aboard the falcon...
"You're not sleeping."
Avery's voice pierced through his trance, his train of thought interrupted.
"Neither are you."
They hadn't spoken since he walked out of the main hold during her meeting with Leia. He was hoping that she didn't want to talk about it, for he had no idea what he was supposed to say.
"Why?" she asked, sitting down in the copilot's chair.
He stood motionless, his hands folded behind his back and his eyes fixed on the passing stars. He decided to answer her question honestly.
"Dreams. Why are you up?"
She had discovered that the chair could spin, and she lazily twisted her foot, allowing her to go around in small circles.
"I was playing with your devil remote. I found a fork to defend myself with. It was pretty fun."
He didn't say anything. At the moment, he just wanted to stare at the stars forever. No blowing up a space station, no having to build a lightsaber, no getting his arm severed, just this: a mind so busy it was empty, much like the black vacuum of space he was currently consumed by. It was peaceful for a moment, but then Avery had to open her mouth again.
"What kind of dreams? You're being weird right now, by the way."
He finally looked at her. There she was, in the very chair Chewie usually occupied, a small blanket around her shoulders. Where did she even find that? Luke had spent many nights on the Falcon, and it seemed he never had enough blankets to stop himself from freezing.
"Weird? What do you mean?" he asked, making eye contact with her for the first time since she had ruined his brief moment of tranquility.
"You're being dramatic. You're like, 'No, Avery! You can't do this job that you might actually be good at. Only I am strong enough to handle such a task,' and now you're looking at the stars with this pained expression on your face, as if you never wanted this sort of responsibility. Make up your mind, dude. It's weird."
He crossed his arms and pinched the bridge of his nose, obviously irritated. Was she really still bothered by this, or did she just want to get a reaction out of him? He sighed and sat down in the pilot's chair next to her.
"That's not what I meant and you know it, Avery."
"Really? Then what did you mean?"
She was pushing, pushing, and pushing, and it took everything within Luke not to take the bait. He closed his eyes and gave himself a moment to think of a reply, to somehow put these scattered thoughts he was having into words.
"I just feel responsible for you, that's all. I brought you into this on some strange inkling, you agreed to follow me on some strange impulse, and now we're here. If anything were to happen to you, it would be my fault. I don't want you getting hurt because of me."
The situation was familiar. He thought back to the incident with the train station. Seemingly surprised by his response, just as Luke figured she would be, she sat quietly.
"I thought you just didn't have any faith in me," she finally said with a sigh, looking up at him apologetically.
He felt his chest tighten at the look she was giving him, unsure of what he was feeling. He shook his head and leaned back in the chair.
Neither of them said anything for a while. She stared at him as he stared at the stars, finally breaking their heavy silence.
"I had bad dreams when I was sent to Maine," she offered quietly.
Upon hearing this, Luke turned so that his gaze was now on her. He searched her face for hesitance or unease; he found both, but didn't have the energy to stop her from continuing.
"I was sent to live with my mother for the summer. My dad thought she might be able to discipline me a little better. I was out of hand, apparently," she chuckled softly.
"That's not very difficult for me to believe," he quipped.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm the worst. Anyway, my mother was a babysitter. She usually took care of no less than eight kids at a time. I didn't like having to share my mother's attention, and I started to really resent the other kids. Not even a week after I was staying with her, I started having really weird dreams."
"About what?" he blurted before he could stop himself.
Patience, he reminded himself. He needed to work on that still.
"Just dreams where I would do really bad things. Usually, I would be terrorizing the other kids until they finally left. I kept dreaming of pushing Lauren off of the swings and breaking her arm. I dreamt of catching bees and turning them loose onto everyone else. I dreamt of hiding spiders under their pillows during nap-time. I dreamt of tricking Anna into eating peanut butter; she had a terrible peanut allergy. I still feel horrible about it."
"You shouldn't feel bad about it now. You were only a child, and they were only dreams," Luke said, attempting to comfort her.
"Until they weren't," she muttered, laughing bitterly.
"What do you mean?"
"It's like— I don't know. It's like I was so disturbed by those dreams that they started to shape my reality, y'know? I started hearing this little voice in my head, telling me that Lauren deserved to be pushed off of the swings. I started seeing shadows. My mom only noticed that something was wrong the day that I did break that poor girl's arm."
"Um," he began awkwardly, "I don't know what to say. I'm sorry. I understand why you don't like talking about it. I'm sure it's not easy."
"That's not even— God, that's not even why I hated it so much. It's just the way my mom handled it. She was convinced that it was psychosis at first. The doctor told her that it was unlikely, though, because disorders like that are pretty rare in children. He told her to monitor it for a few years, see if I was still experiencing similar stuff when I hit age twelve. She was so angry at me."
Something about her voice had changed. It was shakier now, starting to break on certain words. She stood abruptly, crossing her arms and facing the stars. Luke stood soon after.
"She had a basement. It wasn't much, just concrete and some basic framework. She tried getting it renovated a few years prior, but she was only able to afford to finish the bathroom. Babysitting doesn't pay very well. At this point, she had decided that I was a danger to the other children. I'm not saying I disagree, but it would have been different if she was concerned for their safety. She only wanted a steady income. Anyway, the bathroom was completely finished. She had the lock on the door replaced so that it would lock from the outside."
"Avery," he whispered, reaching out to place a hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to tell me anything you aren't comfortable with. I don't want you to be in pain."
"No," she said, shaking her head. "I need to tell someone. She locked me in there during the day. From six in the morning to six in the afternoon, I sat in there. I was nine. I had stopped sleeping at night because I thought that if I could stop the dreams, I could stop everything else. It only made things worse. I was still hearing voices and seeing shadows, and I was so scared. I felt so helpless. After three months, she finally sent me back to my dad's house. Everything stopped when I was in Delaware again."
"You didn't have any more dreams after that? It just stopped?"
"Yeah, it just never happened again. My dad thought it was my way of dealing with a lack of attention. He threatened to send me back all the time. My mom thought I was possessed by the devil. I just remember wanting it to end. I just wanted to be good."
"It's alright," he said softly, now placing both of his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to face him. "You were only a child."
"I think it's why I'm such an asshole now, y'know? I feel like I always need to be in control of everything. I manipulate people so they'll react a certain way, just so I know that I have some sort of power over the situation. Most of the time, I don't even realize I do it. I'm so awful," she choked out, tears beginning to fall from her eyes, which were squeezed shut in an effort to dam the river.
"No," he chided, gently pulling her into the safety of a hug. "You're not awful, Avery. We all have parts of ourselves that we aren't proud of, but being able to recognize our flaws makes us more in control than we realize. We have the power to let go of the past. We don't have to let confusion and anger dictate how we handle ourselves."
She pulled away, looking up at him in disbelief and then laughing softly.
"You're so wise," she mumbled, rubbing her eyes clean of vulnerability. "I feel so stupid. This is nothing compared to what you've been through. I'm sorry for making you listen to me complain about my minor childhood traumas—"
"Don't," he said, cutting her off, "I know you're trying to be considerate, but please, don't say that. I care about your problems. I appreciate that you felt comfortable enough to share them with me."
When she started crying again, Luke panicked. Had he said something wrong? She threw herself into his chest, clutching the robe he was wearing in her small fists. He awkwardly wrapped his arms around her once more. She cried silently into his shoulder.
"Thank you," she whispered, finally returning his embrace.
"Um," he stuttered, "you're welcome. I'm not really sure what for, but you're welcome."
"For listening to me. I don't know why I told you all of that. It feels like I've known you longer, I guess," she explained.
"I tend to have that effect on people, y'know. Leia and Han were crazy about me within only a few hours of knowing me—"
"I'm going to take back my thanks if you don't stop talking," she laughed, lightly punching his arm.
He laughed too, the two of them now standing beside one another and properly staring out at the stars.
"It's beautiful," she sighed, shoving her hands into her pockets.
Luke paused and looked at her for a moment, quickly reverting his gaze back to the cosmos.
"Yeah," he agreed, "it is."
a/n: hello everyone! i didn't add a gif this time because my internet isn't working very well (probably from overuse lol). i hope you're all safe and healthy! sorry if these recent chapters are boring you a bit, i just needed to explain some things for later on down the road. what do you think of avery's backstory? is there anything suspicious about it? 👀
i hope you enjoyed! as always, if you liked this chapter, please vote and/or comment!