4 months later
"Minamoto-sensei? How long has it been?" She asks as we trek the dirt path to our destination. We'd been venturing out for a long while, hoping to find the spirit we'd been told to exorcise. Well, more like the one I was told to exorcise. They still don't know that she's here with me. I sometimes forget that she's here with me, she barely ever talks. It's completely understandable why, it'd be awkward to try and make up after everything.
"How long has it been for what?"
"Since I died." She stops in the middle of the trail, looking down at her feet solemnly. I turn around to stare at her, observing her melancholic smile.
"Death of Tsubasa Ayano was.... I don't know. And you died the same day as her. It's been years, I think." I try to add up the numbers in my head, but I can't be bothered by that. We need to get back on the road.
"But... Is that long? I don't think I can quite grasp a perception of time anymore." She whispers meekly, hiding her face in her button-up.
"In the larger picture... no. It's been long for me, though. Too long for me." All she responded with was a slight disappointed hum and continued walking ahead of me. Her loose blazer flapped in the wind, leading to her rolling up the sleeves. Although we've already walked so far out, there's no endpoint in sight. Although the school break is nice, I still have to keep up with my duties. This trek wasn't the hardest part of the journey, however. There was far worse to come.
Seeing the sun fall behind the snow-peppered mountains, I decided to declare that we stop for the day. Placing a small sleeping bag in the field of pink-hued blossoms, I rest my materials that'd hopefully come in use in the future. Although the petals constantly fell off and were sure to cover me once I woke up, I didn't mind. It felt nice being surrounded by lovely flowers, almost as if you were in a dream-like state, encaged in a maze of rose colored florets. Feeling my stomach growl, I knew I'd have to eat soon if I wanted to be energized. One of the nice things about being a ghost must be not having to eat, or do anything really. Before departing on a journey for food, I decided to notify (Y/N), who appeared to be one step ahead of me.
"There's peaches here... I don't know if you want them, though." She says hesitantly, looking at the fruit in the tree with a scowl as if recalling unpleasant memories. No, not unpleasant memories, it's more like... Things that shouldn't have happened. Things that would've been better if they never occurred. At least that's what I think. I felt it too.
"It's food. That's good enough for me." I sigh, grabbing a stick to prod one of the peaches off the tree. Catching it as it descends, I eye it all around. It's bruised, but it'll do. It's not like there's anything better around unless I feel like eating bugs. As I took a bite into it, I felt a sense of relief. It wasn't the same. It wasn't like the ones at home, the ones that me and (Y/N) fought over, it's just a peach. And nothing else.
"This is how it all started, wasn't it?... (Y/N)?" I ponder aloud, not expecting an answer but at least hoping that she knew what I meant.
"Oh, you were talking to me?" She asks, pushing her hair out of her face as a way to stall time to avoid answering. I still knew how she acted. She hasn't changed much, at least not mentally. "Yeah. It was. I wish I could still taste, that'd be great. It'd make me feel human again." A solemn expression fell over her face, almost as if she was put in a trance. I would feel bad for her if she hadn't inflicted this on herself. Despite this, a pang of guilt suddenly crept up on me, what it seemed to be for no reason. No, there has to be a reason. I just don't want to hear it. I don't have a reason to.
"You were always interesting to me." I blurt out without thinking. I don't know why, but something about her had always been intriguing. Perhaps it was because she was so carefree and I wanted to see if I could break that personality. I did a long time ago. So why do I still talk to her?
Silence.
"You were too kind." She says in a quiet tone, softening her voice. She was wrong. I've been anything but nice and I know that.
"No."
Her head perked up in shock of the brief response, an unsure gesture.
"Oh. I'm sorry." She says dejectedly, sitting down on the flowerbed. I usually never have difficulty finding my words, it's been too easy for me. But around her it's different.
"What are you sorry for?" I question tentatively, eyeing her up and down. For some reason I felt tears emerging, but I didn't know why. I could feel my heart beat faster, anticipating an answer that would satisfy me. The only problem was, I didn't know what would satisfy me. Or if there was anything that could possibly do that.
"I don't regret anything. I just wanna make you feel better." She states in a monotone voice. Why would she say that? Out of all the things to say, why that? It didn't make sense, it didn't add up, it was confusing, perplexing, and most of all not what I wanted to hear. I felt my face heat up and my fists instinctively clenched as a million thoughts raced through my mind. My throat closed up as I scowled.
"You killed Tsubasa Ayano." I said with the slightest tremble.
"Not for the reasons you think." She hastily defends, still holding a strong stance on her views. I don't believe her. It's not because it's not plausible, I just don't want to believe her. I want a reason to hate her, I want a reason to feel disgusted by her. I want a reason to oppose her, but most importantly...
I want a reason to feel like it's morally correct for me to have treated her cruelly for the last few years. Ever since her obituary I've vowed to never approve of her, but it's happening. And I hate it. Ever since she died, ever since her tale I believed that she unjustly murdered someone. My efforts in distancing from her weren't in vain because she brutally murdered someone. It'd be easier if it were like that.
"(Y/N), I don't care anymore...." I spit out, my eyes watering and my voice rising, although trembly. I lean over, grabbing her arm and tugging on her sleeve. My pants were digging into the moist dirt but that was the least of my concerns. "Just tell me you slaughtered her, please." I knew I looked silly right there and then with my glare of desperation and half of my body emerged in the flowers.
"But..."
"PLEASE. Just tell me," I shout, trying to sound furious but my anger coming out as a half-assed yelp. "Say it. If you really want to make me feel better, just say it." My hands tightened around her arms and she looked not exactly frightened, but confused. She's never seen me like this. After moments of reconsidering, she finally opened her mouth.
"I killed Tsubasa Ayano because I felt like it, Minamoto-sensei. Is that what you wanted to hear?" She whispers with an uncertain tone, but it couldn't matter less to me. All I've wanted for all this time was a confession, no matter how genuine it was. Just so I could feel like I wasn't a terrible person. A false sense of validation was what I sought for, and I've finally received it. I couldn't be more overjoyed. I loosened the grip on her arms, pulling her into an embrace. It wasn't exactly a comfortable one, it was more like one of those you'd give to a family member who you aren't so familiar with so you just awkwardly hover over them, unsure of their boundaries. But it was a start.
"You can call me by my first name again if you want to, (Y/N). It's always felt weird when you don't." I mumble, patting her on the back and pulling away.
"Can I really?"
"No."
"Oh..." A look of dejection spreads across her face and I quickly correct myself.
"Just kidding, of course you can."
"You're annoying."
"Am I really?" I say teasingly.
"Yep. Just go to sleep so I can get a break from your talking."
"Do you want us to go back to barely ever talking to each other again? We can if you want to." I threaten, instantly seeing the panic on her face. I knew how tiring it must've been for her to not talk to me for a good few years.
"No way. I didn't just admit to something I didn't do for nothing. Just sleep, dumbass."
"You became a bit of a bitch in the afterlife, haven't you?" I mocked in attempt to cheer her up, a smug grin on my face.
"Probably. Spending time with that stupid toddler demon might've fucked me over mentally."
"I wouldn't be surprised."
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