[Api's POV]
Fine.
That one word which it could either be a truth, or a lie.
Because if you're really feeling okay and you don't have any problems, then you are saying the truth.
It only becomes a lie when, you did say you're fine, but deep inside you're not.
And, that's what I'm feeling right now.
But, I still pretend that everything's fine in which, I'm kind of getting the hang of it. Me, pretending to be okay? Heh, that's the easiest thing to do.
Currently, I'm walking my way towards school, and today, I'm wearing a long sleeve red jacket, which is unusual for me to wear because I was always wearing my sleeveless one.
I sighed deeply as I pulled down the sleeves of my jacket, hiding what I did to my arm. Not for long, I reached my destination, heaving a sigh once more. Then, I did the next thing: To pretend that everything is okay.
<> <~> <>
It was time for our lunch break to start and here I am, regrouping with my best friends, Angin and Daun. Honestly, this whole pretending thing I'm doing, I think it's going great. Angin and Daun hadn't notice me that I was actually lying to them that I'm okay.
But, I'm not.
Though, it's okay. Since I don't want them to worry about me, I'll just have to keep it to myself. That's the only goal I need to do: For them not to worry about me.
Even though I'm not okay at all, I still had the courage to ask my friends if they're alright. Since, I also cared for them, as much as they do for me. I glanced at my friend Daun, whom I thought that something's bothering him for a while now.
"You alright, Daun?" I asked, looking at him worriedly.
"Hm? Oh, I'm fine. I'm just thinking about something..." Daun replied, his eyes stared at the white, cement floor while pursing his lips.
"It's your big brother, isn't it?" Angin asked, making our leaf elemental best friend nodded slowly as he heaved a sigh.
"You can talk about it with us, you know..." I gently stated, placing a hand on Daun's shoulder. I felt a stinging pain in my chest as I said that.
"There's no need to talk about it, Api." Daun softly said. "I'm fine, really..."
I deeply sighed as if, I wasn't satisfied by my best friend's reply. "If you want to talk about it, both me and Angin will just be here to help you, okay?" I calmly stated, making Daun curved a small smile on his lips.
"Okay."
Not for long, the bell rang, signalling for all of us to go back to our respective classrooms for our next class to start.
My wind elemental close friend pouted playfully and gave out a loud, groaning awe. "I don't wanna start our next classes yet!" He whined. "I hate history class!" He complained and kept ranting about how he disliked history and how he found it difficult to memorize all the regions of a certain country, which Daun and I found it a bit hilarious and giggled silently at our friend's reactions as we walked through the hallway where our classrooms were located. After a few minutes of ranting, Angin calmed down and faced us.
"Well I guess, I'll see you guys when I see you?" He asked, as he smiled sheepishly.
"Yeah. See ya!" I said, waving my hand slightly to my friends and bid my farewells to them, making my way towards my next class afterwards. Angin and Daun also bid their goodbyes to each other as they separated their ways.
As I faced my back at them, my gloominess came back, with my eyes became dreary again. I don't feel like crying at all to be honest. I can't somehow feel it.
I think that'll be great so I won't get tired at all, crying for no reason as what people think. Heh, this is just my life now. Emotionless, and expressionless. I don't think this new me would change at all.
I think I like staying like this forever.
<> <~> <>
It has been a few minutes since our fifth period started and currently, we were tasked to do a seatwork by our English teacher. Since I'm too lazy to do it and luckily she told us that we could pass it tomorrow if we're not yet done, I just simply placed my arms on my desk and rested my head on top of it.
Well, good thing our English teacher didn't really care if we sleep or want to sleep in her class, as long as we understand her lessons, she let us take a rest. A tired sigh escaped my lips, slowly closing my eyes to take a short nap. But before I could even shut them completely, a classmate of mine suddenly called me out of nowhere.
"Psst, Api!" My classmate whispered, making me feel a bit irritated and glanced at my fellow schoolmate. Henry was his name.
"What do you want, Henry?" I asked, my face formed a frown.
"Wanna be friends with us?" He asked, as he smiled at me.
My brows furrowed in confusion. "Why...?" I couldn't help but ask.
"So you have friends to be with when you're in class. I noticed you're hanging out with your two capped friends who are not even part of our class." One of his friend (I think?) stated, smiling sheepishly. "Come on! We'll become the best of friends!" Richard was his name by the way.
I stared at him, puzzled. "Okay...?" I replied, unsure of my answer.
"Alright!" Henry exclaimed, grinning at me. "Meet us at the back of the school, ya?" He said, and went back to his proper seat.
My mind was still processing from what just happened a few seconds ago. I was perplexed. Them, wanted to become friends with me? I thought, as I looked at them, dumbfounded.
'At least, I'll have more friends to be with though...'
<> <~> <>
The bell finally rang for our final class to be dismissed. Immediately, I fixed my things and exited the classroom. I then made my way towards the back of the school, which Henry and his friend told me to go there.
When I finally reached the back of the school, I suddenly tripped over something and landed my face on something creamy; It was a whipped cream. I groaned, slowly getting up from the ground and wiped the cream off my face.
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
I heard a loud laughter coming from behind me, and turned to look where it came from. My heart sunk when I noticed it was Henry and Richard who'd done this. I didn't feel angry at all, instead, I felt disappointed.
"LOSER! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"SMALL DEVIL! HAHAHAHAHA!"
That's when I realized, it was all just a prank. It was all fake. It was just all made up by those two jerks.
My teeth gritted tightly and I rushed away from them, still hearing them mocking and backstabbing me from afar. I didn't listen to them as I kept running away from them.
"Oh?~ Where are you going, little boy?~"
"Awww, he scared~ HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
As I loose my sight from them, I heavily sighed. I panted lightly, as I catch my breath. My mind then started flashing back to what had happened earlier, making me regret to even go there in the first place.
'How stupid of me.' I thought. 'I guess big brother Cahaya's right about me all along. I'm dumb. I'm a loser. I can't be better like anybody else.'
I cracked a smile and chuckled bitterly on those thoughts. 'How does he do that anyway? Doing better in everything. Being better than I do. Heh, I'm so jealous of him.'
As I think too much of my thoughts, I hadn't realized I'd already reached my house. 'Finally.' I thought as I quickly entered inside and rushed towards my room, locking it afterwards. Then, I looked at the cutter that was placed on top of my drawer.
'I guess it's time to use it again...'