed them with a cheery 'hello' and cheered each of them with his half-empty can of lager.
It had taken them nearly six months to find Monkey in Paradise. Gabe had been spending more and more time with his memories of Monkey and Jaibles, trying to make sense of the time they shared together when the worry of Monkey's continued absence began to consume him. He gathered Jaibles and between them started exploring 'The Cracks'.
They knew if they searched their own Paradise all they'd find was their memories of Monkey, but the gaps where their paradise met, it stood to reason that only the real Monkey could exist there. They had all entered via the same portal back on the Archangel and their Paradises all existed here - all except Monkey's - so somewhere in the cracks between Paradises, that's where his MediPod must be.
It took weeks of scouring through the miles of shadowland that existed between their realms before a faint flickering light caught Gabe's eye. In the dust and the shadows, safely contained in his pod was the sleeping Monkey, his wounds now long healed. The MediPod had kept him safely contained in stasis - trapped in his own subconscious mind. Jaibles activated the pod and they sat with him until he properly came to. A cherished memory Gabe would often revisit.
'Still no luck finding Susan?' asked Pembo, embracing him warmly.
'No,' replied Monkey solemnly, 'and with this place it's difficult to tell real from fantasy...' Gabe's attention was suddenly drawn out towards the mountain range as lightning illuminated the stormy night sky. Dragons circled the mountains overhead, screaming their dismay at the sideways rain as out in the distance, standing motionless against the howling wind stood Nate. Gabe walked to the ledge and stared back at the memory of his dead brother as an uneasy feeling crept over him.
'You okay hun?' said Pembo, breaking his gaze.
'I...' began Gabe, looking back to see an empty mountain range. 'I'm fine. Just getting some air.'
A member of Little Mix skipped up to Jaibles and whispered in his ear.
'Ah, it would appear dinner is ready to be served, if you'd all like to follow me.' He led them outside to a perilous narrow path that followed the outside of the volcano. Thunder and lightning crackled and flashed around them as they shuffled their way, single file, around the volcano. Jaibles guided them gracefully towards a hidden entrance that led down into its stony heart. Descending down to the bottom they gazed out towards his masterpiece. Before them, resting in the middle of a lake of molten lava, lay a grandiose dining table with an ostentatious array of decoration.
'It's perfectly safe,' he smiled.
They waded out and took their seats as Little Mix silver serviced the first course.
After a gourmet meal of bacon sandwiches and several bottles of vintage wine, conversation naturally turned to the paradise they all found themselves in.
'I assume you all enjoyed yourselves?' said Jaibles.
Their chorus of agreement echoed around the walls of the volcano. Jaibles smiled, 'of course you did, how is it any other way in this place.'
'What do you mean,' said Pembo. 'There are bad experiences, we each have continents filled with our fear, guilt and sadness.'
'We do,' said Jaibles thoughtfully. 'But we're forever protected by our own subconscious, so we only see what it wants us to see. At its very core this place only wants us to be happy, so it will let us wallow in our self-pity if we want, or get a thrill from our own fear, but it will fight you every step of the way from becoming sad, at least that's my experience. The trouble was, my depression came with me when I entered Paradise and the falseness and novelty of this place began to get me down. I missed my days back on the Archangel with Gabe and Monkey, so my subconscious created a 'real' version of Gabe and Monkey for me, indistinguishable from you to convince me to escape Paradise and go back to the Archangel. It tricked me into thinking I got what I wanted because it was the only way it could make me happy. Eventually I was able to make that connection, but how many times had it played that same trick on me without me knowing?'
'So what are you saying?' said Gabe.
'That once you accept that right now, you're all sitting in your subconscious that's programmed to only make you happy, then how can you really be sure that you're talking to me and not just another construct of your subconscious, designed to keep you happy? Today, I had a need to hold a successful dinner party for my friends, and lo and behold, you all turn up with your partners exactly as I wanted and had a lovely time.' Jaibles shrugged his shoulders as a third member of Little Mix refilled his wine glass.
'Look, I'm deliberately being obtuse to make a point,' he said, taking a sip of wine. 'My question is does it matter? If all this dinner party has been is a delightful conversation with my own subconscious, then as long as I'm happy when Little Mix tuck me into bed tonight, what does it matter? Paradise was only ever created as a stop-gap, a mechanism for us to find peace and happiness before a future generation starts again on a new planet. Isn't that enough?'
'Of course it matters,' said Gabe, as a creeping feeling of unease swept over him.
Jaibles chuckled to himself, 'okay, well I know you must be the real Gabe, because you're the only person I know who would fight against his own happiness at every available opportunity. Or maybe that is that just how my subconscious sees you?' he said smiling. 'I guess we'll never know in here.'
Jaibles stood up to declare the meal finished.
'Come now, the night is young and there is still entertainment to be had, myself and a memory of JJ and Kali started a punk band recently and I've just finished creating a packed-out Wembley stadium for us all to enjoy.'
'Course you have, Geezer,' laughed Monkey. 'What's the name of your band?'
'You know, in all the excitement,' said Jaibles, 'we never chose one.'