Hey Daichi,
If you're reading this, then you already know what's happened (I know that sounds really cheesy. Just stick with me on this one.) I think I owe you a proper explanation of what the hell's been happening.
Basically making a long story short, I like you. Liked? The reason I never told you was because I was sure you'd hate me for it. I know you know I've always been a worrier, and this was one thing that I could never stop worrying about. You'd think I'd finally grow a spine once it became clear that this was a life or death situation, but no. I'm just as cowardly as ever. I won't go through all the reasons I never said anything because they're all selfish and petty, but I want to make it clear that none of this was your fault. There wasn't anything you could have done differently to change my decisions. I don't think I could have asked more of you as a friend. Hopefully, you can find a way to forgive me and my selfishness.
I'm letting you know beforehand that the first-years knew what was happening to me. We were in the clubroom and I started coughing up petals in front of them. There was no hiding it and I begged them not to tell you because I didn't want to distract you from everything else that's been happening. You have every right to be angry, but don't take it out on them. I was the one who asked them to keep it a secret. I know they're all taking it pretty hard.
DON'T BLAME YOURSELF. That's the one thing I'm asking of you. I already said it but seriously I'd feel worse if you thought this was your fault so please don't. I know it's wrong of me to leave everyone with all these regrets, but I know you all can move on. This sounds hypocritical coming from me, but it really isn't good to hang on to your feelings and whatever else you're keeping inside. Holding on is what got me here. Make sure you all do well at nationals for me. I'll cheer you on the whole way.
Your loyal friend,
Sugawara Koushi