Him...
I ran back to Jake's, praying God that I would find Emma in our room, so we could talk this out. I yanked the door open and ran inside.
"So? Where's our bride?" Bobby asked once I came in view and I frowned deeper.
"What happened? What's wrong?" Jake must have noticed the look on my face because he was instantly by my side.
"Is she here?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"What do you mean? She was with you. What happened, son?" Dad asked, standing up, and I couldn't stop my eyes from watering a little.
"She left. She fucking left." I let out.
"I don't understand. Just tell us what happened." Jake urged.
"I don't know. I don't get it. I asked her to marry me and she said no. She said no and she ran and I ran after her but she was no where to be found. She fucking disappeared. She said no." I shook my head and decided that I needed to have a seat.
"Here, drink this." Bobby passed me a glass of water and I drank the whole thing.
Emma said no. And now she's gone.
"Something is not right." Jake shook his head.
"She said no, man. I mean, even if she thinks it's too soon, why would she leave? Why wouldn't she just talk to me, tell me she wants to wait? Yes, that would've sucked but I would've understood. I would have fucking waited for as long as she needed me to. Why did she just leave? Just like that?" I spit the words like they were venomous because they kind of were.
"Dean, did she say anything else?" Jake asked.
"No. Not a single thing, Jake. She just said 'no, not like this', and ran out of the house. Not like what? I mean, even if my proposal had sucked, still not enough reason to say no to marrying me. Have I been so fucking delusional, reading into this relationship more than what it actually is?" I shook my head, standing up.
I have a lot to think about. A lot to set straight with myself..
"Oh, no. Hold on. 'Not like this', she said?" Jake asked, walking to face me and I nodded with a frown.
"Holy shit. I think I understand now. This is a fucking messed up misunderstanding, man. Shit, she got it all wrong." Jake ran his hands through his hair and started pacing, making my heart skip a beat.
"What do you mean? What are you talking about?" I instantly asked.
"She's.. she's confused. She thought you were proposing for different reasons. Just talk to her, okay? You just need to talk because you two misunderstood one another." Jake shook his head again, taking off his tie.
"Well, enlighten me. What the fuck are you talking about?" I asked, harsher than I intended.
"Fuck, man. I'm sorry. I can't." Jake looked me in the eyes with a frown.
"What do you mean you can't? Jake, what the fuck are you talking about?" I asked again, taking a step closer to him.
"We want to understand too, son." Max said and Bobby nodded in agreement.
"I can't. I'm so sorry, Dean, but you have to talk to her. Trust me." Jake said and I honestly felt like punching him in the face.
"I called her a thousand times but she doesn't want to pick up. She said no and fucking ran out on me, Jake. If you know something, say it, goddamn it!" I yelled and he ran his hands through his hair once more.
"This is so fucking messed up." He mumbled and then my phone rang. I pulled it out from my pocket quickly, hoping it was Emma, but it was only Drake.
"She said no, if that's why you're calling. She said no and now I can't find her." I said once I picked up.
"Yeah, I got that much. She's here with me and Jessica." Drake said and I finally breathed.
"Oh, thank god. Fuck." I instinctively rested a hand over my chest.
"I just wanted to let you know she was okay. She's going to spend the night at my place, if that's okay with you." He asked and even though a bang of jealousy rose to my throat I simply swallowed it, because I trusted him like a brother.
"Yeah, of course. Just keep her safe, Drake." I said.
"Of course, man. And don't sulk too much, okay? We'll get to the bottom of this." He promised before ending the call and even though I felt like smashing a brick wall, his promise did make me feel a little better.
So, Jake knows something about something, that I have no idea what. Drake is with Emma right now, which means they will talk, and he will also have a better picture of this whole situation than the one I have. And here I am, so fucking confused, clueless, angry as fuck and heartbroken. She ripped my fucking heart out.
I gave her everything I had.. I used to sleep around with every woman who I crossed paths with, but I changed that for her. I changed myself for her. I became better. I decided that one woman -that Emma- was fucking enough for me. I changed in ways I never wanted, just for her.
I was also an asshole who had anger management issues and got so worked up about the slightest detial. I was a control freak to say the least, but I changed that too. For her, so she wouldn't fucking leave, I decided to become a calmer and a more considerate person. An easier person. A better fucking man.
And at the end, here I am. The one with the broken heart. Because I read too much into this relationship. Because I gave it everything in me, when I should have been more careful. Here I am, the man who used to be a heartbreaker like Jake always called me, with a broken heart of my own.
And there she is. At Drake's, because she doesn't want to talk to me. As if I don't even deserve a fucking explanation. Jake knows something and Drake now surely knows it too, but me? I'm left with nothing but fucking heartbreak and confusion.
Now that I think about it, tonight did turn out to be a night I will never forget indeed.. yet in the worst way possible. She broke my fucking heart, Emma...
Her...
The only thing I knew about kitchens was how to make coffee. So, I decided to do just that. My head was going to explode, and I needed it.
Because last night I couldn't sleep one bit, so instead I cried my eyes out over and over again. Because for the first time in a long time, Dean wasn't by my side. And that sucked.
I can't believe I did that. I can't believe Dean did that. I can't believe Jake did that. Everything is just so complicated.
I know I need to talk to Dean, but I have to think about what I am going to say first. I need to explain to him that having a child together doesn't mean that we have to get married right away. He has to understand that I want to get married out of love, not out of duty. Not because it's the right or convenient thing to do. But because we are truly ready and have become so impatient that we don't want to wait any longer to take that step.
He can't just buy us a house, buy me a wedding ring, and plan our whole lives ahead on his own like that. He is not even just planning, no, he is actually making those plans a reality, without even talking to me. Who says I'm ready for a house and a ring? I mean, yes, of course I want to marry him, but not like this. Never like this.
I am so worried about this pregnancy and about how greatly my life is going to change, and after Jake had broken his promise and told Dean, the right thing to do was for Dean to talk to me. To make me feel safe, to calm me down, to assure me that we can do this. One step at a time, together.
He shouldn't have decided that we should get married, move into a big house, give birth, and live the rest of our lives exactly how he has planned. He should've talked to me. I needed him to talk to me so much. Instead, he dropped a bucket of icy water all over me, because he thought it was the right thing to do, now that I was pregnant. No, I don't want a pity proposal.
"Morning." My head snapped towards the voice coming from the stairs, and I instantly frowned at the pain that shot through my skull.
"Morning, Drake." I simply replied, pouring myself a cup of coffee.
"Is that coffee I smell?" He asked, rubbing his eyes as he made his way over to me in black shorts and a white basic T-shirt.
"Yeah, here." I handed him the cup I poured, and just before I poured myself another I remembered that I was pregnant. I had no idea if caffeine was allowed during pregnancy or not, so I decided to just stick with what I knew. I opened the fridge and poured myself a cup of cold milk. I added a spoon of sugar then decided it was good enough.
"What's with the milk?" Drake raised an eyebrow as he took a seat around the counter.
So I take it Dean hasn't told him yet.
"Well, you and I have so much catching up to do. But first, I wanted to thank you, Drake. I mean, I know how much last night meant to you, finally meeting Jessica and all, and I'm sorry that I busted in like that, but I had no one else to run to." I said as I took a seat opposite to him.
"Well, for starters, last night would have still been a dream, if it wasn't for you. Jessica and I would've never met again, and I would've never known I had a kid. So don't apologize to me. Besides, we are family, remember? We have each other's backs." He smiled and so did I.
"So Drake is yours? Thank god. I was worried she would say he was John's." I shook my head in relief.
"Well, yes and no. She doesn't actually know." He explained and I frowned.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"She never did a DNA test for him and she said she never will, because she's afraid he might truly turn out to be John's." He said.
"Well, then he is yours." I shrugged.
"That's exactly what I said. Then he's mine. I know he is mine. I don't know how to explain it, but I know." He grinned, and for the first time in a while my heart calmed down a little.
"So. I didn't want to push you last night because you honestly looked like shit, but now is story telling time." He took a sip then looked me dead in the eyes.
"Well, what do you know exactly?" I asked to know where to start, sipping my milk.
"I know that Dean proposed last night and I know that you said no. What I don't know is why. Because I know that you love him as much as he loves you. So, I don't get it." He shrugged, resting the cup on the counter.
"Okay, let me start from the beginning. Yesterday I learnt that I'm pregnant." I said and his eyes got so wide that they scared me.
"What? Whoa." He got up with a big smile on his face, "Congrats! Hold on," his smile turned into a frown and he sat back down as the wheels of his brain started working faster, "Oh, fuck no. Fuck no. Please tell me what I'm thinking is wrong. Please." He begged.
"I don't know what you're thinking, but listen to me. So I met with Jake yesterday right after I recieved the news, and I told him because I was freaking out and I wanted someone to talk some sense into me, you know? Tell me that I could handle this, that it wasn't that hard, that I would be a great mom, things like that. And he did, but he also kept fixating on how badly I needed to tell Dean as soon as possible. I told him I would tell Dean last night and he promised not to mention anything about it to him till I do so." I explained.
"Then later last night, Dean grabs you aside to propose and you instantly jump to conclusions and assume that he proposed because Jake told him about the pregnancy and you say no, because you were already freaking out and instead of telling Dean you are pregnant and having him calm you down you found him with a plan for a perfect life ahead already. So you ran. Am I correct or did I miss something?" He narrowed his eyes at me, letting go of the cup completely.
"Well, exactly." I frowned.
"Holy fuck, Emma. You broke the man's heart because you fucking assumed he knew?!" His voice was harsher than I was used to but I only frowned deeper.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Darling, Dean had absolutely no idea about your pregnancy. I bet he still doesn't. Fuck, he spent all day preparing everything to propose, Emma." He ran his hands through his hair.
"Yeah, well, how do you know? I'm sure that Jake told him, Drake." I shook my head.
Jake told him. That's why he proposed. That's why I said no... right?
"I was with Dean all day long, and trust me, if he knew he would have told me. I'm his best friend too. He took his father's blessing then took your parents' blessing, then we went together to get you the ring, and then he decorated the house. He had no idea, Emma. He proposed because he fucking loves you, you idiot." He shook his head in disbelief and I felt my heart aching with every single beat.
No. No. He knew. He..
He took my parents' blessing? Is that why mom was so nice to me last night?
"No." I shook my head.
No, there's no way. Dean doesn't know?
"No, he doesn't. At least he didn't when he proposed and I'm sure of that. When you called me yesterday, we were choosing the ring." He said and I instantly stood up.
"Oh, my god. That was right after I learnt I'm pregnant. Like a minute after. Oh, my god. So he was planning on proposing all along?" My hand instinctively went to cover my mouth.
"Yes! He did it because he loves you, Emma." Drake waved his arms around and my heart fell to my stomach.
Oh, god. Oh, my god.
Dean didn't know about the pregnancy. He bought us a house and he proposed.. out of love, not because..
He loved me so much that he proposed. He wanted to marry me because he loves me and because he was ready, not because I was carrying his child.
Oh, my god, I broke his heart. I screwed up. He must be freaking out right now. He must be devastated, thinking that I don't love him. Oh, my god, I'm such an idiot!
"I have to go right now!" I yelled.
"I'll drop you off. Come on." Drake said before grabbing his keys.