I wake up to the sound of my alarm with tears running down my face. I sluggishly get out of bed and put on clothes, then makeup.
I go downstairs and find Sophie eating breakfast. I feel my stomach grumble and put my hand to it, feeling the layer of fat resting on it.
"Want some?" Sophie asks.
"No thanks. I already ate," I fib.
"When?"
"Oh, I came down before you woke up." Lies roll off my tongue so smoothly and quickly.
"Oh okay."
* * *
I walk to the bus stop with Sophie, feeling tired and gross. I get on the bus and sit next to Christian.
"Hey. Good morning," he greets me with a smile.
"Good morning," I reply weakly. I rest my head on his shoulder.
"What's the matter?" He asks concernedly.
"Nothing, I'm just tired, I'm fine," I lie.
* * *
I see Madison in school and she comes over to me. "Nicki! I've been worried about you!"
"So that's why you've been ditching your friends?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You just left Danny to go hang out with... Debby? Seriously?"
"Nicki, I needed to talk to a girl. I like Danny and all, but ya know, he's not a girl."
"There's plenty of girls out there. And you pick Debby Rowth?"
"She's really nice, Nicki."
"No. No, she's not."
In case you didn't know... remember when I said Jacob was kissing a blonde girl? It was Debby. And she'll never let me forget it.
Stella sees me and waves. I tell her to come over. She does, and looks at Madison.
"Oh. So you replaced me. Okay." With that, Madison walks away.
* * *
Before third period, I go to my locker to switch out books. Hands wrap around my waist, and a head is pressed again mine, lips against my ear. "Someone looks like they could use a hug."
I turn around and smile, looking into blue eyes. "Hey Danny."
"Would you like to come to my house today? I think I'll get Christian to come too."
Pros of going to his house: I can keep myself from eating, I can be with Danny and Christian, I can just get out of my house.
Cons: Nothing?
"I'd love to," I reply softly.
He hugs me, smiles, and then walks away.
* * *
At lunch, it's me, Jacob, Christian, Danny, and Stella. Danny and Christian sit on my sides, Stella sits next to Christian, and Jacob next to Danny. I buy a water bottle and sit down, hoping no one says anything.
But I guess it's hard not to notice.
"Is that all you have?" Stella asks. "If you want, you can have some of mine."
I decide to go with the whole 'I have no money and I'm not hungry' story. "I didn't bring enough money for anything else. It's okay, though, I'm not really hungry. I had a snack before," I assure her.
"Nicki..." Christian sighs.
"What?" I say, getting nervous.
Danny nudges his arm. "Nicki, are you sure?"
"I'm okay, Dan."
He puts his arm around me and leans in. "Is something wrong?" He whispers.
"No, I'm fine," I reply.
- Danny's POV -
I look at Christian, who's probably thinking the same thing I am. Last night, after we went home, we texted each other about Nicki. There's something wrong.
There has to be.
"Come with me," I tell her. She looks at me with a weary expression, then stands up. I grab her wrist and walk with her, slowly, around the cafeteria.
"Can you tell me something?"
Her voice is shaky. "Anything."
"What's wrong? Please tell me."
"Nothing," she says quickly. Too quickly.
"Something is. Christian and I are worried about you. Nicolette..." When I say her full name, her eyes widen.
"Listen, Danny, there's nothing wrong. I promise."
She walks back to our table and I follow.
Now I know something is definitely wrong.
- Nicki's POV -
Danny and Christian have been talking about me, apparently. They're worried about me. Great. Now it's going to be harder to hide everything from them.
* * *
I ask Danny if we can walk to his house rather than take the bus, and I tell him it's because it's always crowded. And to save his parents a trip from driving.
But, really, I just want exercise.
I haven't eaten anything since last night, and I threw that all up. Good.
He has his hand around my waist. He's been doing that a lot lately. Is it because he's worried or something?
Christian looks at us with a sour face. What?
When I go inside, his parents aren't happy to see me like they normally are. They're... they're almost acting like I did something wrong.
"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Phantom," I greet.
Is it because of my parents?
"Nicolette. Hello," Mrs. Phantom replies coldly.
Danny looks irritated. "Mom, Dad, I told you to stop."
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"Nothing's wrong, sweet heart," Mrs. Phantom tells me.
Lies.
"We're gonna go upstairs," Danny says.
"To your room?" Mr. Phantom questions.
Danny raises an eyebrow. "Yeah, why?"
"I don't like the idea of that..." Mr. Phantom mutters.
"I'm here. They won't do anything," Christian assures.
Yeah. Like Danny would wanna do that with me. No one would wanna do that with me.
Mr. Phantom shrugs his shoulders. "Alright."
* * *
I sit on his bed and lay back, looking at the ceiling. Christian and Danny sit next to me.
Great. I know what's coming next.
"So you'll tell us now?" Christian asks.
I sigh. "Guys, nothing is wrong."
"Something is," Danny says.
"No. Nothing. Okay? Let's watch TV or something."
"Trying to get off the topic," Christian mumbles.
My stomach grumbles loudly.
"Oh, you sound hungry. You want something?" Danny asks.
He's testing me. They're testing me. They want me to say no so they can say that there's something wrong again.
"Yeah, I could go for some food," I reply with a smile.
Christian and Danny look at each other, confused.
I stay on the bed while they get food, and they come back with a sandwich. I decide that I'll just throw it out later.
But I can't. They watch me, waiting for me to eat it. I quickly finish it then go to his bathroom, so I can throw it up.
"Thanks," I tell them. "It was good."
That should throw them off for a while.
* * *
We go outside eventually and play basketball at Christian's house. More exercise. Good.
I also get to meet Christian's parents and his younger brother for the first time. They're really sweet.
Once it's dark out, Danny's parents make him go home to eat. Christian and I sit outside on his driveway, leaning against the house, and I rest my head on his shoulder.
"Hey. Seriously, what's wrong?" He asks softly.
"The whole thing with my parents hurting Danny... I just feel bad," I say. It's not lying, really. I do feel bad. But I left out the part where I also just really hate myself.
"Don't. It's not your fault," he tries to assure me.
"But now his parents, like, feel different about me."
"In time, they'll get over it. Trust me."
"Okay."
We both simultaneously stand up, slowly. It's hard to see Christian's face clearly because of the darkness, but somehow we end up leaning into each other. And kissing.
I kiss Christian Cass.