the feels
••• How It Feels To Be Alive? •••
do you feel the samе rain?
you and i have the same name
do you feel the same time?
might go too fast, don't question why
•••••
btw if you go 'wait zane's voice box is suddenly broken?' it's bc i was silly and forgot to mention it in the last chapter. it's been retrospectively fixed
Zane lifted his cup of tea as the Bounty's engines rattled below us before dying with a splutter. A muttered curse of Nya's floated from the bridge. Zane placed his tea back onto the table between us as I turned the page of the book I was reading.
It was mid-morning, and after Zane had a 'power-nap' (I wasn't sure if he was being literal or not), he'd found me in Lloyd's room, curled on the bed and turning the dragon sculpture in my hands. With his voice box still broken he wrote on a notebook and urged me to join him on the deck to continue where Misako's investigation left off and, since the only other conceivable way I had of passing the time was by crying, I accepted his suggestion.
The second clue - the image of a sword surrounded by squiggles - eluded us still. We'd come to the conclusion that was sword had to be a specific one, so Zane searched his mind of all the swords of myth and legend he had logged, and I searched the old tomes of Misako's that escaped the digital age.
The Bounty's engines gave a caterwauling screech that had both Zane and I grimacing. If Misako was still asleep, then she must've been sleeping like the dead. Maybe Garmadon found earplugs for her.
"Anything?" I asked. Zane shook his head and I closed my book with a sigh. "I read through this twice and I'm pretty sure Misako's studied it right down to the font type. It's not in here."
'That is unfortunate.' Zane wrote out his reply on his notebook in eerily perfect font despite it facing me and not himself. 'I cannot find anything in my records, either.'
"Do you think Nya can take me back to Domu?"
A loud clatter and a shout of frustration from the bridge made us wince. No, Nya was not an option.
'I would suggest the senseis, but Wu is cooking us all lunch and Garmadon is watching over Misako. He can get quite overprotective when she is in such a state.' Zane lifted his gaze to mine with an idea and tapped his pen against his chin for a beat. 'Was Ronin not just at the library? Perhaps he came across something of interest during his rummage.'
The Bounty gave another shudder, and Zane was once again forced to pick his tea cup up lest it toppled over and made a mess. The engine struggled for a moment before turning over into a smooth rumble. The ship began to ascend into a premature take-off. Zane gave a pleased smile.
'What fortunate timing.' Zane rose to his feet and quickly scribbled down his next sentence. 'You seek out Ronin. I will need to retrieve the others to begin our Airjitsu training.'
My shoulders fell. I didn't want to to talk to Ronin. He was crotchy and judgey and thought I was stupid for risking my life for a boy (and if it was anyone else, he'd be right). Besides, he wasn't exactly a pleasant conversationalist, and I found it hard to talk to people in the first place. Our chemistry for conversation was akin to a school's science lab fire.
But what was my other option? Say no to Zane, the poor guy whose voice box broke? I didn't think my personality and deep craving for acceptance allowed such a thing. I huffed a quiet sigh of reluctance and picked myself up to search out the bounty hunter and ask him about stuff he probably didn't even know.
Ronin was lounging at the top of the mast, kicking his feet and eating an apple he'd nicked from the kitchen. I climbed the ladder and rested my arms on the barrier.
"Hey, kid," Ronin said. He spread his arms out wide to the valley of which we'd begun to lift out of. "Come to enjoy the view?"
"Not really," I confessed, though it was pretty. "Do you have any space?"
Ronin scooted over. I was briefly surprised, sure that he was going to spread himself over more of the platform and deny me entry. I stepped onto it with a quiet thanks. Below us, the ninja crowded around the Scroll of Airjitsu.
"How ya feeling?" Ronin asked through a new bite of apple.
I closed my eyes. Part of me wanted to lie, to say that I was fine, but a bigger part of me stopped caring. Maybe I was beginning to pick up Ronin's nonchalance.
"My head's killing me," I admitted. I had a headache the size of the Endless Sea. "And my chest keeps aching." Though, I was beginning to grow used to it, but I was not a fan about what that implied.
"I've got the perfect thing for that," Ronin said, before biting down on the apple and pulling out a silver flask. He raised his brows in offer.
I lifted my brows right back. "I'm underaged."
Ronin quickly shoved the flask back inside his pocket. "Forget you saw anything."
I frowned at the side of Ronin's face as he returned to watching the ninja try to copy the poses from the scroll. He shook his head and rolled his eyes, but there didn't seem to be actual malice behind any of it. I wondered if he was telling the truth about keeping the ninja's identity secret, and why.
Another bunch of questions to add to my never-ending list of them.
The Bounty rose out of the valley and into the bright, blue sky. It felt like summer again - the heat was pounding, and even more so up closer to the sun, and the breeze was gentle and smelt of dry grass. I hoped Lloyd could experience this sun, too. I hoped he wasn't doing terribly, or that he wouldn't suffer for much longer.
"Do you know anything about special swords?" I asked. "Anything you stumbled across at Domu?"
"Nope." Ronin took another bite of his apple and laughed at Kai's first attempt at Airjitsu. The fire ninja had landed right on his face.
Of course he wouldn't know, I wasn't even surprised. I was disappointed, though, and hated that I'd allowed myself a smidgeon of hope. Ronin wasn't a historian, he was a thief. He cared more about the monetary value of things than the sentimental importance.
I got to my feet with a sigh. The longer we took to crack this clue, the longer Lloyd had to fight Morro alone. My desperation for his return was growing worse, I felt sick with it. I turned to descend from the mast.
"Something bothering you?" Ronin asked. I paused at the ladder.
"My boyfriend's been possessed by a ghost," I reminded shortly. "I don't even know if Morro's taking care of his body, and he probably isn't because he's a maniac, so Lloyd's probably not been able to eat or sleep or even drink, and it's been two days already and I can't figure out this stupid clue- so, yes, something's bothering me."
"Okay, alright." He took another bite of his apple. "Grouchy," he commented through a mouthful. "Just break up with him and be on your way."
My exasperation almost made me scream. I buried my face into my hands and stifled my groan. "I'm not breaking up with him!"
"And if he broke up with you?" Ronin challenged. "Would you be like this? All crazy?"
Do not kill an old man because he called you crazy. Do not kill an old man because he called you crazy. I waited until my brief flash of fury calmed into my usual unending despair.
"Why are you so obsessed with us breaking up?" I asked wearily.
"Because he's gonna break up with you," Ronin said, and I looked at him in shock. "I was at Domu, I read the prophecies, and sorry t'break it to ya, but he's got some kinda soulmate or whatever."
I stared at him for a moment as my brain clicked over his announcement. He'd read the prophecies? The prophecies were at Domu, are you kidding me? I was just there!
Hold on - "I'm the soulmate."
Ronin almost dropped the apple right onto Jay's head. His eyes widened at me. "Well, why didn't ya say so?! I wouldn't have bothered warning you."
"Why would I tell you in the first place?"
Ronin lifted his apple at me. "Good point."
I sat back down beside him, suddenly exhausted by the emotional whiplashing I'd just been at the mercy of. Nya attempted to take-off and failed with a groan. Ronin snickered beneath his breath.
What would I do if Lloyd wanted to break up? Well, cry, obviously. And then after a month of being miserable, I'd probably have to sort out how to deal with the whole 'being-in-a-prophecy-with-my-ex' business, and then mourn the loss of the world's most perfect boyfriend while he still stood right at my side. And then I'd probably die alone, because nobody could fill the gap he'd leave behind.
It already sounded awful. I'd rather just never break up at all.
"You read the prophecy?" I dolefully asked.
"Prophecies," Ronin corrected. "There's heaps with the both of you in them, so stop being so worried. He's gotta come back and fulfil all of those, don't he?"
My gaze slowly turned to his face. "... excuse me?"
"You're excused." Ronin patted the floorboards beneath us and stood. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some ninja to taunt-"
"Hold on a minute!" I grabbed his pant leg before he could disappear. My heart was in my throat. "What do you mean there's more than one?"
Ronin sent me a look of surprise. "Kiddo, if you're that little peach girlie, then you're in heaps of 'em. S' why I wanted to warn you if you weren't his fate-partner soulmate thing."
A sharp sense of horror struck me up the neck and into my skull. One was bad, but multiple? I wasn't prepared for multiple - hell, I'd been dreading the single prophecy alone!
"Sorry for spookin' ya with the whole 'he's gonna break up with you,'" Ronin said apologetically, misreading my expression. It lasted for a second before his face lit up and he turned to descend the ladder. "But if it makes you feel any better, you definitely won't be getting dumped."
I was taken aback by his certainty. "How do you know?"
He hesitated, and at first I thought that he was going to be like every other adult who knew about the prophecies and would keep it from me, but this was Ronin, and I'd quickly learnt that when he saw potential chaos, he dove headfirst. He turned at the mast's edge and gave me a shit-eating grin.
"'Cause I came across a prophecy about your and the green ninja's kid saving the world."
My jaw dropped. He quickly descended the ladder with a loud laugh, leaving me alone with my brain buffering. Did I just hear him right?
My shock snapped, and I scrambled to the ladder to stick my head over the edge. "WHAT?!"
All the way down at the deck, Ronin's only response was to chuckle and peruse past the confused ninja, offering no reply. I reversed onto my seat with burning cheeks. I fell onto my back and stared at the blue sky with a brain that galloped.
Your and the green ninja's kid. We were going to have a kid. One day, I was going to be a mother.
My fear descended upon me like a pack of gnats. I didn't want to be a mother! I could barely take care of myself, how on earth could I ever expect to take care of another human being?! No, it wasn't possible. I could never see me being a mum.
... but I could see Lloyd being a dad.
"No!" I knocked my head with my palm to rid myself of the thought. "No, no, no!" Curse Ronin for telling me of my future, and curse my own brain for conjuring up such fantasies of parenthood. I'm only seventeen! I can't even vote, yet! My parents would kill me just for thinking about it!
I dragged my hands down my face and huffed at the clouds. No, surely Ronin was lying. But why would he lie? My fingers dug into my hair as I sobbed.
Focus on getting Lloyd back, and then focus on graduating and getting into college and then graduating from that. Then, and only then, you can think about kids. Kids that Lloyd would be incredible with. Strict and stern like a sensei, kind and loving like he was with me, playful and mischievous like he was with his team. Wait, kids? More than one?
Y/n!
I groaned and rolled onto my side. These goddamn prophecies were more trouble than they were worth.
🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃
While I was having my early mid-life crisis five hundred feet in the air, Misako had awoken with a eureka moment. She called us all into the bridge for an emergency meeting over the Bounty's speaker system.
"Why do you look so flushed?" Kai asked after I'd descended the mast and caught up to them.
My blush deepened. "... the cold."
His brows raised in doubt and my gaze averted awkwardly. Mercifully, he let it go.
"You know, I think I was really starting to get a hang of that Cyclondo," Jay chirped as we walked past the door to enter the lower floors and began to ascend the steps to the bridge.
"We're not renaming the ancient move of Airjitsu to Cyclondo," Nya said.
"You're supposed to be my biggest supporter!"
'That is your mother.' Zane corrected with his notebook. Nya nodded in agreement and followed the others inside.
"Nindroid mom burn, silent but deadly." Kai chortled beneath his breath. He paused on the top step and looked back at me. "You coming?"
I glanced up at him. I hadn't realised I'd stopped at the door to the lower floors, but I knew why. I smiled small.
"I'm gonna grab Cole," I said. "He'd want to hear our next step."
I wasn't exactly sure if he would or not at all, but he'd been alone in his room for so long that concern had crept up and taken me wholly. Isolation helped nobody, no matter how much someone wanted to be alone. I knew that well enough.
Kai matched my hesitant expression, though his was touched with gratefulness. "Okay. Thanks, Y/n."
We went through our respective doors.
I walked the hallway towards Cole's room and felt my doubt grow with each step. What right did I have to console him after being cursed into a ghost? I wasn't his family or even one of his close friends, I could count the amount of conversations we'd had on my hands. We were close acquaintances at best.
I couldn't imagine what he was going through. My empathy was working overdrive and even then, it wasn't enough. Only a handful of days ago I didn't believe in ghosts, and now my boyfriend was possessed and his brother cursed into one. I wasn't qualified for any of this.
My feet stopped outside Cole's door and I held my breath. How was I going to be able to find the words? Were there any to be said at all?
Only way to fail is to give up. I gently tapped my knuckles on the door.
When no response was given but silence, I swallowed back my growing hesitance and softly knocked again.
"Cole?" I couldn't have been louder than a breeze. "It's me. Can I come in?"
Another pass with no response. Just as I was about to try for a third and final time, the door creaked open.
He didn't stay to greet me. He retreated back to his bed in the corner and pulled himself upon it to hold his legs. It gave me the moment I needed to adjust my reaction into something that wouldn't hurt Cole's feelings, because no matter how much I'd prepared myself, it was nothing in comparison to actually seeing him.
He truly was a ghost; his visage transparent and foggy and tinted slightly grey-green. The wall behind him could be seen through his sullen, drawn expression. The bed beneath had no dent beneath his weight, for he had no mass to give any. He was a spectre.
The hair along my skin prickled at the sight of him, my body aware of the unnaturalness, unaware that he was just Cole. My limbs stiffened with fear; danger, my brain said, Morro. My sore neck tingled. But I forced myself forward to take a seat on the edge of his bed.
Cole didn't strike up a conversation, and I didn't expect him to. I clicked my thumbnails as I tried to think of an icebreaker and struggled momentously. I wished I had a handbook to pull an idea from. No - I wished Lloyd was here. He'd know what to say. He always did.
"Thank you." My murmur was slow and unsure, voiced beneath my breath. Cole glanced at me. "You all sacrifice so much to bring Lloyd back, and I know you'd do it anyway, but still... thanks." I peeked up at him and sent a timid smile. "I don't think you've heard it enough for all you do."
Cole's complicated expression eased just a touch, and I felt a little bit of my awkward tension soften. But then it fell again and so did my hope, and he hugged his knees to his chest.
"Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it," he muttered. "Saving Ninjago."
Well, fuck. This wasn't a turn I'd been anticipating. His despondency was thickening the air in the room and making it hard to breathe in.
"How so?" I gently asked.
Cole sighed and closed his eyes. "I didn't mean that."
I frowned at my dangling shoes. He was doing what Lloyd did, what I did; silencing his emotions and closing himself off. Maybe after all this, I'd book us a group therapy session with my mother.
My mother. She'd know what to say, too. Why did I have to be the one with terrible eloquence?
"It's okay to have doubts," I said quietly. "I have doubts like, all the time. And sometimes I speak without a filter, and sometimes I keep too many things secret." I shrugged helplessly. "All we can do is try our best and be kind to ourselves, even though that's way harder than it should be sometimes."
Cole stared at his knees. The silence came quickly and held for a while, and I felt myself grow a little embarrassed. I wasn't exactly the first person I'd recommend to give life advice to anyone.
"You guys have a thankless job," I continued, because there wasn't anything else I could really do but talk, so I did. "Protecting Ninjago does mean sacrifice, and people still won't always appreciate it."
"Like the military," Cole grumbled, and I died a little inside. "And the mayor. And the government. And half of the public." He laughed a single, short sarcastic bark. "And all of the public when we don't have our masks on."
My heart sunk. I hadn't realised the full capacity of their struggles until he laid it out plain and clear for me to see. That did sound tough. That sounded absolutely awful.
Being a protector wasn't about guts and glory, but to be a protector and to be talked down upon for doing so? To be jabbed at and spoken nasty to when they were just going about their mundane lives? That must get to them sometimes. Even with their demigod powers, they were only human.
"It sucks," I forlornly agreed. "You, and Lloyd... it's awful. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry that people don't appreciate how much you do for everyone. You deserve like... Nobel peace prizes, or something."
A chuckle escaped him. My smile was one of relief.
"But there are people who appreciate you, and see what you guys do for them," I continued. "Media is just... it aggravates the negative voice, and it gives them a platform to amplify it, so the positive becomes suffocated. It's easy to get lost in everyone's hate - but not everybody is full of hate. There are lots of people who love you."
Cole hummed. We both knew it, but it was easy to forget and good to be reminded of. I had my fair share of instances of being sucked into the negativity of the news and social media - it was everywhere, and it was poison.
"It's hard when you're not acknowledged or appreciated, I know." I knew that more than I wanted to let on, but the look Cole peeked at me told me he figured it out, anyway. "But- but I believe in karma, and you have the gooiest good juju I've ever seen."
Cole's doleful expression broke into a baffled laugh. "Don't call it that!"
I snickered. "Sorry." But at least I got him to laugh. I wasn't always the wisest, or the best with advice or comforting people, but I was usually good at making people laugh - whether I was the butt of the joke or not. "Misako's called us into a meeting. Do you wanna join?"
Cole's grin faded with a sigh. "I probably should. Moping won't get Lloyd back."
I smiled sadly as he stood. Even if he wasn't a ninja, he still wouldn't have made a sound. The clothes he wore didn't give a rustle. I led the way to the bridge.
"Y/n?"
I hummed in acknowledgment.
"Do you really believe in karma?" Cole asked.
I thought of Lloyd and his grandfather who was literally god. I thought of the immortal elemental masters and the fact that dark magic and ghosts existed. I thought of Bentley, and the Kirin that guided me back to Zane when I was lost in the woods. I thought of my ghastly powers. If my summer was going to get any crazier than it already had been, I'm pretty sure I was going to explode.
I shook my head. "After meeting you guys, I don't know what I believe in anymore."
Cole chuckled. "That's fair enough. I hope my karma's good."
"I can't think of anyone who'd have better karma than you." I smiled back at him. The look he sent me was one laden with warmth.
Everyone was already waiting when we entered the bridge. Jay was tampering with something on Zane's neck while Nya watched, and my curious gaze was snatched by the intricate wires and mechanics inside his throat. It was strange - I knew he was a robot, but I'd never actually seen any visual proof of it.
"What took you so long?" Ronin grunted from the chair he'd lazily draped himself upon. "You two have a barbie movie marathon, or something?"
"Here they be!" announced Zane in a wild pirate's accent that made my reply die immediately on my tongue. Cole matched my look of bewilderment. Jay stifled a snort behind his hand. "Let us be on wiv'it."
"Cole," Garmadon greeted with a content smile, ignoring the mutterings of a startlingly out-of-character Zane. He had the patience of a man who'd lived through chaos and had mastered the arts of being totally unbothered. "It is good to have you with us."
Misako, who somehow looked even more frazzled than before, didn't give us any more time to dawdle. She dropped a massive pile of notes onto the bridge's table and pointed at a symbol when our attention turned to her - the very symbol we'd been trying to decode. My interest was stolen.
"A sword in the clouds," Misako said, and her voice sounded thin and strained as though she'd been crying. My heart ached for her. "That's the second clue."
"Me senses tell me it could be many a swords," Zane continued, and while still bewildered, we crowded around the table as he pointed at a few more sword symbols that had been scratched out by Misako's shaky hand. "Thar be the Fire Sword, the Sword of Destiny, the Golden Cutlas."
"Sorry, Misako, but what happened to Zane's accent?" Cole interrupted. Jay's composure broke with a loud laugh.
Kai turned his head to the lightning master with a perplexed look. "I thought you said you fixed his voice?"
"I did," Jay snorted, much to Zane's annoyed pinch of his expression. "And then I made it better!"
"I was gone for five minutes," I said.
Nya shrugged. "That's enough time."
"Quiet," Wu said, and we silenced. "Misako, if you may."
"... to add to Zane's colourful account, there are many more swords," Misako continued, "but only one in the clouds."
In the clouds? Awesome, my summer was going to get more crazy and I was going to explode.
Misako grabbed a tome from the chair beside her and dropped it on top of the notes before us. The leather-bound spine creaked as she opened its thick cover and passed over the parchment pages until she stopped at a segment with an old inked drawing of a sprawling palace in the sky.
"It's the Sword of Sanctuary, protected in The Cloud Kingdom."
I'd briefly studied The Cloud Kingdom in my passes over Ninjago's mythology after Lloyd's prompt for me to do so, but I'd disregarded it as one of the myths that was false - I mean, really, a kingdom in the clouds? Monks who wrote out everyone's life stories? I could believe in the Fates but not that.
And, of course, I was wrong. I was beginning to get a headache.
"'Cloud Kingdom?'" Ronin said with a disbelieving tone. "I know every square inch of Ninjago, there ain't no place called The Cloud Kingdom."
"You're right," Misako agreed. "It isn't in Ninjago. It's in a parallel realm that can only be reached through the Blind Man's Eye."
"Parallel realm?" Ronin echoed.
"Yes," Wu replied. "There are sixteen realms that we know of. Ours, The Cloud Kingdom and the Departed Realm are a few."
"Lloyd's grandfather came from another realm," Garmadon added. "Though, we are unsure of which one."
"His grand-" Ronin's baffled look twisted deeper. He turned to me with a frown of disbelief. "You want to marry into this family?"
My cheeks went hot.
"The Blind's Man Eye is the powerful storm cyclone above the clouds, right?" Nya asked, bringing the conversation back and saving me from fumbling for a reply. "But its altitude is far too high for the Bounty to reach. We'll never make it."
"Unless we ascend the tallest mountain in Ninjago," Misako said, and gestured to the mountains through the window we were sailing beside. "The Wailing Alps."
"When the Blind Man's Eye passes its peak, you five will jump into the eye of the storm using Airjitsu to cross over into The Cloud Kingdom," Wu said. "There, you must take possession of the Sword of Sanctuary."
A little bit of hope lightened the load of doubt in my chest. Finally, some direction.
"Whoawhoawhoa, Sensei, you're throwing around some big words here," interjected Jay. "But I think you got one wrong; it's Cyclondo, not Airjitsu."
Wu did not look impressed. Kai kneed Jay in the thigh and he yelped.
"What makes this Sword of Sanctuary so special?" Cole asked.
"It's special because reflected within its blade you can foresee your opponents next move," Misako answered. "To have the sword is to have the very future on your side. Whoever gets it will have a huge advantage, so it is imperative that the sword does not fall into Morro's hands."
She closed the tome with a sigh and pulled the glasses from her face. As she rubbed the lenses clear with her sleeve, her face seemed to grow decades older. Misako wasn't running on terrified adrenaline, anymore. She was on fumes. She was barely running at all.
"This about more than finding the next clue to the Spinjitzu Master's tomb," she said weakly. Garmadon's face turned with sorrow at the break in her voice and pulled her back into his chest. She held his arms around her like clutching the belt of a safety harness. "This is about saving our son. Please - you cannot fail."
My eyes stung with tears at her despair. She was the embodiment of all that I'd felt, the physical appearance of my emotions. I had to pinch my thigh to keep myself from breaking into sobs - I was tired of crying. I'd already cried so much.
A buzz from Nya's phone broke the solemn quiet. She pulled it from her pocket and scowled.
"We might want to get a move on, then," Nya grimly announced. "'Cause my old Samurai X cave just got broken into - and I have a nasty hunch about who it is and what he wants with it."
"Then let's gear up," Kai said determinedly, and turned to look out at The Wailing Alps. "We have one big mountain to climb."
🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃
I turned the dragon figurine in my hands. The rock was clumsily carved, though I knew no tools were used to make it. I brushed my thumb over its surface and engrained the imperfections into my brain.
"Ready?"
I tucked the figurine into my pocket and watched as the ninja clambered into the mechs that were stored in the hull. They were each colour coordinated, obviously, and were about four times as tall as I was. They kinda reminded me of an old classic show my dad used to watch where the robots would turn into... a larger robot. Though, I didn't think these ones could do that.
I stood beside Misako and Ronin as the bundled-up ninja did last minute checks over their mechs. Beside us was the highest point of the Wailing Alps that the Bounty could reach without causing damage to the motors. I'd stepped out onto the deck for a peek at the snow-capped view, but the chill was so great that I had to close the door as soon as I'd opened it. I was glad I wasn't going out there - I knew my limits.
"Without your mechs, you'll never be able to survive the extreme conditions on your own," Garmadon said. "So do take care to make sure it's working at full capacity. The last thing we want is for you to get stranded."
"I've also installed a new headset in our hoods for better communication in an area typically without signal," Nya added from her mech. "Try it out."
To absolutely nobody's surprise, Jay was the first to pipe up. He cleared his throat dramatically and leant over the front bar of his mech with a smirk.
"Tell me, Zane," he said. "How tall is this mountain?"
Zane gave a deep-suffering sigh that somehow still sounded quite pirate-like. Jay was practically brimming with anticipation. I struggled to keep my smile from being too big, just in case the nindroid took it as me ganging up against him.
"The precise elevation of the Wailin' Alps be well over three leagues and twenty-eight fathoms," he dolefully arrg'd. Jay burst into delighted laughter.
"I don't even know what that means!" Jay exclaimed. "Zane's so much cooler!"
I bit my lips. It was hard not to laugh when Jay's was so infectious. I wished Lloyd was here to witness this unfortunate, lighthearted humiliation of the usually stoic ninja. He'd have loved it.
"Remember," Ronin said seriously, bringing our attention back. "Once you get to the peak, you'll only have one shot to shoot the Blind Man's Eye. Don't miss."
Jay's giggles immediately petered out as the severity of the situation settled in. His face turned grim and matched the solemnness of the rest of the team. I was briefly surprised by the severity of Ronin - he seemed to care more than I initially assumed.
"I don't know, guys," Cole sighed. He looked uncomfortable in his mech. "You had time to practise Airjitsu. Maybe I should sit this one out."
"Don't even think about it," said Kai. "You may be a ghost, but you're still part of the team."
"And if it weren't for you getting the first clue, we wouldn't even be here," Jay chirped with an encouraging grin.
"So, what're gonna do, Cole?" Nya asked with a tilt of her head. "Are you in or out?"
Cole frowned down at his hands. He grabbed for the controls and his face fell further when they glided right through them. He peeked up at his waiting team, all sending him hopeful looks - they weren't ever going to give up on him.
"Lloyd needs you," I said softly. Cole glanced at me. "He needs all the help we can give."
His expression hardened. With a determined frown, he grabbed at the mech's handles again and brightened when his hands wrapped firm around them. I beamed at his success. His teammates cheered.
Cole nodded at Ronin. "Open the hangar doors."
Misako pulled me back by my arm and instructed me to hold onto a handle embedded in the wall. Garmadon and Wu did the same. Ronin took the one beside a lever and tightened his grip around both.
"Opening hanger doors." He yanked the lever down and the floor of the hull fell open with a loud creak and a rush of air that tried to tug me out into the sky. An alarm blared. I was suddenly reminded of my fall from just the night before and shuddered with fear.
In contrast with my fright, Jay whooped with excitement. "Is anybody else getting a tingling feeling?"
"Yeah," said Kai as he stared at the mountainside dubiously. "Frostbite."
"Drop 'em!" ordered Ronin. Garmadon hit a button and the mechs dropped like rocks. The sudden quiet of the hull was almost comical. My heart lived in my throat.
Ronin pulled the lever back up and the rotors creaked as the hanger doors got pulled back into their normal position. The wind died. The alarms quietened. By the time the doors clanged shut, my fingers had grown stiff from holding on so tight.
Wu's beard was a wild mess in comparison to how neat he usually kept it. He brushed it somewhat back into control and sent a look around those of us that remained.
"The Blind Man's Eye will be passing the peak in four hours," he said. "We should head to the bridge and keep track of our ninja."
"I will get started on the next clue," Misako said.
"And I will get us a game of poker set up," Ronin grumbled as he followed the sensei and Misako up the stairs. "Four hours. I'm gonna die of boredom."
I grabbed Garmadon's sleeve before he could follow after the others. Like Wu, his grey hair was a tangled mess and I was sure mine was the same. Paired with the look in my eyes, I must've seemed crazy. He looked back at me with a curious frown.
I was tired of feeling useless. We were taking too long to get Lloyd back.
"Lloyd needs all the help we can give," I repeated sternly, and my voice turned with pleading. "I need to help him. Can you teach me how to use my powers?"
Garmadon's face softened. "We can certainly give it our best shot."
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"Your powers are unlike ours, so I am unsure on whether our methods of training to unlock an elemental master's full potential will work on you," Garmadon said. "The team all gained control over their powers in various different ways, though it all stemmed back to the Four Basic."
He paced the circumference of a training room the Bounty had while Ronin watched from the sidelines. I sat in the middle, kneeling on a soft mat that gymnasiums would typically use. On the wall was a rack of weapons. To the left was a row of wooden dummies in various states of destruction.
"'Four Basic?'" Ronin echoed. "What's that?"
"Our emotional states are grouped into four - happiness, anger, fear and sadness," the sensei answered. "A person will feel one more than others - Kai and anger, for example, or Jay and fear. It is my job as sensei to teach them to centre themselves in the Four Basic. Centering oneself creates a better environment for better output."
Garmadon turned to me with a complex look on his face, like he was trying to untangle my veins and number them. It was a look of dissection. I suddenly felt very exposed and vulnerable.
"But from what I've heard, your powers appear to be more based on instinct, or... gut feeling, perhaps," he mused. "Borg's necklace has given us a few readings, but not enough. Your emotional state fluctuates but your powers don't reciprocate, which is indeed something I have never seen before."
All this talk was just making me feel more and more like a freak. I tried not to let it get to me, but it was hard when I still felt alone in a world where I should have fit in.
"We know that you have the power to shield and to predict when protection is needed," Garmadon continued, "and you seem to be quite inclined with knowing more than you should. Perhaps prophecy is your power, or maybe something along the lines of spirituality. Have you attempted control by prayer?"
I shook my head. I wasn't a particularly religious person despite my years in Jamanakai Girls.
"It might be worth a shot," Garmadon suggested. "Perhaps Lloyd is not a conduit at all. Perhaps he just helped you centre your focus. Centre your focus, Y/n, let's give it a try."
My head was beginning to swim with all this talk on centres. Still, I shut my eyes and thought back to how Lloyd taught me to focus on my powers; to hone in on the feeling and to grab onto it. But this time, nothing happened. I tried a few more times before the silence and failure got to me. I sent him a frustrated frown.
"It's okay," Garmadon reassured. "It takes time. And even if you do not get access to your powers, taking a moment to focus inwards is still good for you. You will need to learn about how your inner body feels when you begin to fight."
When I begin to fight. That still felt like an unreachable, impossible dream. I couldn't do what the ninja were doing - I simply lacked the confidence.
I closed my eyes again. Please, Uchū, please. But I still didn't feel that spark of power that I got on New Years Eve with Lloyd. I hung my head with a sigh.
"Maybe I'm defective," I said glumly. "Maybe my powers broke when the prophecy got messed up."
"I think that's the attitude of a defeatist," Ronin snarked. I sent him a dejected frown.
"Ronin," Garmadon hissed.
He raised his palms in defence and doubled down. "I'm right. Even if her powers aren't controlled by her emotions, it certainly won't come to her faster by being all sullen 'bout it." He turned to me with a baffled frown. "I thought you wanted to get your boyfriend back."
My expression twisted with desperation. "I do!"
"Then start actin' like it!"
My eyes began to sting with tears. "I'm trying!"
"Enough!" Garmadon snapped. Ronin and I both fell silent. "I will not have you two shouting like children at one another. Ronin, behave like the adult you are. Y/n - you must not let your frustration get the better of you. It will do nothing but hinder your progress."
I dropped my head with a teary-eyed scowl. I was trying, but it was just so hard when I had no idea what to do. I had so many questions that no-one could answer, and the one person who'd helped me before wasn't with us. Hell, I'd even take the parasite mind-control part if it meant I'd be able to use it.
I didn't even want this stupid power that hurt me when I'd finally manage to use it. I didn't want to be in a prophecy or to have my alter-ego's name in the headlines for saving the world. I just wanted Lloyd back, and I couldn't even use my powers to do that.
Failure was just the lack of trying, right? Well, I'd tried, and I still felt very much like a failure.
Garmadon sighed in the tense silence. "Let's try again-"
We were interrupted by Misako barging into the training room, swinging the door back hard enough for the handle to make a dent in the wall with Wu hot on her heels. Ronin jumped and cursed. Garmadon and I looked at her in surprise.
"I just got a call from Skylor," she said grimly, and turned her wary gaze to me. "She's looked into Simon Gessei."
She fell silent. I stood, pulled upwards by anxious energy. I didn't like the way she was looking at me.
"And?" Ronin impatiently urged. Misako's face had grown stony with suspicion and concern.
"There are no records of him," she said. "According to all of the sources she and Pixal checked, both official and not, Simon Gessei does not exist."