I HAVE A temper. If it isn't noticeable, I implore that one takes a minute to recall all the times I snap and shut away from people in anger. It flares up usually when people say something about my friends, who, as Janie reminds me, I'm very protective over. Now, while I have a temper, I also cool off rather quickly, unless it consumes my entire being - like last year, when Remus stupidly thought I'd hate him if I found out he's a werewolf, and his solution was to drop me.
I also cool off rather quickly when Sirius is around, despite my mind telling me to punish myself for being mad, I can't help but relent at his attempts to cheer me up.
And I come out of the bathroom after a shower to find it's just Debbie in the room, doing her work. Nothing with her has miraculously changed over the summer, and I still feel like I'm walking on egg shells, but I try and ignore it.
I brought my clothes with me, but my shirt ended up getting wet, and I left my wand on my bed, so when I come out, it's just my bra on with my shorts, the soaked upper body garment in my hand. And I'm digging around my unmade sheets for my wand in order to dry it, when a short, urgent, whistle sounds - one used to catch someones attention. Debbie didn't make the noise, so I'm confused.
"Pst! Des."
I turn to see my Gryffindor friend crouching in the grass outside my open window. He's looking around frantically, as if he's expecting someone to pop up and catch him in the act of something.
"Sirius?" I ask, then remember I need to put a shirt on and Debbie's also in the room.
"Come here." He motions, then finally looks at me, and is seemingly unbothered by my lack of clothing.
My hand pulls out the first thing it finds from my trunk and I throw it on, which happens to be one of Remus' jumpers that I'm supposed to return. Oh well. I cast a quick glance to my roommate, who's pretending like nothing's happening, and walk over to my nightstand. Throwing a couple letters from it on to my bed, and moving over a replacement photo of Tina, Remus and I (replacement because Tina thought it was funny to draw a bushy moustache on me in the original), I hop on top so my face is level with the window. I rest my hands on the circular sill by my chin.
"Come outside."
"What the Helga are you doing here?" I speak in a low voice.
"Had to book it." He answers with a grin on his face.
"From who?" I'm utterly confused.
"Couple of professors." He shrugs it off. "Come outside."
"Let me get dressed." I shake my head and he pouts.
"You look bangin', come on." He whines and I give him a look. "Please?"
"Sirius." I say sternly and he huffs.
"Fine." He backs down. "Be quick - use the window - they're looking for me."
And he disappears. I sigh at his antics and get off my nightstand, going back to my trunk to find a top that matches my outfit and doesn't swallow my body whole. Not that Remus' jumpers aren't comfy - I wouldn't take them if they weren't - it's just I'll never get around to returning it to him if I keep wearing it.
"Just shag him in front of me, why dontcha?" Debbie mutters bitterly.
I freeze, hand over my trunk.
"Sorry?" I ask, my eyebrows raising.
"You heard me. We made a deal."
"Hey, Debbie." I say and she doesn't look at me. "Piss off."
No words come out of her mouth, but I go on.
"He's my friend, he's going to be in my life."
But she doesn't answer me again so I go on, pent up aggression at the way she's treating me finally coming out.
"It's been months, if I wanted him I'd have him by now." I lie.
She scoffs.
"As if he'd fancy you." She goes and my face burns with rage. She then adds, in such a quiet voice that I almost miss, "there's no way he'd ever wanna jump your bones."
Instead of saying anything back, I whip around to my nightstand, climb it, then use my bed post to hoist myself out the window. I didn't even bother to change the jumper, let alone get shoes or socks, so my freshly cleaned feet get raked with dirt as I pad my way through the grass in search of the boy who called me.
He's sitting at the base of a tree, his back against the trunk and as I walk over to him he smiles teasingly.
"You look like a hippie."
"Thanks." I mutter and cross my arms to stand in front of him. "What's happening?"
"I wanna hang out." His face holds an innocent smile with something behind it, but I'm now in a bad mood so I don't appreciate it.
"What?" I snap. "I climbed out the window to hang out?"
He's taken back a bit.
"Sorry, Des, I needed and alibi and thought..." He trails off and I sigh, reminding myself that Sirius doesn't deserve my anger.
I take a seat beside him for compensation, but when I turn to him to try and speak, all I wanna do is grab his face and snog him in the hopes Debbie's watching. I move my head to stare straight and don't say anything.
"Alright, what gives?" Sirius asks.
There's no way he'd ever wanna jump your bones.
"Would you shag me?" I ask and his eyes widen immensely, the rest of his body freezing and mouth shutting closed.
My self esteem plummets at his reaction and in that moment I'm assured that even if he did have feelings for me before summer, they're long gone now. In fact, the more I think of it, the more I realize that whole 'almost confession' in his dorm room is all just my imagination, he could've said he used my toothbrush - or that he fancied Jane or something. I change the question and look away, scooting farther from him.
"Am I at least attractive to you?" My voice is a little hurt.
"Des, you're a right fox." He says. "You're gorgeous."
"Would you shag Debbie?" I spit bitterly, not allowing myself to accept the compliment no matter how much I want to.
"Quit jivin'."
"Answer the question." I turn my head to look at him.
"Thought we went over this last year." He says tentatively. "What's happened?"
As I see the worry in his eyes, all my anger melts into sadness, and I feel my lip quiver involuntarily. I bite slightly to still it, and station my gaze on the grass between us.
"Why does she still treat me like this?" I whisper but I know he doesn't have the answer. "I should have just left it. You two could have shagged all you want and it'd all be fine. Nothing would have changed."
"Des, stop." Sirius says, placing a hand on my knee but I move my leg out of his touch. "I don't fancy Debbie. What'd she say to you?"
I shake my head but he insists.
"Nothing." I deflect.
"Too bad, I'm not stopping 'til you 'fess up." He says, moving closer towards me.
"She just said you'd never fancy me or shag me." I dismiss and before he can speak I continue. "I know you won't - I don't care - I just... we're supposed to be friends."
My words prompt him to throw his arm around me and I let him this time, too bummed out to push him away.
"Can I talk shit about her for a second?" He says and I can't help the snort that escapes me, but he doesn't wait for my answer. "She blows me off after asking me to a ball, apologizes and after a couple months of fooling around, starts talking shit about her friend 'cause I haven't got feelings for her."
I nod my head for him to continue.
"The chick's mental." He deadpans and a small feeling of relief bubbles out of me from the assurance.
My body relaxes slightly, but I'm not fully out of my funk as Sirius continues, pulling me closer with his arm.
"She's jealous cause she knows I'm wrapped 'round your finger and not hers." He says, twirling my hair for effect and I push his hand away.
"Wrapped 'round my finger, huh?" I ask with a smile and he nods. "That mean I can bum a dart?"
Sirius laughs and stuffs his hand into his pocket.
"Menthol for my loyal badger?" He asks and I shake my head.
"Regular, we can share." I say and he complies, handing me the pack and lighter.
As we smoke, his arm is still around me and I'm feeling much better. Dinner time is coming up fast but we take our time, I'm not in a rush to see Debbie, not when I can pretend she doesn't exist for a while and just stay here with Sirius.
"If it makes you feel any better," he says, taking the cigarette from me. "A Gryffindor asked about you today."
"Yea?" I go and he nods.
"Said you're fit." He confirms and I ask who but he won't tell me. "I don't share, Des."
"Bogus." I state and take the cigarette back for a puff.
He's about to speak when he looks past me and shuts his mouth. He whispers a 'shit' and throws off his jacket, placing it in my lap and he only has time to tell me to put it on and grab the dart to extinguish it when Professor McGonagall walks up to us.
"There you are, Mr. Black." She says, then notices me and raises an eyebrow. "Miss Castellanos, may I ask why you've decided not to wear shoes?"
I blink down at my bare toes before looking up at the teacher.
"Er - I was in a rush." I admit because it's the truth.
"Is it safe to assume this has something to do with Mr. Black's antics?"
I take a confused glance at Sirius, but answer.
"I don't think so, Professor, I was rushing out of my dorm room."
She nods and turns her attention back to Sirius.
"Alright, empty your pockets." She sighs as if this is a regular occurrence.
Sirius stands up and turns his trouser pockets inside out to show nothing but lint, then he shakes out his shirt, only for nothing to fall out. Because he's dramatic, he then starts shaking his hair like a dog and McGonagall finally tells him that's enough.
"Is that your coat?" She motions to Sirius' jacket that's still in my lap.
"Nope, Des'." He says, pushing his hair out of his face, and I neither confirm nor deny it. McGonagall doesn't look like she buys his lie but doesn't comment on it.
"I don't like doing this," She shakes her head, "but 15 points from Gryffindor."
"Only?"
"Don't push it." She says but I can see she's fighting a small smile. "Miss Castellanos, I hope that the next time I see you, you'll have proper footwear."
I nod my head and she walks away. Sirius sits back down beside me.
"What was that?" I ask and he's smiling.
"Left a little present for my brother's friends." He tells me. "The evidence's in the pockets."
I feel the jacket on my legs and sure enough there is something in there that's not a cigarette carton. I shake my head at him.
"Goon." I say and he shrugs, grabbing his outerwear back and throwing it over his shoulders. "You never wear anything else?"
Ever since I bought him it for Christmas, I've never seen Sirius wear another jacket. The old corduroy one is now reserved for me and winter smoke breaks, but I'm pretty sure he owns other coats - his robes at least.
"Why would I?" He asks. "You see how bitchin' I look?"
"I see all the people that think so." I nod, the amount of ogling he gets having increased this year.
"Don't mind them." He says and puts his arm back around me. "No one's gonna replace my Hufflepuff."