Chapter 30
I must say, I hate Monday just for today..I hate to go back to reality but I have no choice, the fact that the issue is still fresh really made me sweat early in the morning.
I groaned when I entered the chauffeur, of course back to reality is hard to deal with...lalo na ngayon, lalong-lalo na talaga ngayon.
You know what I mean.
Nagbuntong hininga ako at tumanaw sa labas ng sasakyan. Monday is a busy day, and it is school day today.. and I feel like it has no sense if I skip school just because of feeling very uncomfortable with people and their gossips. Of course, they would love that, that was like two issues in one picture.
"Ms. Neterini, nandito na po tayo.."
"Miss?"
Nagising ako sa reyalidad nang nagsalitang muli ang driver, pinupukaw ang atensyon ko. Matipid akong ngumiti at tumango, pinagbuksan niya ako ng pintuan at mabilis akong lumabas. Nagpaalam ako at naglakad na, hinawakan ko ang sling ng aking bag at parang naninikip sa maluwang na daan dahil lahat ng tao ay nakatingin sa akin.
What I expected is true, students were all looking at me, watching me, with their exchanging whispers. I am relieved that I expected this to happen, 'cause if I didn't, I'd be devastated now.
You cannot blame reality.
Nagtuloy-tuloy ako sa paglalakad at habang naglalakad ay nakasalubong ko si ate Shania, ate Azalea at iba pang mga seniors, mukhang papasok na rin sa kani-kanilang mga klase.
"Hi, Neterini! It's been a while."
Lumapit sila sa akin, pinangunahan ni ate Shania ang pagbati sa akin.
Matipid akong ngumiti sa kanya, "It's been a while too."
Not wanting to talk more, I tried to avoid her eyes. Her brother was probably in that video, since siya ang tumangay sa akin paalis sa eksena. Hindi ko maintindihan, kung bakit ang bait niya pa rin gayong nilagay ko sa kahihiyan ang kapatid niya.
Although I never watched the video, alam kong nakuha si Leona doon.
"Are you okay?" She asked immediately.
I didn't know I was being judgemental internally. Ate Shania wasn't that bad at all, why would I think about her getting mad at me?
"Of course, I do. Thank you for asking." I smiled at them.
"Don't mind people, they judge what they don't understand." Singit ni ate Azalea.
So that is why, they do understand. I felt relieved again, I didn't expected them to understand but I am grateful they do.
A small laugh escaped my mouth, "thank you."
"Just so you know, bullying is strictly against the student's handbook, and if Ellie continued what she's doing, just tell us." Wika ni ate Shania sa akin at tinapik ako sa balikat.
"Thank you." Iyon lang ang nahanap kong isasagot sa kanya.
Nagpaalam sila sa akin at ganoon din ako, mabilis kong tinungo ang unang klase ko at hindi na binigyang pansin ang mga tao sa paligid, gaya nga ni ate Azalea, they judge what they don't understand.
Nagbuntong hininga ako at pumasok na sa pintuan...nabali ang mga leeg ng kaklase ko upang lingunin ako, at sinundan ang bawat hakbang ko patungo sa upuan ko- sa tabi ni Shaney na ngayon ay mukhang kating-kati na upang magtanong sa akin.
"Are you okay?" Mabilis niyang tanong, kakaupo ko pa lang.
"I am fine, now."
Tumingin ako sa kanya nang nilingon niya si Claire na nakaupo sa tabi niya, Claire is also looking at us...not comfortable with the stare, she looked away.
"Claire.." Tawag ni Shaney na parang nagbabanta.
Claire sighed, "I'll do it myself, Shaney. Later." Maliit ang boses niya at naghalumbaba.
Umiling-iling si Shaney at humarap sa akin. "Are you sure you're okay?"
I see how her eyes wanted some answers, and I know she also wants to ask few things that involves Jackson.
"Yes, Shaney."
Natahimik siya saglit, akala ko'y tapos na siyang magtanong ngunit tumikhim siya ay umambang yayakapin ako..
"Do you wanna cry?" Nakangiwing tanong niya.
Nagsalubong ang mga kilay ko dahil sa sinabi niya. I let out a small chuckle, "you're not really good at this." Wika ko sa kanya.
Shaney is more with the passive people, walang pakialam sa mundo. She looks fierce kaya hindi niya bagay ang ganito. Maybe she is not used in doing this, kaya hindi niya alam ang gagawin niya and she just try if thing would work out.
Sinamaan naman niya ako ng tingin at ngumuso, "well, I'm trying." Sagot niya at nagkibit-balikat na lamang.
"I am fine now," ulit ko sa kanya.
"Okay, okay. But I still don't believe you." Mataman niyang sinabi.
I only chuckled, wala ring magagawa ang pakikipagtalo. Maya-maya pa ay bumukas ang pintuan ng classroom at bigla na lamang natahimik ito, pinilit kong hindi lumingon ngunit 'di ko napigilan, lalo na nang nakita ko si Bradley doon. Nakatayo habang nakatingin sa gawi ko.
I miss him.
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at aligagang naglabas ng papel at ballpen. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko, and I saw how Shaney watched me while raising an eyebrow.
Maging ako Shaney, I don't know what I am doing now.
Napapikit ako ng mariin nang naupo si Bradley sa tapat ko, hindi siya nagsalita ngunit naramdaman ko ang pagsulyap niya sa akin at muling ibinalik ang tingin sa harapan. I sighed...I felt a little disappointed.
Bakit hindi niya ako pinansin?
Wala ba siyang sasabihin?
Won't he talk to me about what happened?
Is he a mad at me?
I looked at him using my eyes, and saw him looking in front while his arms are crossed. Really, Bradley?
Napasimangot ako at hinayaan siya. What am I thinking? Of course, there is nothing to talk about!
Kung anu-ano ang pumapasok sa utak ko habang nagkaklase kami, maging ang hindi pagpansin ni Bradley sa akin ay binigyan ko ng sariling dahilan. Maybe because he is done dealing with me, now that his brother's secret is all over everyone, and that his business is over...
"The class is over, Neterini."
Naagaw ni Shaney ang atensyon ko nang kinalabit niya ako, tiningala ko siya at napansing wala ng katao-tao sa loob ng classroom. I sighed in frustration at tinanaw ang upuan ni Bradley, sadly, wala na siya...umalis na.
What is this?
Why do I feel excruciating disappointment inside me?
"Let's have our next class now." Wika niya, at sumulyap kay Claire.
Sinundan ko ang tingin niya, lumayo siya sa akin at nilapitan si Claire, she patted Claire on the back at nauna na siyang lumabas. Pareho naming pinanuod si Shaney na naglalakad palabas ngayon, at nang isinarado nito ang pintuan ay humarap sa akin si Claire.
"Clai—"
Hindi ko pa man nasisimulan ang sasabihin ay mabilis niya na akong niyakap nang mahigpit.
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko dahil sa gulat, my heart grew wilder and excited as I hug her back tightly.
I decided not to talk, I just want to enjoy this moment...talking can wait.
"I am so sorry. I am so sorry for being so reckless, Neterini." She hugged me tighter. Her voice cracked at mukhang maiiyak na siya.
"It's okay, Claire. We have to get over it, now...it's not healthy sticking it to ourselves." Paliwanag ko.
Even me, I feel really affected by that. But I know the consequences of sticking yourself with bad memories. It is not healthy, so instead of stressing myself with that...hinayaan ko na lang, para rin naman sa sarili ko iyon.
If I keep on stressing myself because of that, baka maigaya iyon sa problema ko kay Jackson...and in some ways, I find them similar.
"I know, and I just want to apologize. I have gone too far and I realized I have been too hard on you. I should've understood earlier, than it wasn't hard for you yet I misjudged you for being selfish. I am so sorry, sorry Neterini." Paliwanag niya sa akin at nagpakawala ng hikbi.
Nanahimik ako, hindi alam ang isasagot. I think while hugging her, I am already communicating with her.
"But then again, are you okay?" Humiwalay siya sa yakap at sinuri ang mukha ko.
"I am fine, Claire. I am not wounded at all." Paliwanag ko sa kanya.
Ngumuso siya, "well, not externally."
"A little." Wika ko naman pabalik.
Umiling siya, bakas pa rin ang inis sa mukha at hinila na lamang ako palabas, napailing ako sa inakto niya.
The sweet and bubbly Claire is back..and it is enough to enlighten my day.
We went to our classes for the whole day, had lunch together and all. This is the normal day for me, normal gaya noong unang araw ng klase at kami-kami lang.
"I want you back in the dorm now, why can't you?" Parang batang wika ni Claire habang naglalakad kami papunta sa sundo ko na ngayo'y naghihintay na sa main gate.
Napailing ako dahil talagang kinumbinsi niya pa akong ihatid, when the gate is just close and a little walk will do. Malayo ang dorm sa gate, kaya ay ayaw ko sana ngunit nagpumilit siya.
All those, even the little smile from her mkes my heart flutter in excitement. I feel happy, dahil bumalik na siya sa akin, and we're back to normal.
"Claire, I am still fixing something. I need to stay home." Wika ko sa kanya.
"Then, can I come visit your house later?" Tanong niya. "Your Papa is in the hospital, though. How's is him?"
I sighed. "He is unwell for now, but he'll be fine soon." Paliwanag ko.
"Of course, tita Sope is a brilliant doctor, she could heal him." Aniya na sinang-ayunan ko naman. "But may I visit, though? It's been like almost a month na hindi ako nakakabisita sa inyo." Wika niya sa akin.
Sadly, I live in a penthouse now.
"I'll tell you if you can." Matipid akong ngumiti.
Ngumiti siya, "okay! I am looking forward to it!" Masigla niyang sinabi, "mayne we'll try totalk about the things that we missed with each other." Aniya at tumingala pa, umaaktong nag-iisip.
"That's a nice idea, Claire. I am looking forward to it also."
"But of course, we both know mas marami kang ikukwento sa akin hindi ba?" Nagtaas siya bigla ng kilay sa akin.
"Uh-huh."
Tumalon naman siya sa tuwa at tumawa nang hindi oa nakuntento. Kumapit siya sa akin nang mahigpit habang naglalakad kami. Umiling ako at sumulyap sa sasakyang nakapark sa harapan namin. Huminto kami sa paglalakad.
Kumunot ang noo ko nang mapansing hindi ito ang sasakyan ni Mommy.
Ngunit halos mapatalon ako nang dumungaw mula doon si Bradley.
Nilingon ko si Claire na ngayon ay nakangisi na.
May hindi ba ako alam?
"Bye, Neterini!" Humagikgik si Claire na para bang alam niyang ganito ang mangyayari.
"Claire?!"
Tumawa siya at kumaway sa akin. Pumihit ako at tumingin sa sasakyan ni Bradley. Lumabas siya mula rito at humilig sa pintuan, tinaasan niya ako ng kilay.
"Come in."
Akala ko ba galit siya? Or wala siyang balak pansinin ako?
Ano 'to?
I am happy that he's here, though.
"Neterini." Tawag niya sa akin, napatingin ako sa kanya.
Wala sa sariling sinunod ko ang sinabi niya at mabilis na pumasok sa loob ng sasakyan niya. Mabilis niya iyong pinaandar at tinahak na namin agad ang daan.
"Where are we going?" Tanong ko sa kanya, kahit alam kong iuuwi niya ako dahil nakikita kong ito ang daan pauwi kila Mommy.
"My condo." Maikli niyang sagot.
"Ha?"
Bahagya siyang sumulyap sa akin. "My condo." Ulit niya at diniinan ang salita.
"Anong gagawin natin doon?" Muli kong tanong.
"We'll finish what we started." Sagot niya.
Finish what we started? Wait, last thing I remember that happened that day was when we kissed? Is that it?
Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko, hindi ko alam kung kinakabahan ba ako, o natutuwa.