JingYuan thought YiHan was finally tired. Afraid that the other would be uncomfortable with him sitting on top of him, he shifted his weight so he just hovered above YiHan. He then laid his forehead on that gaunt shoulder of YiHan. He didn't dare look at those dull eyes.
"I know. It's my fault. You were drunk. You weren't fully coherent. I was the shameless one who took advantage of you. I crave you too much. When I heard you call out my name, I was so happy I went mad. I lost control. I couldn't help it. I...I...It's all my fault. If you're really angry, you can hit me, insult me, even kill me. I'll write a will and say it's suicide. But you can't...you can't hurt yourself like that. You can't...HanHan, you can't do that to punish me..." JingYuan rasped.
YiHan understood every single word JingYuan said but put them together and YiHan's lost. JingYuan said he loved him. He said their feelings were requited. How can it be? JingYuan just announced his engagement with his sister a few days ago. Now he says he loves him? What about his sister then?
If JingYuan truly loved him, then why must JingYuan marry his sister? Why didn't JingYuan refuse his confession in the last life? Why did JingYuan leave their home, never to return? Was he hallucinating? YiHan clenched his hurt hand and dug his fingernails into the wound on his palm. Ouch. It hurts but the sight before him didn't vanish like a hallucination would.
JingYuan heard nothing from YiHan. Worried, he looked up only to see YiHan staring back at him blankly. There was no disgust or hate in the other's eyes like he thought. His heart skipped a beat. He thought back on what YiHan said before. YiHan said he was sorry. That he thought it was just a dream. That he wouldn't bother him anymore.
JingYuan's sombre heart skipped another two beats. Slowly, a shred of hope rose. He tried hard but he still wasn't able to suppress the craving in him. "HanHan, do you hate me?" He carefully asked, protecting the last pieces of hope he still had.
YiHan dazedly shook his head. How can he hate JingYuan? The one being hated had always been him.
A light gleamed in JingYuan's eyes. He tenderly shuffled closer until the two's noses were about to touch each other.
Naturally, YiHan didn't object to it. He just didn't know what JingYuan was doing. He continued to stare back at JingYuan, confused and lost.
JingYuan slowly let out the breath he was holding in. He gently asked, "HanHan, are you angry with me?"
YiHan shook his head again. He was the one who seduced JingYuan. Why would he be angry?
JingYuan let out a sigh of relief once more. A hand slid down along YiHan's arm and held the wrist of YiHan's hurt hand. Nose to nose, he gently asked again, "Then can you tell me why you wanted to hurt yourself? Don't you know how dangerous that was? You scared me to death."
YiHan's eyes were still spaced out. His pale lips opened and closed. Finally, he replied, "You're going to be married to Sis soon. I don't want to ruin your...You'll hate me. I shouldn't exist."
JingYuan's heart ached. "Who said you shouldn't exist? I don't even have time to fully love you. How can I hate you? Just what are you babbling about? As for the marriage between me and XueQing, that's just an agreement. This...I can't explain it clearly right now, but you only need to know that your sister knows about us. She even said she'll help us just now," JingYuan said in a tight voice.