I've felt different lately.
Not in a bad way where I feel angrier or sadder or anything, but actually quite the opposite.
The sun sets have been seeming to be more luminous, the colors and glow contagious as they cause me to smile longer.
Before I go to bed I usually go over a list of everything I regret doing that day, wishing I did something else that would have been less of a waste of my time, making me feel this pit of frustration before closing my eyes and getting ready for the next day that would follow the same routine.
However, for the past week after Louis' usual good night text, I would go to bed satisfied, even a little excited since the next day was awaiting for me in just a few hours.
I have no idea what has been the matter with me, what has hit me, many people noticing my change of mood too.
Coop even sniffed me one day to see if I have been doing any drugs he was unaware about, this hint of confusion taking over him when he realized I was clean.
I don't understand what I'm so happy about. I mean I usually get mood swings during the time of the month, but it has already passed for about two weeks now.
I'm lost and I know Izzy keeps on telling me that I should just enjoy this damn feeling instead of questioning it, but I can't help it.
It's just one of those habits I have, questioning everything that is, but maybe she's right.
At the moment Izzy and I are sprawled together on her bed playing cards with her nurse Fifi who is sitting at the very edge with The Fault in Our Stars soundtrack playing on shuffle aloud from Izzy's Ipod.
Boom Clap is currently interrupting the sounds of the birds chirping from the window as Fifi continues tapping her fingertips suspiciously against the sides of her cards as her eyes look them over.
We always bet some kind of snack food for these very intense games of Go Fish and right now it looks like Fifi may win all of the oreos.
She already has two books and I know she's going to go fishing for my two sevens.
"Winnie, do you have any sevens?"
Fuck.
That bandit.
Izzy begins giggling when she sees me sigh from defeat.
Izzy only has one book, but at least she isn't in last place like me.
I need to get my shit together.
I nod my head finally before handing them to her, Fifi's eyes widening as well as her smile as she makes yet another book.
"You two are making this too easy!" She comments before laughing and eyeing our stashes of cookies beside us.
This is a woman with an objective.
Izzy giggles again beside me, resting her head on my shoulder as she glances at her deck.
Coop would usually assist his sister in these games, always letting her win even though many times he could've been victor, however he's with Danny for the whole day so he's sadly missing out on this game of life or death.
Izzy asks Fifi for fours and as Fifi hands her one of them with a pleasant smile on her face, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.
I slide it out quickly and I unlock it, seeing how it's a message from Louis.
From: Llama Tomlinson
It is just wild to see the amount of people that are surrounding this place just to see Garett.
I feel myself snort and Izzy lifts up her head a little.
I type back.
To: Llama Tomlinson
I'm not surprised. He is one hot slice.
I sit myself up and I place my phone on my right thigh, smiling for some reason as I glance at my remaining three cards.
I have no books.
All I have left are two fives and one six.
I move them away from Izzy's face so she can't peek and she groans.
I chuckle slightly, staring at Fifi and narrowing my eyes.
'Five?' I mouth, unsure.
She glances at her cards again and just smiles when her attention meets mine again.
Fuck. That means Izzy has them.
"Go fish, Miss Queen."
Dammit.
My shoulders slump in an exaggerated way and I stick my tongue out at her and she just laughs.
"Winnie, now I know what to ask for." I hear Izzy say beside me and I just mouth a 'Fuck' before hearing both women laugh at my expense.
Let me in by Grouplove now begins to play and my phone vibrates once again, everyone's eyes landing on me.
From: Llama Tomlinson
True, but I still much rather them admire his above the charts hotness from afar.
As in not outside this hotel.
As in somewhere else completely.
Like their own houses.
Or even another country.
I'm sure he still looks super mega hot from Sweden.
I raise a single eyebrow as I shake my head a little, my smile still evident.
To: Llama Tomlinson
But if you want to see the beauty of the eiffel tower, you much rather see it in person than from a pixelated image. No one can be as fortunate as you who has Garett with all of his super mega hotness for himself.
Since the fight on the football field, Louis has been having to stay in his quaint little hotel room everyday (going to the ward as well for his daily sessions) with Garett beside him to watch over him and to make sure no paps sneak in. It's really for press reasons, Modest and Simon wanting him to lay low for a while so the fighting 'incident' can die down. I usually go over after my own sessions so he won't explode from boredom, the paparazzi and fans thinking I'm some rich chick that lives at the hotel apparently as Garett has told me.
They always swarm that damn building, all of them hoping to either get on Louis' nerves, to get a new 'scoop', or even both.
He only has about three weeks left here and I wish I could say that when he leaves it would all be over, but that's not how it works. All these cameras will follow him for the rest of his life and I truly pity him for that. It comes with the job I know and he knows, but while he has to act as professional as he can, those people have to provoke him as much as they can to bring him down so they themselves could earn money.
It's a cynical cycle; It truly is. However, there's not much any of us can do. He just has to continue living like this I guess.
I press send and as I continue playing this treacherous game that I'm obviously going to lose at, Louis and I continue exchanging messages.
From: Llama Tomlinson
Again, true.
But I still want them to leave.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Open the window and yell out your desires.
From: Llama Tomlinson
But if I yell out your name everyone would be confused.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Haha. You're cute.
That was a sarcastic laugh btw.
From: Llama Tomlinson
I know I'm cute. But I'm cute and bored and I want you to come over.
To: Llama Tomlinson
I can't. I'm with Iz, remember?
From: Llama Tomlinson
:(
But I have Garett. You will be able to see the eiffel tower in person.
And my cuteness is an added bonus.
To: Llama Tomlinson
As amazing as that offer sounds, I must decline. I'm with my own eiffel tower right now.
From: Llama Tomlinson
Ah. A man can dream can't he? I shall be gone for now but when your little date is over though, text me about daggers.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Why daggers?
From: Llama Tomlinson
I'm thinking of getting it as a tattoo and I want to know your opinion on them.
To: Llama Tomlinson
It's your tattoo though. You must be getting it for your own significant reason. I'm actually quite curious what your opinion on them is.
From: Llama Tomlinson
I'll tell you tomorrow over lunch and a marathon of Doctor Who. I want to see who this Rose character is.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Lunch and explanation first. Then Doctor Who.
From: Llama Tomlinson
Why not at the same time? I'm a multitasker.
To: Llama Tomlinson
I don't want to hear different things all at once. I want to really hear about your tattoo in full detail.
He didn't reply for a few minutes after that and Fifi and Izzy were one-on-one since those two thieves stole the last of the cards I had.
Whatever. I don't like Go Fish anyway.
From: Llama Tomlinson
Okay, Winifred Queen. It's a date.
I know he didn't mean it literally but for some reason I felt a tad nervous.
I just replied with an 'Okay' and when I placed my phone down, both ladies were staring at me.
'What?' I mouth, not really sure of the reason behind their stares.
Izzy begins smiling wide and Fifi has one eyebrow raised, the sunlight from the window close to her, beaming a light over her dark colored skin.
"Winnie, you should so invite Louis to the picnic!" Izzy exclaims excitedly.
Fifi nods in agreement, her teeth revealing themselves as she smiles widely at the idea.
I just open my mouth, licking my lips before closing it again, releasing a few forced chuckles soon after.
There is this retirement home a few blocks away that owns their own small private park for the patients. It has a nice little lake where ducks and even some frogs hang about in, the grass surrounding it manicured and kept well with some flowers growing throughout. There's a sidewalk where nurses wheel the patients in their wheelchairs along and it's just overall very tranquil and serene. The patients are sent monthly unless needed otherwise to my mum's center for a check-up I guess you can say to see how their memory and mental health overall is doing and since my mum doesn't charge them as much since she does know the owner of the place, they allow me and any guests I want to take to go to the park whenever I please. I'm not really much of a park person since I do much rather prefer my summer home with all of its imperfections, however, Izzy does enjoy it and even made friends with some of the elderly patients, so I take her and Coop from time to time. We have a small picnic, conversing about random things while also catching up with the much older people and we all always have a splendid time, so I thought to take her and Fifi again since we haven't gone for a few months.
Besides, all the nurses and patients adore Izzy. They always call her 'pretty girl' and it always brightens her up especially since she used to think awfully about her appearance due to her lack of hair.
'I don't know.' I finally speak, my eyes meeting Izzys who seems to be unpersuaded.
She finally sits herself up and she looks from my phone that's resting on my lap to me again.
"Winnie, you were texting him practically the whole game. I think Louis wouldn't mind spending time with us."
I feel my cheeks heat up for some odd fucking reason and my thumb begins to rub circles on the fabric of my light colored denim shorts.
Then it clicks and I quickly look up.
Maybe too quick.
'He can't because of the fig-'
"Winnie, don't you dare use the fight thing as an excuse. Since Danny picked Coop up, we can use Coop's bus to pick Louis and his guard guy up. Easy."
I don't regret telling Izzy everything about my life because I always like to keep her updated, but I hate it when she's right and to continue proving how right she is, she uses that info as backup.
But again...
She is right.
I continue making circles.
'What if Coop won't let us use his bus?'
Fifi then gives me a 'Are you serious' look and I just shrug before glancing back at Iz who is making the same face.
"I think I can persuade him, Winn."
I look down at my lap for a bit and no one really says anything for a while.
"Unless you don't feel comfortable with him coming, Winnie because if you don't, it's okay. We can just go by ourselves."
Her voice holds a tone of guilt and is even a tad shaky and I point my head up again, giving her a small smile.
'No. I want him to go.'
A relieved grin spreads on her pale face and she nods.
"Okay. Then you just text him, Winnie, and I'll text Coop."
'Okay.'
She smiles and chuckles.
"Okay."
...
It took Coop a bit of convincing to actually get him to agree to let us borrow his beloved hippie-mobile, but after Fifi told him how she has had to drive patients to the hospital at a very fast, past legal speed without crashing or even denting the car, Coop finally gave in. I have a driver's license, my mum and dad making me get it when I was seventeen just in case of any emergencies, but since I don't like driving at all and have not practiced sense, Coop doesn't trust me for shit. I'm guessing it's even better that Fifi is here to accompany us.
Louis on the other hand didn't need much convincing at all. He put Garett on the phone with Fifi and she explained to him the whole plan and area of the park and how no one would disturb him or suspect anything since no one is even allowed there except the nurses and elderly patients. And since we would be picking up Louis and Garett in the bus which has pretty tinted windows (Extra tinted for when young teenage Coop wanted to smoke some leaves without the cops knowing), no one would even know that Louis even left the hotel, especially since we would be picking him up from the back. After a few minutes of Garett saying "I don't know." countless times, Louis whispered some things to him I could not hear clearly and just like that, Garett agreed and the plan began to commence.
Izzy and I sat in the first back row, our picnic basket filled with cornbread, water, sandwiches, salad, fruit, plates, napkins, and plastic utensils sitting between us. Garett sat in the passenger seat beside Fifi at the front and Louis sat in the row behind us, him and Izzy having a discussion about the smell of the bus which according to Louis was a mixture of smoke and cheap hair gel. I'm already used to it by now, but Fifi just coughed and kept on announcing how she is going to have a conversation with the twenty-five year old about car air fresheners while Louis just laughed and said the aroma reminded him of a night club.
We all laughed at that and the ride felt short compared to the actual duration it took to get to the building, but I guess we all just got lost in the conversation and I don't find that to be a bad thing. Not at all.
Garett got off first, checking the surroundings to make sure no one followed and after the all clear, we all went down as well, Louis grabbing the basket for us as Fifi got Izzy's wheelchair from the back.
Everyone greeted us as we entered, the words 'Pretty girl' and 'Winnie the Queenie' being spoken many times as expected with a bowl's worth of charisma. No one really paid much attention to Louis or Garett, the receptionist named Heather even asking for his full name for the visitor's pass she had to make for him. I don't doubt that Heather knows who Louis is. I mean all she does is talk about music, but then again her forte is classical so I don't think she really cared. When Izzy asked her if she had heard any new pieces lately that she recommends, she went on about this composer named Hans Zimmer who she swears is the next Beethoven. I wrote his name down in my notes to listen to his work later and she lead us to the park after giving us all our passes.
It was cloudy, different hues of blue taking over the sky. Yellow flowers were scattered all over the sidewalk and the water was a light teal color, an image of the clouds reflecting off the surface to create this image of infinite welkin.
A few patients were out, not as many as I suspected and Izzy picked a spot right under a tree near the lake for us to sit. We all obliged and sat down together, Fifi helping Izzy out from her wheelchair so she can sit on the grass with us and not feel out of place. Louis was wearing another Vans off the Wall t-shirt that I've never seen before and I complimented it before he sat down right next to me, placing the basket down in the middle of the circle we made.
He smiled widely and thanked me before complimenting my hair, saying it looked extra curly today. I thanked him as well and when I looked over at Izzy, I saw how she was just staring at the two of us, her eyebrows wiggling.
My cheeks burned again and I quickly looked away before leaning forward and opening the basket up, immediately taking out the cornbread and shoving one into Louis' hands.
We all ate for about half an hour, Louis scarfing down three cornbreads since he said and I quote, "They are the second coming of Jesus." while I ate only two along with an egg salad sandwich and a slice of watermelon. Izzy didn't eat much since she usually doesn't, instead ripping pieces of her sandwich and tossing them to the pigeons surrounding us, Garett doing the same along with her.
We talked about the weather, Fifi hoping it wouldn't rain while Louis shrugged, saying he wouldn't really mind it before smiling at me.
Not that I noticed.
Soon after, we put everything back in the basket, Izzy not wanting to go back in her wheelchair, but Fifi insisting that she did.
She complied, even though she didn't really agree with it, all of us standing up and walking around the quaint land.
What started out as a quiet and relaxing hour, everyone getting to know each other, Louis and I both having our own little game of kick the rock, mutated into intense competition.
We found out that the park had a small area in the corner where visitors could rent bikes, Louis and I already looking at each other mischieviously before we both ran.
I got the last blue one, Louis having to take the other one which happened to be pink. The patients were either sitting on one of the benches along with their nurse or feeding the ducks, so the sidewalk was free. The clouds were clearing up a little as the day went on and Louis and I raced a few times around the lake, Louis almost falling as he went over a few rocks he was unaware about.
Izzy and Fifi were cheering on the side, Garett standing with his arms crossed as he sipped on his water bottle, a small smile played on his lips.
They would yell things like,
"WINNIE GO FOR THE GOLD."
or
"SHOW HIM THE MEANING OF YOUR LAST NAME.", and it actually made it harder for me to concentrate since I couldn't hold in my erupting laughter.
Neither of us kept count really, Louis and I just kept on yelling profanities at each other as we kept on pedaling and pedaling as if our lives depended on it.
We both grew tired after a few runs and at the end we both decided that we would actually count this one and who ever lost would have to jump in the lake in shame.
We shook on it, Louis' hair already seeming to be wet since the very tips were sticking to his forehead from his sweat. They were a darkened color and he still looked good anyway, my hair most likely a frizzing disaster since all I did was put it up in a messy ponytail.
My thighs began burning half way down, my breathing quickening as the exhaustion began catching up with me and when I began to foreshadow an image of myself soaked to the bone in lake water, I halted my bike and saw Garett running down the finish line with Izzy in his arms, passing equally exhausted Louis who just threw his hands in the air and began laughing.
We all cheered for Izzy, our claps audibly playing throughout the atmosphere and the amount of joy I felt at that moment was almost sickening.
Her eyes were shut closed as she just began giggling immensely in her pink and blue tie-dye shirt, her and Garett seeming to have grown a small bond, adding to the world's splendor.
Louis and I got off our bikes and we sauntered our way to the victors, Louis patting Garett's shoulder while I bowed in the presence of the true queen.
Fifi remained seated on the grass a few feet away, her hands still clapping.
Garett then looked at us.
"Hey. You two made a deal and you have to comply."
Louis and I both turned to each other.
I shrugged and he shrugged too before we both walked ourselves to the shore of the lake.
"Are you ready?" He asked me, his voice soft and smooth like silk.
I nodded and as I was about to jump in, I felt him grab a hold of my left hand.
I guessed he noticed my sudden flinch since he turned his head towards me, his face a little nervous.
"Is this okay?" He whispered.
His eyes were even bluer than the water in front of us, several hairs on his head sticking out in a messy way and for some reason I couldn't say anything.
So instead I just squeezed his hand and he released a chuckle before nodding.
We both jumped in, Louis and I immediately laughing once we both came up from the bottom.
There are days like this where I just want to make a whole metaphor up. Where I want to compare this joy with something simple so whenever I feel the opposite, I could just think of that metaphor and remember that amazing symbolic day. But sometimes it's just too long for me to write and other times it's like today where I can't think of a form of joy to represent this day because this day represents a form of joy.
Louis and I splashed each other, the world seeming as if for once, it was smaller than us and I couldn't be more thankful.
Since we didn't bring any towels, we all sat next to Fifi, the sunlight directing itself through a space between two branches as it hit us, drying ourselves up as much as we could with the assistance of a few napkins Fifi snatched from the bathrooms inside.
Izzy said she wished Coop was here and I agreed and apparently the trees around us seemed to be interesting to Louis since he couldn't stop staring at them and I couldn't stop staring at Louis oddly enough.
Today was just something I've needed for a while now and when we all get back into the bus, the time began speeding. I counted each block as we got closer and closer to Louis' hotel. The world seemed bigger again and when Fifi handed me my phone back after holding it for me, I saw how it was only half past six and I couldn't help but turn around and glance at Louis who was looking out the window. His hair was dried, but still wild and he looked the calmest I've ever seen him. However, no smile was evident, but instead his eyes were narrowed and I couldn't tell what he was thinking about.
Garett was telling Fifi where to turn and Izzy's head was leaned back against the car seat with her eyes closed.
Nothing was awkward, but more patient as the level of excitement had died down from the beginning of our little trip.
Once we got to the hotel, the sound of girl's screaming and many paps trying to get in invade the serene atmosphere and I felt myself shutter.
Garett got out of the bus, thanking Fifi for everything as well as making a comment about Izzy and how she's out like a light before closing the door.
Louis said his thanks as well and got himself to the door, walking himself out and waving at me with a forced smile before joining Garett.
I felt myself sigh and Izzy began to move around, still not awakened.
"Are you going or what?"
I quickly shook my head in shock at the sound of Fifi's voice and for a second I thought she was on the phone with someone.
She turned her whole body around in her seat and smiled.
"You heard me."
I felt this rush of confusion and I couldn't decipher why she was asking me this.
I mean, I couldn't just leave Izzy alone.
I think Fifi read my mind since she glanced at sleeping Izzy beside me, her snores silent yet adorable.
"While you two were making googly eyes at each other in the lake, Izzy told me that she wanted you to hang out with him a bit more. You can stay for a few hours and I'll just pick you up again and take you back to Izzy. You are sleeping over today anyway, right?"
My whole body felt warm and again my mouth opened with no purpose at all other than showing my confusion.
'We did not make googly eyes at each other.' I remarked.
She rolled her eyes and chuckled before honking and pointing towards the door.
"Go, Winnie."
I look outside the window and I see how Louis and Garett are both looking back at us, probably wondering why Fifi honked and why we're still here.
My eyes then went to Izzy and I just nodded to myself before looking back up at Fifi.
'Okay,'
She continued smiling.
"Go on then. Get."
I laughed at that and smiled myself before shuffling my body towards the door, my hand going to the handle and opening it before my feet landed on the ground.
I closed the door behind me and gave Fifi a thumbs up before she just honked again in response and left.
Louis' whole body turned towards me and he tilted his head a bit to the side as he scurried himself closer to me.
"Are you gonna stay?" He asked
I walked closer to him.
'Do you mind?'
His frown alters almost instantly and he beamed.
"No. Not at all."
And at that we both joined Garett inside, going up to his room.
Garett sauntered to the expensive couch straightaway, slipping off his shoes and placing his hands over his belly.
"If you don't mind me, I think I'm going to take a much needed nap, mate." He spoke, most likely not caring whether Louis approved or not.
Louis just shrugged at that and took himself to the huge window in the corner, closing the curtains which caused an uproar of screams from outside.
These people act as if they just saw the Pope or some shit.
I walked myself to his made bed and I just laid myself on it, Louis soon joining me as I felt the bed drop a bit.
We're now both just sprawled together, the day soon turning into night and the sound of screams making themselves known from the outside.
"Can we pretend, Winnie?" I hear him mutter, his hands laying on his sides as well as my own.
The crowd still continues to roar as they begin to chant his name.
He closes his eyes at that.
I make a mmmm noise, signaling him to continue and he takes a deep breath.
"Can we pretend that right now we're at your summer home in the backyard looking up at the sky? That the only sound there is, is some Elvis tune coming from your phone and that you're laughing at some joke I made that really didn't deserve to be laughed at because it was really bloody terrible and we're both laying on the ground? That it's turning night out and you then explain to me the meaning of the stars and I get impressed as I always do..."
I close my own eyes.
"and pretend that I'm not me...but I'm me."
I feel my breath hitch in my throat and he forces a chuckle.
"Yeah that doesn't even make any sense I know, but-"
I grab a hold of his hand and he stops talking.
My eyes open and I turn my head to the left.
He turns his to the right.
'We don't have to pretend.' I mouth.
His eyes search my whole face and he smiles, squeezing my hand. The sounds from outside begin to die down a bit since the people probably caught on to the fact that Louis is not going back to the window and as I feel his hand held in mine and as I see his eyes staring at me, I begin to thank whatever is listening for Louis Tomlinson.
This tired grin in is on his face and for some reason I feel as if he could read my mind and I would not mind if he did.
"I quite like you, Winifred Queen."
-----------------------------------------------
HEYYY!!!! Okay so again.
I am SO sorry about the long updates...
My reasons are the same and junior year is just really kicking my ass so I apologize again. But since its almost winter break more updates may come since my teachers usually get lazy by this time so we shall see!
Anyway. WHAT YA GUYS THINK????
Did you like this chapter????
Sorry for the lack of dialogue. Next chapter will have more!
So Pleas
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