BOOK OF BILLY: 2049
Chapter 17: Room 206
I stand beside her bed for what feels like hours, though I tell myself I couldn't have. Even now, my body belies me. For some time now, I've been experiencing backaches after a prolonged period on my feet. I tell myself it's just an underlying condition from my injury, but I know better. It's the nanites in my body, and my back is killing me.
At any rate, I digress. Another thing I'm prone to these days, I permit my mind to wander to places they have never been and never shall never go.
Only when I hear the meal cart rustle behind me, I pull a chair up to sit.
"Dr Amour, you're still here," the wonderful nurse on meal duty tonight, Malika, says as she pulls a tray off the trolley and enters the room.
Alisha has not regained consciousness yet for her to eat so I turn to the lovely woman and say, "I don't think she'll be eating anything this evening, Miss Abdullah."
Malika smiles at me. Her face is still so young, yet I know her not to be. Young, I mean. She can easily pass for late-thirties, but in reality, she's closer to my age.
"Oh no, Dr Amour. This is for you!" She places the tray on a small table in the corner and wheels it over to my chair. "Josie told me where you were" — she passes me some cutlery — "since you weren't in the mess hall for dinner."
I feel drained and I slouch, looking over at Alisha. Her chest rises and falls softly. She looks to be the same. Almost. A few greys. A few new lines around her eyes and mouth, but essentially the same. She could still wake up and have me completely wrapped around her finger if she wanted. There. I finally said it. The thing that undid us. She had never wanted to be the woman with a mindless man wrapped around her finger like a puppet. She had wanted me, of my volition, to be with her, and I'd failed. Miserably.
"She still looks the same," I manage, again feeling like an age has passed. I can't actually believe I've kept Malika occupied and I gesture for her to go about her business. I'm fine. "Please, forgive me. Just an old man with an old heart. Don't let me keep you."
Malika fetches herself the last meal tray from the trolley, pulls over another chair, and joins me.
"What time is it?" I ask, for I truly don't know how long I've been in this room. Waiting.
"My shift ends with the dinner rush, and you were my last delivery," she says, removing the cover from her tray as she kicks off her shoes. Then she digs in, famished it appears.
I give her a look. How am I to deduce the time it is based on her answer? I don't know the hospital wing's running order and time. This is not my department.
"It's almost eight. Eat."
I don't have the stomach for food, but I equally don't have the heart to deny her this pleasure. Malika has been a longtime friend of mine, the very few I have left. Almost fifteen years since this base was operational, and I moved my research in. She has been here almost all that time and likely knows this facility better than I do.
I dig into the food, my mouth tasting metallic, but soon, the taste doesn't matter as hunger takes over. This is my first meal for the day.
"She's the one, isn't she?" Malika asks as I struggle to open my dessert. A custard pudding.
I say nothing for a while. Instead, I stare at the burns on Alisha's skin, at the blackening of it, darker than her natural tan. "She's dying. Acute radiation syndrome. Matter of days, and I don't know what to say to her when she comes to."
I finally turn to Malika, tears sliding down my cheeks as rare as my candidness.
Malika sighs and takes my hand in hers. I feel her squeeze. I know she means to assure me, but I am far from assured. "You will find the words when the time comes, but now. Go get some rest so you can be here when she wakes up."
I nod, though I feel the deepest dread as I get to my feet. "I suppose you're right."
As we prepare to exit the room, I hear a word that stops me.
"Billy?"
I turn to see her looking at me with those beautiful brown eyes.
"Go!" Malika gives me a little nudge towards the bed. "I'll go get the doctor."
With her gone, I stand still by the door, unable to take the steps to reach her.
"Is that you?" her voice catches in her throat. A tremble spreads through her body and I see her shake. "Where am I?" she asks through gritted teeth.
"You're at a CodeTech research facility in the heart of Kurrungai National Park. In Sydney." I hear my disembodied voice and am surprised at how calm I sound. I am anything but calm. Where the bloody hell is her doctor?
I slowly approach her side, wanting to take her hand in mine, but all I can do is hold the safety rails. "Are you in pain?" She gives me the briefest of nods and closes her eyes. Trying not to scream is my bet.
I walk to the other side of her bed, towards the machine that controls her morphine, feeling rather unsteady on my feet. I up the dosage a little, just enough to take the edge off her pain till her attendants get here.
"Can I get you anything?"
She shakes her head and grabs my hand. Her tight, desperate grip loosens as the drug kicks in. "Where's Billie? Where's Billie?"
"I'm right here, Alisha, I'm right here." I squeeze her hand back.
"No, not you. My daughter." She shakes her head and stares at me with terrified eyes. "Where's my daughter?"
She named her kid after me? I take a while to process this. She has a kid. She has a kid, and that means she moved on with someone, unlike me. I know it shouldn't, but I feel my heart break another piece.
The nurses and doctor rush into the room to do their job. I reluctantly take a step back and give them space. "They only found you in your home."
Alisha's eyes find me. Past the hustle of the doctor and nurses around her bedside as her heart rate spikes and her breath catches in her throat. "Find her... Billy." She reaches for my hand as her body contorts into the throes of a seizure.
Malika is by my side again, gently coaxing me out of the room. "Billy, you shouldn't be here. Give them space."
Numb, I let her lead me out, down the corridor towards the nurse's station, and out into the waiting area. "Ask her about her daughter. Where is she? Where can I find her?" I suddenly grip Malika's hand in mine as she pushes me out the front doors. "Is this clinic connected to the surface? To their files?"
"What?" Malika shakes her head but stops. "She has a daughter?" The fact dawning on her finally. "And you want to find her?"
I nod. "I have to. For her."
Malika lets go of me and strides back to the computers behind the reception, sliding herself into a chair. "What's her name?"
"Billy."
Malika stops a moment, glancing up at me, surprised. "She named her kid after you?"
I don't know what to say. Maybe? I guess.
"What's Alisha's last name?" she asks when I stay mute.
I shrug. For all my keeping up with her career and such, I never could bring myself to dig too much into her private life. She never changed her maiden name, so I don't know her married name.
"Move aside." I pull up another chair and get to work, routing through the system's back door to access the Birth, Marriage, and Death database. Once in, I look up Alisha Anand, and multiple names pop up. I narrow it down by her birthday and only two names remain. One was born in Singapore and the other in Adelaide, Australia. That's the one. A few more keystrokes later, I pull up the marriage certificate on the screen and read the husband's last name. "Shah?" I repeat out loud as I look over at Malika with a smile. I still got it.
"Did you just hack into the system?" She turns to look at me in awe.
"It was faster than guessing."
Malika stares at me as if she's waiting for me to grow a second head.
"What?"
She shrugs. "Well, if you're already in the system, check for birth registry under the parent's names."
I must look absolutely shocked, for she says, "What? You said it was faster than guessing. The child could have a middle name."
I concede, and once again go through back channels to locate any births registered under Alisha and her husband's name. Turns out, the man's a renowned Neurosurgeon I've actually met on a handful of fundraisers. What a small world.
Within a few minutes, Malika and I are staring at one name on the screen, Billie Quinn Shah. Age 15. Born by a cesarian.
"Dr Amour?"
I turn to see the physician on the clock tonight. I don't recognise him. "Yes."
"She's asking to see you."
I return the browser back to normal before I leave Malika. I'm tempted to ask her to keep searching for information on the child, but I know IT isn't her area of expertise, so I resign to do it myself later.
The very first thing I see when I enter the room is the ventilator she's hooked up to. She gives me a nod, her hand trembling to hold mine. I oblige. Oblige? Fuck, I run to her like she is life.
She wants to speak and motions for a pen. I reach into my pocket and pull out the small spiral notepad and pen I always keep with me. Guess she knows this. Old habits die hard. I pass her the effects and she quickly scribbles something on it before passing it back to me.
Please find her. Billie Quinn Shah. 15. Copenhagen on a School trip. The last message said - they were visiting Cisternnerne, before the blasts. Have not heard from her since.
"I'll find her for you. Promise." I squeeze her hand. So many years I've waited to hold her hand in mine and this is not how I imagined our meeting would be, but right now, I'd take the deathbed over nothing.
She reaches for the notepad once more. I suspect she wants to tell me something else about her daughter. Maybe how I'lll be able to recognise her. I wish I could hear her voice though, hear her speak. Instead, I read one simple request that crushes me a little.
I don't have much time. Please, will you do me a favour?
I nod. "A thousand favours."
Look after her when I'm gone? She has no one else.
"Of course. Of course." I nod desperately, my tears blurring my vision.
Then something occurs to me, and I hate my logical brain. Of all the times to be practical, this wasn't the moment.
"The world's in chaos, Alisha."
She nods. I can read the desperation in her eyes just as well as I could read it all those years ago. She hurriedly scribbles something else on the notepad and thrusts it in front of my face.
I'm so sorry I left, Billy.
She's sorry? No. No, it wasn't her fault. It shouldn't be her apologising for wasting valuable time in the lab at her expense. It was all my fault.
"No, Alisha. I'm the one that's sorry." I caress her hand gently and kiss her knuckles, aware that her skin is probably hypersensitive. "I'm the one that's sorry. I should have come after you in time."
"Dr Amour?"
It's the young doctor checking on us once again, and for the life of me, I still can't remember his name. "She's in a lot of pain. It's best if I put her to sleep now."
Both Alisha and I nod in unison. Why weren't we one? The thought has me holding on desperately to her hand and the doctor has to touch my shoulder for me to let her go.
"I'll see you in the morning."
She nods, and as she closes her eyes, I can't help utter the words I've wanted to for half my life. "I love you."
I see a hint of a smile in the corner of her eyes before they close. "How long does she have, Doctor...?"
"Kim," he helps me out, not offended in the least that I did not know his name. "And it's hard to say. It could be hours or a few days. We'll try to keep her comfortable."
He stops near me on his way out. "I'm sorry."
I nod and wait a moment longer before walking to my room myself. My thoughts obsessing over a young woman I must find.
Billie.
I hope she's alive out there.
And I hope I can find her in time.