Ultima Thule

Chapter 1: Getting High

She kept running and running until the cul de sac was in full view, and then she collapsed on both knees and began to vomit. "Bloody murder! I can't believe he's marrying my sister!" She looked down at the Allen wrench dangling from her chain around her neck that she stole from the coffee shop where they first met. She mailed him a leather bible for Christmas with a love letter enveloped in different color kiss smudges that she tried to forget about. "He left this Allen wrench hanging beside the envelope for a reason, but I can't figure out if it's just a joke or if it really unlocks something I'm supposed to find."

"David, I don't know, it seems like a nasty prank to play I think.."

"Nonsense. She is so delirious I guarantee you she'll think it's the Ouellette dude. Besides, that's the one thing she left out of her book so she probably really likes him." They called themselves the notorious bastards who owned coffee shops and got together to try and make their own local tv shows. They never paid very much attention to her as she came in everyday with her laptop to write, but one day something about her was glowing as she walked in with her pink flamingo Spanish top and 70's bell bottom hip huggers that showed off her hourglass figure. The sun rays glided through her long blond locks like a figure skater gliding through the ice. She always tipped David a little extra because she loved his customer service and hippie nature, yet modernized style that his shop echoed. "Fuck my life." David shot a glare back at me as he was carrying a pitcher of water to his customers. "Excuse you," David winked back at me sarcastically. "Sorry, my parents are on my back again about catching me watching lesbian porn." David's eyes got wide as the full moon as he walked back to the bar snickering to himself. Rosa was tired of trying to be something she wasn't. She wasn't bi, but she wasn't a saint either and was sick and tired of trying to be a perfect angel for everyone just to keep the peace. "Ahhh, why does life have to be so damn complicated." She looked at the elephant ear leaves in the corner of the coffee shop and then became enticed with the warm glow of the light rays that made love with the veins in the leaves. Suddenly, she was spooked by the loud horn being blown by the train conductor in the front yard of the coffee shop. The train tracks were about 20 feet from the front porch of David's Side Track coffee shop and the entire room shook whenever the train whistled through. Rosa remembered the last time she hopped on a train and got all the way to California without a wink of sleep. That was the place she found real love and realized it was only love that she wouldn't trade for the world. "Hey David, who left that letter in the back room with the kiss smudges on it?"

"What? Oh, yeah, I saw that, but I think it belongs to Ampersand. Hey, you want to go in the back with me after work?" His dark brown eyes resized into a puppy dog shape that I couldn't say 'no' to.

In the back room was a gallery with the perfect lighting and plants that aired a marijuana chill spot to smoke a couple joints with a friend, which is exactly what we did.

After the first inhale of euphoric smoke I looked over at him with a seductive air that carried a hidden physical longing I kept a secret for so long. "Rosa, your book made me fall for someone I never thought was you."

"What do you mean? Who did you think I was?"

"I thought you were some high fashion snob who was honestly just boring and self-loathing." "Well, now what do you think of me?"

"I think you're utterly amazing and sad at the same time. Like the best drama film ever made. You blew my mind." I got lost in his deep brown eyes for what felt like eternity, yet was not as long as the THC made it seem.

"Tell me about the notorious bastards club."

"I can't I've been sworn into secrecy to not tell a soul."

"Come on David, just a peek."

"A peek?" He jokingly undid his pants zipper.

"hahahaha you crazy hooligan you."

He pulled out an Allen wrench and whispered, "its all in the hexagonal geometric coordinates."

The lighting was perfect and cost the filmmakers millions of dollars to film the perfect "love scene." There he was with his bunny rabbit cheeks with the bluest eyes peeping through his cute, nerdy glasses. A hat that read something about "brothers' masonry" contained a long story that he unfortunately did not have time to delve into. Melissa's great-great granddaughter had no idea that she would come face to face with an ancient martyr who wanted nothing but to carry out his family's future orders, which was to destroy the long lineage of Sephardic Jews who once resided in the North African area. Rosa followed one of the brothers' masons through a dark alley with ancient tattered stone that winded through the alley and led Rosa to "the room." As varying light from all over the walls shot through Rosa's tan skin, she was reminded of a verse in Luke 22: 42 that says, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." The old familiar verse came into her mind at just the right time for her to realize that this scene was like the scene where Jesus had the last supper with his disciples. The wine, the purity atmosphere in the room, and the quaint secrecy that was silently calling out from the unfamiliar and small amount of voices in the room. The vibrations in the wine glass that sat in front of her had the most perfectly detailed centrifugal forces that consistently moved from the center of the purest red wine to the outermost ridge of the wine glass. Rosa' looked through Sir Ouellette's deep blue iris' and realized this was a reality tv show utilizing technology at its finest, but still there was a lesson to be learned in the silence. However, Rosa' had the gut instinct of fleeing the scene as if the Holy Spirit was speaking to her soul in the midst of all the madness. Something felt odd, but Rosa' couldn't quite make out exactly what was wrong. He looked at her and finally asked as if he was searching through her soul by reading her eyes and said, "What do you want?" This was the moment of truth and there was one single word that hung on her tongue that never failed. "Love, I want to create agape love." Rosa' almost harmonically reverberated back with the centrifugal push and pull of the vibrations in the red wine of her glass. Funny, his drink was not doing the same thing as hers, she wondered in amusement. Finally, it was time for her to dip out and not get into any trouble. Rosa' went to the restroom and as she came out, she already saw another girl all over him trying to steal kisses. As Rosa' proudly walked out of the conspicuous bar-like reservation room, she remembered the question he asked her almost immediately before she got up to use the restroom. "May I kiss you?" She replied no and he could not believe his ears as he muttered back, "Wow, no one ever has said that to me before." Rosa' was not surprised and nonchalantly replied, "Well I just did." Still, that didn't make him angry as he raised his eyebrows in fascination with her modest demeanor. As Rosa' walked back to her car, Black Beauty, she was reminded of the verse that stuck with her immediately as she entered the "brothers' masonry" area that the Lord's Will be done on earth as it is in heaven. A smile came upon Rosa's face as she carefully drove back to her apartment that night.

"What kind of drugs were in that wine?" Rosa felt bewildered the next morning as she was getting dressed to go to another one of her friend's coffee shops. She thought about Darian and his mysterious look with his black leather jacket reading Shakespeare in the corner. "I wonder what would happen if I saw him today..."

Rosa parallel parked in the quaint road that rested perpendicular to the Coffee Cat shop. "One last look." Rosa pulled down her visor to check her lipstick in the mirror. She got out her lipstick liner and dark glossy red faux lipstick from Clinique. She peered deep into her hazel eyes outlined with black eyeliner and got lost in a trance thinking about how amazing the creation and intricately designed genetics of each human iris is. She stepped out of Black Beauty and felt a warm breeze blow through her hair as she grabbed her backpack and popped her second Vyvanse for the day. As she hopped up the stone stairway that led up to the outside patio furniture that belongs to Coffee Cat, she noticed Lorenzo sitting at the entrance reading a book and hoped he wouldn't see her since she dodged his foreign affairs brunch. "Oh, hey Rosa'," Lorenzo nonchalantly peered up from his book.

"Hey...so sorry I didn't make it to your outing, but I got tied up with studying." I felt a little guilty trying to come up with an excuse as to why I didn't meet up with him, but there was something sketch about this stranger.

"Oh, no big deal, I totally understand," Lorenzo courteously replied.

"Well, I need to go inside and get to studying." The bell on the door jangled to let everyone know Rosa' was entering the premises. Rosa' spotted an empty seat at the long wooden table in the center of the room in front of the register. "mm mm. A honey brown sugar latte sounds divine." As Rosa' walked up to the counter to order her go-to latte she spotted Darian sitting in the same corner wearing the same black leather jacket with a book titled The Drug Experience covering his face. "I'll just nonchalantly get some water that's right next to him and strike up a convo," Rosa' thought to herself. She creeped over to the condiments area lined with jars of homemade teas and farmers market honey. "Oh, Darian, hey, how are you?" Darian popped up from his book and looked surprised as he blushed at me and replied, "hey Rosa', I'm doing great, how are you?"

"Honestly?"

Darian set his book down on the table counter and his demeanor got serious, "Well of course I want the honest answer."

"Ok, well, not so good, actually. You see this guy I've been crushing on forever is marrying my sister and my parents caught me watching lesbian porn. They basically condemned me for it, but you would have to know my parents to understand. It's been a living hell trying to live with them, especially my dad. They don't respect my boundaries as an adult whatsoever."

"Dang, that sounds rough, well I'm sorry your life is so shitty right now, but if you don't mind me asking why are your parents monitoring your internet?"

"Good question, so I'm on probation for a year and have to live with them. It sucks."

"Dang, that does suck. I'm sorry Rosa'."

"It's cool, I guess. So, how's the book?"

"Oh, The Drug Experience? It's awesome, really. It was written by some famous people from the early 1900's and I'm currently reading about the well-known Psychedelic Psilocybin."

"Yeah, I personally know about that shroom, since I had a bad trip on it."

"Oh yeah, what happened?"

"It was nighttime and I tripped for the first time with my ex-husband. I thought I was in hell and when I was coming down, I thought I had short term memory loss. The part where I thought I had dementia came from the guy who provided us with the drugs and told us a story about his buddy permanently getting dementia from giving him DMT. You know, the spirit molecule?"

"Yeah, I've read a lot about DMT and even sat in on a research experiment that involved a few volunteers participating in an audited session of taking DMT. It was quite a spiritual enlightenment experience, according to the participants post rapport."

"Well, I've thought about doing DMT myself, but for now I've got to go study."

"Oh yeah, don't let me keep you from your studies."

"No, you're fine."

"Maybe we could hang later? What are you doing tonight?"

"Umm well, I don't have any plans."

"Cool, you want to hang out with me later? We could read and stuff?"

"Sounds great."

"7pm. Ampersand?"

"Cool."

Rosa' sat back down and thought to herself, "how is it that I still feel so alone, even though I'm surrounded by all these people? I bet he just wants to fuck me. It's hard to trust when boys say they just want to be friends. Fuck me." Rosa' felt the Vyvanse dopamine euphoric high kick in and suddenly she wanted to study cardiology.

It was a full moon. On the way upstairs to her apartment she saw a black cat creep around the corner. "Hey Maxie!" Rosa' was so used to seeing that cat that she decided to name it. The sun beamed down on the horizon in the distant and Rosa' romanticized at the Auburn colosseum in the distance about all the different lovers she spent time with around millions of Auburn fans. Then her thoughts trailed off to the time she was in cybersecurity and when she was in the library late one night on a lot of Adderall and someone on her laptop was talking to her through typing. She remembered them saying, "You remind me so much of myself." Rosa' froze in her bedroom right after she turned on the air conditioner as she thought of that moment with the mysterious typer. I wasn't even tripping on any shrooms. She closed her eyes for a second and meditated on the unknown and wondered to herself, "was it my professor, Ouellette, the old man, or an alien?" Suddenly, it made Rosa' mad so she changed her thought process and remembered the juicy cologne Darian was wearing and took a deep breath in. "Rosa', did you take your meds today?!" Ever since probation started, Rosa's pet peeve has been having to take her meds in front of her mom, but at least she hasn't had to take them in front of her dad because he is super annoying. "Yes mom! You saw me, remember?!" Ever since mom got diagnosed with hyperthyroidism her Synthroid medication and diet coke addiction have made her memory shorter than ever. "Maybe the person who hacked into my Mac was obsessed with trying to torture pretty girls and they enjoyed hearing me cry and scream when I was exposed to radiation in my car that night." Rosa' once again shook off the thought of her torturer and decided it was time to get dressed for Ampersand. "I wonder if I'll see RC tonight," Rosa' couldn't help her mind trailing off into a distant land and suddenly had an urge to be in California. Rosa' found a simple, but sexy, knee length black dress with quarter-length sleeves. She put her three heirloom rings on, her black choker, and the Allen wrench she stole that dangled on a hand-me-down gold chain. Rosa' was a hippie at heart, since she barely wore any makeup and showed off her natural beauty instead. She curled her long blond hair and put on some black pumps that revealed she was ready to go out on the town. She looked in the mirror and noticed her rebellious lipstick stain on the mirror that made her think back to the lipstick stained envelope she spotted in the back corner of Ampersand, which looked identical to the one she mailed to Ouellette. She opened the bathroom window and could make out the moon and stars trying to beam their light through the blue hues that began to be enveloped by the darkness. "Sometimes I just wish my imaginary friend would come back and talk to me on my laptop while I write." It was time to leave or Rosa' would be late meeting up with Darian. She ran out the door and hopped into Black Beauty and remembered the times she made love in it under the stars. "Those memories are for another night, but tonight I'm going to enjoy myself with Darian's company."

The lighting was magnificent, as always. Wavelengths of red, blue, pink, green, and all the varying hues of the rainbow made an enchanting shadow that glorified light in the night. I spotted Darian and all of a sudden had an urge to make out with him, until I saw RC sitting on the couch in the center of Ampersand socializing with a group of people from NY about how much overhead would have to be implied into the total cost of his murals. Rosa' decided it would be too much effort to try and converse with RC, so instead she headed over to Darian with the same leather jacket he was wearing earlier, but instead of a book in hand he held a dazzling china glass filled with the most pure and dry Italian Chianti wine. "His taste bud receptors must be genetically modified to match mine," Rosa' laughed and thought to herself. "Hello Darian." As Darian shifted around, he modestly checked her out from bottom to top, and then froze deep in her hazel eyes. "Wow. You look amazing Rosa'. As always, but your beauty is so natural you don't even have to try." This made Rosa' smile and wink confidently. "You must excuse me I need to run to the restroom right quick." "Sure, I'll order you a glass of Chianti while you're gone," Darian courteously gestured.

"RC, hey, how have you been?"

"Better now that I just took a shit. Lol."

"TMI, but ok."

"So, how's your book going?"

"My book! It's going great thanks for asking. I'm at the part where the heroine trips on DMT and gets trapped inside her head. She then has to create her dreams that are in fact her reality, so she is never satisfied because she gets bored with the different men in her life."

"Wow, sounds interesting. Let me guess, she becomes a lesbian?"

"Haha, no actually she doesn't, but she does some experimenting and that's how she learns she isn't gay. Well, I need to get back to my chianti. I was wondering though, could I use one of your murals for the cover of my book?"

"Well of course you can!"

"Thanks RC."

"Anytime."

"Bye."

"Chow chow"

Rosa' caught a glance of the envelope that appeared to be kiss smudges from her lips that she sent to someone a long time ago. "But seriously, why would they just leave it here posted up on some random door like this. Oh yeah, I get it, to make me wonder and feel bewildered. Jokes on me!"

As she sat back down with her Chianti, she was overcome with a great sadness that reminded her of the time she wanted to end her life. "So, you want to go smoke some later tonight with me?" Darian interrupted her daydreaming.

"I don't know, I shouldn't stay out too late."

"It's up to you, no pressure."

"Sure." Rosa' took a sip of her Chianti and felt the tingling sensation of the bitter dark cherry notes settle on her palate. "Divine."

The Beatles Blackbird song came on as a group of four African Americans from Paris pranced into Ampersand. "Ah, Nicholas, hello!" The bartender greeted his old buddies from Paris, France. "What does Ampersand represent for your place?" "Communication." Nicholas proudly answered. "Ah, very unique. I love it."

I listened to the conversation and thought to myself, "For a guy as artistic and well-educated as Nicholas I think Ampersand is the absolute dumbest name for an elegant place like this. It's just too, simplistic."

"I'll take another one. You know what Darian, you know what's so stupid, how my dad is trying to suffocate me and make this the absolute most controlling situation ever. I can't stand him. He is a complete loser who just tries to make me feel as miserable as possible because that's how he feels. Miserable. He needs to go see a counselor or get on an anti-depressant himself. This bullshit about how everything is my fault and he has to put up with all the depressing bullshit because of me is completely fucked up because he's been depressed before all this shit hit the fan. I'm not the reason for his depression and if I am then he is literally co-dependent on anyone and anything he can become codependent on so he can blame them for his issues. It's literal fuck shit."

"Baby, I think you've had way too much to drink, but I feel you."

"Baby? Don't you call me baby, baby. Hahaha." Rosa' held her wine glass high up into the air as she laughed with her wild and crazy drunk self. "I think we need to go smoke and fuck."

"Sounds good to me." Darian motioned for the bartender and pushed a hundred-dollar bill.

Chapter 2: Fucking Never Felt So Good

"Mm mm I love it when you lick my ass and squeeze my cheeks like that." Darian softly ran his fingers into Rosa's spine from her neck all the way down to her ass. He cupped her breasts with his calloused hands and tickled her nipples, which caroused Rosa' like jumping into a cold lake on a winter night. "I love it when you rub the inside of my thighs." The full moon shined through the window over their bed and beamed its tranquil light over the soft curvature of Rosa's spine. "Darian, will you suck on my nipples some more?" Rosa' seductively begged as Darian reached over to the bedside table and grabbed their champagne glasses and two cigarettes. "I save the best for last, my princess. Let's go out on my balcony and smoke while I read you some Shakespeare." Rosa' grabbed her silk see-through rose color cover-up as her naked body was reflected as a shadowy hourglass figure on the wall. The night sky was ebony black glowing with magical constellations. The warm breeze was light and soft on my glowing skin under the full moon. "Want to get the telescope out?"

"You know I do. It's the only thing that makes me feel alive. Remember that breakup I had last spring and the times I wanted to kill myself?"

"How could I forget. You flipped your car and we all thought you died."

Rosa' spotted two planetary contact binary warped celestial beings meshed together at their major axis. "It's Ultima Thule and it represents the farthest object north in the multi-universe. Epic, huh?"

Darian's brown eyes dazzled with the light from the stars refracting behind his pupils as his poetic side came out, "It's sexy and seductive really. The two most ancient celestial beings from the farthest boundaries of our multi-universe gravitated together and made love. However, it is unknown as to whether this symbolized the beginning of creation and how other planets were born."

"I love you Darian."

"I love you too Rosa'."

The next morning the sun raped Rosa's face and woke her up to an unpleasant feeling of overnight makeup, bad breath, and a much-needed shower. Rosa' crawled out of Darian's Egyptian silk sheets and stumbled putting her clothes on from yesterday. It was time to sneak out without waking him and start the day. "Oh, hey mom, yeah I'm just now waking up about to hop in the shower. How are you?"

"Honey, it's your father. He's not doing so well. He's in the hospital right now and you might want to come up here right now."

"I'll be there as soon as I can, but what's going on?"

"He's had a heart attack. It's serious this time."

"On my way."

The hospital smell was all too familiar and brought back all the good memories of being in nursing school. This time it wasn't going to be exciting. This time it was my father who was sick and it was like a nightmare that I wish wasn't happening right now.

"I'm trying to find Lloyd Russell. Do you know what room in ICU I can find him in?"

"Room 7. You better hurry since he's about to go into the operating room for open heart surgery."

"Dad. Hey, it's your daughter Rosa'. I love you daddy. Everything's going to be ok. I'll be right here waiting on you to get out of surgery." Something inside me was saying this might be the last time I get to see my dad. It was an eerie deadly sunken emotion that began to suffocate the life out of my every being. For a moment I couldn't catch my breath. "Daddy, I'm sorry for being so hard on you. You're the best dad ever and I love you with all my heart."

"It's ok angel. You just be good and get along with your mother. I love you so much Rosa'."

I watched the nurses wheel my dad away to where the surgeon would perform open heart surgery on him. That was the last time I would ever see my dad.

"I am Surgeon Calvin. There was a complication during the operation, and I'm so very sorry but Lloyd Russell didn't make it."

The day of the funeral was a dreary, rainy day that involved a lot of people shedding tears. Rosa' couldn't take being around dead people, much less all the depressed people crying, so she escaped from the funeral and went deep into the woods to do some soul searching. She sat down on a smooth large rock that mimicked a small rubbing rock model, and she noticed moss growing all over the rock. "Ahhh, it feels like human hair I'm rubbing my fingers through." Rosa' picked some moss up and stared at it as rain drops created wavelengths on the surface of the pond. "Why does moss grow together instead of apart? Maybe it's because life exists connected to other living things and it becomes harder for life to exist without being connected to other living beings. Wow. I never thought of that before. It's kind of like the contact binary trans Neptunian object called Ultima Thule. Maybe the reason why gravity pulled the two planetary beings together is to continue life. Maybe that's why I feel like something died inside me now that I've lost my dad. I never realized how connected to him I actually was until I lost him."

"Rosa', what are you doing?" Mother called out over the hilltop. "I'm coming mum!"

After the funeral Rosa' snuck out and jumped in her Black Beauty sportscar. "I need to find David," Rosa' thought to herself. Rosa' drove to Side Track coffee and thankfully he was there. "David, David!" Rosa' ran into the coffee shop, "We need to go to the mountains and get away tomorrow. We can plan the trip tonight when you get off work. David, you're like a brother to me. I want you to go with me David."

"Rosa' what has gotten into you. Can I make you a latte?" David smiled back at me. "You need to calm down and breathe. Let the air go in and out of your mouth. I get off in a couple hours and we can go in the back room and talk then. For now, here, drink this." It was a milk honey iced coffee with rosemary.

"Delish! Thank you lovie."

"So, what's up?" The lighting in the back room was eccentric and organic with cute little plants randomly placed in the areas of the room that received the most lighting from outside. Cement blocks added a minimalistic modern era to the backroom, and I liked it a lot. Cozy and plain, yet warm and welcoming are the tone the room set. All of a sudden David pulled a joint out of the back pocket of his overalls and lit it without hesitation. I watched the hairs on his mustache glow from the flames on the end of the joint as he took a large inhale of the Mary Jane plant. "Here you go, it's organic," David joked as he choked on smoke.

"Don't mind if I do lovie. I want to hear the angels sing."

"So, tell me, why do you have this random spontaneous urge to go up to the mountains with me?"

"Oh, no reason really, except I just lost my dad two days ago and his funeral was today."

"What?! (cough) Why didn't you tell me?!"

"David, you know I don't do well with death."

"Ok, we can go in the morning. Rosa', I'm so so sorry. I can't believe that happened. How did he die?"

"Complication during open heart surgery."

"Damn."

"Yeah."

"Definitely have blue balls now."

"What?! David!? Gross! You're like a brother to me. You're not supposed to get a hard on around me."

"Hahaha very funny. I didn't get a hard on because of you. I always get a hard on whenever I smoke weed, even when I'm by myself so don't be so vain thinking this song is about you my Rosa'."

"David, I'm still not over my ex. I'm sorry. I should be. I'm just not. You deserve to know that."

"Woah, don't run to any assumptions, Rosa', we are just friends."

"Right. I'm just saying, that's all."

"You want to talk about it? When was the last time you talked to him?"

"It's still raw. I'd rather not talk about it. It hurts to just think about him."

"Yeah, you're definitely still not over him."

"I'm working on it, David. These things take time you know."

"Oh, trust me, I know."

"You're the best David. Really. Thanks for being here for me. It's been really hard dealing with losing my dad so suddenly. I'm on anti-depressants and still feel like I can't get out of bed. I've cried so much there's no tears left to cry and now I just feel so numb I'm having a hard time wanting to keep going in life."

"Rosa', you don't have to explain anything else to me. I get it. Just make sure you're hiking boots are packed for the morning. I'll make sure to bring plenty of green and coffee (wink). I love you like a sister too Rosa'. You're my best friend. Don't ever forget that."

"Ditto."

Chapter 3: Jade

It was no ordinary day. The "crowned virus" or COVID-19 began taking so many global deaths that the president began calling it a pandemic. I lost control at my parents and left with my bags packed and was on the way to meet up with David for our trip to the mountains, but then I got a phone call. It was Darian. "Rosa', I'm so sorry but I just found out I have COVID-19. You should get checked. I don't know if I had it when we...you know...had sex."

"Wait, you what?! No, this can't be happening." Rosa' pulled off on the side of the road and suddenly felt nauseous."

"Rosa', I'm in the hospital. I felt weak all of a sudden, the day after we did it and my temperature was up so high. I thought it might have just been the flu since I never got the flu shot, but I don't know my chest and cough started getting worse. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest, so I went to go get tested. That's when I found out and today they admitted me into the hospital. I feel like I'm about to die, Rosa'. I'm so sorry I just hope I didn't give it to you."

"Holy shit Darian." Rosa' sat in silence and froze as she hung up the phone and turned it completely off. "I'm going to die."

After four hours of dead silence and tears Rosa' built up the courage to drive to the nearest hospital to get tested. "Are you experiencing any symptoms?" The nurse asked in rushed tone of voice. "No," Rosa' replied in relief. "Well, I don't want to get your hopes up because you can still be a carrier and not experience any symptoms," the nurse realistically assured. "Oh, well, thanks a lot for telling me," Rosa' sarcastically replied. "I'm just trying to be a realist hun, but you'll get the results within 24 hours," the nurse shot back. Rosa' didn't stop to think about what might happen if she did get it, instead, she decided to cloud her mind by going home and working on her new upcoming book, Jade. The story symbolizes an alien named Jade who is from the farthest most boundary of the multi-universe, Ultima Thule, and Jade becomes jealous of this talented cybersecurity student on planet earth and attempts to enfeeble her by utilizing radiation sent from a virus on her laptop. However, the girl endures the most treacherous radioactive conditions that any alien could ever fathom, so she ends up winning over the heart of Jade through her heroic endeavors. In the end Jade saves her life by befriending her even though she has no clue that this alien has been stalking her for years.

"Rosa', where have you been? I've been trying to call your phone for hours. What's going on??" David's voice sounded concerned. "I...I. I'm sorry I've just been distracted with my book. I don't think I'll be able to make our trip David."

"What? Rosa' you sound so depressed. You need to get out for real."

"No. Stop calling my phone David." Rosa' hung up and immediately blocked David right after hanging up.

"I can't deal with this," Rosa' thought. "I need to drive for a long, long time. Alone. Wait, I've got it. California." Rosa' packed a small bag of essentials and filled her car up without telling a soul that she was headed to Los Angeles. "This is exactly what I need." Rosa' stopped at a gas station in San Antonio, TX to refill her car with unleaded gasoline and noticed an old man sitting in the corner begging for money. "Maybe he really needs it," Rosa' thought. "Here you go, sir, God bless you," Rosa' nodded at him as she handed him a $10 bill. She got back into her and drove to the El Paso motel to stay overnight. "I'm exhausted," Rosa' yawned as she carried her luggage up to the second floor in room 213. The walls were red with a recent smell that reeked of marijuana. "I guess whoever stayed in this room had a lot of fun," Rosa' snickered as she pulled her blanket out of luggage. "Definitely not sleeping under these covers, not trusting they changed or cleaned those sheets." The next morning at 5a.m. Rosa' made her hotel coffee in the mini size coffee maker and then went out onto the balcony to enjoy the sunrise. The sun was beaming orange through the low wispy clouds and a warm breeze caught the lower half of Rosa's long blond hair as the scent of herbal essences hit her nostrils. "What if he's been sleeping with someone else and that's how he caught COVID-19?" Rosa suddenly felt overwhelmingly sad as she pulled her robe tighter around her neck. "Why do I always think running away from my problems is the only solution? I just want to be completely alone, and I know I can't do that in my hometown." Rosa had the urge to get back in her car to keep driving west, so that's exactly what she did. As she was listening to Photograph by Ed Sheeran her phone rang. "Hello?" "Yes, may I speak with Rosa' Page?" "This is she." "Hi, Rosa' it's the nurse at Elm Hospital I'm calling about your COVID-19 test results. They came back negative." "Really?!" "Yes ma'am." Rosa' did a U-Turn into the median of a vacant interstate in New Mexico and headed back home. "David, hey, I'm sorry I've been ignoring you. Are you at the coffee shop?" "Yes." "Ok, be there in thirty." "Where are you?" "Just trying to get it together. I'm ok." "Ok. Good, I'm glad."

Rosa' walked into the coffee shop and David thought to himself, "She looks like a goddess every time she walks in." David felt like he couldn't breathe for a few seconds as he locked eyes with Rosa' and felt a chill run down his spine. "Hello stranger." Rosa' smiled warmly and her heart felt full of joy to his friendly mustache face. "Yeah, that's how you've been treating me for the past couple of days. What's up?" "Sir, will you make me a milk honey rosemary iced latte? I have some writing to work on." "You got it!" David has an energy that was super contagious, which is why his customers loved the good karmic mix of the low beam chill vibes mixed with the high energy customer service that balanced everything out. Rosa' wouldn't dare tell David she's been sleeping with Darian since that would be breaking their friend rulebook they've had since they were kids. "What he doesn't know won't kill him," Rosa' thought to herself. "Plus, we're adults now and some rules were made to be broken."

"So, will you take a raincheck for our hiking trip?" "I don't know if you're important enough for me to do that," David jokingly started grinning from ear to ear. "Ha ha, you're so funny David Elliot Bundchen. Well, I may hang with Sabrina tonight and grab a bottle of pinot noir. Do you have any plans tomorrow night?" David looked up from designing a glorious matcha latte with soy milk and replied, "you know where to find me."

"Sabrina! Girl you will not believe what's been going on with me. We have got to talk. I'm at EarthFare picking up a fabulous bottle of pinot noir and pinot grigio for you, since you love that white wine. Is it cool if I come over and tell you what all has happened?"

"Yeah of course! Wine sounds great to me. Oh my gosh my crazy kids are draining me! I can't wait to see you! Just park off the side of the driveway by the trash so Stan can pull in when he gets home."

Rosa' passed by wire road and thought about Charles and all they went through together and how she always thought they would grow old together. "They were my family at one point. It feels like it happened in another world," Rosa' reflected as she put more weight on the gas to try and escape her thoughts. "Sabrina!" "Rosa'!" After a long embrace they poured each other a glass of wine and Sabrina was cooking some type of concoction with her peppers from the garden. "That smells amazing! Ok, so, here's the scoop: I had sex with Darian and he told me he tested positive for COVID-19 a few days ago. I freaked out and went to go get tested myself and ditched David for our hiking trip. I headed to California instead because I just needed to drive, be alone, and I didn't want to face David about the truth. I ended up staying in a motel in Texas and the next morning the nurse called me and said I tested negative. So, I'm here now and have absolutely no idea if David might find out about Darian and I through their friends. I'm afraid and embarrassed," Rosa' confessed.

"Holy shit Rosa', all this happened in the past few days?!"

"Sadly, yes."

"How was the sex?! I mean you and David are just friends so why wouldn't he be cool with it?"

"David and I have had a pact since we were kids about not having sex with each other's friends. Darian is David's friend. They met through Johan's coffee shop. All the coffee shop owners know each other and they're pretty tight. I mean, I don't even know about their notorious bastards group and what it all involves, so I'll never really know if David will find out about Darian and I. That makes me feel sick."

"Rosa', why? You didn't do anything wrong. I mean, you guys made that pact when you were kids. You are an adult now and have freedom to fuck whoever you want to fuck. If David is really your friend, then he will understand and won't judge you for having sex with Darian."

"Sabrina, Darian is one of David's friends. Imagine if I fucked one of your friends. Would you really be cool with that? Think about it for a second."

"Well, I mean, no, of course not because I love you Rosa." Have you talked to Darian lately?"

"Darian? No, why?"

"Snappy, aren't we? Well, because you two fucked. Do you like him?"

"Of course, I like him, but like, it was just the sex. I mean, we aren't close like that really."

"Right...well. Is he going to be ok? I mean, is he in the hospital?"

"I have no idea. I'm trying not to think about it much. I don't deal with death and the thought of losing him hurts me."

"I'm sorry I brought it up Rosa'. Let's make a toast. To friendship."

"To friendship."

"Is it cool if I crash on your couch tonight? I feel like getting sloppy drunk tonight."

"Well duh. Stan won't mind. I'll let him know."

"You're so beautiful Rosa'. You know I'd let you sleep with me if I could. I may just crash on the couch with you."

"Thanks. I'd like that."

The next morning Rosa' got up to go for a run while Stan was walking out the door to head to work. "Damn it's muggy out." Rosa' was listening to her workout playlist when a call interrupted her song. It was Darian. "Fuck," Rosa' sent the call to voicemail and guiltily continued running. "How was the run boo?" Sabrina was carrying out her recycling garbage as the kids ran outside screaming between a toy they were fighting over. "Darian called. I sent it to voicemail," Rosa' confessed. "Check it! What does it say?" Sabrina curiously pushed.

"Look Sabrina, so I haven't even been 100% with myself. There is something I haven't even told you. Do you remember that Chris guy I used to work for at the dealership? I bought him a leather bible and wrote him a letter two Christmas' ago. Didn't I tell you about him?"

"Ummm...that Normandy last name...Ouellette, right?"

"Yeah, whatever, so I just found out a few months ago my sister is engaged to him and I had no idea that they were even dating. Sabrina, this is fucking insane. What the fuck is happening to my life, like really?! What sister keeps from her only sister that she's dating someone I used to be in love with?!

"Used to? but I thought..."

"You thought what Sabrina? That I was still in love with him? Really? What kind of question is that??

Sabrina lit a cigarette and looked downcast at the sidewalk. "Wait, Sabrina, I'm sorry for sounding so harsh. I'm not mad at you. I'm just super fucked up in the head right now."

"When did you find out your sister and him were a thing?" Sabrina looked baffled.

"Social media. They've been keeping it a secret from me that they were dating, but the engagement pictures got posted on Instagram. I saw them about five months ago and haven't spoken to either one of them since then. I can't believe my own sister would go behind my back like this. She knew I had a crush on him when we used to work together. My life is so fucked up right now Sabrina."

"Fuck." Sabrina bent over and put her arms around my neck and kissed my forehead. "You know I'll always be here for you lovie."

"I know. You always have. I love you."

"I love you too Rosa'. You're stronger than you realize. Don't ever forget that."

Tears began streaming down Rosa's face as she blurted, "this is so fucking embarrassing. I shouldn't be crying right now."

"Cry baby girl. It's good for the soul."

"Sabrina. I loved him, but I barely knew him. Why am I so fucking insane?"

"You love big and deep baby girl. You have a gift not everyone has, so don't see it as a weakness. Instead, see it as a strength. You're unique and I love you for that Rosa'."

That night Rosa' sat down in the room of her basement at her parent's lake house and began to write about her imaginary friend, Jade. "Fucking asshole," Rosa' got distracted at the thought of her sister and Chris getting married as she watched a dove fly off from the limb it was landed on. Rosa' remembered the day he made her cry her eyes out in the bathroom after he chewed her out during the board meeting for not being perfect and being "disrespectful." The following Monday he approached her desk and complimented her on the lavender silk top she had on and how he saw her at church the day before. His eyes caught hers and for a moment time stopped in innocent love as the energy wavelengths were exchanged by both lovebirds. Something energetic took over each other's minds until they both realized they were in love, but couldn't be. It was the most bittersweet moment of Rosa's life and she somehow didn't want to admit that their love was unreachable because deep down she knew it was untouchable. Even if no one else realized what Rosa' realized, it was enough to keep her heart energetically connected to his. That was the moment Rosa' realized it's the invisible things in life that have the most power and influence in the room of negotiators.

"Hey mom. I'm fine. Just working on my writing and getting ready for bed. Why? What are you doing upstairs?"

"Just drinking some Merlot, I thought you might want to join me."

"Sure. I'll be up in a bit."

"Hey my beautiful daughter. What's up angel?"

Rosa' shrugged her shoulders as her mom poured her a modest glass of merlot.

"Gotcha. Well, have you talked to your sister lately?"

"Umm, no, any reason why I need to?"

"Rosa'. Honey have you even congratulated her on her recent engagement? I mean, I get you two had a falling out after dad died, but she's still your sister and loves you very much. Maybe it's time to forgive her and move on my love. Put the past in the past."

"It's not that easy mom." Rosa' admitted as she poured a bit more merlot into her glass. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. Let's just enjoy this wine and be happy"

"Sounds good to me. How's your book coming along?"

"It's going, I guess. Ever feel so distracted from something that you just hit a brick wall and feel trapped. Almost like you're suffocating in the same place every damn day."

"Wow that's deep and depressing. Honey, are you sure you're ok or is just writer's block you're talking about?"

"Honestly, I don't fucking know."

"And your language honey. Why does it have to be so filthy? Makes me wonder what's been going on with you. Are you sure you're ok?"

"Mom, I don't know if I'm ok, but you don't need to worry about me. I'm a big girl." Rosa' gulped down the rest of her wine and called it a night. "I really need to go try to work on my writing before I call it a night mom. I love you. Sleep well."

"Goodnight honey. I love you too."

Rosa' felt detached from her anxious thoughts thanks to the glass of wine and began fantasizing about her invisible friend, Jade. The moments of excitement and love triggered a need to write, so that is exactly what Rosa' decided she must do. She took a deep exhale and began to write again: "The text came too soon and while it only re-emphasized what she had seen the night before in the library, she believed that she indeed would see him. That night a stirring was in her soul and it was butterflies soaring over 100 miles per hour. She began programming and from across the large foyer she caught a glimpse of this guy staring at her. She had a sneaking suspicion it was Jade, but she wasn't quite sure of it. It was obvious someone was there at 3am stalking her because when she got up to leave, he no conspicuously tried to leave at the same time. This time she was going to test her theory and begin working on her project at her papaws until 5am. That was when the most unexpected happened and Jade began telepathically communicate via typing through her laptop. 'You remind me so much of myself.' She figured he must be watching her through her webcam, but she didn't want to cover it up. She was curious and started to fall for Jade sooner than she wanted to. 'What if I'm just hallucinating all of this up?' She closed her laptop and fell into a deep, deep sleep." 

Chapter 4: The Notorious Bastards

Every Sunday at 7 p.m. the notorious bastards met at Seven Brothers' Masonry where only certain people are allowed to gather at. The hexagonal Allen wrench is only part of lock down process to get through the black steel medieval gate. Their secret group stemmed back to their great-grandfathers who were all on the same state examiners board of engineers whose ancestry went back to the holocaust and they were all Ashkenazi Jews who built an underground tunnel that helped thousands of Jews escape from the Nazi Germans. Somehow, their offspring ended up owning coffee shops and coming up with a more millennial title for their secret group, known as the Notorious Bastards. RC, Darian, Johan, David, Winchester, Hunter, and Damian were the offspring of the founding Seven Brothers' Masonry owning 70% of the local area bars, restaurants, and commercial real estate. Part of the pact that came with this group included: Everyone had to swear by their own blood that they would never keep secrets about who they were fucking. Everyone had to be honest about their sexual relations, even if they were embarrassing or homosexual. If someone withheld information that included having sexual relations with anyone, then they would have to brand a hexagonal shape onto their right shoulder that signifies being forbidden to continue to be a part of the Seven Brothers' Masonry. They were permanently banished from the group whenever they withheld information that was supposed to be told to the group or lied about who they were in bed with. The reason for this rule was first established as bloodline trusts or marrying someone who is also not only Jewish, but specifically Ashkenazi Jew. The earliest Ashkenazi Jews stemmed from the indigenous tribes of Israel who helped carry the Ark of the Covenant into Jerusalem during the times of Moses. It was also said that the Knights of the Templar helped rescue an imprisoned female from the god of the underworld from the cave that Jesus was resurrected from. Unfortunately, Darian was exempt from their rules since he was currently in the hospital for COVID-19. "Here ye, here ye," David rang the bell that signaled every to be seated so the meeting would begin. A warm breeze blew in from the door and mesmerized David enough to enchant his hallucinating mind into going somewhere else where he could see himself fucking Rosa' while she softly gripped the pages of her Bible on the bedside table moaning with a gentle sexy voice. He could feel the golden locks of her curls sliding between his calloused fingers as the muscles in her thighs were caroused. "David, anyone there?" RC sarcastically called out and made the decision to take over the meeting while he had the chance. Right after the mundane meeting was adjourned, David's phone rang and Winchester answered it. "It's Darian. He wants to speak to us all."

"Put him on speakerphone," Damien barked. "What's up brother?!" Johan enthusiastically encouraged. "Not much," Darian sounded weak. "There's something I have to tell the group, but I'm afraid of how David might take it. I just couldn't keep it from you guys," Darian confessed. "Go on," Hunter insisted. "Ok, well, just so you know I looked into her ancestry test and she is Jewish. Ashkenazi and Sephardic to be exact..." "Get to the point," David interrupted. "Ok, well, Rosa' and I fucked," Darian squeaked. "You did what?!" David lost it. "Dude...look." "No," David interrupted Darian. "I don't want to hear a damn sentence out of your mouth, out of your mouth." Tears began to stream down David's face as he violently slammed his phone against the wall and nonchalantly watched it shatter into a million pieces.

"She wouldn't lie to me. I know she wouldn't go behind my back and fuck my friend. We made a pact when we were seven as next-door neighbors that we would never "do the nasty" with each other's friends," David's drunk tone echoed through the phone to his mum. "Honey, maybe Darian just made that up or she hasn't had time to tell you..." (click). David couldn't take anymore from his mum and hung up on her. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck me!" David threw his whiskey and ice across the room and started punching the wall over and over until several deep holes appeared in the sheetrock. "Fuck you Rosa' for fucking me over and fuck you Darian!!! I hope the coronavirus kills you!! David screamed until he burst into tears and grabbed his pistol out of the kitchen drawer and put it to his head. "I don't even want to live anymore!" David threw the unloaded gun across the living room and hit his knees in tears until he passed out on the floor.

The next morning RC tripped through the front door of his and David's apartment from the empty bottle of bourbon left on the floor. "The fuck has happened in here?! David get up!" RC kicked David to try and wake him up as he looked around in disgust at the punched in holes in the wall and sheetrock all over the carpet. "Holy hell David did a tornado go through here or what?!" "Hmmm...what?" David fumbled around trying to get sleepy seed out of his eyes as he woke up still drunk from the night before. "David. Look. I should have been here last night with you instead of getting high having a threesome with a bunch of hot babes. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you dude. I guess I didn't realize how fucked up it made you when you found out Darian fucked Rosa'. Dude, I had no idea you felt that way about her," RC assured.

"The fuck is you talking about??!" David shot up angry with a potent whiskey breath filling up the room. "Woah, woah, dude chill out. You are fucking still wasted drunk. Bloody hell David. Go get a cold shower and get dressed," RC got up from the floor and threw a pillow at David's face as he walked back out the front door of their apartment.

Something went wrong in my dreams. I was on Ultima and Jade was on Thule. However, Jade was not really Jade. Jade was Casper. My great, great grandmother, Melissa, grabbed my hand and showed me the past and tried to explain to me who the bad guy really was.

Melissa peered into the surface area of her red wine that entailed the secret behind the Heisenberg uncertainty principle. The evenly layered electron halos reflected the Light of the world that formed oscillations of quarks that appeared as vibrations from an earthquake. The inception of life was depicted during this moment of creating love, just as it was during the last supper when the first sacrifice of the Lamb would soon take place for all the sins of the world. The sound of gold chimes echoed these words from heaven: "I did not see a temple in the city, because the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp. The nations will walk by its light, and the kings of the earth will bring their splendor into it. On no day will its gates ever be shut, for there will be no night there. The glory and honor of the nations will be brought into it. Nothing impure will ever enter it, nor will anyone who does what is shameful or deceitful, but only those whose names are written in the Lamb's book of life."-Revelation 21:22-27. Ultima Thule became a centrifugal layered force that stored enough sufficient energy to reverse the process of the curse. Melissa looked down at her ring and realized that the River of Life was more beautifully and intricately designed than she had ever realized. "Yahweh, the Great 'I Am,' sent His son to die on the cross for all the sins of the world, and every time a baby's heartbeat is being formed in the mother's womb (no p-wave yet, but QRS and T), He breathes in 'I love you,' and that is the oxygen attached to the hemoglobin in the bloodstream that starts the full sinus rhythm heartbeat (now P,QRS, and T wave fully formed). To me, this means that God breathes in His Love every time He creates life," Melissa finished the explanation behind the meaning of her tattoo as she smiled back at him with genuine eyes of agape love.

The Holy Spirit spoke through me as crystal clear as the River of Life and said: "Behold, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city. Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood. I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star."-Revelation 22:12-16. So, it was with Ultima Thule, the isothermal expansion of a perfect gas was created from a second decrease in pressure amongst the twelve tribes of Israel at the four corners of the earth. "No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and His servants will serve Him. They will see His face, and His name will be on their foreheads."-Revelation 22:3,4. Time stood still as we locked eyes and felt perfect, pure peace. "The angel said to me, 'These words are trustworthy and true. The Lord, the God of the spirits of the prophets, sent His angel to show His servants the things that must soon take place.'"-Revelation 22:6. Rosa' felt the magnetic light energy of strings between Ultima and Thule form a contact binary planet that created the beginning of time. All of a sudden Melissa disappeared and Rosa' was left on the trans-Neptunian planet bordering the farthest boundary of the multi universe looking deep in Casper's innocent blue eyes. Without touching skin, they made love, real agape love for the first time in creation. 

Rosa' woke up from her dream in sweats and exclaimed, "What the fuck did I just dream!? Holy shit." (ring)(ring) Rosa' answered her phone and it was Darian. "Hello," Rosa' answered the phone. "Hey Rosa'. How are you?" Darian sounded weak. "I'm fine, Darian. I guess the better question is how are you holding out?" "Well, honestly, I feel terrible. Like I'm drowning and no one can visit me. I'm all alone in the ICU unit, but the nurses are nice. They let me use the phone more often than most patients are allowed to." "Damn, Darian. I'm so sorry you're in this predicament. I really hope you heal and get out of the hospital soon. I miss you," Rosa' confessed.

"Really? You miss me?" Darian sounded baffled. "Of course, I miss you Darian!" "Did you ever go get tested to see if I gave you the virus?" Darian inquired. "Yes, and you didn't. I tested negative," Rosa' replied. "Thank God. I was worried about me giving it to you. Oh, shit, Rosa', my nurse just walked in to change my IV fluids and give me my meds. I've got to go, but I'll call you back later because we need to talk." "Ok Darian, sounds good. Call me anytime and hope you get better soon lovie." "Chow Rosa'." (click). Rosa' started to daydream about her psychotic dream from last night and how it involved someone from her past that she never thought her subconscious would remind her of: Casper. Rosa' remembered the first night she met Casper and wasn't sure if virtual reality was being used on this stranger who very similarly resembled Sir Ouellette with his bunny rabbit cheeks, deep blue eyes, and cute nerdy glasses that favored Harry Potter. It was a very magical moment for Rosa' and yet she couldn't quite figure out exactly why. Casper wore a ring with negative polarization charges etched into the ring. "You won't be able to get it off my finger," Casper chuckled as Rosa' tried spitting on it to get it loose between his skin cells. No use. Casper explained to her that his great, great, great-grandfather was from Poland who was a Lieutenant named Dawid Apfelbaum who helped form an underground resistance organization during the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising of WWII. This Jewish Military Organization helped the Jews escape the Nazi ghettos that segregated the Jewish populations in an impoverished area during the Holocaust. Casper went on to explain that a new millennial organization name known as, the Notorious Bastards, was formed from the original past generational lineages of the Jewish Military Organization offspring. However, not all of the offspring originated from Poland and some Jews in America whose ancestors had escaped the Holocaust ended up gaining recognition to become part of the Jewish male organization called the Notorious Bastards. However, after Casper fell in love with a Cuban musician from New York, named Camilla, he was banned from the group since he had plans on marrying her and she wasn't Jewish. This rule to keep the brothers' bloodline sanctified with Jewish marriage only was something new that the millennial generation decided to incorporate into their pact. Shortly after Rosa' met Casper that night he ended up leaving town and moving to New York in order to begin his new life with Camilla. 

What Rosa' didn't know is that Casper's great, great, great-grandfather-Dawid saved Melissa's life during WWII. Melissa was half Sephardic Jewish and the other half Ashkenazi Jewish and she was dating a man from Poland who ended up joining the Nazis, Andy. However, Dawid met Melissa in college and was in love with her, but Melissa only saw Dawid as a friend. Melissa's downfall was being extremely stubborn, so she didn't believe her boyfriend Andy would turn her into the Nazis. Little did she know the Holocaust was about to go down and Dawid convinced her to get away from Andy and stay close to the Jewish Military Organization. This way, she would have a support group show her where to hide underground and keep watch for her safety and security. If it wasn't for Casper's great, great, great-grandfather, then Melissa could have died in the concentration camps. However, the only person who knew about this were the group members in the Notorious Bastards group, but they couldn't discuss this information with any outsiders since it was top secret. It was a money-power exchange of information that would be revealed to many female Jews, which is why the Notorious Bastards guarded their pact with their bloodline.

"David, hey, it's Rosa'. Is it ok if I come over and talk to you? I have a lot on my mind and can't get it out of my system." "Well, of course Rosa'. I know you've been through a lot. Look, I'm about to close the shop down so why don't you go ahead and head over?" "Sounds good, see you soon," Rosa' graciously replied back as she was getting into her car. The waxing crescent moon was out with a few dazzling stars as Rosa' drove with her windows down, so that she could feel the wind blow through her hair. "David, hey!" "Rosa'! Would you like some coffee? I have some drip leftover from just awhile ago." "Sounds great. I have a lot I need to talk to you about." They pranced towards the back and collapsed on the blue-grey sofa with their drip coffee. "So, what did you want to talk to me about Rosa'? David curiously turned towards Rosa' to give her his full attention. "I had a dream last night about Casper and believe we have some type of deep mystical connection, but we haven't even kissed. I just don't understand how all of this is even possible. I mean, I haven't even thought about him since that blind date, but something magical happened. There was like a bond that happened between my diamond ring that could have been positively charged and his ring that had a negative charged etched into his band. I mean, ok, I know this sounds crazy, but what if the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle is actually wrong and it is possible to predict the value of arbitrary certainty due to the position of electrons being bent simultaneously by light energy and forming waves upon a reflected medium. Similar to electromagnetic waves, I believe that the centrifugal wave vibrations that appeared on the surface of my wine glass reflected a deeper meaning of what happens in the cosmic universe. What if there is a force that Casper and I hold that has nothing to do with our rings containing positive and negative charges? What if it was our light energy that bonded beyond the naked eye and caused a cosmic contact binary to "kiss" through a gravitational pull? What if our stars hold the secret algorithm to unlocking the mystical wonder of how the universe was created? David, look, I know all this is a stretch, but my subconscious has him memorized. It's like an agape love out of my control that depends on us to either keep creation going or to destroy it. All I know is I felt something. Something so full of love, pure love, like one of the rarest and most meaningful forms I have ever felt in my entire life. What if this is real love David? David?" 

David glared straight into his coffee cup and wouldn't look up to embrace what Rosa' just disclosed to him. "David!" David slowly looked up from his coffee cup and looked at Rosa' with sad teary-eyed puppy dog eyes. "David what the fuck is wrong with you?" "I just can't believe you would even side with that fool who betrayed our group. He didn't love you. He was basically a martyr to you because all he tried to do was destroy your Jewish lineage," David confided. "David, what the fuck is your deal with Jews? You're not making any sense at all! I think you're just jealous of him because I said I might be in love with him. You're acting so childish!" Rosa' could feel her cheeks get red hot as she let out her fumes of rage. "Rosa', have you forgotten about our childhood pact that we weren't going to date each other's friends? Do you just not respect our friendship Rosa'? All you seem to care about it yourself!" David shot back. "Ok David, look, no one said anything about dating any one of your friends. First off, Casper isn't even your friend anymore because you've rejected him as some traitor because God knows why! Second, I am an adult and can date or fuck whomever I want and I don't have to have your approval to do it! You act like you're my fucking father or something just trying to control what I do. It's pathetic!" Rosa' stood up and began walking out of the shop until David grabbed her arm softly. "Rosa', wait, please. Why don't you just sit down and calm down for a moment. I think you've been keeping something from me and you just don't want to come clean about it," David continued. Rosa' shot back a bloody murder look at David and snidely remarked, "David, for the hundredth time, I don't have to tell you a damn thing about my personal life. You don't own me." Rosa' had it with David's manipulative tactics of trying to control her and jerked her arm out of David's care and walked out the door of his coffee shop as she could hear him yell back, "When you were giving head in the cold of his bed I lapped you twice!" Rosa' slammed her car door and turned on Gracie "You Don't Own Me" as she pulled out of the parking lot as fast as she could escape in her mind. "Who the fuck does he think he is!? I swear he knows about Darian and I fucking and now is jealous because he's in love with me. He won't admit it, but instead tries to play some childish game trying to control my every move. Well, fuck him because I'm not falling for his stupendous games." Rosa' began to settle her intense emotions down as she finally pulled into her apartment complex and let out a loud sigh of relief.  

Chapter 5: The Holy Grail

Rosa' needed to find inspiration and decided to go visit the Arts Museum. Inside, she noticed there were baby pacifiers organized in a double helix that made it seem like it was DNA. I noticed that the DNA was made up into different levels of protein structures: primary, secondary, tertiary, and quaternary polypeptide chains. "I wonder if this is supposed to reveal a story about my childhood and who set this up?" Rosa's mind began to wonder as she stepped into a different room that told a story about a baby who was aborted and dumped into a river. "I can't read anymore. This is killing me." Rosa' decided to keep walking into another room with a more soft and gentle touch of art. "Monet!" Rosa' loved Monet's artwork and had a book at home. "There is something soothing and morbid about Monet's artwork that puts my mind at perfect peace. I can be still when I admire the different watercolors merged together to create different looks of the same structure. It reminds me of how the same people in different situations trigger a chain reaction of different emotions," Rosa' pondered. All of a sudden Rosa' felt like someone was behind her who had emerged from the shadows in her peripheral. As Rosa' slowly turned to her left and did a 180 rotational movement she saw the ghost himself. "Casper?" Rosa' felt startled and bewildered at the same time. "Impressionism isn't that impressive to me since light energy can't be captured enough to paint the real picture of how impressive light energy really is," Casper let out. Rosa' couldn't believe what her eyes were witnessing and again uttered in shock, "Casper?" Rosa thought she was hallucinating from the joint she rolled a few minutes before getting out of her car in the museum parking lot. "Something like that," Casper sarcastically replied. "What are you doing here?" Rosa' was startled by his unwelcomed appearance. "Well I had some unfinished business with RC and since he didn't want to come up to New York, well, I'm here," Casper chuckled to himself. "So, how have you been lately?" Casper asked matter of factly. "I, uh, well, I've been alright." Rosa' was still in shock as she ironically stood facing Casper white as a ghost. "Rosa', I've been tracking you and that's how I knew you would be here. I'll admit. I followed you here, but only because there's a deep dark secret my intuition has felt compelled to tell you. Are you ok with that?" "Yes. I mean, I'm ready for whatever you throw in front of me," Rosa' decided to stick her neck out due to the unquenched curiosity that was originally created in her heart. "That software you found on your laptop was not what you thought it was. I mean, stealing bitcoins from electronic wallets were only a small fraction of the treasure that software contained. The truth is, some masks can be so deceiving that people fall for the reflection rather than what's being absorbed. Years ago, Rosa', your great great-grandmother Melissa held the legal rights to the holy grail that was passed down from many generations. It is so valuable you can't even put a price on it. There was a group of Jewish men who were jealous of Melissa having heirs to the holy grail, so they figured out a deceptive way to steal it from her. That's the secret that the Notorious Bastards don't want you to find out about. The real reason they kicked me out of their sacred group is because I'm the one who purposely put the software on your laptop that night. I know you saw my name "Casper" but you thought it might be sir Ouellette's nickname. Of course, you didn't know who I was since you hadn't met me yet. That night that you met me, well, you were drinking out of the actual chalice of the holy grail. That's why you noticed the centrifugal vibrations moving from the center of the surface of the wine to the outermost surface. The holy grail holds magical powers that stem back to the last supper and is the actual chalice Jesus used before He would be betrayed by Judas Iscariot."

"Casper, I don't fucking believe you. I think you're full of shit. David would never do anything like that to me," Rosa' let out a nervous sigh. "Plus, we've been friends since childhood, and I haven't even known you for a year. Why the fuck would I believe a word you're saying?" Rosa' began to walk away to see how Casper would react, but instead of him trying to stop her from leaving, he just stood there still as a statue. This made Rosa' stop in her tracks out of suspicion that Casper was indeed telling her the truth. Rosa' decided to swallow her pride and turn around to listen to Casper. "Ok, Rosa', so are you ready for me to continue explaining all of this to you?"

"Yes, Casper, like how in the hell could you be tracking me if I don't have a tracker on my car and my phone isn't being tracked?" Rosa' stood in anticipation. "Well, first off, how do you know neither one of those aren't being tracked? Ok, so, you're actually right. They aren't being tracked. You are being tracked. Do you remember that last semester of you taking Psychology and you applied for extra credit in that Cognitive Neuroscience class? It happened to be you getting under a fMRI and the professors did brain scans. Remember that?" Casper waited to hear Rosa' respond. "Yes, Casper, I remember," Rosa' let out another sigh. "Ok, so, David's uncle happens to be in the Engineering department who was jointly involved with the research from the department of Psychology. You just happened to be the research participant who was the only Jew involved. They found out your genetic ancestry and got scared that you would soon find out about the treasure you have legal rights to, so they took advantage of you and implanted a radioactive device into your brain that allows researchers to track your every move and every thought. It also goes a lot deeper than that and allows them to control the level of neurotransmitters being released into the synaptic cleft. Rosa', these people have been fucking with you for a very long time and they are partly doing it out of fear that you will find out your hidden powers and obtain the treasure that has been destined for you," Casper sat down on a bench in utter emotional exhaustion. Rosa' looked at him in disbelief and continued, "so you're telling me that David's uncle has been sharing my personal data with the Notorious Bastards, while simultaneously manipulating me as well?" Casper humbly smiled at me and replied, "Now you're getting the macroscopic picture." Rosa' sat down beside Casper and grabbed his hand as she looked into his blue sparkling iris' and Casper watched as her eyes welded up with tears. "I just can't believe this entire life of mine has been a set up and David was just my friend to try and keep my destiny from me," Rosa' began to cry. "Sweetie, please stop crying. Look, David is not that bad of a dude. His uncle put him up to this and threatened to torture him if he didn't comply. It's not something David wanted to do, but the other option for him was possibly death. He gave in to the threats his uncle threw at him for years. There was a time when you guys were children that David was not having to carry out orders from his uncle. You need to understand that." Casper finished as he began to stare into one of Monet's famous paintings, Waterloo Bridge, Clouded Sun.

The next morning Rosa' woke to a call from RC. "Hey Rosa'. I was wondering if you wanted to come by my crib when you get dressed." "How did you know I was naked?" Rosa' laughed to herself. "Just an assumption that made an ass out of me, so are you coming or not?" "Slow down there cowboy. Yes, I'll be over in a few minutes. Rosa' rolled up a blunt with leftover parchment paper from the last time she smoked with Darian. Rosa' opened her bathroom window and took a deep inhale of the famous Mary Jane plant that God created. After a few minutes she felt the buzz of THC settle behind her tongue and suddenly she felt parched. Rosa' went into the kitchen and made a large glass of ice water with thick slices of lemon to give her water an edge and wake up her senses from the indica strain of marijuana that made her want to jump back in bed. Rosa' grabbed her book of famous poetry by Shakespeare and as she walked back into her bathroom and smelled the dogwood tree scent carried in by the cool breeze she began to read:

"Time is very slow for those who wait

Very fast for those who are scared

very long for those who lament

Very short for those who celebrate

But for those who love, time is eternal."

-William Shakespeare

Rosa' hopped into her black 1998 range rover and headed towards RC's house. Rosa' thought about the time she turned down RC when he asked her to dance with him at the wedding he invited her to last summer. Then Rosa's mind drifted off to the night she volunteered to trip off of DMT for the Psychopharmacology research project conducted at Auburn University and remembered how infinite she realized her spirit actually was and thought was the day she designed the most majestic piece of artwork that is now worth millions of dollars in Europe and the United States. As Rosa' pulled up in RC's driveway she noticed hundreds of spherical blue-green peyote plants with spineless shoots that contained the glistening mescaline hallucinogen. "They are so adorable!" Rosa' exclaimed to herself as she began to get excited about seeing her long-lost friend and his deep and radical artwork. "What a day to get high!" Rosa' smiled to herself as she put her antique vehicle in park. RC ran out of the house with a joint in hand wearing a tattered Johnny Cash t-shirt and cut off faded denim shorts, as he ran up to me to give me a big bear hug. "Long time no see stranger." Rosa' could feel her senses loosen as she smelled the lingering sativa strain off of RC's denim jacket. Rosa' felt a sense of overwhelming doom all of a sudden and plopped down on the front steps leading up to RC's patio. "What's wrong Rosa'?" RC seemed bewildered at the curious activity Rosa' was revealing. "RC, I haven't told you this yet, but I ran into Casper the other day at the fine arts museum and it was so odd," Rosa' confessed. "Odd? In what way Rosa'?" RC was baffled. "Oh I don't know...I just thought it was random I saw him since he lives in New York and all," Rosa' was not going to give away any information. "Well, he met me here the other day to meet about some corporate business work," RC replied. "I see," Rosa' decided to it was time to change the subject. "So, do you mind pouring me a glass of chianti while I puff on some of this majestic strain of cannabis you have rolled up in this tight little pussy?" Rosa' giggled as she stole the joint from RC and took a couple hits and then gave it back. "I will be right back your majesty," RC sarcastically chuckled as he walked inside. Rosa' took a deep breathe in and finally exhaled all her stress from not revealing to RC what Casper told or lied to her about. "I almost gave it all away. Whew." Rosa' let it all go as she turned around and took the chianti wine out of RC's palm. "Thank you." Rosa' smiled a childlike smile back at RC as he looked down at the ground and watched a caterpillar crawl. "Rosa', I know it's been weird lately between us, I mean, I've been distant a little bit I'll admit, but I've also just been super busy with my artwork. You get that right?" RC turned to look at how Rosa' would respond. "Well, yes, of course I get it. I mean, I figured there was an important reason behind why you had been ignoring me for so long. I just figured it was because you were obsessed with me and my energetic presence was getting in between you and your work." Rosa' started to get on a flirting role as she realized RC started to blush. "How cute?!" Rosa' started to laugh. "What?" RC inquired. "You're so cute when you blush," Rosa' confided. "I'm not blushing," RC shot back. "Yeah, whatever, Rosa' licked her lips and crossed her tan legs as she decided to let it go. "So, have you ever done mescaline?" RC asked for the hundredth time. "RC, you know I haven't, but yes, you can lecture me on its biosynthesis and chemical hallucinogenic properties Mr. Scientist." Rosa' nodded arrogantly. "Well, Lophophora williamsii is another name for the peyote cacti that contains the psychoactive alkaloids known as mescaline. Mescaline has hallucinogenic properties similar to LSD and psilocybin and it's mainly been reported to form a deeper connection with God. The Native Americans used peyote for religious celebrations and the drug causes nausea prior to the psychedelic manifestations, so I bought some anti-nausea medication for you to take with your 400 mg." RC came out with 400 mg of mescaline sulfate that he ground up and inserted into ingestible capsules. "Any famous last words?" RC joked as he handed me the capsules. "How long does it take to kick in again?" Rosa' inquired. "About an hour," RC replied. "Cool. RC, can we talk for a second about some things," Rosa' admitted as she popped the pills. "Rosa', of course we can talk. What do you want to talk about?" RC turned toward Rosa' to give her his full attention. "My parents are pissing me off. My mom wants me to be what she wants, but I don't want what she also wants. It's complicated. So, like, there is a part of me that is a lesbian and a part of me that's not. It's hard to explain, but like, I don't want to be a normal adult. I don't want to get married and have kids. I want to continue to trip on psychedelics as I age and one day I want to go into outer space. I also want to give my body to science, and I love Jesus. I don't fit in with my family or what they think I should be. I don't know what to do except keep doing me and not worry about what they think. It's my life RC and I just don't want people telling me how to live." Rosa' could feel her heart beat and began to feel a little lighter as she let out her frustration. "Rosa, you don't have to ever pretend to be something you're not. I love you just the way you are and that's enough. Don't you ever forget that. I love you for you. You don't have to ever try for me. I hope you know that." RC grabbed Rosa's hand and squeezed it tight as he continued, "So, I've been through a lot myself. I was abused as a kid and molested just like you. You're not alone in this Rosa' and there are more people in this world than you realize who have been through the exact same things we've been through. You are beautiful just the way you are and accepted by not just me, but most importantly, by Jesus." "Thank you, RC." Rosa exhaled a long euphoric breathe as she let go of fear and started to feel the hallucinogenic visual and auditory effects of the beautiful cactus plant. 

 "I'm going to make my own future. I'm sick of all these stupid horoscopes trying to tell me what my future will end up like. Fuck that shit. I'm the common denominator for solving my future so I have some control in the matter. The truth is RC, I'm still not over my ex. I realized that whenever I heard his name mentioned a few times and then saw him on social media. I'm still in love with him RC," Rosa' confided. "Well, how do you feel about all this?" RC asked. "Truthfully, sometimes I feel sea sick and sometimes I just feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest from all the joy his energy gives me. Either way I just love him and I'm satisfied with letting those thoughts just be in the universe. It is what is it." Rosa' smiled to herself and then looked up in the sky as she saw a blue bird land on a white oak. "Rosa', I just don't want you getting hurt. Let's be realistic about this now, it didn't turn out good last time you were with him so what makes you think the next time will be different? RC pushed. "Well, maybe it won't be different. However, I do know that we have both matured and the drugs I got on was just kerosene on the fire. I don't know a damn thing except I will always love him, and I trust that if it's meant to be one day that it will happen again. Right now is just not the right time for whatever reason," Rosa' shrugged her shoulders as she could start to see dazzling colors majestically blend into each other through the gravitational pull of the universe and it made Rosa' think of Ultima Thule. "RC, light energy is something we can see outside the black hole, but the deeper layers of dimensions speed up with the core of the gravitational pull until time is reversed. Think of it as the speed of light reaching zero on a graph until time is reversed in the negative x-axis, but it only gets this way on another dimension of reality that our physical beings cannot exist on," Rosa' began to allow herself to climb deeper into the analysis of the visual hallucinations that were trying to teach her wisdom about life. "RC, love is a lot like how Ultima Thule was formed. Gravity pulls both trans-Neptunian planetary beings together until they "kissed" and formed a binary contact that projects a contagious and continuous cycle of energetic vibrational rings in the multi-universe," Rosa' continued. "RC, that's what love does to creation. It continues the circle and cycle of life and life forms." Rosa' took a deep breath in and exhaled the name, "Garrett." RC looked up from his smoking joint he was twisting between his index finger and thumb and replied, "Uh huh. You're in love with him and that is just what's meant to be since gravity decides your future," RC sarcastically shot back as he hugged Rosa' like a sister. "It's going to be alright love. Everything is going to work out in the end. You just wait and see. Patience is a virtue and a bitch, but it's necessary to persevere through the bullshit to finally get to paradise," RC looked back down and stared back intently at the joint that needed to be between his pursed lips.

Rosa' started to shake violently as the mescaline peaked in manifestation. RC grabbed Rosa' and hugged her tight. "Let's put on some music. Maybe that will help." RC put on Bon Iver PDLIF and Rosa' started to cry. "He put his hands on me RC. He would get so enraged if I ever suspected him cheating on me. One day he was texting his ex and just coldly looked at me and said, "we aren't together anymore." He was so cold and unemotional I was in shock. I couldn't believe that one day he was crying and telling his mom that I'm the girl he will marry one and then the next day I get ghosted by a ghost whom I can't even recognize anymore. Something deep and internal is dark that suffocates his faith in love, so it comes out as fear. He is afraid of something and that fear motivates him to be bitter and non-remorseful about any cruel act that he bestowed upon me. It's a vicious cycle. The cycle of love and the death of love. His parents divorced when he was a kid and the story behind it reveals an enraged child who learned how to use drugs to pack down the anger that occasionally boils up to top and scares anyone close to him. I can't fix him RC. That's not my job. My only job is to love myself and respect myself. Sometimes walking away from something you love is the only option to care for yourself. It's a bittersweet love, RC. "You know things never stay the same. Please don't live in fear," RC interrupted. "The leaves on the trees have changed into gold, amber, and cinnamon colors. Just like the leaves change on the trees, so do people. We change like the seasons because the laws of nature teach us that growth requires change. If we don't grow, then we just wither away. I don't want to go through life not existing. I want to be alive so I can feel alive and not live a lie," Rosa' continued. "Rosa', what do you think love is?" RC inquired. Rosa' looked up at the deep blue sky and thought about all the light shattered behind the hues and opened the warm embrace of light energy piercing through all her cells with the healing power of love. "RC, love is invisible. It is a mystical creature that wins every war, even the wars we want to surrender to. Love is a power that conquers every bad mistake and mistakes. Love is not defined by our mistakes because we feel it in our sin. We feel it in our kindness. Love is everywhere and it's separate from the world, yet invades every quark of light energy. Love is something I yearn for even if I've convinced myself I don't want it. Love is what lives inside of us and lives for eternity. Love outlives all of our bullshit." Rosa' could start to feel her body sink back down to a smaller dimension that seems to lack the mysticism of love beyond the naked eye, and yet. Love still exists microscopically in a world where spiritual warfare tries to drown out the truth. 

All of a sudden Rosa' started to shake violently again and looked at RC and said, "I think I've been on a reality tv show since I was a kid." RC looked bewildered and responded, "Rosa' what are you talking about?" Rosa' looked down at the ground and knew it was realistically a crazy thought, yet she still believed it at times. "RC, I just have this feeling that I'm being recorded by an underground tv show. I know it sounds crazy but what if my parents signed up for a research project from the government to allow them to record me on tv's and microscopic cameras hidden in light fixtures? It doesn't seem like an impossible ploy especially if my family is Jewish." RC shot a glare at Rosa' and replied, "what has gotten into you Rosa'? I don't think these psychedelics are healthy for you at all. What makes you think you're Jewish anyway?" Rosa' started to get nervous and didn't want to tell RC her secret about meeting Casper in the Fine Arts Museum so she brushed it off and exclaimed, "RC I feel like I can't breathe! I think I'm having a panic attack! My heart is racing so fast I need some water!" Rosa' acted out having a panic attack to change the subject. RC ran into the house to get Rosa' some water, which stalled enough time for Rosa' to hop into her car and drive away as fast as she could. All Rosa' could think about doing is running away from all the chaos and thoughts that invaded her house inside her mind. The sky began to turn dark and Rosa's phone began to ring. It was RC. Instead of blocking him Rosa' just let it go straight to voicemail. "I don't know what to believe anymore! I just feel like I'm going crazy and there is literally no one I can talk to about all this mess!" Rosa' started to cry and felt hopeless until she suddenly had the idea of overdosing on drugs to end the persistent terrors from her demons. Rosa' popped another Vyvanse for the day and kept driving west towards nowhere in particular. There is something chronically terrorizing about unlocalized pain invading every cell of light until a dark overcast covers any ray of hope one might form to escape death. Rosa' was experiencing many near-death episodes in her mind because parts of her mind were dying from lack of oxygen and, in turn, receptors for vital neurotransmitters malfunctioned. Rosa' was experiencing mild psychosis everyday and every time she used any type of mind-altering substance, it just rearranged the neuronal connections and made Rosa' more confused about reality. The physical abuse, drugs, and fMRI scan didn't aid any sense of peace to a mind that was already layered with a genetic foundation for a high-risk schizophrenic personality. It was only a matter of time saturated with enough of the mistakes to genetically modify her brain that would release irreversible symptoms of a schizophrenic.

"I don't want to live my life in fear, but what the fuck is going on with my life! It feels like everyone has been after me and stalking me my entire life!" Rosa' screamed in her car and tears of hopelessness streamed from her eyes.

Self-centeredness is the mental illness that controls addiction. The constant bedevilment of egotistical thoughts of self always manage to continue the self-destructing cycle of feeling trapped in one's mind. It never fails that suffering from this illness projects an obsession in using anything that numbs the pain and buries the centered truth of why the addict can't stop and just be still. There is a real lack of spiritual peace and something dark that haunts every quark of light that tries to bring light to the real truth that sets the addict free from their demons. Casper was simply a figment of Rosa's imagination that she did not realize wasn't a reality. Not only was Rosa' blind to her mental illness, but so was everyone else around her. The only person who could fix Rosa' was blind to the misconception of reality. 

Chapter 6: Sweet Like Cherry Wine

I feel like I'm losing it. I don't know what to believe anymore, but one thing's for sure and that's I need to talk to someone about how I feel. "Who can I trust to confide in?" Rosa' thought to herself as she slipped down into the dirty cloth seats of her Toyota. Rosa' couldn't stop her mind from racing from all the stimulants, energy drinks, and lack of sleep. Then, the thoughts came to her head from what an ancient boyfriend told her: "trust no one." This made Rosa' fade into another panic attack as she felt nervous not knowing what move to make next, so she did the only thing she knew she could do: drive. Very far away.

I started heading towards I-65 south from I-85 and for a slight moment thought about going home to my parents, but then realized that would be a bad idea. The only thing "bad" about that idea was that if I did go home, I may never have hit my rock bottom, and if I had not hit my rock bottom, then I would have never completely gotten off those pills for good. Everything happens for a reason and sometimes God uses storms to get our attention and get us focused back on that straight and narrow path that keeps us far from the evil one who tries to deceive us. As I approached Greenville, it started to rain. I was thankful for the rain hoping that whatever damage that radio telescope looking weapon was going to try to do to me would get postponed from the heavy rain. I was not in my right mind, but had no idea. I thought that that radio telescope looking weapon was going to launch something in the corresponding satellites and that people were going to try to take me down. I remembered seeing different countries as users on that software application and remembered seeing "North Korea" and started to have a panic attack.

I felt pins and needles all of a sudden when I started going through my old hometown, Andalusia. It was mild, but random. It seemed like every time a car went by, I felt something shock my body. A truck going the opposite direction as me dodged over the line and it seemed like they were trying to hit me head on. I got so scared. Multiple cars in front of me were turning their headlights on trying to blind me and that's when I really started to feel like a large group of people were attacking me. This is what I didn't realize: "There is an entire underground system of darkness in place, which often operates or gains expression through the lives of people. People have not targeted you, even though at times it may feel that way."-Lisa Bevere, Girls with Swords. Satan was deceiving me, but what he didn't realize was that God had a much bigger plan for me and was using the bad for the good. God was protecting me the entire time and saw my future destined for greatness. God already won the war. God always wins and the devil always loses, even when you don't understand or it doesn't make sense. "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. -Isaiah 55:8.

Everything got darker when I got into Brewton. I saw a flash of bright light go into my car and felt the sting of something very powerful shock me. I felt it in my head, my side, and my hands. I had a diamond ring on that must have had metal in it and whatever radiation was being sent into my car was attracted to the metal on my finger, so I threw it off onto the floor of my car. I realized that my phone in my purse was on my left side, which was by my heart and I started screaming and crying, "this is disgusting! How could they do this to me and try to kill me! I am being exposed to radiation all over my body!" I wept so loud and prayed and pleaded with Jesus that He would put angels around my car and my body and keep the radiation from giving me cancer. That He would somehow block it from not being as harsh on my cells. It seemed like every time I passed a forest of trees a bright white light would shine through and it was trying to do something to my brain. I could feel it start to make my mind exhausted and unable to think clearly, but I kept my focus and determination to keep going and thought to myself, "this software must be something these evil people are trying to keep a secret. I have to keep going to beat the bad guys. I won't let these evil people win." The bright light rays kept coming into my car whenever there wasn't a forest of trees on the side of the road, so I assumed it had to be satellites or the large data center towers you normally see off the side of the road. I wasn't exactly sure how the radiation was getting into my car, but I realized that maybe the military isn't always in line with the local law enforcement agencies. I just knew this was sketchy and that it was so wrong for them to put money before an innocent girl's life. I was devastated. A car ran up behind me and started to ride my tail. I felt a surge of shock waves go through my car and hit the back of my legs. I also heard a "zap, zap, zap," it was so scary. I was praying for a gas station soon because I was getting exhausted and my body was physically hurting from all the radiation that I was getting inside my car. I soon realized that the radiation was being absorbed by all the technology devices in my car and assumed that they were trying to use the radiation to destroy the lithium battery inside my laptop, but the radiation was going through everything else, including me. My phone was sitting right next to my heart, which is no wonder why I felt a stronger surge of shock hit my left side. I quickly threw my purse behind me and started wailing in agonizing screams. I thought I was going to die because the radiation was so strong. I could barely keep driving my car.

Finally, I saw a gas station in the distance and sped up to get there since the car behind me was somehow intensifying the level of radiation that was going through my car. When I pulled up to the gas station about four vehicles that had been following me pulled up at the same gas station. About this time a police officer pulled over one of the cars behind me that had been exposing my car to radiation. I went inside, terrified about my well-being, and went into the restroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked extremely pale, distraught, frightened, and exhausted. I was also shaking and could barely walk because I felt so fragile. I bought a couple energy drinks, some water, and a snack. I told the lady at the gas station that I needed to call the cops and that it was an emergency. I noticed this guy standing behind my car and pointing his phone straight at my car while it looked like he was hitting some type of button on his phone. I thought to myself, "oh, that's what they did. They gave those people who had a lot of money from bitcoin access to the radiation that would leave from their phone and enter my car. That's disgusting." When the cops arrived, I explained to them what was on my laptop and what I was experiencing and told them that my car smells like rotten eggs. "It's radiation that I've been exposed to, a lot of it," I began to shake uncontrollably and cry. The cop simply told me that they understand what I'm talking about and that not a lot of people know about it, that it's illegal, and that there's nothing they can do about it. I was even more afraid at this point and asked if they could follow me in my car. They went on to say that I would only be safe by the time I crossed the Florida border, but that they couldn't follow me. However, they did say they could follow me for a few miles. I was relieved that at least for a few miles I would be spared from the strong exposure of radiation. I asked how far I was from Florida and they replied, "about 20 minutes." I felt relieved. As I began driving, I felt a "zing" of shock come from the behind my legs and soon realized that the cop behind me was now exposing me to radiation. I was super disturbed knowing I couldn't even trust the police. I started to speed up some more and finally the cop made a sharp turn and left me alone.

All of a sudden, I began to see the bright light peer into my car and it hurt so bad this time. It felt like the wavelengths kept getting stronger and stronger, and I kept getting more exhausted and in deeper pain as I kept driving. "Just as surely as labor precedes natural birth, there are temporal battles before eternal dreams. It seems right now a nightmare obscures our Lord's most worthwhile and glorious dream."-Lisa Bevere, Girls with Swords.

I finally made it over the Florida line and thought, "free at last! Now they can't touch me with their radiation." I began to second guess whether or not they could still get me with the radiation until I called the cops, so the first building I saw open I had accidently passed and did a U-turn in the middle of the road and zoomed into the parking lot as fast as lightning. I ran into the bar terrified and traumatized and in a panicking and trembling voice asked the bartender if I could use the phone because it was an emergency. I called 911. I went outside and sat down on the bench and pulled my knees up to my chest and began to wail and cry very loud. I was so exhausted, hurt, and terrified. I literally thought that from all the radiation that "those people" had exposed me to actually gave me cancer and that they were trying to kill me over their illegal bitcoin software that proved that they were stealing other people's cryptocurrency. The police officer came and asked if I had any family nearby and I said, "my cousin lives a few hours away, so does my aunt and uncle. That's where I'm headed." I told the cop what had happened and how the police officers in Alabama said, "I know what you're talking about and it's illegal, but there's nothing we can do about it." I then informed the police officers that they told me I would be safe once I crossed the Florida line. I told them that right when I turned a corner from being on that long road in Brewton and pulled into the first gas station, the car that had been following me and hitting me with radiation immediately got pulled over by a cop and they weren't even speeding. I told the police officers everything and about all the technology I had in my car and that I was trying to get to my uncle because he used to work for Oracle and might be able to help me expunge the "bitcoin software" off of my MacBook and onto a portable drive. The police officer told me to wait a minute and he walked over to the other police officer and they began to collaborate on what to do. I heard one police officer say, "don't call them." They walked back over to me after a few minutes and asked if I had my cousin's phone number and if they could make a phone call. I gave them the phone number and when they got off the phone they walked back over to where I was and said, "I think it's best that we drive you to the nearest hospital." I then replied, "yes, that's exactly where I want you to take me because of the amount of radiation I've been exposed to." The two police officers asked for my keys and said they needed to check out the inside of my car, but would take care of everything. I trustingly gave them my keys and sat in the cop car to wait on them. I got into their cop car and noticed there was a screen up with letters and numbers and then the police officer got in the car and began calling out the codes on his radio. I thought to myself, "he got the bitcoin software off of my computer and is now claiming "keychains" that are the bitcoin codes that make up cryptocurrency." At this point I didn't really care as long as the "bad guys" didn't have the code. I thought to myself, "these police officers will be responsible and turn this software in. They will only take home a little money, which I'll let slide." I told the police officer, "hey, since I went through all that radiation and still made it across the border, I think I deserve a few bitcoin shares, so please make sure you save some for me." He said he definitely would. I asked him if this has ever been done before and he said, "no." As we started to drive to the hospital, I remember sitting there and looking up seeing myself on camera and thought to myself, "I'm a celebrity now. He's either showing his police officer gang or the illegal underground "cryptocurrency robbers mafia gang" that this little girl is the one who somehow managed to escape the valley of the shadow of death and cross over into a different state that now has possession of all this money. I thought to myself, "I wonder if and how it's going to affect the stock market and change the politics between Florida and Alabama." I then shook it off and told myself that I did what I thought was the right thing to do. I escaped those monsters trying to kill me and it wasn't my fault that their illegal software got put up on my laptop.

I arrived at the hospital and the police officers were spitting out those bitcoin codes to nurses right when we got there. I started to think to myself, "ok, this must be a lot of money because everyone is going crazy about this and I just made it through death and am barely hanging on. This goes to show how obsessed with money people are and still put it over taking care of a person. It's sad, really. I thought to myself, "at least they aren't trying to kill me and I'm safe now. At least they will take care of me." I sat down on a bed in the emergency room and saw the tv. I remembered seeing myself on the tv screen in the cop car and wondered if there were cameras in the hospital filming this moment on a "reality tv show" because according to the cop "this has never happened before." The nurse came in and told me to change into these scrubs, and I asked her about checking out the amount of radiation I've been exposed to. She said that they were about to. I was told to put on the heavy lead jacket that would protect me when I got an x- ray. They said they had to check and see if I was pregnant. I was so exhausted and brain dead and didn't even question a thing they were doing. They told me they had a room for me and needed to check me out because they were very concerned about me. I went into this room and this nurse was very mean to me. I told her I needed to make a phone call and that I wanted my purse with me because I didn't trust anyone with it. She said I wasn't allowed to have my purse nor was I allowed to make any phone calls. I flipped out. I started to panic and told her that she can't do that and she said she could. I walked out of my room and straight into the locker room where I heard a bunch of the nurses discussing those bitcoin keychain codes and asked them what they were talking about. I also told me that I didn't trust them with my things and wanted to keep my purse with me and that was my right. They replied, "you aren't allowed to keep your purse with you." I went back to the room or bunk bed space that was a few feet away from the locker room where the nurses were. I overheard some of the nurses mention something about taking an "Adderall" and I got very mad. I heard the nurses going through my purse and all my belongings and called them over to where I was. They came over to me, and I asked them why they were going through my things. They said that they have to for safety precautions and I told them that I want to count exactly how many Adderall pills I have, so that if they take any I will know because I didn't trust them. They hesitated for a long time, but finally gave in to my request. After I counted them and the money I had in my purse, they gave me something that knocked me out for a few hours. I was scared to take it and didn't want to go to sleep because I felt like I couldn't trust anyone and that all my things would get stolen, but the nurse told me I didn't have a choice and had to take it. I told her that I do have a choice and she replied, "not in the state of Florida." I didn't understand. She then went on to explain that in the state of Florida they have what's called a Baker Act. I said, "what's a Baker Act?" They went on the say that in the state of Florida a police officer has the right to turn someone into the hospital under the Baker Act, which means that they believe that they could cause harm to themselves or someone else." The nurse said, "you have been admitted under the Baker Act. We have the right to restrain you here." I flipped out. I said, "for how long?" The nurse then went on to say, "for as long as we think you need to be here." I said, "no. This cannot be happening. I am completely normal and have never been diagnosed with any mental illness except ADD/ADHD and depression/anxiety. This is not legal and I can leave whenever I want to. The nurse said, "no baby girl, in fact you can't. If you try to leave, we call a group of nurses and they will hold you down and inject you with something that will knock you out. I know you don't want that to happen now do you? If you will just cooperate, we may let you leave tomorrow but you have to at least stay here overnight." I couldn't believe it and I began to panic. I started to get up, but the nurse begged me to sit down and take this medicine that would help me go to sleep because I needed sleep badly. I told her that I didn't trust the nurses with my belongings and she reassured me that no one is going to touch my stuff. I finally took the medicine and fell right to sleep. The next morning, I woke up to someone bringing me breakfast and immediately felt the need to jump up and leave. I remembered what had happened the night before and immediately got antsy to leave the hospital. I got up and asked where my things were because I needed to leave. A new nurse I didn't recognize just looked at me like I had lost my mind and said, "you can't leave." I laughed at her and said, "look, I used to be in nursing school and I know the rules. You can't just restrain me here because at any time I can walk out, no questions asked." She then said, "not under a Baker Act you can't." I was done listening to this bull crap. I thought to myself, "if I have to grab my stuff and run out of the hospital so be it." I decided it was time to start acting. I told the nurse, "ok, well I need to get something out of my purse will you let me do that?" She said ok and then I waited until she had her back turned on me and I jumped over the gate that surrounded the locker area with my purse and bolted to the main door. The other nurse close to the door tried blocking me but I moved her out of the way and then realized I needed a badge to open the door. I looked at the nurse and started to reach for her badge when an entire squad of nurses came running in from the other direction. They all cornered me and gave me this look of, "you are about to go down." I began to cry and said, "I just want to go home. I am not supposed to be here. You guys don't know what happened last night. I had people after me trying to kill me!" The nursing squad began to walk and I backed up and headed back to my room where they told me that now they have no choice but to give me this injection. It was Haldol. The next thing I knew I was getting buckled down into a wheelchair headed for the psychiatric unit. I will never forget the look on my dad and mom's faces when they saw me during visitation. I could see fear and deep sorrow all over their faces. I felt so bad and knew it was all my fault, but God was going to redeem me and heal me. My Jehovah-Rapha was going to work a miracle in my life. All I did was sleep all day, and I could barely walk out of my room to the nurse's station to eat anything. I felt weak, exhausted, tired, and depressed. I wanted to go home so bad. The hair all over my body was so long I looked like a real Frenchie under my arm pits because they wouldn't allow us to have razors. I never thought of myself as "high maintenance," even though mom always joked with me about that. However, when it came to shaving, I realized I did not like my hair growing out at all. There was a guy on the psychiatric unit who had some kind of mental disorder and he would always call me "Venus." He was obsessed with astrology and super heroes and also with me. I was paranoid about him always coming to talk and flirt with me, so I tried to avoid him at all costs. However, I knew I needed to be kind to him, but I was needing healing too so I couldn't really pour out Jesus on anyone. I remember sitting down at a table in the dining area and coloring this page in the coloring book and there was a bible on the table I opened up to read. I found scripture that I wrote down on the page I colored and tore it out and prayed God would use that for His glory to help someone else. The doctor came into my room and asked me what happened on the drive to Florida from Alabama. I told her that an old man told me that my car was bugged and that cryptocurrency software came up on my MacBook. I also told her about the radiation I thought I had been exposed to. The doctor explained to me that I had experienced psychosis and my brain was going haywire from all the Adderall I had been taking. She also explained to me that I had gotten addicted to Adderall and that I needed to heal. She went on to explain to me that the Haldol would help my brain get back to normal, but that I might have to be on it for a few months. The last day I had to be in the hospital finally came, and I was so excited! I was finally going home, and I had a little more motivation to get out of bed and walk to the nurse's station that morning to get breakfast. That guy who always bothered me ended up saying the sweetest thing to me. He gave me a letter he wrote to me about how I am smarter and more powerful than I realized. He also told me that I favored Jennifer Anniston and that's without makeup, so I was very pumped about that! I had to meet in a conference room with my parents, a counselor, and my doctor. My parents looked very concerned and afraid, but relieved that I was finally going home. I was still weak and shaky and had a difficult time even putting my makeup on or brushing my hair. I wanted so bad to get off of the Haldol. I thought to myself, "at least I am going home." However, I had to go back to the nurse's station one last time to collect my things. They had to give me back everything that was in my purse, including the Adderall that was prescribed to me. I didn't tell my parents about this and dumped the Adderall into an Aleve bottle, so that they wouldn't know I was taking it. I took an Adderall on the way back home with mom and felt guilty about it. The next day I was on my parent's back porch reading the bible and read this: "You are not to go back that way again." -Deuteronomy 17:16. I realized that I had to tell dad about the Adderall pills I still had so that we could flush them down the toilet for the very last time. I told dad and he didn't condemn me or scold me, but instead went and got the Aleve bottle of Adderall pills and we flushed them down the toilet together. It felt good to do that and let go of the addiction that I was holding on to. I knew that moving forward on the Haldol would not be easy, but with God I could get through anything. God had already done a miracle in my life by sparing my life and protecting me from death. I could have overdosed and died from all the Adderall and lack of sleep I experienced during the episode of psychosis, but God's loving kindness and mercy was faithful through my unfaithfulness. God says in His word, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."-Matthew 10:29-31. I was able to get off of the Haldol a lot sooner than expected and started feeling so much better! God showed me how I could still do things to glorify Him, even without finishing a graduate program in cybersecurity. I used a coding app and started sharing scripture on that app and also started my own website with verses and stories. God was healing me from the inside and drawing my heart closer to Him as I began to take baby steps and trust Him in the little things. For example, I would pray for patience while it took me longer to get ready since I was still having a hard time coordinating my fingers and hands. I also was having a hard time walking and it took me a while to be able to run again. However, God was redeeming me and it took me being humbled and brought down to rock bottom to finally surrender my cross and follow Him. God knew I had to basically go through learning how to walk again and do small things like I was a child learning again to fully rely on Him. He also knew that in order to bring my relationship with my parents back to the way He intended for it to be I needed to go through these trials. I was learning to trust my family and God again. It felt so good to depend on God again for the little things and to rely on Him to teach me how to read without Adderall. I not only was able to read again, but I was going through multiple books and felt like a super genius. It was all God. He was not only healing me, but making me better than I was before. "But whoever is united with the Lord is one with Him in Spirit."-1 Corinthians 6:17.